EMPTY NEST SUPPORT THREAD-Part 2

[MissMarplesBloomers]

Part one lasted seven years! Thanks RustyBear for the great idea.

I have one DD off this year and another one starting Sixth form so will be here for a few years!

So how are all the DC's getting on with the lists/packing etc?

Well she is lucky in that her uni is only thirty minutes away by train so she went over a couple of weeks ago with her cv and handed it round shops with ads in the window before all the other students arrived. Her selling point was that she would be willing to travel back during the holidays. She has another interview next week.

It's another source of friends and a change of scene as much as anything and hopefully will look good on the cv. She is actually a year out of school already. She absolutely refused to apply last year and has had a part time job instead. I feel she has come a long way in 12 months, I just don't want her touch of new confidence to take too much of a bashing. I'm sure your son will be delighted to see you and things change so quickly at this stage. I'm hoping a bit of sleep will help a lot. I have suggested she asks if people might like to go to the cinema one evening instead of yet another nightclub, I get the impression some would jump at the chance of a bit of calm.

I'm so sorry to hear some are struggling to settle. I hope things get easier for them, it really is very early days still.

Exactly, it's barely been 24 hours and its a huge shock to the system. They are sleep deprived, not eating normally, probably dehydrated and completely out of their comfort zone. Plus mine is apparently missing the cat. She has been texting her sister this afternoon who has just started yr 12.

I am trying really hard to encourage and be positive but its taking every ounce of self discipline not to drive over there and sweep her up.

Does anybody want a teenage boy, and his brother, and their friends for a couple of weeks? Please? Pretty please?

Just got back from work and house looks like the proverbial bomb site, grated cheese all over the kitchen, milk bottles left out, dirty plates and glasses in the sitting room, piles of their (clean) laundry left lying round the family room, along with iron and ironing board! Then DD has come home and dropped her dirty hockey kit over everything.

Not sure i can last 2 more weeks of this!

I agree with you Mrs it is a huge shock to the system.
When dd1 went off 3 years ago, she really struggled for the first 3 days. Lots of teary phone calls, one being at 12.30 am with an anguished plea to come and pick her up now, pleeeeeeeeese!

I was so upset, but held firm by giving the phone to DH

The next morning she apologised profusely and said she had just been beside herself with tiredness. She had slept well that night and was absolutely fine.

Dd2 is now experiencing the same thing. She says she's not slept properly at all, having had 5 hours sleep in 2 nights but is having fun.

I've told her to try to get an early night tonight but she apparently has several parties to go to. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

Be careful what you wish for. My house is immaculate today, wish it wasn't.

DD's another one who's struggling, I wish I could send her the last 2 pages of this thread so she could see she's not alone.

I knew on Saturday night she was putting on a brave front and she was in tears twice yesterday, the first time over her room as the window was stuck on circulating and she was freezing. After I'd calmed her down she went to the office and they sent someone to fix it along with other snags she'd found. She phoned back early evening in a terrible state and we talked for over an hour. She said she felt awful phoning me but couldn't ring her friends as they're all having a fantastic time (or so they're saying) at their unis. She sounds a bit better today and messaged me saying I had to skype her as soon as I got home so she could say hello to her dog.

I'm really angry because her shower's not working and it will be a couple of days before they can fix it. She wants to sort it out herself but I've just phoned to have a rant about the condition of the room in general but no-one's answering even though the office is supposed to be open until 7pm.

Oh dear, that's sad to hear. Dd met someone today who's shower is not working.....? She sent a text earlier to say one of her flat mates has been crying for two hours this afternoon, she is the one who was so keen to do everything and meet everyone last night. There are a lot of brave faces being put on I think. I wish the SU would put on some more low key events.

So sorry to hear that some are not settling straight away - it's really hard to cope with when you want to just rescue them from it all and know you can't.
DS went a couple of years ago and did settle immediately BUT was then rushed into hospital and missed half the first term. Obviously, we were all pretty upset and knew it would be difficult for him to slot back in when everyone had sorted their friends. It was but he made friends with others and had a great flat share last year.

He's been abroad on an internship for the summer and has had a few hiccups with that but he's become very independent & far more resilient but he will still call us when it's all a bit much. Being miles away listening and being supportive are often the only things you can do.

He off next week to France for his year abroad - more hairy moments I'm sure and I'll be worrying all over again.

Hope all those who are struggling can hang in there and for those worrying at home there's always

mrsrhodgilbert it is great the girls managed to admit to each other the night before wasn't good, sounds like they all are quite like-minded. Great suggestion about the cinema.
And glad she has taxi numbers and feels OK to just go when she wants to. DD did this, she loves clubbing and going out - but not every night and definitely not with strangers! I told her just to go home when she wants, friends are made during the day and at pre-drinks/early evening, NOT when everyone is so drunk or lost themselves. No one will remember the next morning who was or wasn't there and she doesn't have to admit she snuck off early!
Just reassure her it is ok to feel wobbly and that she is doing a great job, DD blamed her bad freshers week on herself at first and all that pressure got too much. She needs to realise it is normal and natural.
A job is also a great idea to meet a whole new group and get away from the uni environment, DD found halls could get quite claustrophobic.
Definitely lots of brave faces being put on, but when they do all crack and have a good cry or admit to someone that they aren't loving it, that is often when the bonding happens as they can have a good chat, emphasise with each other and will feel a lot better!
DD fond the days during freshers tough. The first few days there were registration events and introduction things and freshers fair, but they all only lasted an hour max so you end up with hours of free time and not much to do. I told DD to try and nap, knock on others doors and see if they want to watch a film or tv programme together etc.

Good luck to all the non-settlers, they will get there - some in a few days, some a few weeks - but it does get easier and more fun :)

JGBMum I'll swap them for the swearing builders next door that have covered the house in brick dust.

I tried to post Saturday night but I think the gremlins got in and my post didn't er post.

Well Ds1 is there. All went well on the day. We all just about held back the tears, just. Lots of cuddles and DS2 (9) has been very cuddly the last couple of days.

Unfortuatly the wifi at DS1's halls seems to be playing up and we can't skype or anything. He also seems to be too busy to reply to texts ( needed to know how much to send for books) So for now I have absoloutly no idea how things are going. Hoping no news is good news.

It was horrid this morning coming home to an empty house but it was very nice to finally get it to his room and give it a very good clean.

Hope all those struggling at the mo find their feet soon.

Thanks again Dalmation, all wise words. It's nice to hear from someone who has been here before that it does get better. I think she must have gone out now, we've had radio silence for a while. She has found today a bit strange as you say. Short spells of activity and then nothing.

Her interview was better than expected. It was a group, although small and she would normally have been the quiet one. She said she has had to speak to so many strangers in the last 24 hours that she just spoke first and others held back. It will have a lot of young staff so definitely a good distraction if it works out. If not, it was good experience. We spoke while she was going back to halls afterwards and she got lost in the city centre in the dark. Fortunately I was able to talk her back onto the right route but it was a scarey few minutes, she had taken a short cut that looked a bit different at night.

dd is being so positive to all, I now wonder how wobbly she really is :(

Aw MABS, don't worry - some do settle really quickly and find friends they click with... or are generally super secure, confident and used to being away from home.
Others 'flop' later, the first few days its all novelty and everyone talks to everyone but after a while people settle into friendship groups. Some then flop if they aren't 100% sure which group they fit into or start to miss home later.
I'm sure she is fine, if she wasn't I doubt she would be able to pretend. DD just phoned and I immediately knew she was wobbly- it was in her voice and by the third phone call she was being honest and telling me her worries.
Don't worry :)

Hi all, DS sounds OK today but says he's too tired and headachy for all the clubs night after night so the cinema thing is a good idea. I have also bought his coach ticket home in December so he cheered up immediately. His sister arrives home on the same day from China so much celebrations that day.

DS seems fine , very difficult to get hold of him though , as he has no phone signal in his room ( we live in the wilds of Wales and have signal , he goes off to London , no signal in his room )

I sent him a few texts yesterday , then when he replied I jumped on my mobile , phoned him and spoke to him .

He couldn't talk as he was going to a party !

He had a long day yesterday , doing all the official stuff , Freshers Fair today at student village , then Uni again Wednesday .

He's phoning home tonight , but seems happy , just hope he remembers to do some work as well as play !

dd hasn't talked too much, out a lot! she did some boarding in her Upper Sixth year but it was in Sussex so very local and she drove home as she wanted.

Spoke to DD3 yesterday. She seemed fine had made herself an omelette for tea. Her flatmates all seem the staying in type although DD3 said they were thinking of going to that evenings Freshers event, All the events are at the student union. The only downside is that her laptop wouldn't turn on although it was working perfectly on Sunday. It was provided by the DSA so she's going to try and speak to someone today.

just went to her empty bedroom, stripped bed etc for washing....really wouldn't recommend it girls :(

So sorry Mabs I am the same if its any comfort. xxx

Oh MABS....that's -what I'm dreading, when I get back to her empty room.

:(

On a happier note. She has found her Halls FB page so is making contacts that way, an eclectic bunch, from all over the world!

She was very relieved to read there was someone brave enough to ask "anyone else not drink ? Don't want to be a party pooper for freshers!"

About 5 people said "me too" before she did so they are going to have a tea party when they get in & sorted!!!

MissM, which hall? DS is in Sherbourne.

great Missmarple. mine does drink a bit so is out the whole time and very tired, dh and I arguing a lot, think it's stress...

Having a bit of a wobbly moment this mornimg. I'm going to visit my elderly parents who are both not well. They live about a 90 miles from us and I go by train. Last time I went to visit them
DD3 came with me. I keep thinking there's lots of stuff I won't be doing with her now.