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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

Uni Freshers parents 2016?

999 replies

granarybeck · 21/08/2016 22:23

hi

I've just been reading recent threads on weekly living costs and what to take to uni and found loads of useful info. I'm certainly finding that there was so much focus on getting the results/not tempting fate that it all feels a bit of a panic now. I have a dd going to warwick and a ds going to bath.

Wondered if there is already a thread for other general tips for those with dd/s starting uni this September?

OP posts:
GasLightShining · 22/09/2016 13:40

Phaedra and Place - pleased that your DC are starting to settle in

My DS did actually end up facetiming us last night so all that worry over nothing! He looked exhausted!

NoahVale · 22/09/2016 18:26

i have only had one message from DD today,
starting to miss her Sad

NapoleonsNose · 22/09/2016 20:41

Spoke to DD for the first time today since we dropped her off on Friday. I've had a couple of texts but nothing too meaningful. Was great to speak to her and she sounds quite settled. Out of her six flatmates, four have clubbed in together to do some communal shopping and cooking. The other two are, according to DD 'a bit weird' and don't want to join in. She 's not into clubbing or drinking and it seems like she is among other like-minded DC. Apparently they are all tired tonight so all going to their respective rooms and chilling. She's even managed to work out how to wash and tumble dry, something that the laundry fairy did at home! Lectures start properly next week and she's chosen her modules. So relieved it seems to be going OK.

Glad to hear Phaedra and Place's DC are settling in too.

GasLightShining · 22/09/2016 21:46

Napoleon I am worried now. What am I going to do if DS has taken the laundry fairy with him.

Wildernesstips · 22/09/2016 21:48

Glad your DC are settling in. Still no meaningful contact from my DS but he did message to say he will ring tomorrow. I am still assuming that as he hasn't wanted to contact me beforehand that everything is ok.

yolofish · 22/09/2016 22:43

bit late, but may I join? dropped DD1 off last Sat, and thought all was going swimmingly-ish, but today is her birthday and have just had her on the phone, crying, for an hour. I had to travel today for work otherwise would have gone and visited. She hates her flat, she is in with 2 2nd and 2 3rd years, none of whom socialise or actually ever seem to leave their rooms, apart from one who writes bossy lists about cleaning up. Flat swaps might be available, but she cant apply til Oct 1st. From her bedroom window she can see into other flat kitchens, which all seem to be full of people having parties... It is further complicated by the fact that she is recovering from major facial surgery which happened 3.5 weeks before she went, so her face hurts, talking is difficult and eating anything 'normal' still virtually impossible. So she is really down tonight, but she is making an effort, has been out lots etc, but she is just so lonely and the total lack of even a friendly face in her flat just compounds it. Today she had a taster session for her course and hated it!! (I am also worried about the course itself, started a different thread on that one). She might come home on Sat for the w/e, which given that no one in her flat is around and w/e so unstructured might be the best thing, and luckily DH work means he could deliver back in time for first lecture on Mon morning - nothing worse than a Sunday night on your own being miserable. Aargh, sorry for dropping this, but feels better to have written it down at least.

Leeds2 · 22/09/2016 23:06

So sorry yolofish. Her flat share doesn't sound ideal, and I think I would be persuading her to ask for a change.

Original poster
granarybeck · 22/09/2016 23:29

Good to hear some of the DC are starting to settle in after tricky few days.

Yolofish, that sounds tough for your DD, hopefully either a flat swap as soon as poss or once she gets to meet people on the course will help. She sounds really brave still going out to things. Really hope things improve quickly for her xx

OP posts:
Wildernesstips · 23/09/2016 06:49

Yolofish, I know it seems ages away but 1st Oct is next weekend so if she can stick it out until then, she should be able to swap. I think birthdays away from home if you're already feeling homesick, really suck. For the 2nd and 3rd years in her flat, they are not going to be driven to socialise because they will already have their friendship groups. Hope things pick up for her.

Coconutty · 23/09/2016 07:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Phaedra11 · 23/09/2016 07:39

yolofish In those circumstances she may as well come home for the weekend. I know the usual advice is not to for a few weeks, but it doesn't sound as if this weekend has much potential for her. She'd probably appreciate some TLC and help putting things into perspective.

That is awkward about the taster session. I haven't seen your other thread, and am wondering how representative it is of the whole course. I suppose next week will tell.

I hope things are settled soon. I know how gut wrenching it feels when your DC haven't settled yet Flowers

Soozikinzi · 23/09/2016 07:46

Should definitely come home for the weekend and 1st October is weekend after that so should be ok xx

Northernlurker · 23/09/2016 08:10

Flipping heck! Just got up and found text from dd which started 'I am at A and E'
After I'd restarted my heart I read the rest, she's fine but they were worried about one of the othe girls, unwell, headache, stiff neck and photophobia and chills. So v sensibly they rang 111 and a nurse sent ambulance so dd and her medic friend went with this girl. Don't know what happened next. Hope everything is ok. I work in a hospital so I know there's lots of stuff that looks dodgy but turns out to be minor and then sometimes there is stuff that looks like exactly what it is. Glad they were so sensible, sounds like no time as lost. Dd has had her meningitis jab, hope the others have too.

hellsbells99 · 23/09/2016 08:19

yolo - I hope your DD is ok and comes home for the rest of the weekend. She should certainly apply to change accommodation. If you look on the university accommodation pages it should give more details about the dates and process. Regarding making friends, are there any societies she has joined? Course wise - is there the possibility of changing course internally if she decides it is the wrong one? Can she give it a week to see how the first full week of lectures go and then arrange to speak to her tutor and to student services?
Northern - that's a worry. I hope the girl is ok. Well done to your DD and friend for getting help.

dottygamekeeper · 23/09/2016 08:58

yolo - so sorry to hear your daughter is having a difficult time settling into her flat. I think you should encourgage her to keep badgering the accommodation office, even if they have officially been told nothing can happen until 1st October. Also, get her to ask around with anyone on her course to see if they have a vacant room in their flat.

My DS was given a shared room, which he hadn't wanted, (although his sharer turned out to be lovely). We emailed the accommodation office before he arrived, and spoke to them on arrival and kept being told that 3 weeks into term they would send round an email for those who wanted to swap rooms and advertising empty rooms (people who never turn up at all, or turn up and leave).

However, one girl in my DS's flat arrived and left within a day, so he went down to the see the accommodation office and explained the situation. One week later (I guess whilst they waited for her to confirm whether or not she would be returning) they emailed him to say he could have that room.

I would have thought your DD would be high priority to move into a flat of 1st years, and I don't think it does any harm to be proactive, rather than wait until the accommodation office sends out the official email.

yolofish · 23/09/2016 08:58

thank you all. she can apply for flat swap on 1st Oct, so that's manageable. and she can possibly switch courses, but agree she needs to give it a week or so to see whether she really has made the wrong decision (re-reading the prospectus I think she might have done...). She's going to a society club night tonight, so hope she will come home tomorrow.

she has tried really really hard this week, and she has met some nice people, but the flat situation is really getting her down.

my concern about the course is also that there are only 5 students on it!! its creative, lots of collaborative work required, and I dont think 5 is enough of a critical mass - what if one leaves, or none of the personalities gel? and also from the uni point of view how can it be financially sustainable?

northern, it sounds like your DD and friend did the right thing, hope all is ok for them. sensible girls.

dreamingofsun · 23/09/2016 09:11

yolo - can she bang on the door of flats near her? thats what my son has done. the people in his flat are all first years but quite anti-social. they don't seem to want to go out or talk either. he's only gone out once with one person from his flat.

yolofish · 23/09/2016 09:29

dreaming - that is really brave of him! not sure she would have the confidence, she's met some nice girls in a flat a few floors below but she doesnt want to keep pushing herself on them, or outstay her welcome. aargh, just want to swoop down and scoop her up! which obviously I mustnt do.

Squirrills · 23/09/2016 10:16

yolo does the uni have any kind of buddy system? DS has a nominated 2nd or 3rd year to help with the settling in period. I don't know how good they are but the simple act of introducing her to the flat above, next door and below might help?
Northern good for them. One of my many 3am scenario worries is DS being ill alone in his room and no one knowing.

LIZS · 23/09/2016 10:21

Are there any fb groups for the halls, so she can find alternative people to hang out with? Ds hall has a communal picnic planned for this weekend so they can network with other blocks there too.

Dh reported that Ds was mingling with others when he arrived, his room has clothes strewn on the floor ( home from home!) and their fridge has packed up so a new one should be installed soon. Supply of cookies seemed well received.

kath6144 · 23/09/2016 10:33

Northern - I had a phone call at 6.45 from DH saying DS had just phoned him (left at uni last Sat, seems to have had a good week so far)

DS has some swellings in his abdomen, he has regular injections for them at his Uni hospital (nothing serious) - he woke at 6 feeling the swellings had got worse and he was in pain. Given that his consultant is based so close, he thought A&E was a good idea. He took himself off alone and kept in touch. Eventually messaged us a short while ago to say his next appt was being brought forward 2 wks to this Tuesday and he was given strong painkillers.

He seems to have taken it in his stride, a friend was walking to hospital to meet him (v close to campus/halls) but I have spent last 4hours wondering if we should go across (DH only 30mins from uni at work), was it something unrelated to his existing problem, etc.

Just shows that even when they have gone away to be independant, there is still something!! Hope your DDs friend recovers quickly

placeofworkshop · 23/09/2016 10:42

Yolo- Flowers Flowersyour poor DD having so much to cope with Sad . Moving flat might make her feel more in control as well as things others have said

GasLightShining · 23/09/2016 13:59

yolo She is right to come home this weekend. She needs to be on the ball come the 1st October. I would have hoped that 3rd year students would have been mature enough to have though about a first year.

Northern good that they are looking out for each other.

kath he sounds sensible and again good his mate is being thoughtful by going down to the hospital.

Northernlurker · 23/09/2016 17:22

They do look out for each other, holo hope your dds situation improves.
Several conversations with dd today, friend still in hospital but situation under control. It's reassuring to know they've all been capable of looking after each other as well as themselves!

InformalRoman · 23/09/2016 18:16

My text today from DS was a picture of Victoria Falls and a grumble about why didn't we go to see it when we took a trip to SA a couple of years ago. Nothing about the course, or his flatmates, or how he's getting on ...

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