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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

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Original poster

EMPTY NEST SUPPORT THREAD - PART 3

999 replies

mrsrhodgilbert · 28/11/2013 15:33

The comment about where they now live and consider to be home is interesting. If dd doesn't go back to until the end of January she will only have just over two months until the Easter holidays. She will actually come home on my 50th birthday and we are all going away for a few days. After Easter she then has about another 4 or 5 weeks left, possibly with a few exams after that.

That sounds like no time at all and then she will be back for the summer, hopefully with a job again. If some dc consider they have left home, do they not come back for the holidays?

I'm hearing from her much less and she seems quite busy with work. I'm not sure she feels she has many friends yet and it seems quite fluid still, but she is definitely calmer. She has a few pre Christmas things lined up, ice skating, panto, club parties, lunch out etc so I hope some friendships will be cemented. Still no plans for a house for year two but ive tried to tell her not to panic about that. Some people who were sorted a few weeks ago might not be any more.

OP posts:

Kez100 · 03/11/2014 19:28

Is this halls flats? How on earth are they getting away with the smoke alarms not going off?

mumeeee · 03/11/2014 20:16

Yes it's hall flats. I don't know how they are getting away with it. Last year she was in a completely non smoking flat.
I wish the university would not allow smoking in halls at all.

murderedinkent · 03/11/2014 21:34

I went to a Nando's for the first time this year. having nagged DBH into it. Sadly I didn't like it (too stodgy and too much sauce, not enough protein and huge servings for my liking) but he loved it. Typical. I would go again if he wants to, but steer clear of chimichangas.

DS sees a lot of northern students now, and is slightly ashamed to admit that after a visit to the pub they have chip butties!

secretsquirrels · 04/11/2014 09:39

You can't beat a chip butty northern lass

Needmoresleep · 04/11/2014 10:01

Not tried Chimichangas, so thanks for the warning. Wahaca is the new favourite, though that peri-peri sauce is always tempting.

Come to think of it, I don't think I have ever had a chip butty.

Perhaps a good definition of the North South divide. We live within walking distance of at least 6 Pizza Expresses, and possibly 10 Prets, and just about everything else under the sun, but I have no idea where you could get a chip butty. Idea for a new chain?

Nandos do their version of mushy peas, but with chilli....

secretsquirrels · 04/11/2014 10:29

To be honest they are revolting unless you are a beer fuelled teenage boy . Available at all fish and chip shops and compulsory at home when eating bought fish and chips.

Littleham · 04/11/2014 13:01

My eldest dd continued driving lessons at university & has just passed her test. It has been a very convenient way for her to get to know all the roads / places in the city!

Isthiscorrect · 04/11/2014 18:06

Oh no, really a chip butty on occasion is the best food ever. Really fresh roll, real butter, fat hot chips, loads of vinegar and red sauce. Awesome.

cricketballs · 04/11/2014 18:57

my DS is craving chips and gravy - apparently hes too far south (even though hes in the Midlands!)

murderedinkent · 04/11/2014 20:58

It's what you have around you, isn't it. I have never had chips with gravy. Nando's has only just arrived here in Bury St.Edmunds, but we have had a wagamama and another noodle bar for ever, plus any number of pizza restaurants and so on. It must be the influx of northern students that have brought chip butties to Cambridge. It'll be deep-fried battered jelly babies next.

I left contacting him to see how long it would take for him to contact me. Over two weeks so far. Little . All those broken promises!

traceyinrosso70 · 04/11/2014 21:58

Well had lovely couple of days with DD - she flies back very early in the morning but finding it hard that she has made it quite clear that she can't wait to get back - told her little sister (9) today when she was kicking off that she couldn't wait to get back to Uni as she didn't have to deal with that there ! Whilst I can see where she is coming from it's still hurtful to hear :(

Littleham · 04/11/2014 22:14

traceyinrosso. They don't always realise the effect of things they say. Really glad you had a nice couple of days. My dd is coming back on Thursday for the first time for the weekend.

traceyinrosso70 · 05/11/2014 08:00

Littleham - I know she wouldn't have said it to hurt me just to stop her little sister playing up but it still is hurtful :( I am glad she has made good friends at Uni as she never felt truly accepted in sixth form and they have been texting her saying they are missing her and when was she due back which is lovely. It's just accepting that despite the fact that for the last 19 years you have given up so much for them that they just want to fly the nest ! And that's how it should be - I don't want them at home at 30 but it's just getting used to a new scenario I guess .

murderedinkent · 05/11/2014 14:30

I can completely relate to that. I found it very hard last xmas, seeing how pleased DS was to be going back, especially since he had been off skiing for over a week during that break so hadn't exactly spent weeks with us. Now I have come to accept that we are boring old farts living in a boring little village and that he really needs to live where there is life and lots of new sights and sounds and people, but as he was a quiet boy I thought maybe he would skip that stage. Having seen the photos of him on hallowe'en and out clubbing I of course realise that I was very wrong!

secretsquirrels · 05/11/2014 14:55

murderedinkent you put that very well.
There are many advantages for younger children of growing up in a tiny village. Not so much when they are older.
I know we lead boring lives, but DS was always such a quiet home bird. I wonder now whether he will be itching to get back to his busy life when he comes home for Christmas. He is far too sensitive to say that but I would know......

cricketballs · 05/11/2014 18:46

murderedinkent you don't know what you are missing every chippy north of Birmingham has gravy on the menu - chips and gravy on a tray is heaven!

Notsoskinnyminny · 05/11/2014 19:02

I agree cricketballs and for the perfect sophisticated chip butty just add a couple of slices of crusty bloomer but if you're slumming it a slice of thick white bread will do must be warburtons

mumeeee sorry to hear about DD, hope she gets something sorted. Why didn't she rent somewhere with the girls she was with last year.

DD did her first teaching practice today and it didn't go well as only 5 students turned up there should've been 15. They were supposed to be intermediate/advanced level but they didn't understand the scenario, which they'd been given in advance, and she spent the whole lesson explaining that but at least she resisted the urge to run out of the class until the very end when she phoned me sobbing Her teacher praised her 'excellent' lesson plan and the fact she could think on her feet and keep going but all she can see are the negatives.

Kez100 · 05/11/2014 20:17

Notsoskinny,

I was once asked to do a new job and found it so tough, I resorted to tears in a quiet corner. Only to find the leader was on the opposite side of the thin partition wall. She sat me down, listened, went to my supervisor to establish how I was actually doing, and returned. Your problem, she said, is not a problem to me - your problem is that you have extremely high standards. As a result this work, which is difficult to do to that standard, is currently pushing you outside of your comfort zone. Believe me, in the end, you will be exactly what we are looking for. Please stay, she said. This weekend I am going back to do it again.....for the 15th year in succession. She was right and when you said about your daughter it all came rushing back to me!! I wish your daughter all the best. That was a difficult day for her.

Debs75 · 05/11/2014 21:01

All this talk of Chip Butties is making me hungry. You haven't lived though until you have a pattie buttie with salt and vinegar

DD handed her first set of work in for marking and is anxiously waiting for her marks. She found out last week that after her foundation year her Uni are dropping the course she really wants to do, well they are merging the Chinese ones so she will do a combined one. She's not too happy so she emailed our local uni and they said if she gets 60% on her first year she can go there for the Chinese degree. She is panicking now that she won't be able to get that high a mark but she has decided she will just get as much help as possible from her tutors and fellow students and study harder than ever. Fingers crossed she does

cricketballs · 05/11/2014 22:09

good news from DS - following the first in his first essay he has also got a first in his first test and bagged a part time job and we are posting him a load of oatcakes this weekend so he doesn't starve to death on the weekends!

murderedinkent · 05/11/2014 23:22

So, what sort of gravy are we talking about for these chips? Is it 'standyourknifeupinit' gravy? Oxo that has been shown a kettle for a second? Or is it really nice? I used to love chips and curry sauce. Maybe that was as far as the south was prepared to go!

mumeeee · 05/11/2014 23:47

Notsoskinny Her flatemates were very disorganised they did all think of going back in to Halls together but kept changing their minds. Her 2 best friends went into private halls which she thought about but decided not to, Because of her learning difficulties it is actually better for her to be in halls rather than a flat share. A lot of 2nd and 3rd years at Bolton go back into halls and quite often with different people.

Anyway that's enough about my DD, Your DD sounds like she did very well in a difficult situations and should be proud of herself

Notsoskinnyminny · 06/11/2014 07:20

That's a shame mumeeee, DDs back in the same private halls, Preston's very similar to Bolton and most stay in halls but they can ask to stay in a friendship group which has made this year so much easier for her.

Thanks Kez she's home tonight to work the weekend so DH who is a teacher is going to try and talk to her but she's very good at putting up barriers if things aren't going as she thinks they should.

Debs that's a shame, hope she sorts something out.

mumeeee · 06/11/2014 08:34

Notsoskinny they can ask to stay in friendship groups but it's not garenteed, The girls in her new flat are all 2nd years and. none of them shared last year, She does. still mix with het flatemates from last year particulary her 2 best friends and she''s got friends from her course and other groups.

secretsquirrels · 06/11/2014 09:08

NotsoSkinny What a tough start for your DD. Sounds like she coped well. I'm sure I wouldn't have been able to tough it out.
cricketballs Well done to your DS.

Those chips and gravy fans, have you ever ordered chips in Holland? They lather them in mayonnaise. If you don't want it you have to ask first and even then they usually still put it on

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