EMPTY NEST SUPPORT THREAD - PART 3

[mrsrhodgilbert]

The comment about where they now live and consider to be home is interesting. If dd doesn't go back to until the end of January she will only have just over two months until the Easter holidays. She will actually come home on my 50th birthday and we are all going away for a few days. After Easter she then has about another 4 or 5 weeks left, possibly with a few exams after that.

That sounds like no time at all and then she will be back for the summer, hopefully with a job again. If some dc consider they have left home, do they not come back for the holidays?

I'm hearing from her much less and she seems quite busy with work. I'm not sure she feels she has many friends yet and it seems quite fluid still, but she is definitely calmer. She has a few pre Christmas things lined up, ice skating, panto, club parties, lunch out etc so I hope some friendships will be cemented. Still no plans for a house for year two but ive tried to tell her not to panic about that. Some people who were sorted a few weeks ago might not be any more.

Mabs I hope she listens to you and if she is resting she might set a good example for some of the others too.

MABS when I was recovering from GF all I did was sleep I can only compare the tiredness with that stage of early pregnancy if I did try to fight it I paid for it the next day.

DD is like a different person, her classes are small and they've all started to talk since they came back, all the cliques have gone and it turns out quite a few are dissatisfied with the teaching. They spoke to the teacher and she's not happy either and claims that's how she was told to teach the syllabus

so pleased Notsoskinny, great to hear. ddhas been out but assures me no alcohol and I believe her. She is scared until she gets the blood results from last week and there may be more in fortnight doc told her, so booze will show up. She left me in charge of ringing doc for results. (can I confess that I got em Friday and they were all clear :) will tell her after w/e.... :-) ) Bad mummy!

Mabs sounds like a good Mummy to me who is looking at the bigger picture! Hope she continues to feel better.

thanks :)

Phoned DD3 tonight told me she wasn't very well and hadn't been since Tuesday, Think she"s just got a bad cold or a touch of the Freshers flu which she avoided last term. I said you could have phoned to let me know but she said I didn't need to as you can't do anything. This is a change from the girl who would let everyone know she was ill before. Think she's growing up and dealing with stuff. She has got pain killers. She often doesn't drink enough so I told her to make sure she drinks plenty. She went out for a meal with some of her friends on Saturday for a belated birthday celebration and they paid for her meal which she wasn't expecting, She has now finally got her study support/mentor sorted. She had a meeting with them on Monday and is booked in for another meeting next Monday. Well that's enough about my DD. How are everyone else's DC doing now they've been back for a couple of weeks?

Hi mumeeee, I hope your dd gets over her cold quickly. They can be pretty miserable can't they? Very grown up attitude though, just getting on with it.

Dd returns to university on Sunday, course starts again on Monday. She is not looking forward to it and I am not looking forward to her being miserable until then. It's already started and we had to have a word last night about how her mood affects the whole family hugely. She has made the decision to go back so, although it sounds really harsh, she has to get on with it and try to make it work. She had some difficult things to deal with last term and the whole family seemed to be engulfed by her unhappiness.

My hope is that people come back prepared to make more of an effort to socialise and that the new girl in the flat is nice. I also hope she has done well in her exams because at least she will feel its worth sticking it out. Goodness knows when the results will come, an essay from before Christmas should have been marked and returned by now but there's no sign of it yet. None of us want another term like the first one.

mumeeee you should be proud of your DD and relieved that she has a good group of friends who are probably looking after her.

mrsrhod I was wondering when your DD was going back. Hopefully things will improve this term, it must be hard for her going back after such a long break, DD only had 2 wks off and then had a week of exams so didn't have time to get homesick again.

She's home for the weekend but she's a different person to even 6 weeks ago. Everything's clicking into place and her flat seems to have settled down as the nasty girl is spending most nights at her boyfriends. The other girl has decided to commute for the rest of the year as she's missing her boyfriend although she'll still have to pay her rent, I bet her parents are pleased!

She says a lot of people haven't returned after xmas and its really noticeable as her classes are small. Best of all, and probably the reason for her good mood, none of her new flatmates for next year drink and they've got similar interests.

I still have DS at home for another week, which is just as well as he still can't walk very far, with his torn ligament. I have ordered him an array of knee supports to help, so he should be ok as long as it doesn't snow and he slips or something. It's a lot better though, he can nearly straighten his leg so maybe another week will be all he needs. It's healing so fast compared to mine when I did it a few years ago, the joys of being young! As he hasn't been able to get around very much he is getting rather bored, but strangely doesn't seem to think that tidying his room would be a constructive way to spend all the spare time he has.

Part of me is looking forward to the fridge staying filled, but I have become so used to him being around solidly because he can't get out that I shall miss him more than ever now!

I'm wondering if dd will find a lot of people haven't returned after Christmas. She has a very full day of lectures on Monday so it should be immediately noticeable.

Notso, I'm pleased your dd has finally settled, I am so hoping that mine will this time.

pleased to hear positive news from most people . Dd very happy to be back there in Newcastle, tired...but happy x

Well dd didn't go back today. She checked her timetable again this morning and most of tomorrow's programme has been altered and she has nothing until 5.30, so I'm going to take her in the morning. The relief on her face was so sad to see.

mrsrhod I don't post too often but I often read this thread. I keep wishing with every ounce of me that things were easier for your dd.

so difficult for your dd and you :(

That's very sad, mrsrhod. Fingers crossed that it's just nerves, and she will be fine once she is there.

Having just spent more time with my son than I have done for years, due to his injury, I am going to miss him horribly once he is back. The difference is, this time it doesn't feel so final. I suppose it was fear of the unknown, not knowing how he was going to be about coming back for the odd weekend. He's looking forward to going back, but has got used to being back at home and says he has had a lovely break from not having to think about food and food shopping. I know how he feels, I go on strike on holiday.

Spoke to DD3 today she has finally got her marks for the programming module she did last term. She has passed it. She got 45% for her assignment and 85% for the exam. DH and I are very proud of her. Not so happy with Costa. (there's one by her halls) though. She left her bank card there the other day bit didn't realise until the next day. She went back to get it and thwy said yes she had left it there but they had cut it up to stop anyone else using it. Which meant she had the paliver of phoning the bank and now has to wait for her card to be sent. It will be sent to us as that"s her home address and we will then have to send it to her. I don't know why Costs couldn't have locked it in their safe,

well done on results mummee, costa prob just following procedure sadly x

Great results mumeeee.

mrsrhod I hope DD's ok, here are some for you.

Thank you both she did work really hard last term. MABs I think your right about Costa but it is a bit of a hassle. Oh well as DD3 said she should not have left it there in the first place. Mrsrhod I feel sad for your DD I hope she has a better experience this term.

how is she MrsRhod?

Yes, how is she mrsrhod? Have you heard?

DS is anxious about going back, not about the work but about reconnecting with people after being at home for two months. He is worried that he will have to make friends all over again, as he finds it hard - well, many of them do, don't they, but they can't seem to see that. He is also worried about what the new flatmate will be like. It's all part of growing up though, and all we can do is listen to them if they need to talk about it I suppose. I seem to spend an awful lot of time repeatedly reminding him that most teens feel just as shy as he does.

Hello all and thank you for asking. It's been a difficult week, as predicted. The new girl in the flat seems nice and there has been a bit more chatting in the kitchen this week so that's a positive. She hasn't done anything sociable though and in fact came home on Wednesday to go out with work colleagues from her gap year.

However, she has three new lecturers and was quite upset after one of the sessions. The man spent over half an hour trying to make two pieces of music play, it's not a music course, which she felt was a complete waste of time. Once he finally got started it was very poor and she is doubting the course again. The group of over 100 got very agitated and probably a third walked out. This exact thing happened with a different lecturer last term and all future lectures with that woman were very poor.

By Thursday night she was very unsettled and I persuaded her to go to student services which she did on Friday afternoon. She had a session with a man where she got very upset, explained she hadn't made friends, was unsure of the course etc. and whilst he listened sympathetically didn't offer any coping strategies. He didn't even say what she was feeling was very common, which I think would have helped. She's been told she doesn't need to go back because there is nothing wrong with her, which I find a bit disappointing.

She was quite a wreck when she got home last night and I don't really know why. I'm again at a loss. She is better today but still very unsure. From what she says a lot of people sit in their rooms alone each evening but when I suggest ways to try to socialise she gets very angry.

We met the mum of a girl she went all the way through school with this morning, from reception to year 13. Her daughter was very confident and popular at school and is now at a different local university. Apparently she too had a very difficult first year in a small flat where people didn't gel. Only now in year two is she settling. I was very surprised to hear that and somewhat relieved, I think dd was also quite shocked, but in a way I think it's helped her feel a bit better, If the really popular girl has struggled maybe she's not so unusual.

So we will send her back for another week and see what happens. DH has been speaking to a lot of colleagues about their off springs experiences of university and has been amazed at how many have had/ are having a very difficult time.

So sorry MrsRhod, I was hoping the new girl in the flat would make a difference.

I think this term is likely to be hard even for those who have settled. Some of the excitement has worn off, the weather is foul and they are all realizing that they have 3/4/5 years of this.

DD and her flatmates are (finally) thinking about options for next year's accommodation. They get on so well they don't want to split up and are looking for a flat for them plus one honorary flatmate. Problem is 6 bed flats in Glasgow are a bit like hens' teeth. I'm trying to stop giving helpful hints about flat hunting.

Lots of them have problems settling it seems to me. My dds best friend,who is very popular and outgoing,is talking about just packing it in and coming home. We all thought she was enjoying herself but she was just putting on a brave face.

so sorry MrsRhod x