EMPTY NEST SUPPORT THREAD - PART 3

[mrsrhodgilbert]

The comment about where they now live and consider to be home is interesting. If dd doesn't go back to until the end of January she will only have just over two months until the Easter holidays. She will actually come home on my 50th birthday and we are all going away for a few days. After Easter she then has about another 4 or 5 weeks left, possibly with a few exams after that.

That sounds like no time at all and then she will be back for the summer, hopefully with a job again. If some dc consider they have left home, do they not come back for the holidays?

I'm hearing from her much less and she seems quite busy with work. I'm not sure she feels she has many friends yet and it seems quite fluid still, but she is definitely calmer. She has a few pre Christmas things lined up, ice skating, panto, club parties, lunch out etc so I hope some friendships will be cemented. Still no plans for a house for year two but ive tried to tell her not to panic about that. Some people who were sorted a few weeks ago might not be any more.

Hello all, it's interesting to hear how everyone is doing. We've had a fair few wobbles along the way and it sounds like there are still a few, but it's getting generally better one way or another.

Dd has decided she is definitely going to commute from home for year two. It does sadden me as I think she will miss out hugely, but if I say that to her she just snorts and reminds me what a difficult time she has had. I still hope she will move out for year 3 and perhaps even part way through year two.

For now she has two weeks left until Easter and 2 weeks afterwards then she will be finished. She is busy with assignments but has no more exams this year. She seems much more relaxed to have made her decision and is actually only spending three nights away now. The atmosphere in the flat is unpleasant, it's just been a terrible combination of girls. She met someone new from her course last week, when they did paired work, who said she finds every day a struggle. I think that is so sad but seems so common.

Notso, I'm really pleased to hear your daughter is settling at last, it's been a rough ride for us both. What is appending with dss?

Thanks mrsrhod, its taken a while but I think she's finally got there. She got a nice group of friends that she's met through group work as well as her new flatmates for next year so I'm keeping everything crossed. Its a shame they don't do more group work during the first term when so many of them are struggling.

I hope things are better for your daughter next year. DD says a lot of people are going to commute next year to save money, the amount they we pay for rent is obscene. DS mainly socialised with school friends who were also commuting. They'd get the last train home but if they wanted to stay out they'd share a taxi. During his final year they'd book a room in the library to work together even though they were on different courses.

DSS is struggling with his course and wants to switch to a local uni where most of his friends go but he didn't get the grades so I don't think its possible. He'd put a deposit down on a house for next year and 3 people have dropped out (2 have left uni and the other is switching in September) and they won't pay their share. They can't find anyone to take their rooms so they've withdrawn their offer and lost the deposit.

It's DS's birthday today. It feels really odd not to see my child on his birthday. I know I will get used to it in time, I have got used to not seeing him very often, but for now I am missing blowing up balloons, putting up a birthday banner and lighting the candles on his cake, piling up his presents and cards around it and giving him something special for tea on a school day. He loved his presents, but I miss seeing his face as he opened them.

We did go over to see him on Saturday though, and although he has friends he wants to share with next year, no-one is budging yet so it is just a case of waiting. However some of them will be moving out in May when the semester ends, so I have suggested that he stay on for a while and not come home, so that he can flat-hunt.

His best friend is doing engineering in Liverpool, and he says that 50% of the course have dropped out because they hadn't expected to have to do so much Maths! Well, Duh...

At least yours haven't dropped out. There is one girl on DS's course who commutes every day from London. They are now a really tightly-knit lot, so she misses out hugely from a socialising point of view. They are a nice bunch. Their group started out with 20 and are now down to 15, which is exactly what the tutor told us he expected when we met him. All of the ones who have dropped out were commuters. He told us that part, too. As my daughter did exactly the same thing I shouldn't be surprised, but I think it's partly down to them never feeling fully involved in the first place. She had a boyfriend and a good evening job, uni got in the way! Of course now she's doing it all over again, three more years of her law degree to go.

madeofkent I felt exactly the same way on my child's birthday. We are not encouraged to visit in term time and it was the first time we'd been apart on that day since they were born. For years they have been busy with their friends most of the day but it still felt strange not to see them.

Mine settled well but there was some fuss about accommodation next year that made the second term more difficult.

Friends in London also seem to be suffering from the people going home at weekends, hopefully that will be better next year when they are house sharing with people who dont.

mrsrhodgilbert sorry your daughter is still having problems, I read more than I post hoping to hear things have improved for her. At least she is till focused on her degree.

Yes, I am quite amazed that she is sticking it out. It's so sad when they don't enjoy it, it's a bit like throwing them a wonderful birthday party and them not enjoying it - which has happened to friends of mine.

One of the little presents I bought DS was this, and he loves it

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B00HA1M6ZO/ref=oh_details_o03_s00_i00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

At only £3.99 it's worth stocking up on, I should think, for forgetful students.

Just had a phone call from dd to let us know that she has had a minor operation and she is okay. I am ridiculously proud of her that she made the decision on her own. We knew nothing about it. However I now have to acknowledge that she is grown up which is what we all have been working toward I know, but when did it happen obviously when we weren't watching.

Well done to your DD minsmum that is very grown up, DD3 is getting better at sorting things out herself. Although last weekend she was meant to be going on a church weekend away. When she hadn't been picked up by 4,45 on Friday she phoned home. Spoke to DH (she wanted to speak to me but I wasn't there) who suggested that she put the phone down and phone the person who was supposed to be picking her up. Which she did and found that there had been a bit of a mix up and they managed to get someone else to pick her up so she got away. It did her good as when I spoke to her yesterday she was a lot more relaxed partly because everyone has been given an extension for the assignment that was due in on the 30th because of some technical problems so it's now due on 22nd April, She got an A for what she handed in last Friday so she was very happy with that.

I am really struggling with my ds indecision with uni. He really does not seem to really be enjoying it and he is home a lot and really drags his heels when he has to go back. He nearly dropped out in Feb but decided to give it another go but tbh I think it is becoming obvious he is not going to last 3 years He is living for the summer and counting the days. I am concerned that he is getting a huge debt and not really learning anything.

I'm sorry to hear that noddy. Is it uni life in general he doesn't like or the course. If it"s the latter could he change courses?

Sorry to hear that, noddyholder. If he lasts out this term he can perhaps transfer to the second year somewhere else, but he would need to put some work in. I have friends whose children have left one uni and then started again at another university/ art college and settled there. Sometimes they change course, sometimes the same course in another place is enough of a change. Is he willing to talk about what the problems are? He may want to leave but not be able to think of an alternative plan.

One of my friend's children decided against university and is making good progress in work. If he decides a degree would help he can always go later. As an independent student who has been supporting himself he'd probably get more financial support.

I think the whole experience has been a bit of a let down for him. He really should have had a year out which I tried to encourage. I thinkmhe will have to really decide over the summer if he drops out he won't go elsewhere he is on the top course for his subject.

Noddy I think a lot of them are disappointed. Both DD and DSS regularly complain that they're doing work at GCSE level and can't understand what they're paying £9k for. She doesn't feel she's learnt anything this year in her language.

DD's the student rep (not union) for her course and went to a meeting with senior staff from a number of faculties who wanted to know what would make the experience better for next year's freshers. One of her suggestions, supported by other students, was that there should be more group work/activities during the first term as she only made friends after Christmas when they were given a group assignment and several of her group had also been struggling. They acknowledged they're young adults and need to be independent but felt there should be more pastoral support at the start of the year and many gave examples of friends at other unis who were not happy.

Not all students like group work and I know DD3 wouldn't have liked to do this in the first term. She has done a group assignment this term and found it very frustrating trying to get everyone together. She did say that the beginning of terms were quite boring going over stuff they had learnt. But then everything got harder and she is certainly not working at GCSE level. It probably depends on what course they are doing.

DD doesn't particularly like group work but the nature of her course means they're a 'nerdy, insular bunch' and its forced them to mix and she's found a couple of 'kindred spirits' to hang out with (' ' her words).

Because of DD3"s learning difficulty she finds it hard to be forced into a social situation like group work. Well she always did before. However she has surprised as since she started uni and has mixed well with her flatmates and students on her course.

I just popped back as DD was home today for Easter and has just one term left of University! Very strange.
I am sorry to hear for some it is still a struggle and hope it improves.
DD was saying today how fast the three years have gone. It really has zoomed by but she has grown up and changed a huge amount in that time. She is far more confident, happy in herself and got a lot more direction in her life now (and she did have a rough start and feel very up and down about uni for the first year).
I hope you all enjoy having them home for Easter! Only a few weeks of their first years left to get through!

Dalmatiandots you are right time flies by. I can't believe DD3 has almost finished her first year at Uni. I still can't believe all my daughters have grown up. DD3 is coming home today andI I'm ridiculously excited about seeing her. I haven't seen her since she went back in January,

mumeeee enjoy your hugs with DD.

DD does your daughter graduate this year?

Mine's coming home on Friday, she might've come earlier but we're decorating our room and I'm sleeping in her bed to escape the paint fumes and dust and you can't see the spare bed for all the clutter shoes and bags that have come out of our room

notso yes she does! Very scary and exciting. In less than two months she will have finished her finals and be done. She is off out into the big wide world!!
Hope you are enjoying having them back.

just popping and to say sorry some are not happy still. DD adores uni and Newcastle, is gutted first year finishes 20 May and she will be back 'home' for summer. And believe me she has a Very active social life/friends here, but says she will miss the course studies etc over the summer.

Wow Mabs, your dd finishes early. End of term for my DS is 18 June although he will finish as soon as he completes his exams which should be earlier.
When is everyone else's DCs finishing?

Also just popping in. DD came home on Tuesday but is here for less than two weeks as her exams start straight after Easter. She is also staying away in her university city over the simmer, but is coming on holiday with us for two weeks. Lovely to have her home if only for such a short time.
She is enjoying life as a student and seems to be doing some studying as well as partying!
Sorry for everyone whose DCs have not enjoyed their first year, but also nice to know that some, like my DD, are having a great time.

Going, I think DD's last exam is second week of May, so she will be finished then.

DD3 finishes about 15th May but she can stay in Halls until 7th June and she can apply for summer. halls but not sure what she''s doing that. She starts back after Easter on 28 th April but has 2 assingnments to finish and hand in by Sunday 27th which she is getting stressed about. So she''s got a lot of work to do while she''s home. She also has to demonstrate one of the assignements and has one big exam.

Meant to say what she''s doing not that.