First Year exams ( continued from prep for uni and starting uni 2015)

[voilets]

Dear all,

I have really enjoyed these threads. So if anyone else wants to keep up posts on DC travelling through trials and tribulations of uni life - do post here.

Have your DC been revising at all for instance? Do you now stand back?

seimum I sent a text on Sunday about whether I could chuck something of his out (I couldn't ) and then sent another after he'd replied, asking how he was and... nothing!

Grrrrr.

Am sure your DS is enjoying himself Horsemad. On the plus side, he is independent.

My DS doesn't like me reminding him of things he needs to do. Hence he types the odd message on skype but no face timing!! Oh well.

Feel glad he doesn't need you seimum, at the moment any way!!!

Hope all DC are more confident this year. Nice to hear stories of those who are.

Horsemad mine does that too. We can be having a nice text conversation then I will ask, have you done so & so, and I get immediate radio silence.

SUCCESS!!!

DS has made contact!

He called today whilst I was at work and spoke to DH who said he had a lovely hour long conversation with him.
When I asked if he'd called because he needed money, DH said 'No, his pc is broken' Lol lol!

Of course, once it is repaired we'll not hear from him again until he needs collecting from the station at Xmas...

Anyway, he's alive and well so I'm told.

Horsemad - was that his gaming PC that broke? It must have been a tragedy for your DS

It was seimum, I am still smiling now!! He's ordered some new parts so it may not be out of action for long sadly

I have told DH we are not paying to fix it and he has a laptop for uni work, so there's no problem there!

I wish I knew if ds was enjoying life but I'm assuming the radio silence means no news is good news. I've had a single word text in the past two weeks in response to my general How's life? Are things going well? query.

And that word was ... mostly

Have just had one of those tearful phonecalls. (Death of laptop)

Gave practical advice, but now feel vaguely distraught myself.

Odd how the umbilical cord still seems to be attached.

Haven't heard from mine since pc was fixed...

The crisis was resolved - she rang half an hour later to let me know, and we then had a general catch up.

mariannesolong I'm trying very hard to cut that cord but find my DS in many ways still needs us. We try to avert big mistakes but it is his life.

Here - this year my DS has to find his own groups for projects which he is hopeless about - too embarrassed and shy to go up to people so it takes us a week for one email to be written and another week for an email to a second lecturer to explain he is not in a group. Although, he doesn't totally explain because he's embarrassed.
It's painful.

Even embarrassing for me to share!

Hello I hope the reason this thread's a bit quiet at the moment is because all your second year students are happily getting on with their own lives. How are your emptier nests?

I'm here for a bit of a moan and a weep really. DS is home for the weekend which is lovely but I've had a bit of a row with him and I'm not sure who IBU.

So, DS has been terrible at keeping in touch and we have had virtual radio silence from him all term. He's finding the workload on his course very stressful and is working really hard. If I've texted him he's always replied with a very brief message saying he's got so much work he can't talk. On his birthday we sent presents, money and a supermarket delivery full of goodies and we got a text 'Thanks for everything' but again when we rang he was too busy to talk. He refuses to be friends on Facebook.

I told him we wanted a bit more. it didn't have to be a long or interesting conversation - just a text once or twice a week saying something mundane like missed the bus or pizza for tea would be enough for us to know he's alive and well. And DS flew off the handle big time. Apparently he's under so much pressure that when he has free time he needs to relax and not have even more jobs to do. (This is a dc who can hold a conversation with one person while texting to another at the same time with his eyes shut.)

How much contact do you have with your dcs? (especially parents of ds's). Are you FB friends? Do your dcs ever contact you for a chat? How often do you hear anything?

I really really don't want this to be a duty for ds and I'm really upset that he sees it as a chore. I'm trying despereately not to be a clingy whiny mother and to let him spread his wings and be independent. Am I asking too much?

I don't suppose you will get a consensus- every family will be different. I'm sure some parents talk to their offspring daily. I would make a point of texting dd if it was getting close to a week without hearing from her & we tend to text more than telephone. I suspect she communicates with her friends via messenger or snapchat as there is not a lot going on FB!

Meant to say, it's usually me who texts her. Mostly only hear from her if she wants something!

Hello haffdonga

DSs need less contact than DD in my experience. My DS generally does not call. We don't have facebook. We have skype but without camera😀

We send messages mainly and he replies briefly. It's hard for mums - for me personally because I worry.

But I think your DS has a point. Huge amount is now expected at uni. Also they are dealing with their own lives- socialising independently, cooking, washing, cleaning.

Will he met you half way and send a few texts so you know he is okay?

My DH didn't contact home much at uni he tells me. I DID.

Feel for you. Huge space once they are gone. 🌹

Total no to FB friendship with my daughter. She also blocked me on Twitter once she realised I could see her posting there. I can related to her wanting social media as a place which is for her and her mates.

But she tends to ring every week. (I might email her every few days or send the odd text to which she may or may not reply.) If I've not heard from her for a week she gets a message asking, 'Are you alive?' At which point she gets in touch to confirm that she is.

I think it's about what works. So if your son is willing to confirm he's alive every week that might help. But it sounds like he's trying to cope without you - which is good but hard for you...

Thanks friends - yes, really I'm only asking for an occasional word not long heart to hearts. It shocked me that ds saw even a weekly few seconds text as a boring chore because we've always enjoyed a good chat at home. Anyway, DS has now apologised for blowing his top and has said he'll try a bit harder. I have assured him I'm not expecting him to have conversations when he's busy ever and I don't need a blow by blow account of his daily life.

I'm probably being hormonal and dreading next year when ds1 is planning to do a year in Australia and ds2 will be off. My nest will be well and truly empty then.

Stiff upper lip and big smile!!

I would wonder, from what you've written, whether he is struggling and worries about sharing that with you. I may be barking up the wrong tree, but that's what I read into what you've posted Haffdonga.
Hope all is ok.

Thanks Mindgone - yes I suppose reading between my own lines I am worried that he's not happy this year and I'm looking for a bit more info from him to reassure *me^ that everything's OK. (That's fairly obviously not going to be any help for him now I look at it that way.)

Halfdonga this year dies seem far busier than last year.

DD used to contact daily, now may be a coupe of days, and usually when something specific. Far more wrapped up in society stuff this year too. Feels sh never did 'enough' last year.

Can't believe they are already being asked to make a decision about staying on in their house next year. It's a very good house with one of the best voted agents in the area, so demand high.

Hello everyone - naughty MN has been hiding threads from me but I have found you all again - just trying to catch up with everyone's dc.

Quick update - my DD has returned to uni but is massively unhappy still and really struggling with her ED. She has lost a significant amount of weight and I'm very worried about her but she is very nearly 20 and other than fund the private ED counsellor and be there when she wants to talk about it (which isn't often) there isn't anything I can do - it's so hard when you realise you can't fix them

Quietly my friends DD has returned to uni after a year off to try and get her on an even keel with her ED and it's been difficult to deal with. The only option has been to fund private counselling as the NHS has been woefully inadequate. Have some and look after yourself.

DS has been having a nightmare with his housemate and has just had a weeks official absent from university to help him to deal with the fallout. I think he has dealt with it all very well but we've gone from no contact to hour long phone calls every day. He 's been to stay with DD2 and the break seems to have helped. I'm sure stuff was less complicated when I was younger....

nice sorry to hear your son has been having problems with a flat mate - it's so hard isn't it because you can advise them but they have to try and sort it out themselves. As much as you can talk to them and offer advice they don't or can't necessarily take the right actions.

Quietly that must be incredibly difficult for you. Is your dd's uni near enough for you to drop by for visits.and keep a bit of an eye? Will your dd be honest about her ED with you? It must be agonising.

Nicecardigan - sorry your ds is having housemate problems. I hope things are improved when he goes back. Ds's house has imploded totally because A unwisely slept with B who is the love of C's life. Major night long screaming rows have been followed by weeks of friction, silences and a divided household. The joys of student life.