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Original poster

EMPTY NEST SUPPORT THREAD - PART 3

999 replies

mrsrhodgilbert · 28/11/2013 15:33

The comment about where they now live and consider to be home is interesting. If dd doesn't go back to until the end of January she will only have just over two months until the Easter holidays. She will actually come home on my 50th birthday and we are all going away for a few days. After Easter she then has about another 4 or 5 weeks left, possibly with a few exams after that.

That sounds like no time at all and then she will be back for the summer, hopefully with a job again. If some dc consider they have left home, do they not come back for the holidays?

I'm hearing from her much less and she seems quite busy with work. I'm not sure she feels she has many friends yet and it seems quite fluid still, but she is definitely calmer. She has a few pre Christmas things lined up, ice skating, panto, club parties, lunch out etc so I hope some friendships will be cemented. Still no plans for a house for year two but ive tried to tell her not to panic about that. Some people who were sorted a few weeks ago might not be any more.

OP posts:
Kez100 · 20/12/2014 13:28

She may feel different to your other DC. My DD is 3.5 hours away and, more to the point, that is £46 away but she has found quiet weekends have allowed her to get lots of work done and bond with her closer flatmates. She came home once last term and really needed that but overall has been happy staying there. She completed her level 3 BTEC at an art college that offers degrees so she could have stayed close to home but she preferred to live in a town where she wants to live and study on favourite University course than choose based on being closer to home. There is so much for them to decide and compromise on, they can really only do that themselves once everything is on the table.

mumeeee · 21/12/2014 11:43

DD3 is coming home tonight. Smile She hasn't been home for 3 months and I can't wait to see her. Unfortunately I am on a sleep in shift at work tonight so actually won't see her until tomorrow afternoon.Sad
DD2 is also coming home tomorrow which is goodSmile

PurplePotato · 21/12/2014 15:43

My DS1 is home at last - hadn't seen him for the whole nine weeks of term and have only spoken to him once, so it's really great to have him back for a couple of weeks.

After a term of self catering he seems to have become very appreciative of the food at home, and keeps appearing in the kitchen asking what he can do to help and suggesting meals I might like to cook! DS2 is thrilled to have him here - it's so lovely that they are getting along better now than ever :)

SecretSquirrels · 22/12/2014 16:34

PurplePotato That sounds lovely! (Though not the bit about only speaking to him once). I'm guessing it's not his first year?
DS is self catering and has a new appreciation of food. His flat mates take turns at cooking and several are from overseas so he has sampled lots of new things. He has lost every shred of faddiness and eats everything without question.

madeinkent · 22/12/2014 19:19

It turns out that DS (back today, hurray!) really was serious about wanting stuffed courgettes for dinner tonight, with strong cheese on top. So we bought the ingredients on the way home and he is now cooking with his Dad! I've been excused as I had a ton of pressies to wrap. Xmas Wink

Using my supermum powers of detection, he hasn't had a haircut since the beginning of October, has changed his bed at least once (the spares came back for a wash, along with a vast pile of dirty clothes) and has been partying far too hard... He got back and headed straight for the bath and a nap!

BUT was seriously impressed by piles of beautifully wrapped and labelled gifts. He didn't remember at all last year. I'm getting rather hungry though, he must eat later than we do!

Kez100 · 22/12/2014 19:32

My DD has come home laden with pressies and is really excited because it's the first year she has ben able to afford to buy her own. My husband remembers his first pay packet as an apprentice and he bought his Mum a "microwave"....she couldn't understand why she'd ever need one of those new fandanged things, but he insisted on buying her one anyway.

Her best friend here is sick, so she has been to visit but not been out much yet apart from working.

I finish tomorrow for nearly a week, so looking forward to spending some time with her and her brother then.

Off to wrap our pressies now.

PurplePotato · 22/12/2014 20:23

Secret it is his first year, but I was determined not to bother him with phone calls - I really wanted him to want to speak to us. It nearly drove me insane! But I did send him the odd text to make sure he was OK, and then he phoned me on my birthday about 2 weeks ago which was really lovely.

MadeinKent DS here also badly in need of a haircut, along with a shave - he has brought home a beard for some strange reason.

mumeeee · 23/12/2014 00:52

Well I didn't see DD3 until 8.30 tonight. She was out when I got home from work. She was finishing off Christmas shopping and getting her sisters birthday present. She had done most of her shopping in Bolton which is an improvement on last year. DD2 arrived home at 6.30 it's good to have them both together again which only happens about once or twice a year. Now all I need is DD1 and her DH but they are in France and won't be here until the 28th.

madeinkent · 23/12/2014 11:27

When I was little I could never understand why my grandma used to get so upset at xmas because my uncle was always abroad working. I used to think, aren't her daughters good enough? But now I realise how lovely it is when all of the family are back under one roof. I only wish she had explained that to me back then.

SecretSquirrels · 23/12/2014 11:44

how lovely it is when all of the family are back under one roof

That sums it up for me Smile.
Christmas on the 28th then for you mumeeee ?

PurplePotato It must have been hard to resist, I doubt I could have done it. Our DC are all different aren't they. DS has texted most days and Skyped about twice a week but I am under no illusion that DS2 will be the same when he goes. Not necessarily a bad thing, it may be partly a measure of their independence in not needing parental contact and reassurance.

Notsoskinnyminny · 23/12/2014 14:07

PP facial hair is all the rage here too and the bushier the better as far as DS and his mates are concerned Grin.

DD had a rare day off yesterday so we had a family day out to the dentist. I somehow missed last year's reminder go ahead, blame mum and she needs 5-7 fillings. She's always had weak teeth and some adult teeth didn't appear so our dentist has done a great job maintaining what's left of her baby teeth but being a student who thinks she knows better she hasn't been using her prescription toothpaste and mouthwash because she doesn't like the taste Angry mainlining haribo/jelly tots hasn't helped either so she's got 3 more trips to fit in before she goes back. The receptionist's face was a picture when DD asked why they don't open weekends to accommodate people who work all week when we were struggling to fit the third appointment in Grin

fussychica · 23/12/2014 15:10

Yep facial hair all the rage here too probably because DS is a lazy wotsit.

Spoke on Skype last night, he is having a great time in US and has just returned from a long weekend in Chicago. Looking forward to his girlfriend finishing work for the holiday and a possible white Xmas. Miss him but pleased he's having a great time.

PurplePotato · 24/12/2014 08:24

Aha! Glad to hear facial hair is a thing and not just here... apparently it may all come off before we visit my grandmother tomorrow, because DS knows she won't be a fan...

Secret, yes it was very very hard, and as you say they're all different. DS1 is totally independent and I reckon has been ready to leave home for a couple of years now. My DS2 is a different kettle of fish entirely (currently Y11), and is already identifying courses near to home and suggesting he might live in the garage and still eat his meals with us Grin

It really is lovely to have all the family together again - happy Christmas everyone!

SecretSquirrels · 01/01/2015 10:41

Well four weeks has gone like a flash and we are taking him back on Saturday Sad

mumeeee · 01/01/2015 13:20

DD3 is also going back on Saturday she has only ben here for 2 weeks this year, She has ben working a lot over the Christmas Holiday as she has assignments to hand in on the 15th January and an exam on the 19th. She then has a week off but she is going to stay up in Bolton and do things with her friends. Partly celebrating her Birthday a few days late as she will be to busy on her actual Birthday. This will be the first year in 23 yers that she hasn't been home for her birthday.

SecretSquirrels · 01/01/2015 14:37

mumeeee Oh shame about the birthday. DS has his birthday over Christmas so that worked out well. He has also been working most of the time he is home. He is getting stressed about a big exam next week but I still think he works too hard....

madeinkent · 01/01/2015 17:01

We miss DS's birthday too, as it's at the end of March and he doesn't get an easter break as such, it's one long term from the end of January until the summer. He only gets a few days off around the easter weekend. We travelled over and took him out for a meal last year, I expect we will do the same this year. It felt all wrong leaving him behind and us driving away though - it always does. I can't shake off the feeling of abandoning him!

He's down with a cold today - that what HE says... Hmm It feels as if he has been back for ever, in a good way, he's so easy. DD on the other hand left yesterday and we all had to take the day to do nothing to get over the whirlwind that is DD.

Notsoskinnyminny · 02/01/2015 11:29

I'm taking DD's stuff back tomorrow and then she'll get the train back after work on Sunday otherwise it would be after 11 by the time we'd unpacked the car and I drove back, plus we can have a nice girly day.

Made isn't it funny how we can have such different children mine are like chalk and cheese and the house will be so quiet without DD.

mumeeee · 02/01/2015 15:30

DD3 is getting the train back to Bolton tomorrow. She insisted she did although DH offered to hire a car and take her back. She has been working very hard on assignments over the holidays. DH and I have presuaded her to come and see Paddington with us thus evening.

mumeeee · 02/01/2015 15:30

DD3 is getting the train back to Bolton tomorrow. She insisted she did although DH offered to hire a car and take her back. She has been working very hard on assignments over the holidays. DH and I have presuaded her to come and see Paddington with us thus evening.

Kez100 · 02/01/2015 15:39

My DD goes back on Sunday and we are driving her. I understand she has a week off again late January - something to do with end of semester?

mumeeee · 03/01/2015 09:53

That's the same as DD3 Kez. Last year her semester finished before Christmas but thus year it finishes near the end if January. After her exam.

Kez100 · 03/01/2015 11:34

It's so confusing but it does explain why she has had so much work over Christmas whereas other friends haven't. Good luck to all those DCs going back to exams.

Medge68 · 03/01/2015 14:04

Mine has gone Sad she managed to get a lift back last night. Seems weird, just got used to her being here and now she's gone again. It's her birthday tomorrow and it'll be the first one I haven't seen her. Although I suspect she'll have the best birthday ever - having a birthday at this time of year is generally a bit rubbish but I know she and friends have plans for a big weekend. I'm feeling happy and sad that she couldn't wait to go backConfused

traceyinrosso70 · 03/01/2015 15:41

DD made the long trip back down South yesterday after 2 1/2 weeks at home - been lovely having her home but doubt I will see her before Easter now - and she's going to Vienna for four days in the Easter hols with the German Society ! Am hoping I won't find it as difficult her being away this term but am already thinking about what she might be doing !