EMPTY NEST SUPPORT THREAD - PART 3

[mrsrhodgilbert]

The comment about where they now live and consider to be home is interesting. If dd doesn't go back to until the end of January she will only have just over two months until the Easter holidays. She will actually come home on my 50th birthday and we are all going away for a few days. After Easter she then has about another 4 or 5 weeks left, possibly with a few exams after that.

That sounds like no time at all and then she will be back for the summer, hopefully with a job again. If some dc consider they have left home, do they not come back for the holidays?

I'm hearing from her much less and she seems quite busy with work. I'm not sure she feels she has many friends yet and it seems quite fluid still, but she is definitely calmer. She has a few pre Christmas things lined up, ice skating, panto, club parties, lunch out etc so I hope some friendships will be cemented. Still no plans for a house for year two but ive tried to tell her not to panic about that. Some people who were sorted a few weeks ago might not be any more.

Yes, we can go the odd week or more without speaking now, and it doesn't worry me this year whereas I would have been upset last year. It's a bit galling to realise you need them as much as they need you, when they first leave! Thankfully it does wear off eventually for most of us.

I do still miss her but no way as much as I did last year, Also I don't worry about her well nor as much now. I still can't believe my baby has grown up. We won't be seeing her untill Christmas.

I have finally got used to DD being away and she is due to make her first visit home this weekend - although she isn't coming home on Friday (her birthday !) as she wants to go out with friends !!!! I am glad she has made friends and after a dreadfully depressing start for me when she left I am fine now . Just hoping we have a nice few days together and I don't go back to the anguished state I was in !!

Unfortunately, I do seem to, after a long holiday. And then a shorter bout of it after DS's first visit back home after that, but it only lasts for a day. He has been back twice now for our birthdays, and after this last visit I didn't miss him at all! In fact I almost wish he wouldn't come back for my birthday because I know how bad I will feel once he has gone again. Maybe next year he won't want to.

we DS has sorted a savings account and moved his money into that (rent not due until 15/11) he was actually stunned to see how much he had got through and we have taken on mumeeee's advice of 'borrowing' the shortfall and only sending £30 a week until it is paid back! Apparently, the vast majority of his halls are in the same position and everyone has stopped going out now!

He has admitted to having a tear in his eye when reading a letter from his brother as apparently its not hearing him that he is missing the most.

On a very good point though, he had his first essay back and hes got a first! He came out of a test this afternoon (which he thinks he did well in) and got a phone call inviting him to an interview for a xmas job, that could turn permanent

Hopefully, it was the shot up the backside he needed and he has learned form it. Luckily, it can be put right and especially if he works over Christmas.

I see why SF only give them their loan money termly!

very true Kez - can't even begin to imagine the fallout if it was given in one lump sum!

However, I think that the direct debit dates are not helping - this term his rent isn't due for nearly 2 months after he moved in/got his loan through whereas the next 2 terms are a week after SL goes in (though I can understand that some students may have issues with SL not going in for the first term), so maybe uni's should have the option of early payment for first term so it is sorted asap

DD3"s rent had to be paid by the 11th October which was a month after her loan went in. There is an option for paying by Direct Debit monthly. She could also pay by cheque or debit card termly. There was also an option to pay for the the year in one lump some. We took this option as she got a reduced fee doing this. She is paying us some of it back, It could be paid at any time after she went into halls.

unfortunately DS's uni only had the option of paying in one lump sum (we don't have the cash for that) or a payment each term by direct debit

Very odd day here as it's DDs birthday - seems very odd not being with her but ordered her a "party" from Sainsburys to enjoy with her friends !! Pizzas, crisps, garlic bread , bottle of wine or two , birthday cake and ice cream !! Think she enjoyed the surprise :)

Yes it is strange when you don't see them on their birthday. I am used to that with DD1 and DD2 now especially as DD1 has been married for 5 years ( now that was really strange when she first got married). Fortunately haven't yet had to miss DD3's birthday.

Hope you were Ok for your dd's birthday traceyinrosso.

My parents took dd1 out for a meal last week and they said she was glowing with happiness and she is really loving her language course. Makes all the ups and downs worth it.

She quite freaked me out by Skyping with bright red Halloween contact lenses!

Well tomorrow I get DD1 home for a couple of days. She's flying home (1 hour flight vs 4-5 hour train journey!) and I can't wait to see her. !! Have spent the day cleaning and ironing - not because I want it super clean when she gets home I just want to be able to spend some time with her when she's home without worrying about laundry etc! Am looking forward to hearing all her tales . She's had a 3 hour training session today ( yes, on a Saturday!) as she is a course rep for her languages course and has also had training this week to be a student ambassador in the Humanities dept. So, she's embracing student life to the full and I am glad she is but it will be nice to steal her back for a couple of days !

Oh have a lovely day traceyinrosso70
I don't know about the students but I'm having a 5 week wobble.

Squirrel that's sad. Still not too long till Christmas. How is DS2 enjoying being an "only child". My DD loves it.

DS started quite late so I was glad of the warnings about the slump three weeks in. We had an odd week where individually I, DD and DH all saw him and he came home for a night prior to meeting up with old school friends. Since then nothing, and I suspect that despite being only a short bus ride away we will see very little of him.

London seems to suit him though there might have been a bit more adjustment than elsewhere. Academically its been a bit of a gentle introduction as they don't assume Economics A level and only AS Further Maths, but apparently the pace will pick up. I was a bit to hear that there are 1,000 in the economics lecture, which then, by necessity, is a bit lowest common denominator. Is that a record or is this common? However one of the academic staff has apparently put on a series of voluntary lectures which are a bit more stretching.

As in my day, it seems to be the sort of place where you have to make some effort but there is plenty of reward available. The Athletics Union is seemingly quite cliquey and laddish, with quite a lot of drinking after, one example here, but DS has found a 7 a side football game. The student population is stunningly international, which probably suits someone brought up in the capital. He seems to be adding a steady stream of new Facebook friends, and seems active in two or three other societies.

The other surprise is how career orientated everyone is. At the parents induction we were told that parents need not worry if their children were unfocussed and did not know what to do. Peer pressure was such that by the end of their first year they would be queuing up for internships like the rest. Our second year guide told us that though he was only entitled to two careers appointments in his first term he had managed four. DS tells us he seems to be the only one on his course who does not plan to be an Investment Banker. That said he came home to pick up his school suit. Apparently most of the major banks hold regular breakfast careers briefings, which involve free food. The better also have bank economists giving their take on current economic issues. But to attend you need to produce a CV and wear a suit.

What happened to simply hanging out in the Ents Office? That said they have a fantastic new student centre, which gives the place a campus feel it never had in my day. I think its going well and that he has found himself in the right place.

Needmore. I think we have DS's at the same place. Sadly we haven't seen ds at all although a friend did stop off the other day which was lovely ( for me so I could see the selfie they took).
Ds seems to have settled in well, he doesn't post on fb EVER! However I do check stalk the people who tag him the photos he is tagged in. His friends seem exceptionally multicultural which is good and also multi halls/ unis as he is staying in an intercollegiate hall, so many friends from all the other unis, which is good as too much politics blather drives everyone mad IMHO obviously.

As for all the other bits you post about internships and careers appointment he hasn't said anything, although he has been to quite a few talks by various politicos.
My biggest worry, and yes I know it's not my business, is the fact that so far he has had no work to give in and will only have one piece this term! How on earth will the students know if it's up to the mark? Bit of a short change for 9k I think. And also there are 4 modules in total so surely that should be 4 peices of work? Still I guess it will all settle down over the next few weeks.

Sounds like the same place.

The lack of set work does not surprise me. I think I only handed in three essays in three years, though I was hardly the most diligent of students. (Few of us were in those full-grant days.) Part of the problem was that though my tutor was well regarded - he went on to win a Nobel prize - he had next to no interest in Undergraduates. DH, in contrast, claims he wrote three essays a week at Oxford.

DS is taking three maths courses out of the four. Two, I think, are compulsory and DS did not fancy any of the other options. He seems to have had "homework" for these. He also said he had volunteered to write part of a presentation in economics or something. And he has been warned that the gentle start would not last long.

I suspect though that it is somewhere where you need to be a bit of a self-starter, otherwise there is a danger of drifting. DS is not a natural, but I think he has been lucky to have been at a school where you were expected to organise activities, write papers etc.

DS says the hall food is pretty poor. He therefore seems happy to be taken out. DD used the rewards on my Nando's card to provide him with a feast.

Needmoresleep Just asked DS2 what he thought about being an only. The good apparently is the internet speed. No DB using up bandwidth so he can maximise his gaming . The bad is that the house is too quiet.

We did see him last week for a family thing. It was harder to say goodbye than when he left. Also he's had a bit of a health problem which he is having to sort out and I can't interfere from a distance. Otherwise he is loving it. Loves the work, can't get enough of it. His flat is 50/50 UK and international. There are European Erasmus students and some Asian. All good cooks so he is eating very well.

DS's workload is at the opposite extreme, partly because he opted to take the maximum number of modules. 25 hours of lectures plus 3 or 4 tutorial/supervisions. He has huge assignments each week (supposed to take up to 28 hours although he doesn't spend that long). Plus a fortnightly test. So he is getting lots of work marked and feedback and is doing well.

Career wise he seems set on teaching, probably A level. Not interested in high flying jobs in finance or banking. I have always said you must do something you love and he does really love teaching. DH thinks he will end up lecturing.

You will laugh if I say I have never been to (or even seen a Nandos). Sheltered.

Deprived!

I've never been to Nandos. Am I missing something?

The careers stuff all sounds scary. Next thing to worry about as I'm not sure she has much of a plan yet.

Really don't worry. I find it quite shocking and hope DS does not get too caught up in it. .

WOW....never been to Nandos? Reckon there is something addictive added to that peri-peri.

My DD is extraordinarily busy - typical arts degree - all the practical to do which consumes your life anyway and then added essays here and there. She has her first exhibition on Friday with the results of 6 briefs on show.

I'm working away next week and popping in for one night to see the exhibition and my DD - then we will hit Nandos! So looking forward to it.

Reading week this week but not coming home, never does - too far away and everyone in flat stays at uni anyway. He's in his final year and says he's busier this year than previously and has plenty of work. He should be making applications for post grad stuff by now but ......

Have to say I'm missing him a bit more than usual - think it's because I know I'll only be seeing him for a couple of days at the end of term before he's off to the USA for the rest of the holiday before dashing back to uni for exams
I've never been to Nando's either

DD3 not so happy in her new flat this year. She gets on with the girls but doesn't really go out with them as they go to nightclubs which is not her scene. She does still keep up and go out with her friends from last year particulary as they seem to be past going to nightclubs and are happy to go for a meal in the pub.

Forgot to say 2 of them are smokers they are only supposed to smoke in their rooms but have started smoking in the kitchen.DD3 did put down that she was a non smoker on the application form for this year. The orher anoying thing is that her room is next to a factory that goes on for 24 hours so she's not sleeping properly. Anyway the forms for requesting a move came out last week and she has now requested to move