EMPTY NEST SUPPORT THREAD - PART 3

[mrsrhodgilbert]

The comment about where they now live and consider to be home is interesting. If dd doesn't go back to until the end of January she will only have just over two months until the Easter holidays. She will actually come home on my 50th birthday and we are all going away for a few days. After Easter she then has about another 4 or 5 weeks left, possibly with a few exams after that.

That sounds like no time at all and then she will be back for the summer, hopefully with a job again. If some dc consider they have left home, do they not come back for the holidays?

I'm hearing from her much less and she seems quite busy with work. I'm not sure she feels she has many friends yet and it seems quite fluid still, but she is definitely calmer. She has a few pre Christmas things lined up, ice skating, panto, club parties, lunch out etc so I hope some friendships will be cemented. Still no plans for a house for year two but ive tried to tell her not to panic about that. Some people who were sorted a few weeks ago might not be any more.

mumeeee you'd think the halls would be happy to keep them together. DD and her friends, on language courses, have already spoken to the manager of their halls about reserving a flat for 2016-17 so they know they're sorted before they set off for the year abroad. Its one less worry as DD isn't planning on coming home until late August. The manager's lovely she's like a surrogate mum to them and has said it won't be a problem.

Murderedinkent - your post sounds very much like our experience! We live in a one street village and DD has gone to a city. She was a proper stay at home girl - until now! - she came home on Saturday, was going to stay until Wednesday but was bored by Monday so went back to the bright lights Tuesday. All she's missing from home is a soak in the bath and a roast dinner - obviously we indulged her with both. I actually found her going back worse than when she started

murderedinkent the best chippys have lovely, thick onion gravy - I rate my favourite chippys on the quality of their gravy

Notsoskinny you are right they should be happy about keeping them together. She couldn't even put the application in untill May this year for this September, I think she would cope with the smokers ( why they put non smokers in with smokers I don't know) although she doesn't like it if it wasn't for the noisy factory,

DD home. Lots of hugs, offers to help, carried own bag and no dirty washing! Seems to have become more mature all of a sudden.

They do, don't they. It's a bit sad, even though you are proud of them. Discovered today that DS hasn't rung because he finally succumbed to a fluey bug on Saturday and has been sleeping since then (so has missed lectures, which upset him). My first instinct was to fetch him - but he said he was fine, coping, had people to fetch his shopping and had lots of medicine. In other words - stop fussing mother dear.

I could cope very happily with chips in onion gravy.

Poor him and poor you too. Hope he gets better soon. My dd was told that if a student gets really sick, they can request a doctors visit to the halls!

That was the other thing - he went to the Dr's today! I was amazed. He went to get ear drops because it has affected them.

I did have chips with horsemeat in Belgium many years ago. I had no idea at the time - but I can vouch for the quality of the gravy in that! Some Belgian friends took me to a van after we had been to a concert. DBH&Son always slather their chips in mayonnaise.

Had a really lovely weekend and she managd to meet up with one of her best friends. I feel very reassured that she is happy & fine with her going back too.

So for anyone whose dc ends up at a university that wasn't their top choice, please don't worry as there are plenty of fish in the sea....

That's great Littleham. My dd said today she feels much more settled. It was her first weekend without much planned and she really enjoyed it, did fair bit of work, and relaxed with flatmates - she said it felt like part of a normal routine.

Oh dear just had DD on phone earlier in floods of tears :( has been to GP earlier with raging temperature and golf ball sized glands ( think she may be exaggerating a little!) and just generally feeling shocking ! She had been asleep and woken up feeling dreadful - think all the paracetamol had worn off so she was shivering again and cried saying she just wanted to come home. Very difficult as we are 4 1/2 hours drive away. Suggested she ring a friend to come and sit with her ( her female flat mate was out at lectures until late) and take some paracetamol. One hour later spoke to her and she sounded different again :)) flat mate had come back and fed her Ben and Jerrys ice cream and paracetamol had kicked in. Think the reality of being so far away from home has hit her today. But in some ways I think it's a bit of a reality check and she will be stronger for coping - if she had lived an hour away we would have just gone and picked her up .

Poor you as well!

Would it be worth her investigating getting the flu jab as she is so far from home? They are about £10 from a chemist.

Aww, Tracey, how horrid for you both. Hope she feels better today.

"All she's missing from home is a soak in the bath and a roast dinner"

I think our DDs were separated at birth.

It's tough for both of you, isn't it. I always send DS off with a huge supply of day nurse and night nurse, but even so... It's good for them in a way, because they learn to cope all by themselves with a bit of moral support from friends, but I'd still rather be the one doing the looking-after. When we were looking at unis for DD, the head of student support at one of them said that she thought it was best if students were no more than 50 miles away from home. That's just impossible for many people though.

I studied in Edinburgh but came from Lancashire so was a 3 hour train ride from home or a 4 hour drive and always felt like I just had to get on with it and I do think it does you good to stand on your own two feet but isn't always much fun ! She's debating whether to come home on the train tomorrow and I said I would take her back at the weekend (I must be mad!!)

Ah but traceyinrosso70 think of having her company for 4.5 hours in the car . Hope she's feeling better.

Yes, car company is great, they can't escape the Spanish inquisition!

It's not taking her back I mind it's the 4 1/2 hours back on my own that doesn't appeal !!

Traceyinrosso, my sympathy, it was horrible when DD had a lurgy - just advising by phone is not nice, but like you say it's another life lesson learned - for them and us! The driving back alone after dropping them off is pretty rubbish as well!

My DD is 3.5 hours away but it's on its way to a business meeting I have about three times a year. I stopped off for a night last weekend and it was lovely. I could have stayed in her halls but all her flatmates stayed so I thought I would book a twin at the local motel and we went out for the night at TGI Fridays.

She is home now for a few days but she has work to do here and its better done locally - so we have just picked her up from the train. Not sure how much we will see of each other as I am working too but its lovely to have her home :)

DD is only 2 hours away so if things were really bad I could just go get her but she seems to be coping really well and hasn't been sick since 'Fresher's FLu'

Only 1 month to go and she will be home for the Christmas break

Well she has decided to tough it out and stay at Uni ! Last night her flat mate made her tea and then helped her get all her washing done as she was running out of clean pyjamas and wanted to change her sheets with running a temperature . Then two other friends were going to Macdonalds and brought her back a Mcflurry to help her sore throat and another called for some ibuprofen for her ! So pleased she has had support from them - she said she had cried to her flat mate as she just wanted to come home but then said she then said she couldn't run home every time she was ill at Uni . So proud of her that despite feeling awful she has taken this approach - think the distance forced her hand and had she been nearer she would have just come home but she has got on with it and I feel like I must have done something right as a parent to give her the coping strategies (with multiple calls home it has to be said whilst she has been ill)

DS has found a house for next year; going to share with 6 friends. When questioned though there were several questions that none of them asked so sent him a list of questions that he needs to get answers about i.e. is the tenancy for academic year or 12 months etc (how they failed to ask this I don't know!) he has to pay £70 reservation and I have to be a guarantor, so after reading a few horror stories online I called the letting agents myself and they do put on the agreement that I will be guarantor for his share only.
When looking through the available properties compared to the one they have chosen I thought that others looked nicer, but apparently 'the photos don't do it justice' and its close to uni whilst the others are further away.

Also warned him to check for damp, mould etc but apparently 'its fine'.

This seems to be one of the harder things I have found; normally he would ask for our advice, opinions and all of a sudden he is making huge decisions on his own without our help

DD1's university is holding an accommodation fair for choosing housing in the 2nd year. That is so scarily early! As you say cricketballs, all the scare stories start entering your dreams.