Drinking culture at university. Is it a big problem?

[Littleham]

Is it true that there is a massive amount of drinking at university?

If the social life revolves around drinking / clubbing, do students who are not that way inclined get marginalised?

Squirrel where is your ds going? Is it Central London, apologies for not remembering but it's sounding very like where ds is going.

Isthiscorrect No it's Warwick. He only found out his halls allocation last week and they don't get room / block number until they arrive. There is plenty of Fresher stuff going on over the first two weeks but at the same time as lectures .

Thinking alike Kez100. She has loads of soft drinks / water. No alcohol, but she has taken a large cake, a tin of biscuits and has made chocolate brownies for everyone. Hopefully that should be popular.

She is all settled in (semi-social flat, whatever that means), with a lovely room - new carpets, new curtains, new paint. Very nice flat. She is the first to arrive ( a lot arrive tomorrow), so unpacking was hassle free. The hall has laid on a getting to know everyone meal for tonight (for the few who have arrived) and tomorrow night (for the whole hall) in an adjoining refectory. Most reassuring.

It sounds lovely I'm sure she will be fine. And how are you feeling after the big drop off Littleham?

Weirdly, I feel fine - strangely relieved after all the anticipation. No tears from either of us.

The house feels strange as dd2 is on a field trip (so both older ones away), but we do have the two younger ones at home still.

She has just contacted us by Skype (wonderful invention) & shown us how she has arranged the room. Off to her meal soon.

Skype always makes me think of Raj's parents on the sofa on BBT

Good news, Littleham.

Unlike Raj, dd1 has five people to contend with (seven including Grandparents who have just found Skype). My 13 year old son has perfected a technique where he can hang upside down (so he appears to descend from the top of the screen).

DD1 can always engage the privacy settings if sisters and brother and Mum and Grandparents get too annoying. DH just rolls his eyes.

Hope your daughter is enjoying herself :)

I started uni two years ago. Social but not a big drinker. My flatmates were all big drinkers but our best night in freshers for us all was when we invited loads of other flats out for bowling

I don't speak to most of the 'friends' I made and got hammered with in freshers. My closest friends - including three of DD's godparents - are from my course and societies. freshers is touted as the be all and end all but it really isn't :)

I'm a bit bothered. Ds is going to a hall where students arrive on different weeks. He arrives for the last week :-( also they don't have flats, just a room. To me it all sounds really depressing, every man for himself and no bonding, what with all the others having moved in this weekend, last weekend and the weekend before. It seems very anti so ill. We don't know what room, if it has storage under the beds, on top of the wardrobes or anything. Quite frankly I think they are very 'up themselves'. No info at all. I'm not happy but keeping a vv low profile as dh will kill me if I so much s breathe a word of how I feel. I'm very worried all the bonding will be over.

Ahh. squirrel, so not the same place but sounding very similar. Gosh I am worried but holding it back. Gulp.

Isthis is there a Facebook page? Most unis will have a Freshers page. Does he know which halls he's in - I know he doesn't know his room, but if he can say what halls he's in that's as good a start as any! It really does sound antisocial, but I wouldn't worry too much - people slot in. Someone moved out of my flat in first year, and someone else took his place a few weeks later; he just slotted into life and is still having a great time at uni, lots of friends and a girlfriend, good social life etc.

A lot of people put too much emphasis on freshers week, and it can scare new students and their parents into thinking if they arrive late/miss an event, that's their uni experience ruined. That's not the way at all; you can meet friends in the weirdest of situations at uni!

Are you close enough to visit the university beforehand Isthiscorrect? That way you could assess the space. Worth asking.

It is like that sick feeling before an exam. Sometimes it just feels better when the darned event happens. Relieves all the tension.

I have DCs at Uni, one is tea total and one hates clubbing and loud parties. Both have great social lives. My tea total DC still parties and goes clubbing but just doesn't drink - it's never been a problem for him at all (and it saves him a fortune). My non partying DC goes to pub quiz nights, meals out occasionally and lots of flat get togetherness. There seems to be plenty to do that doesn't involve getting ridiculously drunk.

Having said that a few of my friends seemingly sensible friends have got extremely drunk. I don't think it's just a Uni thing though.

Littleham, it's not possible for us to visit beforehand. Ds tells me he has joined a fb group although I'm not sure if there are many people in it or if it's very busy. Dh refused to let me get ds to ask questions about space etc, he told me it would make ds look sad. I do take his point, it's a bit mumsy but really I feel I do need a bit of a clue although it's none of my business.
Oh yes it does feel sickly, exactly like before an exam.
Moomin you speak good sense about people just settling in and meeting them everywhere. I'm sure that will be the case. It just seems odd that lots of events are club based where you barely hear yourself think let alone make new friends [old gimmer emoticon]. As for the drinking one can only hope that the cost, the hangover and work all conspire to make getting drunk a not too frequent occurrence.

Littleham my DD has joined the a facebook page for her block and knows her flat number. I thought it would be nice for her to meet her flatmates online and get to know them ahead but instead she has jumped to all sorts of silly conclusions of the "she went to a girls school, she is going to be a maneater" variety paranoia has taken hold. Best to avoid that before they even get there. I think the paranoia will be partly down to her older sister advising her there is always going to be at least one weird person in your flat (in her case a kleptomaniac stoner / pathological liar ) but as others have said the people your DD will meet will be very diverse and as long as she makes an effort and keeps an open mind (in my DDs case that is ) she will find the ones whose company she enjoys most.

And the true drinking / lad culture revolves around the bar on Wednesday night after the Sports Fixtures. My DD is a science geek but she also does go out drinking and to Clubs but would never go near, easily avoided. Her social life is incredibly varied, eg pub quizs, clubbing, theatre (audience and doing the lighting) uni radio station , drinking is certainly not an end in itself. Strangely enough I walked into my flat 30 years ago and met the four people who are still amongst my closest friend, DD and I walked into her flat on the first day and the two boys she is closest to walked out of their doors and said hello. I am just preying for the same for DD2.

Isthiscorrect If they have rooms rather than flats it can actually mean there is more scope for socialising. The accommodation DS had to choose from was "corridor" or "flat". The flat was actually his 5th choice out of five but the one he was given.
The corridor is a series of rooms with a large central kitchen. How about looking on the uni accommodation web pages? I think you might find lots of detail about room sizes, equipment, layout, maybe even a video tour no one need know you have been looking.

Squirrels, for his college there is nothing, just one picture with two male students with old fashioned beards who don't look a day under 30! And very blue grey in colour, talk about looking miserable. All the other halls have 360 video tours etc. Sigh. I'm still waiting to find out if they can receive food shops, parcels etc.

Still glad to know you think corridor is better than a flat. All will be well eventually.

DD1 has no one in her flat yet (they must be coming from a long distance ). However she did go to the dinner last night and made friends with someone doing French and Spanish in same Hall, but different block (dd1 doing two different languages).

She also went to the bar and chatted with people until 11pm!!! Very happy for her.

Isthiscorrect. The hall is probably going to be better than you imagine. The very worst thing is not knowing. Torture for Mums.

Shootingatpigeons. Reading this makes me very glad dd1 didn't have the option of meeting up on facebook!

I think the major advantage of the low maintenance loan payments is it stops them drinking too much! It turns out that the students in the flat next to my DD - who they all met up with this morning at a Freshers social - have spent about £450 each this week alone! But......they now have a terms halls to pay in a weeks time and then four of them have hardly anything left for the rest of the term and may have to work. Apparently, the other two have spent savings from summer work. I guess this may see an immediate curtailment of the more expensive revelry. Especially with lectures kicking in on Monday.

Wow! £450 in one week must have been some party.

I would say it is a big problem at the university I know best, especially in the first year.

I hope your dd has a great time at bristol. I don't know the university really but it's a cracking city to live in, with plenty going on and not just drinking! Languages are a great subject for socialising in a non clubbing environment as students will often have things like foreign film nights, conversation meet ups which may be more like Bbqs, dinners, pub (but not loud club)... Sounds like she is getting off to a good start so far. All the best to her!

It is big at most universities. It can make freshers harder if you end up in a corridor with people who all want to get drunk every night. It isn't a long term issue though, they can find friends through course/societies who don't want to go out. DDs uni had non-drinking activities on in freshers too like watching films, bowling etc so I guess if they go to these then they will find like-minded people.
My DD loved going out and drinks but still found freshers hard as a night club isn't fun when you aren't sure who your friends are, you don't know how to get home and you don't want to get completely off your head or you might make a fool of yourself. She wished the week was crammed full 10am-5pm with non-drinking events to allow the students to actually meet others and to be busy to combat homesickness.

My DD was exactly the same but came to the conclusion it was down to money. The Union don't have that much and to run daytime stuff costs whereas to run night-time things where the clubs take the hit (because they will rake it in through drinks prices and long term repeat clientele) it becomes possible to do.

All-in-all though she has found it a positive experience so far and is really looking forward to starting the course.

So pleased your daughter has started to find her feet Littleham - it is such a worry for us parents.