EMPTY NEST SUPPORT THREAD - PART 3

[mrsrhodgilbert]

The comment about where they now live and consider to be home is interesting. If dd doesn't go back to until the end of January she will only have just over two months until the Easter holidays. She will actually come home on my 50th birthday and we are all going away for a few days. After Easter she then has about another 4 or 5 weeks left, possibly with a few exams after that.

That sounds like no time at all and then she will be back for the summer, hopefully with a job again. If some dc consider they have left home, do they not come back for the holidays?

I'm hearing from her much less and she seems quite busy with work. I'm not sure she feels she has many friends yet and it seems quite fluid still, but she is definitely calmer. She has a few pre Christmas things lined up, ice skating, panto, club parties, lunch out etc so I hope some friendships will be cemented. Still no plans for a house for year two but ive tried to tell her not to panic about that. Some people who were sorted a few weeks ago might not be any more.

Fussy, you must be so proud of your son. He seems to be having a great life with a real sense of adventure.

Hi everyone. I haven't been on here for a few days and have seen a lot of things have been happening while I've been away. Chlorinella I'm glad you son has spoken to his tutor and sorted things out. Hope his surgery goes well. MABs that's good news hope you DD is up to doing it and feels better soon, Fussy your DS sounds great. Notso hope your DD has a better time this term she sounds like she has made a good start. Madeof I know how you feel about your DS saying he feels that he lives in Cambridge now. I've been through that with DD1 and DD2. DD3 still says she has two homes but is already planning to stay in Bolton when she graduates in 3 years time. She has just left with DH for the long journey back to Bolton he is driving her. I would have liked to gone with them but working this afternoon. The house is quite. and I''m missing her already. She''s not planning to come back until Easter. It was her Birthday yesterday and we went with Mil for a meal out she is celebratiing with her uni friends next Wednesday they are going to the Red Hot Buffet in Manchester. I can't believe she is 22, She surprised us on how well she did last term and she has now finally sorted out her study tutor organization support which will her this term.

Hi everyone :) well done to all the students who have gone back successfully . Good news here is that dd has more bloods next week, but if they are ok results, she desperate to fly back up there next weekend! here's hoping....

MABS, that's great news, fingers crossed.

Chlorinella, I hope the surgery goes well and good look for next year.

Fussy, I think thats part and parcel of doing a language degree, DD has had offers already and doesn't graduate for another 3 years. I know she'll be thousands of miles away but its great that they can live their dreams.

Made and mumeeee, you must be so proud of how well your DCs have settled into uni life.

mrsrhod, I hope DD has a better time this term, both our girls have been through the mill but the positive comments from the other mums give me hope that things will get better.

DDs first week back has gone really well. She came back last night to edit her speaking coursework as the uni pcs don't have the software she uses here (she uses a mac for everything else and refuses to have a laptop) but she's really upbeat and for the first time enthusing about her course. She's been paired with a visiting language assistant and her classmates graded her peer teaching lesson as outstanding and have asked for advice for theirs. I like this smily, confident girl who's replaced DD I hope she sticks around.

Thanks Notso. It's great to hear that your dd is settling better now. Dd doesn't go back for two more weeks, she has been contacting some of her course friends and they are all still at home too. She has exams next week, but will just go for the day. I'd love to hope she will be happier next term but I'm not sure I dare at the moment. We seem to have settled back into her being at home and working again, like in her gap year.

DD went back today on the train, just had a text to say she arrived safely. I'm finding (so far) I don't dread her going nearly as much as in September. I know she was looking forward to being back with her flatmates.

Fussy, your ds sounds very independent, I am envious of his travel plans!
Chlorinella, hope the op goes well and MABS I hope your dd's blood tests are good and she can go back soon.
Notso and MrsRhod I hope your dds have a better term - at least the first week back has been positive Notso, well done your dd on her teaching lesson.
Hope I haven't missed anyone, but I hope that everyone with returning dcs has a good term.

Dd has gone off to think about accommodation options for next year. We are thinking of buying a flat for dd to use - not made of money but still have some of Dh's redundancy money and this would be a better financial bet than non-existent interest rates. Anyone else considering this or have already done it?

I am back here too. My daughter went back to Warwick on 4th January. It wasn't as bad as it was leaving her last September. I did feel sad, but not as overwhelmingly so, and at least I know she is happy.

Interestingly, yesterday I realised from a text message she sent me that she was co-presenting a radio show with two other friends on the campus radio station (Radio Warwick - run by students, for students). I managed to tune my computer in and listen to her. Could also see her on the studio webcam. We were all here listening, and sending her texts/FB messages, and she acknowledged us directly!!!

I have barely skimmed through the thread, but can see that there is a lot going on, with ups and downs. Will read it fully when time allows.

Sending all best wishes to all of you and your student sons/daughters.

Best laid plans etc...

The sole communication we got from DS all week was a text on the last afternoon saying 'I'm only a little bit broken, don't worry'

DH went to collect him on Saturday morning, he is all strapped up with a torn ligament in his knee, xrays, pulled back down the mountain on a toboggan by a ski-ing Doctor, hundreds of pounds still not refunded, the works... So now he is at home being waited on hand and knee and I had such plans for this month, I was going to get him digging over the veg patches and compost bins for me! Am really hoping it is better before he has to go back as he has so many stairs to his flat.

Did yours pass his test ISS? Fingers crossed, MABs and how exciting Topseyt!

So now my DS has joined the ranks of all the other sickey or broken DSs, commiserations! It hasn't deterred him at all though from going next year, when a 'survival course in snow holes' is planned. Great. That doesn't worry me at all.

Awwww, madeofkent, I do his injuries heal soon, and the rest is sorted quickly.

Sorry to hear of those who have developed medical problems before going back. Hope they are all better soon, and ready to get on with the term.

Oh God don't know what to do. Just had a phone call from dd she was out last night at a club can't remember what happened said a nice guy got her a taxi home. She woke up with a black eye and a split and swollen lip. I have advised her to go to the doctor there to get checked out straight away. She is really upset.

Well she has calmed down got a doctor's appointment for later and is taking it as a wake-up call not to leave her drinks unattended. Leaving me a bundle of nerves

It is one of the worries, isn't it, minsmum. They have too much to drink at a club or wherever, things end up out of control and no-one has any idea what happened.

I know it is something I worry about. My daughter had her bag stolen at a club near the start of her first term. She got it back, but her phone and camera were missing, and although her bank cards were still in there she had already had to cancel them just in case and had to wait about 10 days for new ones to arrive. She now says it has made her much more wary of how much she drinks when out in clubs and bars. It was a wake-up call as you say, and she is now more wary.

They live and learn, and give us parents a few good scares along the way.

I hope her cut lip and bruising subside soon.

Thanks Topseyt to be honest I was worrying about much worse than what did actually happen. She was lucky. I just couldn't believe that her flatmates just left her. Her friends here all look out for each other but she knows now that that will not happen and needs to adjust her behaviour accordingly. Her dad says that he will call her again tomorrow and remind her about safety and the demon drink. Today she just needed sympathy as her flatmates thought it was funny and she didn't

Gosh min you must be so worried, I hope she's ok and has some friends around her to look after her.

Good news this end - DD has sorted out her flat for next year. A girl on her course lives in the same block and the majority of her flat have decided to stay in the same accommodation as its only slightly dearer than renting a house and she's asked DD if she'd like to join their group next year. DD gets on really well with them but hasn't invited herself round to their flat because she didn't want to look like Billy No Mates insert happy mummy similey.

Made your son's antics always make me smile but I can see how he has you demented!

Goodness, what a lot of incidents. Minimum, that sounds pretty awful and shocking that her flat mates didn't look after her, how can that be funny? Madeinkent, what can I say, at least you can look after him for a few days before the next challenge.

Dd went across to her university yesterday to take an exam. Afterwards she went to look at her flat, which she hasn't seen since mid December. It wasn't in too bad a state. One of the unfriendly girls realised she was there and actually said hello and told her that someone new has moved into the empty room. Its a third year just back from a term abroad, so possibly only a year older than dd. I hope she is nice, it might change the dynamics of the flat for the better, although she won't be a potential house share option for next year. There is another exam on Thursday but lectures don't start for another 10 days so she will be straight back home again until then. Apparently it's very quiet there so it sounds like a lot of students are still at home.

She was amazed/concerned to hear that not many people had bothered to do revision for these exams and didn't seem at all interested in doing well. Many also left the exam hall early/ mid way through. I don't know what to make of it all. I wonder how many fail 1st year.

Notso, great news about your daughter, I'm pleased she is sorted for next year. Is mine the only one who doesn't need to be back yet?

I worry about much worse too. I think we just have to hope that these "wake-up calls" do the trick, and be there to offer support when necessary.

My daughter soon decided after that experience that taking all of her expensive stuff in one bag was not a good idea. I believe than all she takes to a club now is a some entrance/drinks money, an old dirt-cheap phone with just a few quid on a PAYG sim card rather than her favourite good phone, and her room key.

Crikey minsmum that is awful. I do hope your dd is ok. I am shocked that her flatmates thought it funny, it so obviously isn't.

Good news from you notso regarding the flat. Ds has also got his house sorted for next year - at least he has if the 5th member of their group approves the house when he visits tomorrow. I have given ds a long list of stuff to look out for and questions to ask! I am also delighted to report that he passed his driving test on the first attempt last Thursday.

Made I hope your son recovers from his injuries quickly - can't you persuade him to take up dominoes instead??!

Thanks everyone. Topseyt are you having to buy a new camera or will that be a present for another time.
Mrsrhod that sounds like it will be a good thing to have someone older there.
Notso that is really good news about the house and Ispring congratulations to your ds.

Oh minsmum, that's awful, one of DD's friends who was very quiet suddenly got up on the bar and started dancing when they were out one night, then fell off and collapsed and they realised her drink had been spiked. It's a scary place out there but until something happens they won't believe you, you just have to hope it's something not too serious that gives them that wake-up call to be more cautious.

DS was lucky that he had friends with him when he hurt himself, they went and got help. He doesn't have to be back until mid February so I'm hoping that youth is on his side and he will heal quickly.

I like the idea of someone a bit older being there mrsrhod so fingers crossed, and congrats to ISS's son! DS passed his too first time, they are in the minority I think nowadays so you should be proud of him. Notso I think DS is so laid back about accommodation that he will be camping next year. I really don't think he cares who he shares with, he just thinks it's all a new and exciting challenge. He is only cross about his knee because he had booked himself on a scuba-diving course for this month - he hadn't intended to be at home at all. With all his interests I am amazed that he has had any time for coursework.

I would love to know what the drop-out rate is for uni students, wouldn't you? Under new rulings it isn't going to be as easy for people to get back into studying, they used to assist unemployed people with good exam results if they wanted to return but that has been stopped, I believe.

I think the camera will come in time, and may be a birthday present in May.

Things were tight for us financially at the time (easing a bit now), but after the theft my parents really wanted to help her, and sent her a nice cheque, with which she chose herself a nice new phone once it had cleared. I was going to sort out a phone for her, but they insisted, which was nice of them.

I thought about getting the camera for Christmas, but she was absolutely desperate for a new printer, so I did that instead. She mostly uses her phone to take piccies anyway.

Well there has been a lot going on. Minsmim that was terrible and not very nice of her friends to think it was funny. Fortunately DD3 seems to have a nice bunch of friends although she sometimes worries that they drink to much, DD3 doesn't drink much herself and tends to worry if she thinks she might have drunk to much.
She managed to lose her phone on Monday but someone handed it in to the Warden at her halls so she got it back on Tuesday.

What an eventful few weeks everyone has been having.

Minsmum - Your poor DD and what a bunch of idiots the others were for thinking it was funny.

ISingSoprano - Well done to your DS passing first time.

Notsoskinnyminny - Glad things are going better for your DD

mrsrhodgilbert - Fingers crossed things improve this term for your DD new people especially if they are a little older may really help atmosphere in the house.

madeofkent - Hope your DS is on the mend and digging soon.

MABS - Sounds like things are moving in the right direction hope it all gets sorted out soon.

Topseyt - I bet it was a blast listening to yourDD on Student radio. I real insight.

Sounds like lots of your DC's have started to find next years house shares already not sure my DS has even decided who to ask to share with yet. He is in the two homes camp at the mo although I don't like it I it's a good sign.

MinsMum- I hope your DD is ok, that sounds terrible.

DS went back on Saturday and is now having exams. He says they are hard but he feels they have gone "as well as he could he hoped for". They get so tired after having been home and spoiled.

He and his friends have now all signed the contract for next years house - and we have some guarantor forms to complete! Hopefully he will be able to keep his jobs going as they keep him solvent. He managed to get a few shifts at his old whilst back here but is looking for something more full time for the Summer break.

Sorry not to be on much at the moment but all the laptops have packed up apart from the one dd took with her. Thank you all for your sympathy. Once she had told me all about it she seemed better. So I think that's my purpose at the moment.

so sorry to hear of all these difficulties. DD flew back on Friday and says she really happy to be back there. We still don't have all clear on blood tests, hope to on Monday and she has be lectured on rest etc by the doc! my threat is that if I think she not well I will fly up and sleep on her floor... she is scared! :)