Oxbridge - someone hand me a grip please

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Right I could NC for this but am being brave .. please be nice and help me get some perspective!

Normally I am very chilled and laid back and happy for DD to make her own choices (always been good ones as far as I know ;)) DH and I are on hand to offer advice but know she has to make her own decisions and that's what life is about.

Anyway she is wanting to apply for uni entry 2015 but she outright refuses to think of Oxbridge and it is making me frustrated. I know that nothing is guaranteed but she would stand as good a chance as any other applicant but seeems to have adopted DH's "inverted snobbery."

When I see threads like the Oxbridge one I am irrationally cross with DD because I think she should "give it a go" (the application) - however she just feels it will be full of privileged folk and no one down to earth.

At the end of the day it's her choice - but as a parent I feel like she is missing an opportunity - though can't put my finger on what.

Please help me deal with this stupidity (mine not hers!!)

really good question Marianne but is suspect it'll get lost in the thread.

For me, for what i want for my kids ( not necessarily what they want for themselves of course) its all of those things - its better life time opportunities, its making lifelong friends, its developing independence, its the chance to focus full time on a subject that really excites them, and its about trying new things just because they can (whether that be rowing or tap dancing)

Theres an argument that all of that could happen without university - the years 18 to 21 would see you develop into a different person anyway.

But i do think its true to say that without the enhanced life time career opportunities (not just £ but also job satisfaction from doing a higher level job or something that you feel is important) the cost of the experience aspect alone wouldn't be worth it.

I think the great thing about university is that it can allow the pursuit of academia, give space to a young person to grow and enhance job prospects.

'the pursuit of academia' = too many pursuits (academia is the pursuit of knowledge, no?)

very interesting question. I am looking at secondary schools at the moment and two of them (both independent) have mentioned that university is no longer seen as the only or goal destination for their leavers. so for example the head boy at one last year had gone straight to a fast track program at BP. Apparently, many accountancy firms are increasing also snapping people up straight out of A levels. They said the biggest obstacle to this paradigm shift was the parents :) who, like us, came from a time when it was university or nothing as a route into a profession (though was that really true? I know a number of very successful tradespeople my age with their own businesses that left school at 16).

Both heads said like it or not its coming and it will certainly be a much larger factor to consider for our children. You've got to wonder about this for your children - be established in a career and be on a good salary, chance of being able to maybe buy a house, when their peers are coming out of uni with 30k debt .....

as for knowledge for knowledge's sake - a great ideal and part of me would love my DC to find a passion for some specific bit of scientific research, go to a top place for research in it and be thrilled to learn and work in academia or scientific research. Having initially gone down that roure though and with friends still in academia, its a harsh financial reality, especially if you want to live in London and ever buy a property. Most get sucked into pharma anyway which is not much different from working for a bank or oil company.

I would still like my DC to go to university if they want to though - as much for the experience and social side as any thing else. And to study for studyings sake before mortgages, kids responsibilities happen. I'm not sure i care whether they go to Oxbridge or not though.

If she's not wanting loads of privileged folk, then please tell her to avoid St Andrews!

Hi Op. My DD2 doesn't want to look at Oxford or Cambridge either. Reasons:

1. she prefers the course elsewhere;
2. because of the short terms, she would be at home more than at uni and doesn't want to miss out on the experience of uni;
3. and due to the short terms again, the work load is very intense and she is quite lazy! I am quite happy for her to make her own mind up (but with guidance). She is currently lower 6th but is doing the uni tours as DD1 is in upper 6th so is being dragged along to some. School are very keen for DD2 to look at Oxbridge, but it is unlikely to happen.

hellsbells they do not 'miss out on the experience of uni' because of the short terms. In any event Durham and Cambridge share the same length of terms and other unis have a 'reading week'. Oxford is shorter, admittedly, but students always go back before the start of official term to do Collections, so not much different in terms of time spent with peers.

They do of course miss out on the 'Oxbridge experience' if they choose not to apply.

Hi Molio. These are DD's reasons not mine. Reason 1 is the main one. -and she would prefer to be away from home as long as possible--

Reason 1 is a good one. Just thought I'd try to counter the rest.