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Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

EMPTY NEST SUPPORT THREAD - PART 3

999 replies

mrsrhodgilbert · 28/11/2013 15:33

The comment about where they now live and consider to be home is interesting. If dd doesn't go back to until the end of January she will only have just over two months until the Easter holidays. She will actually come home on my 50th birthday and we are all going away for a few days. After Easter she then has about another 4 or 5 weeks left, possibly with a few exams after that.

That sounds like no time at all and then she will be back for the summer, hopefully with a job again. If some dc consider they have left home, do they not come back for the holidays?

I'm hearing from her much less and she seems quite busy with work. I'm not sure she feels she has many friends yet and it seems quite fluid still, but she is definitely calmer. She has a few pre Christmas things lined up, ice skating, panto, club parties, lunch out etc so I hope some friendships will be cemented. Still no plans for a house for year two but ive tried to tell her not to panic about that. Some people who were sorted a few weeks ago might not be any more.

OP posts:
mumeeee · 10/05/2014 17:06

We paid for DD3's halls and haven't given her any other money, She has used her loan for all other living and uni costs. She has never asked for any and still has money left.

mumeeee · 10/05/2014 23:14

I forgot to say in my last message DD3 tends to worry about spending to much money and she doesn't drink a lot.

Notsoskinnyminny · 11/05/2014 11:33

I don't give DD any extra either. I gave both of mine monthly allowances when they went into 6th form but if they wanted something expensive I was happy to pay up front and deduct money from subsequent allowances until it was paid for - it made them think before buying stuff and taught them how to budget although DD has taken after me and will always have manageable debts.

We were talking about her plans for the next few wks and I said something about what happened to saving most of this term's loan for her year abroad and she said she had 3 wks left and wasn't not going to go out with friends - after the start she had that was the best thing I've ever heard her say.

madeofkent · 11/05/2014 22:17

Yes, she deserves to have a good time now.

Original poster
mrsrhodgilbert · 12/05/2014 12:26

Hello all, I hope you're all looking forward to this years batch finishing the year and, in some cases, coming home. Dd as had her last lecture and completed her last assignment, so although term doesn't end for another couple of weeks, she doesn't have to return. She is now working full time until the end of September, I think she is wondering what she's let herself in for, she's absolutely knackered!!

I'm afraid I'm ending this first year on a bad note. I was diagnosed with breast cancer last week. It's been caught early but I'm heading for surgery next week followed by radiotherapy. Dd1 knows what's happening, poor thing, as if she hasn't had a bad enough year. Dd2 won't be told until next week as she started her AS exams this morning. I'm going to shatter her post exam euphoria on Tuesday evening, the night before my surgery. You'll find me on the health threads in future, it seems a friendly place. Thank you for all your support this year.

OP posts:
mumeeee · 12/05/2014 12:36

Sorry to hear about your breast cancer mrsrhodgibert. My prayers and thoughts are with you. Your DD has done very well to get through her first year and keep going even though it's been tough for her. Notsoskinny well done to your DD too glad she has made friends.

ISingSoprano · 12/05/2014 15:45

mrsrhodgilbert I am so sorry to hear about your breast cancer. Just know that there will be complete strangers thinking about you! Wishing you the very best outcome from your treatment.

fussychica · 12/05/2014 16:59

Oh mrsrhod I am so sorry to hear about your breast cancer - wishing you all the best. Glad to hear your DD1 is home and has lots of work to keep her occupied. Will drop in to health to see how you are getting on. Take care.

goinggetstough · 12/05/2014 18:28

Sorry to hear your news mrsrhod. Take care.

Notsoskinnyminny · 12/05/2014 18:44

mrsrhod so sad to hear your news, I think out of all the mums you're the one I 'felt' closest too as both our daughters struggled. As much as I wouldn't want anyone else to go through what they did it was comforting in a way to know someone else was in the same boat as me. I really hope your daughter has a much better experience next year because the difference in mine is amazing.

Sending you a virtual hug and some Thanks for a speedy recovery x

madeofkent · 12/05/2014 21:06

I'm so sorry, mrsrhod. The best of luck to you, and a big hug of the tight squeeze variety. Please pop in here to tell us how you are doing, as I find that posts and threads just whizz past at the speed of light sometimes, it's so easy to miss things.

My DS has just posted on fb that he doesn't want Uni to end for the summer, he likes it too much!

alreadytaken · 13/05/2014 14:13

mrsrd I'm sorry to hear about the cancer. I hope DD2 does well in her exams and hasn't picked up on what is happening and that DD1 has a much easier time next year.

Whyjustwhyagain · 13/05/2014 19:55

Jgbmum here

Mrs Rhod - thinking of you, take care x

Original poster
mrsrhodgilbert · 14/05/2014 11:43

Oh thank you all, it's very surreal at the moment just waiting for everything to happen. I feel absolutely fine, I suspect I won't this time next week after surgery. Fortunately for me it's not going to be too radical. I'll pop in occasionally to say hello if anyone is still around. It will be time to hand over to the new lot soon. I will be back myself in 2015, hopefully with a much better experience with dd2. Will anyone else be doing it all again next year?

OP posts:
madeofkent · 14/05/2014 12:02

Not me, thankfully - although I can't see the Empty Nest bit wearing off fully just yet. It took a lot to suggest to DS that he should stay in Cambridge and look for a part-time job that he could fit in around OTC. I really would love to have him back home for a bit. As someone else said, they come and go and you miss them all over again. (Well, some of us do!) I have loved reading about all of your DCs, please don't disappear! This year has just flown past.

I hope you feel ok next week, but a couple of my friends have found that they feel very, very tired and low a few days after the event. They think it's because the adrenaline surge leaves them. So please eat lots of grapes and arrange to do things that make you feel happy.

ISingSoprano · 14/05/2014 20:24

I have really enjoyed this thread over the winter. I say 'enjoyed' which sounds a bit odd when some were having such problems with accommodation or courses or both. We have been lucky in that ds has taking to student life like a duck to water (beer?!) but the support here has been lovely.

Can we keep going for year 2 please??

Dd is off to sixth form college this autumn so I will be back to uni open days this time next year....

madeofkent · 15/05/2014 17:49

I don't intend to disappear - one day I shall re-read it all and look back on it and wonder why on earth I was so worried, and so missing him! There were photos of him and all of his friends from his course out celebrating having handed in their final essays the other night, on facebook. None of them seem to want the year to end, it's quite sweet. I'm already worrying about how lonely he is going to feel after three years of non-stop friendship and entertainment with like-minded people. And that's the problem, isn't it. The real world contains people of all ages and levels of intellect, and you have to negotiate the minefield that is human interaction and try to hold down a job. You can't tell your boss that they are a to*r, even if they are.

Two of my friends in this village bullied me into joining the WI, because they heard that it could close due to lack of members. They thought it was a shame, that we might need the network when we are old biddies. My first thought at the first meeting was - Ye Gods, it's Jam and Jerusalem come to life! It really is just like that. As I struggled to co-operate to do a quiz on Easter whilst paired with the equivalent of the Dawn French character, I suddenly thought, my poor DS, such an innocent, who desperately wants the world to be fair and everyone to be kind and rational, soon to be thrown into the world of workplace bullies and zero hours.

Notsoskinnyminny · 15/05/2014 18:15

Made our WI well where I used to live were the complete opposite, all very glam and raunchy at times Grin The only arranging they did was days/nights out - not a flower or jamjar in sight.

ISing I'm happy to pop in, this thread was my lifeline when I felt I couldn't bore friends with DDs woes and my worries. Why don't you do a few open days now if DDs finished her GCSEs - mine might've picked different A levels if she'd have thought harder about what she was going to do and the course she's doing is a completely different direction to what we went to look at.

mumeeee · 15/05/2014 22:08

I tend to still pop in. DD3 is my third and youngest daughter, However because of her learning difficulties she was the one I worried about the most, She has done well and got good marks for 2 modules this term. 55% and 65%. She is just waiting for the results of the third one, She is another one who doesn't want the first year to end,

JellicleCat · 21/05/2014 19:41

It's a while since I checked in on this thread.

I'm sorry to hear about the cancer MrsRhod. I hope the op went well.

DD finished her exams on Monday. She is unsure how she did, so fingers crossed we are not heading for resits in September.

I can't believe how quickly this year has gone.

sayerville · 23/05/2014 06:49

I'm joining this thread even though dd not off to uni until sept. I just need a bit of support as I'm feeling really emotional and pathetic already. Dd is only child, were really close and the thought of her leaving breaks me up, I know it's selfish and stupid because I do want her to go but feel absolutely bereft and I can't stop thinking about it, my life will be void of the only good thing that in it. Should I seek counselling to get through this? I don't know how I will cope. She is already talking if not coming back to her home town in three years and often calls me "needy" if I text her when she out, what can I do to get through this?

goinggetstough · 23/05/2014 07:32

Sayer you will be fine honestly, but it is quite normal to miss them. My only tip would be to plan some new things for you to do in September when your DD goes off to university.

debjud · 23/05/2014 09:08

Sayer - am in the same situation - DD is my one and only. She's raring to go to uni and I'm fine about it mostly, and then get these panicky feelings every now and again. Have spent the last 18 years organising life around her - will be strange.

debjud · 23/05/2014 09:26

This is a (Chinese?) saying I keep looking at: 'Ships are safest in the harbour, but they were built to go out to sea'. Then I feel a bit weepy.... If you do go to counselling, I would be interested to know what they suggest

mumeeee · 23/05/2014 15:06

Hi Sauer it does get better. DD3 my youngest is due to come home in w couple of weeks after finishing her first year at uni. I've missed her a lot at first particularly as she has some learning difficulties and I had quite a lot of input when she was at home. Anyway it did get better and although I still miss her at times I'm pleased that she has coped at uni and made friends.