Parent of oxbridge candidate-peersupportneeded

[funnyperson]

OK so my DD is applying to Oxford for entry in 2011 and has a 75% chance of getting rejected so I am told by the Oxford website so I reckon a new thread would be helpful for us parents who may end up with joy or grief but in any event need to keep sane enough to support our loved ones. Any tips on maximising chances of success at this stage?

The sleepover thing is annoying because it means they dont get any sleep so the following day is messed up. At gcse and AS, DD was banned from sleepovers from Easter onwards which wouldn't have made any difference except that luckily most other parents/students were also grounded. I do not remember DD doing any work for gcse though she gets cross when I say this and says she did loads.
This year DD has acquired a selection of friends who are not quite as committed and anyway she is too old for me to place restrictions. Luckily after a predictably very tiring sleepover the first day of this holidays she has learned the art of polite refusal- it is interesting to hear her. She now definitely knows more genetics than me, which is great. She is going upto a York offer holders day tomorrow with a friend who has a music offer there so thats a bit of a break I suppose.
Yellowstone its nice to hear that Wadham isn't too frantic.
DS in his first year in London is actually spending time revising for exams when he goes back which has surprised me........or maybe its spending time in hall away from home........or maybe its just spending time away from home

Or maybe he has disappeared without me realising? Oh dear I am a terrible mum I love them so but cant help worrying about their academics: where is betelguese- she seemed to have such a good notion about where her ds is at in terms of academia and daily living always.
The trouble is that as they grow older they don't want to tell me every detail about their work and lives and its quite hard to relax and think thats because every thing is fine.

hello I'm new to this, registered today. Have a DD & DS and followed your thread since last autumn as DD wishes to study PPE. Has offers from Durham and York, rejected by Warwick and Oxford following interview at Corpus Christi. CC feedback positive and suggests he was quite close! Considering applying again next year and wonders whether there are any colleges that he might stand a better chance at.

Are some more supportive of applicants from the state sector? Or should one go back to where one applied the first time on the basis that this might be considered persistent if nothing else? Any advice would be most welcome.

Sorry this is so long. Happy to supply further info.

Funnyperson etc
Have watched this thread emerge over the last year and have had the odd post on it.
Have already said that both DS's were Oxbridge rejects and both went to Nottm to do Engineering and Economics respectively.
Both went to state and local 6th form colleges and there was absolutely nothing DH or I could say to make them work any harder in their A levels. They were both A* / A students.
Funnyperson, we could worry about them until the cows come home, but they don't always tell us a lot a this time in their lives.
From what I've seen about your children in the last year Funnyperson, your daughter will be fine and there is probably nothing else you can do as a prospective parent of an Oxford candidate that your daughter is not already doing.
I think if we start to ask them too much we'll end up knowing even less about them ( I sometimes end up finding out more about DS1 by taking DS2 out to lunch at the local pub on my day off and in his uni holidays- the way to a mans (boys) heart is through his stomach!

Funnyperson you sound like me, a worrier, especially when there's no news. I hate no news, always have done. I've tried to leave the eldest alone up in Oxford (though I love the City and would go like a shot if I could). She's grown up hugely in the last three years and I just e-mail rather than phone - then she can reply in her own time (or when she wakes up....). There was one time when I did go up (for the second one's interview though) when she said she felt neglected, so actually I obviously got it wrong. You sound to me as though you communicate very well. The second daughter I fret about more, she's different, but again I try to let her feel she's not being checked up on all the time and has her own life. Often that's hard. The third one, due to start university in October, is more in the mould of the oldest and I think will be fine. I do know they can give me news of each other, which helps quite a lot. Your DC's are London bred, so should be pretty self-sufficient and street-wise, not like my bumpkins.

floco that wasn't long! The Oxford website has tables showing what percentage of offers were made to students from each sector. What to infer from those statistics as far as applications from the state sector goes is another thing. On the whole if I was giving my child advice I'd say definitely try a different college. In the current climate I'd also tend to apply to one which has a lowish representation of state schoolers but tbh, who knows? My eldest's tutor at Wadham (which has a very high percentage from the maintained sector) told her he looked at each interviewee afresh: it wasn't their fault where their parents chose to send them to school. All the tutors I've heard about or spoken to seem incredibly grounded, I think they try extremely hard just to try and find the best. Very good offers though so presumably a very hard decision?

Hi Yellowstone. Thank you for this. Trying to amass as much info as possible. Also trying to sit on the fence and support whatever decision is made - after all, it is ultimately DS's decision. There are so many colleges, have heard that some are very biased towards certain political persuasions, DS is worried about going anywhere too rah. Did your DD submit specifically to Wadham? As you say, it is a very hard decision - especially knowing that the unis which have offered will probably not do so next year. As with a lot of our DC's I know in my heart that DS would excel at Oxford and is ideally suited to the tutorial style of teaching. He has worked so hard, completely his own choice, it is just so upsetting as a parent not to be able to take their pain. Decision day looms.

Hi floco, yes she did apply to Wadham. But her sister was pooled to a college with a 'rah' reputation which bothered her a lot until she went up - and it's fine; she's very comfortable with the college and very glad she got pooled. I think she gets now that this 'rah' business is only pernicious when allied to unmerited arrogance which is less likely to happen at Oxford these days (I went to university in the less meritorious heydays of 'rah', so could comment with some perspective).

I can well understand how hard it must be to have to decide whether to give up Durham and York (especially at current fees) and take a chance. But does decision day loom? I honestly don't know what the UCAS position is if you accept an offer, meet the conditions and then ask to opt out to re-apply. Our school has seen a lot of success with re-applicants who were rejected but regarded as strong, but I can honestly say that not one had a really good alternative offer. The one student I know of who did have an offer from Durham and York accepted Durham rather than re-applying, but after a lot of thought and I know he was at least as clever as my DCs who did get Oxford offers. I don't see why those universities shouldn't re-issue their offers, but I'd certainly be worried for mine that they wouldn't, that would be the big fear.

Just re-read your post floco. I went to Durham myself when it was wall to wall rahs. It's not the same now. The student I referred to who took up his place is also not one of nature's rah's and is obviously very happy. Please tell your son to be cautious before he judges such a beautiful place on reputation. I've had this same conversation with mine!

Thanks bearcat and yellowstone.
It turned out DS had bad d and v -possibly a food bug - so he rang home and now I've picked him up and he's home being nurtured. Turned out DD crushed her nail (left hand luckily) in a car door so we spent all day at the hospital while she had ghastly surgery and now she is also at home being nurtured. My reading is that they both need rest and recuperation. I am so pleased they ate all their veg and all the salad as well as the pizza etc and are now both in bed asleep. Its lovely having them home. I just wish they had come home for the R and R before getting ill. I went to see my sister and her brood. Her six foot son, the poor fellow, has already lost weight worrying about making his Imperial AA AA offer. His insurance is Bristol with 'only' 3A to get. And there are nearly three months to go till the end of exams. We all sat and chatted about the Olympics and chilled.

Floco I think this year is an especially tough year for the young ones. Because of the rise in fees next year and because of this new A star grade being in many uni offers for the first time, the pressures are more severe than in previous years. Decisions such as that which your DS and family are going through are a lot harder to make without also considering finances.

Hi Yellowstone and funnyperson.
Feels odd addressing you this way but hello again. Fp hope your DC have recovered.
Since receiving your supportive posts we have established from UCAS that they have an 'adjustment' system, whereby, if DS attains higher grades than the 3 A's required for his offers, he can register to seek an offer from another uni, without this affecting his existing place. If suitable offer within 5 days, he can transfer to other uni. A sort of clearing in reverse. Second alternative is to accept offers now and, if get higher grades and decide to re-apply, decline at that stage.
UCAS have said that DS should not be prejudiced by unis if he re-applies to them next year, having declined this year, however, I think that is somewhat optimistic. Have totally put question of increased fees to one side.
I feel a bit like Peter Snow's swingometer at the moment, but keeping thoughts to myself!
DS on buddhist surfing retreat end of week so we have decided to take him to Cornwall and have 3 days B&B ourselves with DD. Hope weather holds!
Have a great Easter everyone.

Hello all how are the dc doing?
My dd is in singleminded mode determined to get her grades. I need a plan for the lead up to results day as I forsee mega anxiety and nailbiting. Also I need to plan for what if she a)doesnt b) does get her grades. i dont mean which uni I mean how to cope as a family.
What have other families who have been through this done in the lead up to results day and the immediate aftermath.
Incidentally dd being single minded is a slight exaggeration- the usual parties etc have been cut somewhat- but only somewhat. Although I was told firmly today that she didn't want to meet hunky men in Cambridge at a do next weekend as it might jeopardise her chances of meeting hunky men in Oxford in the Autumn. This made me laugh.

Children are so different. DS, after recovering from d and v,spent most of his days home in bed, only a couple of hours of which appeared to be 'reading'. As he is 'reading' history, I thought this was fair enough, till he told me he was upset because he didn't have the time to revise for the upcoming first year exams as much as he should.
I'm afraid I told him that I wouldn't be in the least bit sorry for him till I had seen him wake up at 5am and go to bed at 2am not getting tipsy at a dance club, but reading, to try and make enough time to cover the syllabus, like I and my peers did at medical school. Of course then my mum rushed in and said how important it was to get the proper sleep in the exam period. So then I had to explain that the three hour sleep thing is only when revising, not during actual exam week. Sigh.
How much sleep are your dc getting?

Funnyperson. Your DD WILL get the grades.
Don't know what the percentage of youngsters with Oxford offers don't get in due to poor results, but it must be pretty low. Oxford must pick them well.
There are plenty that get the grades required anyway but end up at other universities.
I was always confident that my DS's would get the grades required as they were always hard working ( still definately one of the lads though, most definately).
I went to bed on the day before exam results last year wondering at what time after 9am DS2's results would appear on the 6th form college portal on his laptop.
Heard DS1 get up at 5.45 am to get ready to go to work for his internship, and then at 6 am to hear DS2 chearing and whooping at discovering his A* and 3 A's.
It was a bloody brilliant wake up and I don't think I will ever forget the thrill and excitement of hearing so early and not having to nurse several cups of coffee and waiting for the phone to ring as when DS1 had to physically go to his 6th form college to collect the results.
You can only support her through the exams and then try to enjoy those few very short weeks before results day, and then enjoy the time with her before she departs for Oxford.

PS DS2, having returned home for the last 10 months since graduation has just signed up for a 3 bed flat in Kilburn with 2 friends he shared a house with in Nottm . I'm excited for him, he needs to go definately to enjoy that thrill of living in London with friends his age ( especially as he and his girlfriend of 6 years have recently split (her decision)---- you wouldn't notice any difference in his demeanor and the grass certainly hasn't grown under his feet if you know what I mean ) but feel like our lives (DH and I) are changing again and kids are definately starting to fly the nest.

funnyperson it sounds to me as though you have a DD who'll fly in. How many exams does she have? Ouch about the finger.

My DD's school do English in January so she's already got one result. Only two to do, so it really lightens the load. Bit of a cheat, really.

Wadham finals DD is working hard now but took this w/e off to go to Wadstock and have her boyfriend to stay. I went up on Easter Monday and all the finalists were around, almost all having stayed pretty much right through the vac. It was a good atmosphere. But then it was a beautiful day and they'd all emerged into the gardens and were lying around - but at least there was an air of being relaxed. Anyhow, quite quick to accept the offer of lunch and an evening drink at the pub!

Good luck to your two.

Thank you Yellowstone. Your DD seems to have it sorted re no of exams to do. How sensible. How sorted. Are there lessons about life to be learned here, in relation to early birds catching worms etc? No idea how many papers my DD has. Not as many as at GCSE anyway- with thirty odd exam papers that year, I always said and still say that a child who is organised enough to -survive excel at 10 or more GCSE at one session can probably survive anything. Juggling a work /life balance will be child's play for such an elevated being. You paint such a lovely picture of the atmosphere in Oxford over Easter. Will your Wadham DD stay on for postgrad? The week after Easter, DD and I waved flags and ogled hats in parliament square before dashing home in time for tea and revision.

Completely agree about the GCSE's funnyperson. People are too sniffy about grade inflation: I think to achieve highly in all 10 or whatever shows sustained hard work and aptitude across a broad spectrum and it irritates me when these pupils are put down. I think I read up thread that your DD got 10 A's: does your DD know that Oxford says these strings of A's are the best single predictor of First's....? (no pressure!). DD3 is definitely having a much easier time at the moment doing a couple of A2's than DS2 is with his 11 linear GCSE's (he finally started working a few weeks back!).

No DD1 isn't doing postgrad. She's taking a gap year before starting her job (probably sensible: she's never had time off). But I think she'll be at Wadham quite a lot, assuming that she and Wadham boyfriend are still together (he's going to be nicely positioned in a lovely room on the Front Quad). She's going to China over the summer on a programme organised through college, so that'll start the year pretty well.

Glad your DS got better. Living not too far away from home/ mum has its merits!

aaaarrrggghhhh why have I not yet won the lottery? I do not have the money for driving lessons and interrailing and a family holiday and a new laptop and a new uni wardrobe for DD and university fees /maintenance not to mention the mortgage and food. It gets me really down at times.
We are in the hiatus between the last ever day of school lessons and the first day of exams.
It is a very strange feeling. On the one hand I am so proud that years of successful schooling are coming to an end for DD, on the other, I know I have to stand straight and be there for her a little longer while she gets through the exams.

DS2 finished college yesterday - that's me done with school at last (after 25 years )

He paid for half his driving lessons, & will be entirely responsible for his own tuition & maintenance loans, like his siblings; we will sub him in emergencies & buy him a trolley-full of groceries after vacations.

Mortgage & food must take priority! Student laptops & family holidays bring up the rear. Inter-railing, or any other travel, has to be paid for with summer jobs. Clothes are negotiable. You can't pay for everything if you haven't got the money!

I took DD for a drive yesterday-50yds at 5mph. It was wonderful to see the look on her face when I said I would, and that I had insured the car for the summer, and great to put the L plates on. Proper lessons will be 'after the exams'.
She has been revising a lot, so by her cutting down the time that she is inter-railing, and my foregoing a couple of hairdressing appointments (I can live with a less than up to the minute hairstyle), the inter-rail ticket has been bought.
I am a bit concerned about her circadian rhythm though. She is sleeping all morning then revising half the night 'because its more peaceful'. Anyone else's DC the same?
The mortgage is paid, fresh strawberries are on the table. DD is being fed nutritious spinach and salads -there is a promise of a wonderful summer continuing. At least until mid August anyway.

roll on 18th August!

mumoverseas how are you and your dc?
I made a bit of a mistake today hearing dd on various aspects of Greek tragedy- it was so interesting I went to read up on it and then discovered how much DD had left out. I then made the obvious blunder of telling DD what, in my opinion, the fuller version of the central role of women in Greek tragedy was. No tears but a bit of a panic in reply together with her telling me they had been preparing this for months- well if they had been preparing it for months can someone please explain why DD doesn't know it backwards when the exam is in 3 days time? Anyway I was rewarded with a barrage of (amazing) quotes and the wrong translation for Oedipus - which really, for those of you are curious , means 'swollen foot' because the poor doomed fellow was left to die on mountain as a baby with his feet in irons. So now, after a couple of hours of joint reading of books, plays, internet etc, we are mini-experts on the correct translation of Oedipus, the detailed lives and loves of Medea, Antigone, Jocasta and the rest, the meaning of the word Agon, as well as the role of the Greek Chorus etc.
This had to be balanced with a visit to see Pirates of the Caribbean 4 (central role of woman plus dramatic trapdoor effect) and fresh mangos all round.
In short I am in a flat panic and totally fail to see how DD is going to get those 3 A grades but must on no account let her know I feel this way.

When it comes to her biology revision, the detailed theories of neurotransmitters, ion channels, restriction enzymes etc totally distract me from tax returns. DD requires me to listen while she attempts to explain it all, gets into muddle ( or is it me getting into a muddle? Or is it both of us?) then the washing up has to be stopped while we both look at the textbook, the internet etc, puzzle it out and she finally comes up with an answer which we both understand and fits the exam spec. DS was so much easier. He used to gruffly say I had no hope of understanding his economics (true) and so would I keep out of it.

i know i don't belong on here but have popped in under another name a few times!

ds1 was lucky enough to get a place at cmbridge this year and tomorrow starts his exams ...I dare not speak to him nor text him such is the pressure

Oxbridge for certain subjects in certain colleges is not for the faint hearted and I will not recommend it to all my children.

It is an amazing opportunity and ds feels very lucky but he also works very hard- all year with saturday lectures all morning and a pretty much 9-5 week. His whole house work as hard as him bar one or two - most nights a week till midnight and after - sometimes through the night stopping for communal coffees at 3 am

It's not everyones cup of tea!

I believe that they'll all get in and will flourish - very, very few don't.

Sorry Funnyperson, the thousandth post was yours by right and I stole it.

Especially good luck to your DD; enjoy those Oxford summers!

funnyperson all good with DC although a little bit of stress last week with DS's maths exam which had an 'impossible question' in it! Am keeping fingers crossed it won't affect his predicted grade as he needs AAA for his uni place.
Fingers crossed that your DD (and everyone elses DC) get the grades they need.

Will probably name change soon and come back as the new me. Returning to the UK FOREVER so need a new name x