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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

Despite having the right grades, my child is not applying to Oxbridge because ....

887 replies

TalkinPeace · 20/08/2015 11:43

  • she wants to live in self catered accommodation
  • she does not like the small sizes of the colleges / social units
  • having to go back to college for lunch while doing a lab based degree does not make sense
  • the whole gown and formal dinner stuff smacks of coat tails rather than standing on own feet
  • she does not fancy fighting through hordes of tourists while moving between buildings
  • having a tutor picked by which college they are based in rather than their research specialism seems very odd to her

Also, for what she wants to do, the course at Oxford is not that well balanced
and Cambridge, despite having a fab course was not a place that felt like home when she visited for 2 days.

So she will be putting other Universities on her form and taking a great deal of stress out of this house.

For what its worth, those of her friends I've chatted to are also ruling out Oxbridge in favour of other Unis because of the first four points.

What are other people's reasons for ruling out Oxbridge, despite having the grades?

OP posts:
RhodaBull · 30/08/2015 10:44

I read the article. Indeed, financially, the girl was not only not disadvantaged, but ahead in the pack. To exaggerate a bit, it's like looking at Brooklyn Beckham and saying, well, his parents didn't have much of an education, and he's had to travel around a lot because of his father's job which must have been disruptive...

I think the showman life (in whatever form) seems a bit glamorous, and that gains attention. The girl's family had a permanent home as well.

Original poster
TalkinPeace · 30/08/2015 10:47

Rhoda
The Showman people only travel for part of the year : when the events are on. The rest of the year they knuckle down and sort their kit and plan the next season. They own the barns their stuff is stored in.
They are not poor, but they do have disrupted education : missing every summer term is a bit of a problem ....

OP posts:
Molio · 30/08/2015 11:06

My immediate boss in the merchant bank I worked in was a showman's son. He lived in Eaton Square. People are incredibly patronising.

MrsUltracrepidarian · 30/08/2015 14:19

missing every summer term is a bit of a problem ....
Disagree. Not much is done in the summer term, and the trips etc cannot compare with the benefits of working.

JanetBlyton · 30/08/2015 19:48

Yes, but despite those few advantagesw very few showmen's children have got to Oxbridge probably because it's not something they particularly value. I know the girls at my school from showmen families did not go to university.

DarklingJane · 31/08/2015 00:55

Talkin (to get back to the original question ) , - have just spoken to someone whose son chose not to apply to Cambridge. He went to Imperial because the course he wanted to do , he thought was better at Imperial than Cambridge .

Not sure if I asked you this but has DD utterly dismissed London ?

RhodaBull · 31/08/2015 09:52

I know a lad who got a place at Oxford for Medicine, but chose London instead because the course was more practical, and also he fancied the bright lights. He is loving it, and best of all for him he has hooked up with an extremely wealthy Californian girl from his course and has spent the last two summers over there.

Original poster
TalkinPeace · 01/09/2015 14:41

MrsUltra
Missing the exam season is a tad critical IMHO

Darkling
Yup, not applying to London as too many family there and wants to go somewhere that she did not visit lots while growing up.

OP posts:
SheGotAllDaMoves · 01/09/2015 14:50

Actually SH's family travels in the winter months and runs an arcade in the summer.

So she did lose a lot of essential school time.

Figmentofmyimagination · 01/09/2015 18:33

Hey, talkin I do sense from some of your posts that you're the strong-minded one here, as opposed to your DD. Are you sure you are helping her with this decision? Sometimes our strongest prejudices are the ones we can't see, and our children often internalise our own opinions - no matter how forthright and mature they themselves might appear!

GiddyGiddyGoat · 01/09/2015 18:38

Apply / don't apply.
It's one of a number of choices for those fortunate enough to have the qualifications / predictions to make it a realistic option.
getting into / not getting into Oxford or Cambridge shouldn't be a defining life moment but for some people the whole thing seems to take on enormous proportions.
My ds wasn't keen on the idea initially but was encouraged by school to think about it. Went to open days and liked it. Applied and is of in October. He's very excited. He'd also be happy if he was going to various other unis for his course.
It suits some people and not others. Like a lot of things!

Original poster
TalkinPeace · 01/09/2015 18:41

Figment
I'm the one posting, so you are not getting her viewpoint directly.
Trust me I'm fiery but she's bloody minded too.
I'd love her to consider Imperial but she does not want to study within walking distance of close family.

OP posts:
GiddyGiddyGoat · 01/09/2015 18:52

Meant to say that imo don't apply if not getting in is going to crush your spirit / wound your self esteem etc. Apply with enthusiasm but manage your expectations as something so competitive is never going to have any certainty of success.

Figmentofmyimagination · 01/09/2015 18:59

My DD is off to oxford next month. There are certainly reasons not to apply - I just don't see them in your original list! I haven't read the whole thing though. My main concern is workload - which, nowadays (anecdotally only!) seems to be much higher than it used to be - and the extent to which they have students' mental health covered.

The main reason usually given to me by fellow mums is that "unlike your DD, they don't feel passion for their subject". What a stupid word "passion" is. My DD is just pretty normal and hard working about her subject - she enjoys it and relates well to it but I know she has genuine doubts about whether she will fit due to being insufficiently "passionate" etc!

Molio · 01/09/2015 20:35

Figment she'll be in very good company. This passion rubbish is seriously overstated on MN.

Talkin you've mentioned the stress of the process at least a couple of times (once here, once on another thread in the past few days). The process as a whole shouldn't really be stressful and I completely agree that if it is, especially at this pre-application stage, then it might be best to avoid it altogether. The two short sharp periods of stress seem to me to be the few days waiting to hear about interviews and then the couple of days prior to notification. Other than that, it should be fairly enjoyable - interviews included. Those DC who find the pressure of interviews too much very likely wouldn't thrive on tutorials/ supervisions. Anyhow, well one to Goat's DC - who seems to have managed the whole thing with text book aplomb!

Molio · 01/09/2015 20:36

Or rather, well done!

mathanxiety · 02/09/2015 00:00

Amen to the pooh poohing of 'passion'. You just have to like work itself or at least be willing to do it.

SheGotAllDaMoves · 02/09/2015 06:58

It may be that when talkin speaks of 'stress' she means herself not her DD.

As parents we often feel anxious on behalf of our DC; more do that they. I know I was very nervous about my DD's recent GCSEs because her sixth form first choice depended on them.

And this wasn't because I was over invested in her choice ( she could stay put for me) but because she wants to go and I wanted her to have what she wants if that makes sense?

SheGotAllDaMoves · 02/09/2015 07:17

As for stress itself. I think some people describe something as stressful when they mean a bit tough.

I find mumsnet fascinating in this regard; how quick mothers are to avoid anything that their DC might find tough or where they might potentially get a knock back.

Whilst that might be the best course of action for naturally anxious children, for your average kid, I would say exposure to such things are part and parcel of developing resilience.

JanetBlyton · 02/09/2015 07:25

I would never use that passion word. Passion should be confined to descriptions of lust.

Also I agree with the posts above - failing is great for teenagers and young people and indeed the rest of us. In a sense I have been successful because I've failed and always pick myself up and carry on.

Perhaps it is the ability of some teachers to put red crosses and tell children they have failed that in part puts those children ahead of the pack. I am not saying always but sometimes it does do teenagers good to see they can fail.

ExConstance · 02/09/2015 07:32

The 8 week terms at Oxford mean that there is very little time for anything other than work. DS1 is vegetarian and a keen cook but he was pleased to be catered for at Balliol as it gave him a bit of respite from essay writing when he could relax with his friends over a meal. If he wanted to he would cook in the little kitchen.

MrsFrankieHeck · 02/09/2015 07:35

DS considered Oxford and went with a couple of others from school to meet an admission tutor for a tour and lunch. Unfortunately, it put him off and after hearing that there was lots of 1-1 tutoring he doesn't want to apply.

I would like it if he applied but he said If I make him, when he goes for an interview and they ask him why he wants to go there, he'll say he doesn't but his mum made him apply Grin

BoboChic · 02/09/2015 07:36

TBH, having just emerged from four years of French Premiere-Terminale and 2 x 2 sets of HE applications: those years are stressful for the whole family, even when you have clever, hardworking, focused DC who reach their goals. Families around us who tried unsuccessfully to reach HE goals that were highly improbable were far more stressed than we were. I wouldn't recommend it.

cathyandclaire · 02/09/2015 07:48

I think the Oxbridge application process is tough and long and drawn out, when one hurdle has been cleared another one pops up. For Cambridge there was the PS, then the SAQ, then submitted essays, then a list of recently read books/plays/poetry, then interview prep ( brilliantly described by one Mumsnetter as like revising for an exam where you didn't know the syllabus) then a last minute extra presentation on an article for one of the interviews, then the interviews closely followed by a written exam.
If you're not bothered about going it's just not worth it, I remember people saying it's worth a punt it's just a place on a UCAS form but it seemed a lot more intense than that. Not stressful as such ( well, in bits maybe) just a long, hard slog.

mummytime · 02/09/2015 07:48

Figment - just to reassure you, our health was looked after very well when I was at Oxford. We had a college nurse, there was also a College Doctor, who just happened to also be my GP (and the practice was about 200 meters away). The other great thing about college compared to Halls of Residence, is that the Scouts (cleaners) come in most days, and tend to notice if something is wrong. Its also such a small society that friends do look out for each other.
Oh and the counselling service is great, even if it tends to be overstretched.