EMPTY NEST SUPPORT THREAD - PART 3

[mrsrhodgilbert]

The comment about where they now live and consider to be home is interesting. If dd doesn't go back to until the end of January she will only have just over two months until the Easter holidays. She will actually come home on my 50th birthday and we are all going away for a few days. After Easter she then has about another 4 or 5 weeks left, possibly with a few exams after that.

That sounds like no time at all and then she will be back for the summer, hopefully with a job again. If some dc consider they have left home, do they not come back for the holidays?

I'm hearing from her much less and she seems quite busy with work. I'm not sure she feels she has many friends yet and it seems quite fluid still, but she is definitely calmer. She has a few pre Christmas things lined up, ice skating, panto, club parties, lunch out etc so I hope some friendships will be cemented. Still no plans for a house for year two but ive tried to tell her not to panic about that. Some people who were sorted a few weeks ago might not be any more.

Ds home tonight for a week. He's still loving his new life and I don't expect to see him for more than occasional visits now, Liverpool is his home now. He's in love for the first time and they have a lot of plans for the summer inc a week in New York.

Much as I'm looking forward to seeing him I know he'll be itching to go "home" after a couple of days out in the sticks

DD came home with a suitcase full of textbooks as she's got 8 exams starting on the 28th April. She finishes on 22nd May and doesn't have any plans for the summer apart from trying to get a job.

Can't believe DS only has hours to go before his year abroad teaching is over! Picking him up at his school in France tomorrow and taking him down to Spain for the Easter hols (plus US girlfriend)! I am just a bit excited as it's 14 weeks since I saw him last. He then has just his 4th and final year to go - it's flown by.

Hope all those struggling either make it through or make a break for a happier future.

I remember how worried you were when he started, it seems like yesterday.

Ds phoned tonight to ask when we were picking him up. We told him - when your room is tidy and your clothes are clean! We have settled on Tuesday. He will go back after Easter for another couple of weeks, although he can stay there longer if he wishes. I hope he will, because we are going away and I'd rather he were there with a few friends around, than stuck in our house in the sticks and having trouble getting about.

DBH has got out of the mindset of having DS come out with us, I think he now begrudges paying for him. It's so weird, only 7 months ago DBH paid for everything without a murmur, now he almost acts as if DS should be paying for him! I can't understand what is going on in his head. Men are weird.

Dd has been home for a week now and has two more to go. After that she has two more weeks until the end of year one. It's been a horrible year for her. We actually emptied her room last week and she is going to commute after Easter for the last few sessions and will do the same from September until she decides she's ready to move out again. Perhaps a room will become available sometime during year 2. For now the pressure is off and she is so much happier.

She has just been offered a full-time summer job which will enable her to earn enough money to get through next year without taking out a loan, with weekend work from October. She's actually been offered three jobs since she came home which has been a massive confidence boost. Maybe she was born to work rather than be a student.

In the next few months we will be doing the open days with dd2, I'm dreading that having seen that it can go badly wrong. Fortunately she is far more outgoing than her older sister, but has seen the difficulties of the past year and is very wary of going too far away.

It's been lovely to have such a close set of other mums to speak to since last autumn, I hope you have a great holiday time.

Mrsrhodgibert I think you DD is fantastic despite all her troubles she has carried on and got through her first year. You are a fantastic Mum to have given her all your support. Maybe you are right and working would be better for her. However now she''s settled on commuting from home her second year will probably be much better. DD3 is going into halls again next year a couple of her flatmates are doing the same. There is no garentee that they will all get put in the same flat, DD3 says she doesn't mind as she knows lots of people. Halls are better than house sharing for her as she won't have to worry about bills which I think she would struggle with. She has enjoyed her first year but has been very stressed with the workload and has a lot to do before she goes back.

agree with mummee, so very well to your dd mrsrhod, incredible strength of character

More congrats to your DD Mrsrhod for sticking it out, you must be very proud of her.

I hope it doesn't affect your next DD's choice as you mention that she is wary of going far away. There is no reason to suggest the same set of unfortunate circumstances will exist for her and she will be as unhappy. IMO I think being too close can also cause problems too as if they are often popping home they don't totally commit to either location. So I hope she chooses the best course for her wherever that might be!

Mrsrhod I think we both deserve a medal for getting through a stressful first year. There were times when I didn't think DD would make it but she stuck it out and has finally made some good friends, not the ones she's going to be sharing with next year, and she's really matured since Christmas and is planning to go back early next week to revise properly as her language grades determine which uni she's allocated to for her year abroad.

Try not to worry about DD2, the important thing is the right course. DS commuted as he thought he'd struggle with halls but DD was adamant she was moving away and I think a lot of her problems were due to her immaturity and a bad mix of personalities. After chatting to DD this holiday DS now regrets not going into halls despite all the trauma she went through it would've done him good too.

mumeeee DD is staying in the same private halls with others and they were able to request a flat together so yours might be able to share with her flatmates again. They've been allocated a flat on the 4th floor away from the freshers who are on the first 2 floors

Notsoskinny your DD has done really well and I'm glad for both your sakes that she has made some friends. DD3 and her flatmates are very disorganised about accommodation for next year. A couple have applied for the posh private halls they even have a Kitchenette attached to their room. DD3 thought about applying but decided not to as she thought it might get lonely although there is a shared kitchen and rooms without the kitchenette. She and a couple of the others will apply for uni halls but can't actually apply until May although she is on the emailing list. Whether they get round to
asking to stay together is another matter,

Mine seems to have a different accommodation plan every week. They form groups and fall apart every time we ask. He's at home now, with a 5000 word essay to write. As I can see when he is on facebook, I don't think it's going too well.

Still, he seems very happy, but every time he comes home it feels as if the fridge empties itself every time I leave the kitchen. I can't understand why he is so slim.

just like DD, she grazes all day!

Well Saw DD3 off on the train back to Bolton a few hours ago. It seems strangely quiet again here. All our DDs have been home at some point in the last 2 weeks which makes it seem even quieter. I'm already missing DD3 but not missing her stressing and getting worked up about assignements. Although she is less stressed today as she finally managed to finish an assignement she was having trouble with apparently a lot of them are having trouble with it and even DH who was trying to help her was having trouble and he works with computers,

Mine's going back on Saturday but I'm going to drive up and start bringing stuff home. She might be back in 2 wks to pick up a dress for a ball if her flatmates decide to go yes you read right tears and trauma for 3+ months and now they're going their different ways they're finally getting on and she can bring a case of clothes back with her on the train.

I'll miss her and the continuous episodes of 4 weddings I won't miss her moaning about her elective and how the exams counts towards her first year results and if she'd know that she'd have picked something easier, she thought it was like the enlightenment topics they had to do at 6th form.

mine flies back 7am Monday, can't wait! but then 22 May she back, first year done!

Mine went back yesterday. Left her room here a mess and a basket full of dirty washing! She has her first exam next week and then more in the following two weeks. Not expecting her to be back for a while as she will move from uni flat to where she will be next year in mid-June. I expect she will turn up here when her money runs out. She has no summer job at the moment but plans to look when her exams are finished (have managed to bite my tongue and did not say I thought that was a bit late to start looking).

She has had a first year at uni and I have managed to survive without her

Caught in the act of raiding the fridge for 2 pieces of pizza - mid afternoon! The look on his face!!! When did one biscuit stop being enough?

DS still not finished his final assignment, but he has until the middle of June so we have coldheartedly told him that he can stay there until it's done.

He has started to look for accommodation in earnest, but he has to pay rent on his current place until mid September - and the places he is looking at now want him to start paying rent straight away! It's a bit of a minefield to say the least. The rents have all gone up massively, too. He could end up having to pay rent at two places at once if he finds a flat he really wants. I have just told him to lie and say he could move in next month if necessary, just so that he can actually get inside the place to have a look around, as they are weeding out viewers who can't move in asap. Still, at least this time round he is able to view them by himself, without us having to drive him over every time.

Yes, I too have managed to survive. I do miss him though, I get twangs. BUT not having to cook and shop as much, the washing has been halved, I don't have to remind him to turn off lights - wonderful.

madeofkent rent on student accommodation can be a pain and they usually want it straight away. DD2 starting paying rent for her student house at the beginning of June but was still paying for halls until the end of July (well we were) . However as her student house was 2 minutes walk from halls she used both places and gradually moved stuff in. Some places let students pay half rent for the summer. DD3 has applied to go back into halls in September. She has finished all her assignements and got good marks in most of them. She is still waiting for one result. She has an exam on Friday and then she''s finished, She''s staying there until at least the beginning of June and is now talking about staying for the summer. There are some summer halls available.

I shall have to give him a ring. His father was appalled at the thought of all that wasted money - but the alternative is months of stress over the summer and hoping that something half-decent is still available. The one he hopes to view is only 5 mins walk from his halls, so I have to admit that the thought of him carting most of his stuff over himself was very appealing.

He's back from the depths of France, only to be going back to Paris next Monday for a week with girlfriend and her parents and then back for 2 weeks before another French trip - this time to Nice. Says over the summer he is going to learn to drive and finish his year abroad assignments - not sure what else he might do but could do with some time in Spain before going back to Uni in September for his 4th and final year.
Think he probably finds it increasingly difficult being at home after so much independence.

I know, I could feel mine was itching to get back after Easter, even though he admitted that he really needed the rest. It took him a few days to adjust. I bet it made you feel a bit of a pang. Well, it did me.

DDs coming home tonight because she's got a training session for her summer job and going straight back, apparently she can get more revision done. She's staying in the same halls so apart from £250 deposit I don't have to pay anything until September. They did look at a beautiful flat which was on a 12 month contract from July but 2 people had signed their contracts to stay in halls without realising what they'd signed. If they'd got that she could've moved her stuff from one flat to the other.

She'll be in a foul mood because she's been offered a scholarship to study in Japan for a month but it doesn't include flights. We were going in August she was going to pay her share out of next year's loans but decided she'd rather save for her year abroad. Flights are now £500 more than when we were going to book and she'll need an internal flight as well and she wants to spend a few days in Tokyo on the way home shopping when do they stop thinking money grows on trees

Well DD3 has finished her first year. She doesn't think the exam she did this morning went very well. Just have to wait and see. She says it's strange now the year is over and she hasn't got any work to do. None of her flatmates are going home until next weekend so they are all going to do something together. I'm going up to see her on Tuesday and will bring a case back.

exam revision hopefully underway for mine, they seem to spend less time on Facebook anyway. Last time they were home they sorted out a lot of things for the charity shop so their room could be rearranged in more adult style. I'm doing that gradually as it seems a bit like giving away their childhood. Very busy summer organised.

We're moving on too, spending more time on the interests we used to enjoy pre-children including seeing more of old friends. We are also getting tougher over money, making it clear they'll get a certain amount and need to make choices within it. However ours have aways been encouraged to work and save for "luxuries" like holidays.

We've told ours that he is very welcome to come on holiday with us if he wants (nowhere very exciting this year anyway) but any holidays with his friends, he will have to pay for himself. He had been saving up to go away, but I think all of those savings will go on rent now. We can't give him any more than we have been, he has cost us a fortune this year and where does it end? So he is hoping to be able to put down a deposit now but delay having to move in for a couple of months.