EMPTY NEST SUPPORT THREAD-Part 2

[MissMarplesBloomers]

Part one lasted seven years! Thanks RustyBear for the great idea.

I have one DD off this year and another one starting Sixth form so will be here for a few years!

So how are all the DC's getting on with the lists/packing etc?

Not long back from Glasgow.

The "delivery" went a lot better than expected. I had expected to be trudging up and down stairs all afternoon, especially when we got there to discover DD was on the 4th floor! However a lad in the flat offered to help as did one of the many student helpers around, so we managed to empty the whole car in just one trip thanks to them. Then had a quick look round and left her to it.

I managed to leave her without crying, but have had a few sobs both before and since. She texted last night and this morning but is her usual non-committal self, so have just emailed her and hope to get a reply and find out what she has been up to. I doubt she will have set up Skype yet.

Thanks for all the comments about the cat, she is still missing :( but the other one is his normal vocal self.

Well we had a good run to Manchester and stayed for a little while to unpack most stuff, make bed etc. Then went to supermarket for some fridge supplies (had already packed tinned/dried stuff), had lunch and left him. He was keen to get to meet other students sans parents so we drove to relatives in Wales for the night.

He sent us photos of his room all set up with posters on the wall, made himself a cheese toasty (he could live on those) then apparently had 35 people in his flat for a gathering and they all went to a bar together.

He is very happy today, can't wait to get immersed in Uni life, and my house is now very quiet - a true empty nest!

Just back home .

Dropped DS and his stuff off yesterday , then went shopping for some food and crockery , cutlery and a pillow .

Met up with a couple of 2nd year boys who are in the same flat , and when we left DS was going in to another boys room to play X Box , busy arranging the nights events .

We stayed over night and called to see him this morning , found hime to be a bit hungover and still in yesterday's clothes , think a good night was had by all !

Not sure when I'll speak to him , as he has no phone signal in his room and we didn't think to install Skype , DD has him on twitter though so I'm sure I'll find out what's going on .

Horrendous drive home through rain and wind

It's lovely to hear about how everyone has got on this weekend - thanks for updates. I offer for all who are in need.

DD has just emailed me. It included this "been to Tescos and bought fruit and booze"!!!

Think she is going to be all right.

I texted him to let him know we were home , he texted back - glad you got home safely thanks - and he actually kissed me on the cheek when we went !

We dropped dd1 off today. She was very tearful when we left which was so hard. We've had a few sad texts since but she seems to like her flat mates and a couple have also said they are not keen to overdo the drink and clubbing so that made her feel better. We took her shopping for food but nobody else had any. I'm expecting an early call tomorrow, she has a subject intro at 9am, how cruel.

It's lovely to hear back from everyone, even though most people are understandably a bit down after leaving DC at uni.
Hope the new week brings happy reports from these DC.

Horrendous journey turned the 3 hour trip into 6 hours so just got back form dropping off our dd. We had a very tearful journey up and when we left her. She has met some "super nice" people but is feeling pretty wobbly. However early days but it is hard to leave her like this.

Well we're back. Took her up yesterday unloaded all her stuff. DD3 said hello to some of her flatmates then we went for a late lunch and bought some food and bits and pieces for her. DH set up her laptop and printer. We then left for our hotel. DD3 was chatting away with her flatmates they and arranging what time they were going out to a freshers event. We met DD3 for lunch today (her enrollment session was this morning) and did a bit more shopping. She said they didn't stay out late last night and although tbe others drink more than she does non of them are excessive drinkers and they are all saying they don't want to go out every night. We left about 4pm DD3 looked a bit sad and she gave us both a hug but then went back to chatting to her new friends. I felt very tearful but held it together until we got back to the car and then I burst into tears. It felt very strange coming into the house without her.

So the big day is finally over for us at least though may be lasting a bit longer for dd!
Got home around 9pm after a 2 hour journey so much less than some of you. We completed registration with her, for hwr WiFi set up and then finished setting up her room whilst she went and queued for freshers tickets with her new flatmates who seem like a nice bunch. We gave her a bit of extra cash and then said goodbye. She was a bit upset as we left bur I held it together until a bit later when I got a text to say how lovely her room looked. She seems to be getting sorted and has a few subject specific things next week as well as freshers stuff.
I made myself go into her room when we got back - that was hard. Miss her but happy she's there.

well done all, I really feel so much better today, thanks all

Seems a bit strange this morning there's no music coming from DD3's room,

Well done mothers all....sounds like you all handled it brilliantly, bound to have a few sobs, I'm trying not to reading all these lovely updates. !

JGBmum did your DS get his accomodation sorted?

Sorry if you've already said

Just wanted to say to those who DC are a bit wobbly at first.....

My DD is about to go into 3rd year but when she began 2 years ago she had a wobbly start. She was used to a group of very close friends from school who she had known for 7+ years and was very comfortable around. She fully expected to arrive and instantly meet her future best mates whereas she found she was going out with vague groups from her flat, loosing people and generally not having 'the time of her life' like she expected.
She phoned me one night of freshers at 2am saying how she wanted to come home and hated it and had no friends. It was horrendous and I just wanted to run and get her!!! I didn't, she stuck it out and settled despite a rocky first term of not quite knowing 100% who your friends are and it taking time to find new best friends she really 'clicked' with. She is now loving uni and has a great group of about 10 good, close friends.
She said chatting to people now, more people say that they hated freshers and found it really hard than that they love it. Boys tend to be OK as boys can just chat about football/xbox and will bond! Girls tend to struggle a bit more.
It is normal, and I wish I had been able to send DD off with the message that it may be hard at first and take time to find close friends but that in a few weeks it will all fall into place. I think she went with completely the wrong expectations and it all had been hyped up a lot.

Don't want to worry anyone, lots do find it really easy and find they are placed in a flat with others who they click with.

thanks Dalmation , good to read. dd is very upbeat, just had long chat :)

Thanks Dalmatian. DD3 is Dyspraxic and has another learning difficulty. I was worried about her getting on with her flatmates as she finds it difficult to speak to new people but she surprised me and DH, introduced herself and starting chatting to them straight away. She was nervous before she went and said she felt a bit weird when she went to bed on the first night, She knows it's okay to feel homesick and can phone us anytime.

Hi all. My youngest DS went off on Saturday. He was feeling sick and ill with nerves all the way down there and didn't want us to leave. We finally tore ourselves away at 6 and I was in bits all the way home from Plymouth to London. His last words were 'I want to come with you' and then 'I might prop my door open so that someone will talk to me' That was it, I couldn't contain myself at all then. Yesterday he texted to say he couldn't stop crying so we talked to him for ages and he calmed down a bit. He has been going out and doing some stuff but a lot of his halls seem already to be in pairs/have friends and are reasonably local. I'm so worried about him. He's very sensitive and tends to lurk in his room at home for days. :(

Just got back House feels very empty but I think a lot of that is me! as my ds has been out a lot over the last few years. Mucho tears when I left him but still really happy he managed to get there Good luck everyone its a definite period of adjustment x

Hi Surbubenqueen. It's hard for us Mum's when our DC aren't happy. Is he able to knock on he's flatmates doors and introduce himself q bit more. All the girls in DD3's flat bought Chocolate, cake and biscuits and put them in the kitchen with a note saying who they were from and to helo themselves. This seemed to break the ice and they. were all in and out of the kitchen. Tell your DS to ask? those who are local to show him round. Also tell him everyone has wobbles at first even those who look confident. DD3 did say she felt weird when she went to bed on the first night.

Hi Mumeeee....

Thanks for replying. Yes, he did go into the kitchen and stand there and waited til someone came in. He has been speaking to the guys in his 'flat' but they all seem to have girlfriends already. He is forcing himself to just play gooseberry for now and hope that he'll meet more people. Just really wanted to share it with people who understand. Wasn't so bad when my daughter went because she was very local and I still had my DS at home for an additional 7 years. It really does feel like a massive and important chuck of my life is over now. :(

Thanks for your post Dalmation. Dd had a pretty miserable evening, enforced jollity in the SU bar, back to halls half a mile away, back to campus then on to a nightclub at about 10.30. She was exhausted and emotional before all that. She did manage to get a taxi back shortly after midnight and her flat mates were happy to leave with her. Very tired, upset phone all first thing this morning.

She met a couple of new people from her course walking in this morning, then more at the course talk. All of them have said they hated last night, don't want to go drinking and clubbing, want to go home etc. it made her realise she is not the only one feeling this way. I keep saying it will settle down and although it may look like everyone else already has a best friend that is not really the case. She has an interview for a part time job this evening then off for more clubbing. She seems quite determined to bail out when she's had enough now, she has a few taxi numbers and I feel happy knowing she can get back safely.

It's heartbreaking to hear her crying on the phone though, I really feel for you suburbanqueen. It's easy to assume its the girls who are struggling but that's obviously not the case. Dd is incredibly shy and she is really pushing herself to join in with things she hates. I just hope she finds a few like minded souls soon. We are quite closeby so we're actually going to visit her on Thursday evening, it might just make her manage to stay this weekend and then the course starts properly next week.

I know what you mean. Because of DD3's learning difficulties I was having to help her sort stuff out right up until a few days before she went and now she's got to do it all herself. I"m sure your DS will make some friends soon perhaps he'll find some likeminded. people on his course,

Thanks mrsrhodgilbert. Yes, it was horrid hearing him so upset. Your dd is brilliant for looking for work already though. No, I think it's just as hard for boys and they can't 'cry' openly ! We're going down again on Friday (his request) and will try to get him looking for work. It's another discipline, isn't it?

I take my hat off to all of you dealing with those struggling I would find it VERY difficult not to run to the rescue I hope things come together for them all soon and they make some lovely friends