EMPTY NEST SUPPORT THREAD - PART 3

[mrsrhodgilbert]

The comment about where they now live and consider to be home is interesting. If dd doesn't go back to until the end of January she will only have just over two months until the Easter holidays. She will actually come home on my 50th birthday and we are all going away for a few days. After Easter she then has about another 4 or 5 weeks left, possibly with a few exams after that.

That sounds like no time at all and then she will be back for the summer, hopefully with a job again. If some dc consider they have left home, do they not come back for the holidays?

I'm hearing from her much less and she seems quite busy with work. I'm not sure she feels she has many friends yet and it seems quite fluid still, but she is definitely calmer. She has a few pre Christmas things lined up, ice skating, panto, club parties, lunch out etc so I hope some friendships will be cemented. Still no plans for a house for year two but ive tried to tell her not to panic about that. Some people who were sorted a few weeks ago might not be any more.

Wow! I thought after Christmas was early. DS left it until May, he decided to start looking before all the 1st years got going and he did quite well for choice then. I panicked a lot more than he did.

Gosh I'm naive - thought they'd be looking in about May!! Though when DD moved into her house the agent did say most of the best places are snapped up by February - now I understand the relevance! She's in a lovely house with great housemates so don't know what she'll do! Something else to fret about

My DD is all sorted. She was invited by three groups to look but has gone with a course mate whose Dad has just bought a 3 bedroom house for her next year to rent the remaining two rooms to course friends at local letting agency rates.

Oh what new thing to worry about. I thought they had only just arrived. Old hands - is it really necessary to look at 2nd year accom so soon?

My daughter's friend wasn't going to invite anyone to join her until New Year but the problem was things took over and others were asking her, so it sort of forced her hand. And that seems to be the issue. Accommodation lists actually come available in November (in DDs city anyway) and some groups start looking and asking and, if one happens to be someone you really get on with and would like to live with, your hand is somewhat forced.

I expect plenty of housing will still be available later on although the argument seems to be the best houses in the best locations will have already gone. To be fair two lovely properties close by have been snapped up by one of the other groups my DD was invited to join - so they may be right.

There is the risk of them not getting on by the end of year one though!

My DD found it a bit stressful as it came at the same time as her first big essay had to be in but now it is sorted she is quite happy and says actually it is one less worry on her mind.

That's what I thought secretsquirrels. The Bristol accommodation fair is on 10th December.

No, it's not necessary unless you really want to share with specific friends so need to find somewhere with the right amount of rooms. An added complication is that many places require rent as soon as the house is booked - so you end up paying twice over, for two places simultaneously. DS had to back out of a few like that, in the end he overlapped by only a moth, but even so, it does mean that parents have to cough up - as the student loans won't cover it. That was certainly something we hadn't taken into consideration. Many a group was split up because some could find the funding in time, others couldn't.

Unlike others, DS decided not to go with his friends in the end, he quite liked the thought of a break from them, so he has ended up with four distinct groups of people he can go out with socially. Old friends, course friends, house friends and activity friends. of course it's a gamble, and last year's lot didn't go too well, but this year he is sharing with a bunch of really nice people. He didn't find it until late July I think, I remember he had to go back quite often house-hunting. As his last rental ran from late September that still left him with a deposit and 2 months' overlapping rent to find. Some aren't so worried and are just happy to take the deposit, knowing that the student will turn up, and if not, another will be along shortly.

The agreement terms really do make a difference. My DDs mates were all comfortable with everything until they realised the deposit was needed now - and Freshers had made this terms money rather tight! Luckily, I understand, parents have coughed up and the houses are liked and lived in currently by third years so the rent doesn't start until next summer, in July. But, indeed, if you wait then I guess summer rent can be avoided to some extent.

I am not sure what is happening for my DD! Apart from the girl only wanted a "yes" from her as she now has the three mates and they have been to see the house. I guess a contract will find its way to us in due course and maybe that will be when the problems start!

I was really worrying about my dd for accommodation next year, because she is in a flat with year 2's and a year 4 student (no freshers). Thankfully she says she is going along to the fair with a friend from an adjacent flat and her flatmates.

Oh god having to get ready for next years accommodation now!
Notsoskinny did your DD have to move out of halls for her 2nd year

DD is at Southampton and the students union there specifically tell Freshers not to do anything until Jan/Feb ( can't remember which ) when they have an accomodation event and give advice about contracts and they do a survey of landlords and letting agencies getting votes from students so they know which ones to avoid !

There isn't a shortage of student accomodation there though !

Debs she's stayed in the same halls with her friends who were there last year as well how different last year would've been if she'd been put with them then. We did look at some student houses on rightmove but by the time you factored in bus fares they'd be more expensive and some of the areas aren't the best. They did view a fantastic conversion near the bus station which was sold to them as being the same price as halls, the agent forgot to mention it was a 12 month lease so in reality an extra £1k, but 2 of her new flatmates had already signed contracts to stay in halls. She's already spoken to the manager about 2016-2017 as she'll be abroad next year and doesn't want the worry about where to live when she comes back.

To the others rushing to find groups of friends and committing to a house I'd say wait. DSS found a house this time last year for 8 of them but come September they were down to 5 and because they hadn't gone for a student let the leavers weren't liable for their rent. To save a few quid his mother was guarantor for the lease silly woman Best of all he doesn't get on with his housemates any more as their initial, superficial, friendships haven't really developed.

The phone rang an hour ago - luckily DBH answered or I would have freaked, it was DS saying that he had evacuated everyone to the garden because the fire alarm wouldn't stop! He had had a quick check but couldn't see anything wrong. It was really loud, so bad that DBH had to ask him to move along the street so that he could hear him speak. DBH checked the website - no-one there though at almost 6pm and no-one answering the emergency number! No-one at the agent's office. So DS went in and ripped it out of the wall - it was hard-wired in. Good job he did physics... An emergency electrician will call tomorrow. The little box said that there was a fault in the kitchen area.

DS was a bit disconcerted that not one neighbour popped their head out, and no fire engine turned up! I'm cross that there was no-one to answer an emergency call and no instructions as to what to do.

There don't seem to be as many of us missing our DC's this year, do there? I can honestly say that I am now finally over it, it took well over a year but now some days I barely think of DS! I just check last thing at night to see when he was last on FB, as I do with DD, just to check they are still alive.

Students tend to look for house/flats in Bristol from now onwards IME. There are obviously houses to rent later but many go early.

DS is home for a few days this week .
We picked him up from the coach station on Tuesday evening , made a roast pork dinner to DDs amazement
Roast ! On a Tuesday ?
Then 2 local mates came and picked him up and they were out til the early hours
Wednesday , he went to localish uni city where 2 other mates are studying , came back late yesterday , and he's only just surfaced (4pm ) today
He's catching the coach back on Sunday , and will be home for Christmas next
Last night was the last time ( hopefully ) that I go to parents evening as DD will be off next year
I'm more worried about her leaving home than I was with DS
I wonder is it because she's my youngest , or because she's a girl ?
Probably both !

we had a surprise visit on Saturday (mates were busy, he finished work at 1pm and he is only a 1 1/2 hour train ride away). It was lovely to see him his brother was in seventh heaven to have someone to play FIFA with!

He did go back with washing powder, raided DH's deodorant supply and other food stuff and a working phone charger!

I love the fact that with the little green dot on Facebook I can see that dd is still alive! only 2 weeks until she comes home for Christmas - I can't wait but I think our boring rural lifestyle will take some adjusting to after 8 weeks of fun.

Gosh, only two weeks? Three weeks to wait here but I have just realised how close that is!

Scottandcharlene DS doesn't do FB but I do have software to use his computer (useful in case of IT problems). I can see when he is on .
He came home for a visit last weekend. One night here and one at GFs uni.
We had Sunday roast at lunchtime by special request. DS2 now thinks we should always do that.
Two weeks tomorrow and he's back for a month. Another boring rural lifestyle here but there is the added attraction of girlfriend.

My dd has just phoned and warned us that when we pick her up there might be tears. Not of joy at seeing us but sadness at leaving her friends! I think she's settled.

Made I'm hoping everyone's DCs have settled in without the traumas we had last year.

I've got the best and worst of both worlds as DD comes home for work every fortnight but it means I'm on constant taxi duty for 4 days. I'd arranged to meet friends on Sunday thinking she'd be working until 5 and she's only in until 2, unless someone doesn't turn up for their shift like today. She did walk in the summer but its nearly 3 miles and she can't get a bus as the hourly service goes all round the world but nowhere near where she works.

notso I have never encouraged DS to get a job while we live here in the sticks, the last buses go at 5.30pm and I know who would be chief unpaid taxi driver. We've freshened up his room while he was away, he wouldn't let us touch it last year but this year we had his gracious consent. It was a good opportunity to clear and sort his things. I don't think I could have faced it last year.

Most DCs here have jobs in summer as we live in a tourist resort but DD decided to get into a supermarket instead (which we don't have!) for the future opportunities so I became taxi driver in the summer as the bus didn't leave early or late enough. Now she is so busy she hasn't got time to go back during the Christmas holiday anyway! On the positive side she has picked up a commission for over Xmas, so she will earn money doing the thing she loves.