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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

A Level Anxiety

895 replies

Toffee22 · 14/08/2011 22:42

Only 4 more "sleeps" until the A level results come out - not that I will be doing much sleeping...

Eldest son wants to study medicine. 3 "A's" required no slip ups allowed. Have just checked and most medical schools don't accept re-sits. How can I face looking at the cold hard facts at some point on Thursday. I'm sure it will be difficult for my son too! When I tried to talk to him about it today instead of a response he said he would do an "impression of a tree". It wasn't even a very good impression. What does this mean?

OP posts:
Pagwatch · 16/08/2011 22:55

God you are so fickle Fell

carpwidow · 16/08/2011 22:56

I like Fellatio :o (don't tell DH)

carpwidow · 16/08/2011 22:57

Why fickle? Will she hate me in the morning :o

Bouncingbeans · 16/08/2011 22:57

Just wanted to send out positive vibes to you all. Was in your position 2 years ago and whatever anyone says it is very hard to watch the emotions your DC go through, pinning their hopes on something and when you know how hard they have worked you just want to make it all ok, which of course you cant.

My DD refused to look at track even though the whole world and his wife looked at 7am and by 7.05am had copied the 'Congratulations your place at ... to study ..... has been successful' as their statuses. She made it clear to me that this was her plan and there was no point convincing her otherwise! We had to wait for school to open at 10am to find out. Her reasoning was that if she got a message to say she didnt get a place but didnt know her grades, there would be nothing she could do with that information as not much point calling the unis at that point.

She got her grades thankfully and her first choice so the day went from pure panic to elation as she rushed off to celebrate with friends after calling grandparents to give them the news! First person in our fmamily to go to uni so they were (and are) so proud :-) For me it was relief as she had worked blooming hard for years mixed with that's it shes leaving home! (Of course she didnt really as home for 5 months of the year!) She is studying medicine and during that week leading up to results she said that in her mind she couldnt imagine not achieving her grades, that equated to literally the end of her dreams. She now realises that is absolutely not true of course.

Her best friend missed her grades and went through clearing and now couldnt be happier with her uni/course so it does work out but I for one will never forget that day. Whatever some people say, it does matter and we can control our reactions to the world and to our DC, but we cannot control that knot of fear in the bottom of our stomachs. Good luck, fingers crossed for you all xx

Pagwatch · 16/08/2011 23:01
Grin

No. She will still love you but she is meant to love meeeeeeeeeeeeeee

I feel all abandoned.

adamschic · 16/08/2011 23:01

We are a one parent family, mine DC is at state school and I didn't go to uni.

I think there are similar threads every year for GCSE and A level results.

carpwidow · 16/08/2011 23:03

Yes, but I buttered her up by commending her on her command of the English language - it was sensational earlier :)

carpwidow · 16/08/2011 23:05

Good luck for Thursday adamschic and yes, or course there are similar threads every year because what we are doing, believe it or not, whether in England or in Scotland, is acting perfectly NORMALLY. Shock

Pagwatch · 16/08/2011 23:09

Suck up.

I described her as gorgeous and full of life and vivacious. Got me no where.

I just want ds1 to do as well as he hopes. And to get the recognition for his hard work. Then he can fuck about at uni for three years.

RockStockAndTwoOpenBottles · 16/08/2011 23:14

Sorry Fellatio and Yellowstone I posted and then buggered off out. Thanks for your quick support comments way up thread! Wow Yellow I discovered the other day you had a small army of DC, but didn't the time know what ages they are , but it's reassuring to see you coming out the other side!

Fellatio it is nerve tinging stuff, BUT I have said to the DDs this year and last that as long as they can honestly feel that they have done their best, that is good enough for me. DD1 is absolutely crapping herself for Thursday and my ex husband has cleverly Confused booked them on a half ten in the morning flight out of here (Spain) without thinking, so she won't get her results until the moment she lands at Gatwick and turns her phone back on! For once we are actually hoping for a delay!

Good luck everyone for this Thursday and next. Large bottles of Cava on ice for whatever reasons we shall need it for! Grin

carpwidow · 16/08/2011 23:22

fellatio? suck up? what sort of thread is this? Blush

Pagwatch · 16/08/2011 23:23
Grin
RoseC · 16/08/2011 23:29

susiefen They should have to make a decision now purely because of the new batch of applications from students this autumn - they need to have an idea of how many places there will be in 2012, especially as the government is financially penalising any university that oversubscribes themselves.

If he misses his grades then he should call them and explain. UEA are, IME, very understanding. You can find all the department numbers on the Internet, although they may have special clearing numbers that they publish (not sure how clearing works any more). Good luck!

A1980 · 17/08/2011 00:20

From the OP: How can I face looking at the cold hard facts at some point on Thursday. I'm sure it will be difficult for my son too!

I remember being 18 and absolutely hating that my mother would take my stress, my nerves and turn them into hers and she would get as wound up and stressed out as me. it absolutely did not help. I took the view she had no right to be stressed out as it was my life it was going to affect, not hers. Something you should all consider.

mumblecrumble · 17/08/2011 03:52

Feel for you all and your kids - good luck. 4 in the morning and I'm up after results day anxiety nightmares... [a level teacher]...

A1980 - I remember being 18 and though I agree with you to some extent, it sounds easier said than done.

PrincessJenga · 17/08/2011 04:14

Lol mumble. Me too. Actually, I'm up feeding LO but also double checking I have my edexcel log in details handy. He's only a few days old but will be coming into school on thurs so I can celebrate or commiserate with my classes.

Good luck to everyone's DC Grin

ellisbell · 17/08/2011 06:39

woke up very early today stressed out about the results and have been reading this. If you have a stubborn child who is determined that their future will take them in one direction then you are naturally worried about what happens if there is an obstacle. It doesn't help if they go to a school where there is a lot of pressure on them. I have a Plan B (and C) but my child refuses to talk about it.

Doesn't help having been through it before, the fee hike exerts a lot of pressure.

mrswoodentop · 17/08/2011 07:00

a1980 I agree to some extent however I was in the opposite position with pretty disengaged parents ,how I longed to have someone to share a bit of the stress with me.My younger brother was left completely on his own to deal with the stress of missing his grades and dealing with clearing.I swore I would never leave my children to cope on their own like that .I think it probably left a lasting scarves my brothers relationship with my parents.
I am afraid in the modern world as well ,because my children will depend on me financially at university it does affect his father and I too,obviously I try not to point this out but he is not stupid and knows this

FellatioNelson · 17/08/2011 07:29

a1980 That is very interesting, and although I agree it is easier said than done, I think you are completely right. My son is very tetchy with me at the moment, and perhaps he is sensing my anxiety and feel the pressure not to let me done. Of course it's not about letting me down, but I can completely see how they may turn it in on themselves and feel that way, so thank you for that - food for thought.

Pag, I love you, you know I do, but I thought we had an open relationship? Anyway you went on holiday forever without so much as a word, and I can't be expected to put my life on hold. I have needs you know.

Anyway, never mind me being vivacious and all the stuff, what the merry fuck is 'FN is still flirting with rebellion and losing' supposed to mean? I spent far too much time trawling my recent posts trying to understand that one last night. Grin

FellatioNelson · 17/08/2011 07:29

Let me down.

eatyourveg · 17/08/2011 07:41

Quick question - if you miss your grade by a few points it seems from this thread that there is still a chance your choice of uni will take you. Does this apply to clearing places? Do you have to get the normal admission requirements in terms of grades or could they offer you a place even if you narrowly miss, so that they can fill the place?

FellatioNelson · 17/08/2011 07:47

I've no idea, but I suppose the nearer it gets to the start of term the more likely it is they will downgrade the requirements. After all, they still need to fund the course for the others who are committed to it! I don't know whether there is a limit to the amount of times you can apply, be rejected, then go back and try again. God what a horrible thought.

Pagwatch · 17/08/2011 08:15

Oh fellatio I was just trying to get your attention -we are all needy really.
An open relationship is fine. I will try not to be jealous but what with you buggering off I must accept that I need to move on a bit

Ds1 is not being burdened by my anxiety and stress so I don't feel the need to consider that.
The thread is just the usual hyperbole and gibbering nonsense isn't it? All very good for a little light tension relief and not really to be compared with how real loving mothers are behaving in their real homes.

My pils were over invested in dhs results but that is everything about their behaviour and nothing to do with women on a website finding others in the same situation to compare chewed finger nails. Perhaps it is as relevant to see ones own mothers massive over reaction as unusual and not typical?

I am not trying to be argumentative - perhaps some on here are over invested. But I think it is easy to be pious about what is ultimately just a chatty thread
It is like all the threads about school holidays - most parents are not really dreading them and fearful that they will kill the little fuckers if they say I am bored one more time.

I would joke on here about pacing the kitchen etc but he has done his best, whatever he gets will be fine - we will deal with it. To be honest if he misses his grades he has been advised to reapply to his preferred option so I wouldn't mind at all. I get another years babysitting.....

snorkie · 17/08/2011 08:25

mumofsussex if you're still about, the OCR grade boundaries have been published and you'll be relieved to hear the D1 maths ones (the contraversial one) are very low. Fingers crossed for your ds.

jugglingwiththreeshoes · 17/08/2011 08:51

Good luck to you all and your families - mine are a few years off all this yet - I'm sure we'll be there before I know it !

Just wanted to say, by way of some perspective, that if your DC's have worked hard through secondary school, & have hopes and plans for the future, you've already done a really good job. They will be OK whatever Thursday brings !

Good luck to all in figuring out and negotiating the best options following results.
Perhaps the first real decision of their adult lives !
Sorry - I was trying to make things less stressful wasn't I ! Grin