Drinking culture at university. Is it a big problem?

[Littleham]

Is it true that there is a massive amount of drinking at university?

If the social life revolves around drinking / clubbing, do students who are not that way inclined get marginalised?

Plenty of people from the Stoke Bishop halls go clubbing. They get taxis back!!! Not sure the Quakers get much of a look in now. I think the neighbours get fed up with noisy students. Of course this can be avoided and DD was not a great clubber. However lots of new students like to try things and going occasionally is no big sin or anything to worry about.

The Choral Society is for the whole university, lectures and other staff included. DD was a member of this but even at Grade 8 Singing and Grade 8 Musical theatre, and a very experienced choral singer, never got into the auditioned choir. Ditto for lots of her friends with the orchestra. What the notice boards say, and reality, are two different things. The Freshers Fair is the time to find out but it might lead to disappointment.

DD was President of her Language Society and she organised the inaugural MFL Ball (not followed up by anyone the following year) and they had lots of events which she organised. If the President is useless, then, in year 2, become the President and do a better job. The ski trip gets students abroad. My DDs MFL society did not go abroad because most members refused to pay! DD researched lots of places but you cannot force money out of skint/tight students! Your DD could try and organise a trip. Also language students spend the whole of the third year abroad. She will have a great time but in all honesty, lots of first years take time to adjust to the work/university requirements and don't join loads of things. They also need to make friends, get everywhere on time, meet deadlines, learn how to research, write longer essays and generally grow up.

We dropped DS off today. His room is quite big, in a 'flat' with 4 others, shared kitchen and bathroom. After helping to set up his electric piano we left him to do some shopping and unpack. Tonight he skyped us and it was good to see him and talk to him.
Next week is freshers week for him too, although he would prefer to start work straight away! He doesn't drink but there seem to be lots of different types of activities to choose from so I'm sure he'll be fine.

DD1 seems to be very happy with her room / flat. She is in a very calm all girls flat, with someone who loves cleaning!!! (So they seem to have read her mini statement of likes and dislikes & paired people well).

She has been to all the events & said that she just stood chatting to people with a glass of juice in her hand and absolutely nobody noticed that she wasn't drinking! So I don't think the drinking will be a problem. She has an older student in her flat who seems to be giving her tips.

They have only stayed near the halls so far, so she has yet to encounter the club scene. There is a board game night tonight which she is going to & I'm sure she will love it.

Thanks for the info on the orchestras & Language groups MillyMollyMama. Hopefully one of these clubs will pan out well.

MMM - Noise doesn't seem too bad as they have a curfew (after which everyone is supposed to be quiet). Seems to be working so far.

I think the neighbours only complain about the odd few noisy ones. I know they were always trying to make sure DDs hall was quiet but 18 year olds can't keep it up for a whole year!! Sounds like your DD has found a treasure if a flatmate likes cleaning!!!

I didn't mean to be too negative earlier, but DD researched what she wanted to join, but disappointment followed! However the language societies should meet and there are plenty of opportunities for the self motivated student. Looks good on cv later if you actually organise something!

No problem, she will be flexible. The language department has been great & as you say there are great language groups. Hopefully she will build up to organising something in year 2!

Your DD sounds lovely and like she's made a really good beginning.

However (and I mean this in the nicest possible way) I wouldn't be too keen to pigeon hole her as 'not the type' to drink too much or be into clubbing.

When I was an undergraduate I thought that it really want my scene and as I result didn't socialise a lot. When I began working I started going out more and have on a occasion had drunken nights out (not falling over in the gutter or being sick but you get the picture) and I've had a great time. I really regret not letting myself go more at uni and think now I look back that not drinking or clubbing made me feel superior to other students when in reality they were the ones who got a lot more out of the whole uni experience. Part of this I think was framed by knowing how much pride my md took in me being the sensible one and I felt she would have been disappointed in me going out and drinking too much.

I think your dd should be herself but uni is a great time to discover who 'yourself' really is and I think as a mum you should encourage her self discovery.

I suppose she might change but at the moment she doesn't seem to like the taste of alcohol and finds clubs too noisy. She doesn't mind anyone else going though. I've suggested she should give it a try but she says she really doesn't want to go to clubs and prefers to join societies.

She has always liked structured quiet socialising better. I think some people are natural introverts and others are extrovert. I'm not sure I have any say in it either way to be honest, but it won't stop me worrying.....

My DSS1, who started at university in the UK a year ago after being brought up in France, was somewhat shocked at the drinking culture in the UK. He goes clubbing regularly with his friends but has still not started drinking alcohol. It doesn't impede his social life or his status among his peers (his academic results are amazing!).

Maybe your DD needs to meet my DSS1, Littleham, given that they are at the same university!

She did talk to a young man the other night who didn't drink and they both helped out another young man who was so drunk he couldn't stand up but could still recite really impressive maths equations!! Perhaps the former was your son...

Pleased to report that dd1 has got into a music group to play her instrument and she has volunteered to be class rep for one of her language courses. Bristol does have some unauditioned music groups as well as the hyper competitive ones.

She has done an audition for the big group & is waiting to hear, but knows that it is unlikely she will get in (thanks for the warning MillyMolly) She is happy anyway as she has made four friends already in the other group.

She has made a good start, Littleham, and I am sure it can change year on year. The language societies usually meet up for meals so that is not really drinking. DD had a lot of fun being the President of her language society. She got to choose the restaurants! I think you can have a great time at Bristol by socialising in other ways. There are plenty of dinner parties in year 2 when they are all in houses - just get one with a table though!!!

You really do not need to worry about year 1. Sensible, well brought up young people stay that way. They do not suddenly become total nutters who drink and puke up every night. There are the odd few who drink often and go out a lot but Bristol has very high numbers of rich students! However, there are lots who work hard and go out occasionally to be sociable. They also need to adjust to living with other young people and making their own decisions. Some of which might not be what we as parents like. However, they have to learn! Also, the bigger problem is finding accommodation for year 2. This, (and ignore the university here), needs to start in January. Some accommodation is only suitable for Gloucester Old Spots!!!

Am pleased to hear that your dd has settled in so well and found a suitable music group and other societies to join.
It is possible for non Music students to obtain places in the main orchestras, but the standard is very high and depends a lot on the instrument played. For my instrument (flute) I would agree with MillyMolly that the chances of succeeding in an audition would be very slim. However orchestras need more violins, so it was definitely worth a try.
Please let us know how she gets on.

Hopefully the drinking pressure is starting to subside now. My DD, one of the first to leave for Uni in September, is now two weeks into her course and has lots of work to do. Her flatmates went out once this week clubbing - they all had a social drink in the kitchen first, which my daughter went too. She did have a cider but wouldn't have had to if she had preferred something else. Then 4 of the 6 went out - the one other who stayed behind is a party goer but had a long day of lectures the next day so decided to stay home.

All in all everything seems to have settled down now.

Halls have to be paid next week - then they will all be skint again anyway! In our case, where we are paying them, it will be me who is skint!

DD (who isn't a drinker) was in Durham with some new friends from college late the other night and was shocked that boys from another college were shouting drunkenly in her group's faces and insulting them as they walked along. It did sound like the usual bar crowd Freshers' Week banter but she isn't used to it so was quite upset. I hope it doesn't put her off going into town.

Dealing with intelligent but sadly loutish boys is, I'm afraid, part of the growing up experience at university. DD always said it is best to ignore them, but don't shrink away. Stand your ground and do not be intimidated. If their Mothers saw them, they would be shocked at the behaviour of their boys. Never allow stupid boys put you off from doing anything because, if you do, they have assumed superiority and they have bullied another student. It is best to walk anywhere in at least pairs after dark anyway and a group of girls is more than capable of ignoring such behaviour and staying safe.

Hormones have a lot to answer for.....

crazymum

An update as promised. She didn't get into the main orchestra (which as you say is very professional), but really loves her string group & other societies.

As you know she is a bit of an introvert, but decided to run for Course representative for one of her subjects. She has just been voted in!

DS is by no means teetotal but is not a heavy drinker. After the first weekend he stopped going to most of the Fresher's functions (not least because he has a 9am lecture every day). His flatmates though still seem to go out on the lash until the early hours night after night.
He gets on well with them during the day but seems at a bit of a loss in the evenings. I'm trying to encourage him to join a few clubs but it's hard on your own.

Well done Littleham junior!

Secret Sq : same here with my daughter although she is finding workload gives her plenty to do at night. There seems to be two reading lists - the ones you have to do to actually manage an essay and the other list which is more optional but informs you better. So, she tends to do that if she is on her own.

The flat are starting to want to spend less and so their activities are becoming less drink focussed - cinema is on the cards for Friday and a DVD night in planned for Saturday. They may well involve drink but, like others, it not the drinking that's a issue, simply the quantity and getting drunk being the evenings focus.

Thanks Littleham it's always good to receive positive feedback .

Just thought I'd resurrect this thread for an update.
DS1 is just back from term one of uni. He tells me the drinking culture is wild. All of the students in his flat drink very heavily every night and miss morning lectures. He has also discovered since he got home that his old friends who went off to different unis have all started drinking heavily.

How has he handled it, SS? Does he join in or feel left out because he doesn't join in?

Am I correct in thinking your DS is at Warwick Secret? Warwick students enjoy a nice cheap Union on site I understand. If you are at Bristol, the Union is more or less crap! Or so I am told. This is the difference between campus, everything on site, and universities that are in cities where students go to a variety of venues, most of which are more expensive than a cheap Union Bar. My DD found student night at Clubs, where the prices were lower than normal, was on a Monday. She had a lecture on a Tuesday at 9.00 am and chose not to booze with the others on a Monday. You have to be someone who does not mind being left behind every Monday!

It always makes me wonder why apparently sensible young people start drinking all the time. Is it that they are incapable of saying "No". Do they feel they must go along with the drinkers or their credibility will be zero? Is it that they are incapable of finding other, less boozy, friends? Are they so "free" from home rules (and Mum and Dad) that they do what they always wanted to do, but never got the chance before? Or is the alcohol so cheap that the temptation is too great? Just musing, but most people on MN are concerned that their student child will pal up with boozers, but does any MN parent admit to having a boozy student?

Just make sure your DS finds suitable people to house share with next year, Secret. I hear Leamington Spa is quieter!