As a parent, do you feel your DC's Uni "should" communicate with you?

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A general question really, I work for a uni and we regularly get complaints from parents that we should have told them stuff.

But, the student is an adult and the contract is between the student and the university, even if parents are paying the fees/living allowance.

In some cases we would be breaking confidentiality by informing parents (e.g. Health issues), in others, I just think it's odd that parents get involved (e.g. student not picked for sports team).

Would appreciate some views/experiences

I agree that ease of communication has made a huge difference. I find it hard not to over communicate with children simply because I can and am used to doing so.

I understand what you mean Mrs Hoarder and agree.

Onemorechap- the problem is that unfortunately it is the parents business now because they have a financial interest.

The stakes are higher now that universities have set fees so high - I guess they are now dealing with customers

Point of order! The current government cut 80% of universities' teaching budgets, ring-fencing only STEM (science & technology) and some non-English language teaching.

£9,000 is about what it costs to educate an undergraduate in my field properly; in others, such as medicine for example, it can be £12-15,000.

Universities DON'T have extra money -- in fact, in the long term I expect that fees will go much higher, as it's not a stable financial model long term. And universities need to be able to think long term, in planning their key activities of teaching & research.

But it isn't.

mirry2 - the financial contract/interest is between student and parent or between student and university NOT between parent and university.

When I went (before tuition fees) the system was not so very different as people think. Due to parental income I got a very very minimal lowest level of grant. For people like me the parent was expected to make that up to the level of the full grant which those whose parents had very little money received - this was for living costs (no loans, no tuition fees then) - so just as much desire on all those middle class parents who had to make the minimum grant up to the full grant to know their child was actually attending lessons (and I was 17 when I started so technically a child).

I would not change things. I think it's fine as it is but there is nothing to stop a university agreeing with the students when they start that the university has the right to notify a nominated parent if they have concerns about the student such as health or attendance or criminal activities and I think many parents would very much like to know. In the days of mobiles and email my older ones have chosen not too much contact at all which is fine with me as they are independent but if they had dropped out or were at risk of that I would prefer to know and if they had given consent when they started the course to that in return for my funding their full costs (as I did without any student loans) I think that's a small sacrifice for such a lucky child to have to make - that parents might be told if they dropped out or were ill.

I think this is going to become more difficult for universities . Yes it is true that the financial contract is in the first instance between the university and student , however the amount a student can borrow for living costs is means tested on their parents income and in many cases university accommodation costs more than the amount you can borrow and it is assumed that the parent will make up the difference . Consequently there has to be input from the parent and hence it becomes their business.

I did everything on my own and have tried to stand back from ds1 this year ,he has got himself in a couple of pickles but he has also managed to find a way out , I only speak to him about once a fortnight , text slightly more often .

My parents didn't really care if I got a degree, they knew I would get a job anyway ,today's parents know how competitive it is out there and are bound to worry about their offsprings chances.

I understood that when Labour brought in tuition fees it didn't expect the fees to go so high.

It's very sad, isn't it.

Would universities be content to just educate the wealthy?

For me it's just the health/crisis side of things, and I'm not really that concerned about whether parents are told as to whether anyone at he university notices and whether there are support services. It's not like an employer relationship a) because the students are living at the university, frequently in halls and b) because if you fell apart at work it would certainly be noticed! So universities/courses that have personal tutors, great, mine didn't, in fact it was fairly clear that they weren't terribly interested in undergraduates at all.

It is a vulnerable age where things can go seriously wrong, and they aren't necessarily predictable in advance. I've a few friends who had breakdowns at university, due to pressure, sexual assault, difficulties coping alone, alcohol/drug abuse and just brain chemistry. I don't think it is reasonable for universities to completely expect students to sink or swim.

That said I don't expect academics to take on parenting roles, just that services should be there and referrals made as appropriate. Parents should be making sure their children are ready, know how things work and can cope with independence. I had a year out and felt much much better prepared than many of the other students, so I'll be making sure my children get a bit of boring work and independent traveling under their belts before they are off (especially as where we live now children finish school at 17).

DD1 went through university almost without issue. It wouldn't have occurred to us to call anyone.

DS1 though, went to a University hundreds of miles away. Halfway through the first term we realised we hadn't heard from him for a while and when we did get hold of him he said he was ill. Turned out he had been ill, but had then reached that point where because he'd missed classes he couldn't face going back. He'd got into a spiral of not going, and he didn't know what to do.

What made us angry was that there was supposed to be a good pastoral system which should have flagged up he was missing and somebody should have gone to see if he was OK (in halls). In the end DH had to go up there (7 hour trip) and gather him up. They went to see the tutor together and it transpired that lots of opportunities to help him had been missed, and he didn't know what to do. He ended up dropping out.

It seems from some of the responses here that some institutions manage to deal with this sort of situation well, so I don't think it's unreasonable to expect others to be able to manage it. Of course it isn't up to the teaching staff to d/w but the support staff.

That said I don't have any time for parents complaining about marks or suchlike. Really overstepping the mark there.

Generally I would say no but DS was rushed to hospital during freshers week with a punctured lung and landed up having an op and missing half the first term. DS was able to contact us so there was no involvement by the Uni.
However, when we went up to see him we did make an appointment to see his tutor just to let him know the position and find out what procedures DS needed to follow, if any. He was very concerned & supportive and even went to visit our DS. It wasn't something we expected but nevertheless made us feel that our DS wasn't just a number. We also noticed when we went to collect some stuff from his room that a member of the pastoral care team had dropped by and left her number in case he needed anything. This was all very reassuring for us but we certainly didn't expect that we should have been contacted by the Uni.

hmmm things that universities do - cancel a course part way through, fail to provide even the minimal number of hours contact that were advertised for the course, not provide feedback, allow students even in supposedly quiet accommodation to be as noisy as they please. That's a few examples offhand where the supposed contract between students and university is just ignored.

Modern communications do make a difference, young people text and use Facebook. If your student child becomes seriously ill the normal pattern of communication won't exist. Therefore there is more potential for parents to know something is wrong.

Students do read the detailed feedback when given promptly. One of my DC rings up and gives me a bow by blow account of every comment in the margin (punctuated by 'are you listening mum?) together with the elated or despondent response (depending) and it always amuses me how the tutors bend over backwards to be tactful so that a kick up the backside can be actually quite hard for a confident student to perceive.

The other DC is at a (well regarded Russell group) uni where the admin is terrible and understaffed and feedback is given (if at all) at the end of 2 months by which time it is practically useless because the next essay is already nearly finished. At this place 'tutorials' are in group of 30 or so and the tutors dont offer any routine one to one slot on the grounds that the student needs to be proactive. I am sure this is because to offer 400 or so students a one to one slot termly would be unrealistically time consuming for academics. The culture at uni no 2 does not promote the engagement of the student with the tutor and feedback is less timely and transparent. Not that it is my business either way. And it may make very little difference to the degree of course.

You can't assume they're all like your DC, funny, though.

I've sat in an empty room waiting for students to come and get the feedback, and collected essays from the pigeonhole that they didn't bother to come and get. I marked everything in a week.

Those problems, though, alreadytaken are for the student to sort out - possibly with the support of the parents (giving advice on how to handle it/help wording a letter etc) IF the student chooses to tell the parents about the problems.

Those problems still don't mean that the University has to correspond directly with the parents, because the student is an adult and the contract is with that adult. I've given my (adult student) children support and advice about how to handle difficulties when they have asked - but I wouldn't expect the University to deal directly with me.

malenky did admin tell them you would be there? I like being a tutor when I am a tutor. As long as I have the energy. I find in general that the students have energy and enthusiasm and knowledge which needs tempering with wisdom (though they may not think so!)

I have no idea what admin told them.

I told them. Repeatedly.

I'm not judging the students, btw - I was a lazy undergraduate, I didn't go to everything, etc. etc.

But the problem is, because of that, I know perfectly well I didn't always tell the exact truth to my parents - if only by lies of omission. That's part of growing up. Parents are only ever going to get a one-sided picture of what university is like, and 'oh, I never got feedback/they never told us that' is going to be a regular complaint. It's human nature. But it doesn't necessarily mean it's true.

Certainly not. I said goodbye at the beginning of each term and they got an occasional letter and/or drunken phone call from me and that was it. I'd have hit the roof if my department or college had told the what a waster I was progress I was making.

I think that so many people are now first generation university goers, it has created genuine problem in the misunderstanding of parental role for students.

A friend of mine works for a dean and is flabbergasted at the minutiae with which flappy parents see fit to call.

I told DD that school is there to help you pass, University is there to let you fail.
Very few people care what subject you read or what your dissertation was about. What they want to know is whether you are a self-motivated, conscientious adult i.e. employable.

It is the student's job to overcome all the obstacles they find along the way, to take responsibility for their own outcomes and be proactive in asking for support where necessary (from the University, parents, friends - doesn't really matter who - just learn how to ask for help). That is what you get awarded a degree for.

Christ no! It isn't a school!

I'm remembering my uni days now. My sister got knocked over by a motorbike when she was drunk in her first year. I got glandular fever. We frequently ran out of money and lived on plain rice. We dealt with it, no calls home.

I have to agree with creamteas at open days. There are now more parents there than students, and I have seen parents get (how can I put this nicely) very uppity when only one parent has been allowed to go on a tour due to space constraints. You do often find that parents are the ones asking all the questions whilst their DC sit there, supine and not saying much if anything. In contrast, UCAS fairs are more commonly attended by students alone, having come as part of a school / college group. You get much better questions from prospective students at UCAS fairs IME.

Universities generally have next of kin details, and for most students this will be their parents. IMHO the next of kin should be contacted if the student is too ill to contact parents themselves i.e. unconscious, sectioned, or dead. Other than that it's none of the parent's business.

I have to agree with creamteas at open days. There are now more parents there than students, and I have seen parents get (how can I put this nicely) very uppity when only one parent has been allowed to go on a tour due to space constraints.

Ah, yes, but ...

I have been to open days with the DC. Most places are accommodating and, if they want to get rid of parents temporarily, tend to do it diplomatically (think of toddler distraction techniques). One place we went to felt quite hostile and anti-parent. I had no problem when DS said that it wasn't the place for him; I had no inclination after that to try to persuade him otherwise.

You may not like it, but parental involvement is here to stay, especially now that such vast sums of money are involved. If your young-adult was buying a car or a house you would give advice, if asked, so it's not surprising that parents 'kick the tyres' of Universities too.

But if you helped the young adult buy a home, for sample by contributing to the deposit, would you then expect involvement in the running of that home? Similarly if you help towards buying a car, would you expect to be involved in how the car is then looked after as well? In theory that parental right of involvement would never end as long as you "help" your adult child.