Guest post: "We need to ask for help with mental health, before we hit rock bottom"

[MumsnetGuestPosts]

I should have sought help for my mental health much earlier than I did. I'd convinced myself for years that I could cope, that I was okay, and that I really was the woman who always had a smile on my face. Last year, when I couldn't get out of bed and the tears refused to stop - I finally reached out.

If you had told me then that today I would be spearheading a campaign to raise mental health awareness, I'd have looked at you bewilderedly, turned over in bed and gone back to my incessant thoughts and seemingly endless tears. But it's true - I have begun something that has drawn people into conversation and allowed me to witness more bravery than I ever dreamed possible.

I have suffered with anxiety, panic attacks and OCD all my life. I had thoughts telling me that the people I loved would die if I didn't do a certain thing, think a certain thought or say a certain prayer. My panic attacks that would make me believe my heart was exploding and made me push away those I loved the most.

Last year, it reached a climax and to put it bluntly, floored me for approximately six to eight months. The problem with mental illness is that it's often only when you hit rock bottom that you seek help and begin to open up about it - because you have no other choice. Roughly one million people per year take their own lives. We have to reach people sooner.

I began the #itaffectsme campaign with the intention of giving people suffering with mental illness, and their friends and family, a voice. The campaign aims to reduce the stigma around mental health - because it does add to people's fear of speaking out. We should all be able to say "I have a mental illness" without being scared of the response.

The campaign encourages people to be open and honest. I am asking people to take a selfie with a post-it note on their head which says "#itaffectsme" on it. #itaffectsme is a simple declaration - stating that we have all known or will know mental illness in our lives. It might affect us, or family, or friends, or a stranger in the street. But the selfie puts faces to mental illness - we are not anonymous, and we are not embarrassed. Mental illness has no prejudices about who it affects, so we should have no prejudices about it.

The courage of people speaking out has struck me repeatedly. The first woman to contact me directly told me she was suffering with post-natal depression and that #itaffectsme had allowed her to speak to her husband about it for the first time. If this campaign has helped just one person to reach out then it is worth every single tear I have shed.

The three aims of the campaign are to get people talking, to get mental health education on the curriculum and to make the Prime Minister stick to his £1 billion pledge to mental health services. The government cut funding by £35 million last year, despite promises not to, and it is simply not good enough.

Though sticking a post-it note on your head may seem simple, there is bravery in acknowledging mental illness. But this is just the first step. The second is seeking help and the subsequent steps - accepting help and going through the process - can be very difficult, even with the support of family.

When I was at my lowest, what would have helped was for someone to be there and to say "Me too." That's what #itaffectsme is. It is the "me too" for everyone suffering, a reminder that you're not alone, and that if you speak out and get help it can pass and you can arm yourself for the future. You can be prepared to greet it like an old friend who you have history with but nothing in common any more, accept its presence and then when the time comes - because it will - send it on its way.

None of us are fixed, none of us are perfect but if we speak out we can let the rest of the world know that it is okay to do so. It is okay to not be okay.
#itaffectsme: Help us spread the word!

Text SUPPORT to 70660 to give £3 to Mind.

4 February is Time to Talk day - you can find out more here.

Bacon I'm glad to hear that you have finally got the help that works for you. Unfortunately CBT is being labelled as a one size fits all because it's much cheaper for the NHS than other forms of therapy. I completely agree that more funding needs to be put into mental health services so that more forms of therapy can be accessed.

I am inclined to agree with the pp who said the stigma is constantly dragged up again by these kind of campaigns. i tend to think that actually they're having a counter effect re: look at all these lovely people admitting they have/have had mental health problems - they're all doing ok! see how look nearly EVERYONE has mental health problems, it's NOT a big deal, it's a bit like the common cold so just get on with it and stop feeling sorry for yourself.

it's become almost cool for people to say they have OCD or anxiety etc and the lines between normal ranges of human experience in day to day living and actual crippling clinical mental illness are blurred in such a way as to, inadvertently or not, trivialise the illnesses and place even higher expectations on sufferers to 'get over it'.

the sad fact that many dont' want to really know is that we don't all get better. many of us battle our whole lives with repeated major episodes and ongoing mild or moderate struggles in between.

the stigma for me isn't about whether people talk about it or admit it or put pictures on facebook - i couldn't really care less. the STIGMA is people ending up killing themselves or wanting to do so because of the kind of evil treatment they face when trying to access disability benefits. it is the deliberate actions of those in power to make the lives of people with mental health problems unbearable, even more humiliating and impoverished etc

TheHoneyBadger

I completely agree with everything you've written.

Flanjabelle
" why is your experience the only one that is valid?"

How's it working out for your mental health to deliberately read into things that were not said , certainly not by me?

We've all heard tales of bring let down by the NHS . My experience has been the opposite. Hence I will sing the praises of the NHS at every opportunity especially when others are critical.

Where did I say my experience was the only valid one?

If that has not been your experience you can't just conclude the NHS is crap. It's not. It's bloody wonderful. - this is very dismissive of others opinions. This is the part that makes it seem like you feel others experiences are not as valid as yours. I was simply showing you that it works both ways. if your experiences have been mainly positive then of course you will feel positively about the nhs. When, like me, you have had massively negative experiences, you will feel negatively about the nhs. Both sides are valid. You telling people that they can't conclude the nhs is crap is telling people that their view is not valid. I haven't read into anything, I have simply replied to your comments and turned it around to show both sides.

How's it working out for your mental health to deliberately read into things that were not said , certainly not by me? - this is downright rude and unnecessary. Are you proud of this comment? I wouldn't be if I were you.

Until the past year, my experience of mental health services had been terrible.
My first experience of a counsellor during my teens was rubbish and inconsistent. Then my second experience, wasn't too sure how to handle things because i was pregnant and wholly believed my problems were purely hormonal.

Years later, still struggling, still suffering, I manage to get some support. Then to be told my problems were too severe for the services I was using... So I was referred on. This part took almost a year!!! Then i discovered my paperwork had been lost and as far as they were concerned, I didn't exist at all. When the mistake was corrected, I saw an awful psychologist who told me that she had a big workload and only worked part time. I don't even know what her point was.

After that, I moved house, and was referred onto a new psychologist. This one was brilliant. I had to wait a while longer, because the mental health team in my new area didn't actually have a psychologist, lucky for me one was about to start.
He improved my life without a shadow of a doubt. I also have a support worker who, some weeks, is my weekly lifeline. Not to mention the fantastic coordinator who made things work smoothly.

My point is, that even when accesible, sometimes the quality of mental health care is severely lacking. The attitudes are still sometimes outdated. GPs need to wise up and shape up. It's an all too easy favourite to script an anti d to put a patch on things.

I'm happy to spread awareness and have never been ashamed of my mental health.
I'm also happy to help in any other ways.

The NHS is only as good as you make it. You maybe have to have worked within it to know how to get the best out of it.

The best health care and mental health care are available to you within the NHS and for free. You need to put in the hours and the research though to find the best consultants and treatment.

The best tip I ever got was "Choose and Book". It is the system GPs will use to refer you on. If a consultant/specialist in a field works in the NHS and has future appoinments free then you can insist on seeing them. You just need to know who it is that you need to see and then go armed with that knowledge to your GP.

If you wander in to your GP ill prepared and with no background knowledge on a condition then expect to get fobbed off with a poorer service. More often than not you will know more about your condition than a GP so you should be the one to drive your treatment initially until you make contact with the specialist mental health department.

flanjabelle I totally agree with you. I just read the title of this article on MN and thought this is bound to be utter BS.

I don't have time to write out all the examples I have from trying to access even one appropriate service in 20 years, through GPs in at least 5 different parts of the country. Because I'm desperately trying to apply for jobs before my JSA runs out. Knowing full well that in my state of MH I'll in all likelihood end up back on it. The last professionals I spoke to said that I need to make sure I have a day per week where I'm allowed out of work to access their service, if I get offered the therapy they are suggesting.. ha ha maybe their employer would be ok with that but I can't imagine mine will be if I get a job.

Countless GPs.. who categorically state things about my MH (you have this e.g. anger, aspergers, bipolar.. /don't have this) that MH services later tell me are complete rubbish and they shouldn't have said.. referrals to services where I'm told it's absolutely not an appropriate service for my needs.. re-referrals to the same service from the same GP only to end up sat in front of the same MH assessor who is asking why on earth they have sent me back there.. GPs offer pills each and every time and try to push those without any proper assessment of what might be up with me, then seem disinterested in me if I say I don't want to take them.. 3 month waiting list each and every time there is a referral to a new service.. and I'm constantly told by the GPs that if things get 'really bad' I should turn up to A&E - that's despite all the press about pressure on A&E. I'm never going to do that of course because I'm always hovering around 'really not ok' rather than 'rock bottom', and as a LP with no support I'm terrified about what might happen to my toddler if I did go to A&E with her and say I couldn't cope.

When I was pregnant and just wanted someone to talk to about whether or not to have an abortion, when I was entirely isolated and alone, I was passed to at least 3 different services all of whom said they weren't right.. right up to the 21-week 'too late' mark. One of the services I was sent to was a women who just looked at me and said 'I help people decide whether or not to have a c-section if they are scared of labour, why on earth have you been sent to me?' - so not even in the right ball park, then.

I think that help should be available before you even need to reach out for it, never mind hit rock bottom.
What I mean is that coping mechanisms like relaxation, meditation, mindfulness, physical exercise with a focus on its stress-relieving properties, therapeutic focussed activities etc should be part of our education from an early age. And children should be told why they are learning these things - so they can use them when they are feeling worried or upset.

So that by adulthood we should have a repertoire of things that we know keep us calm and grounded. This would surely be much more effective than waiting until we are in mid-crisis and then casting around desperately for a solution.

These things obviously won't be a cure-all for those with severe clinical mental illness, but they might help reduce the huge numbers of people who end up with anxiety and depression, and perhaps reduce the enormous pressure on the mental health services, resulting in better and quicker help for those who are in the greatest need of it.

Flanjibelle I am very sorry if I offended you.

I hope you get help with your mental health

Thank you for your apology imin.

Brilliant idea that it should be instilled in the young how to keep yourself calm and grounded. Its certainly something i never learned.

Despite the press coverage of celebrities with mental health issues, and awareness rsised by volunteers and organisations there is still such a stigma around it.
People dont know what to say. So its harder to talk about.

merci, I certainly think mental health issues should be talked about with young people as well as coping strategies for every day worries and blues. The latter are part of life.

However, a substantial part of mental illness is because of neurological conditions or adverse childhood circumstances or adult trauma etc. CBT and mindfulness teach coping strategies, they don't address the underlying issues. Both have enormously helped me, but meditation has also brought past experiences into my awareness which contributed to my breakdown.

I teach my DC mindfulness, but I also don't abuse them, I don't drink myself to oblivion and I don't seek obedience by instilling fear.

of course it would be nice to teach mental health awareness in schools - personally i think that's about all that CBT is good for re: a sort of basic awareness of how are thoughts, feelings and behaviour are interlinked and how to practice self care. it is patronising and utterly useless in crisis - unless you are dealing with people who literally have never tried to understand or address their mental health themselves.

the reality is though that there are kids in school already diagnosed with metal health problems (or needing dx) and/or in true crisis and getting zero or next to zero support. we're not intervening and effectively treating literally suicidal and terribly at risk kids - you think we're going to find the funds and professionals to do awareness classes?

i think the government wants to ignore mental health, to continue to undermine it being seen as a genuine health problem or disability (and keep forcing people to job seek or be sanctioned when they're suicidal and having panic attacks about leaving the house) and keep as much stigma as possible because they don't want to spend money on it, they don't want people off sick with it and they don't want to encourage the peasants to think their health and wellbeing matters.

might as well be realistic.

Honey, I would agree with you, but then I would lose all hope. The reality is that in many parts of the country, children are not even adequately fed, and where they are fed, mums are going without to feed them.

yes - you'd think people would get the message - this government doesn't give a flying fuck about your wellbeing! sorry. 'hope' alone doesn't fix anything. much like taking selfies or clicking share or like on facebook.

No, honey, but hope is the only thing which makes me look at my life and circumstances and think, how do I change things even a smidgeon in my small radius of being still alive? Many people are in no position to do anything but try to survive, if that. If and when I am better, then yes, it will be about what little things I can do, and I don't mean, yes, it affects me but I still function enough to tweet and I have the financial means to own a smartphone.

I think consciousness-raising has a place; and I think the OP is right to try to start somewhere, but for those who are able, it is the actual, practical what to do, however small, too. If the OP contributes to even a few people giving time or money or even thinking more deeply, then good. But the thinking needs to go beyond the individual 'me' aspect, to the why, and the need and pressure for change at every level.

true. it might also be good to use these kind of awareness raising things to actually encourage people to try and be there for people with mental health problems and to suggest practical things they can do to help.

when i was really ill for example someone calling and saying hey do you need anything from the shops was actually massively helpful or when a little better someone who was going to the supermarket offering me did i want to come and get some shopping in with them.

I think there are actually a lot of people out there who have absolutely no reference for realising they have a mental health problem, or the first idea of how to address it. I have met several over the last few years as I work with young adults primarily. In fact I would say it is more normal for people to not have any idea what they are suffering is mental illness than to realise it and be asking for help.

This is different to it being stigmatised. These people all know that depression (for example) exists and that it is a real illness - they just don't recognise the symptoms in themselves.

That was me aged 33...suffering with no idea what it was I was ill with....no denial, no lack of awareness of depression as an illness but no idea what the symptoms are or the best treatments.

It is also the case that depression in particular robs you of your ability to problem solve or find solutions. I am an active researching academic and I couldn't possibly have gone on the internet and researched my symptoms or treatments at the time.

So I agree that raising awareness of mental illness is a bit of a wast of time these days...but raising awareness of symptoms and treatments isn't.

As for the nuances of treatment resistant mental illness - well people know that some cancer can be treated and some cancer is still untreatable - I am sure a similar level of sophistication is possible in the area of mental health!

I support the #itaffectsme campaign wholeheartedly. When I suffered with mental health issues, following the traumatic birth of my third child, I was lucky enough to get excellent therapeutic support. I recently wrote about in the Guardian. Paste the link if you want to read more:

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/jan/15/pregnancy-post-traumatic-stress-disorder-therapy-help-benefit

My treatment gave me back my life, and as a result, I feel compelled to open up about my experience. If it encourages one single woman to seek the help they need, then I'll feel epic ;)

Good luck with the campaign, Laura Darrall.

Yeah the guardian does like its fluffy articles insinuating how well and effective NHS mental health services are doesn't it? Almost like it hasn't suffered from the cuts at all.

agree a similarly nuanced level of sophistication should be possible - lots of things should be possible.

sadly though a nuanced sophisticated approach isn't available - with long term sufferers who have tried everything and are very knowledgable and active in trying to manage their conditions being sent for the same basic interventions introducing very basic skills and concepts as people who fit more to your description of how you were and how your service users are likely to be. re: 10 sessions with a cbt therapist.

it doesn't help/change anything? get back on the waiting list for 2 years and guess what awaits you at the end of that? the same thing again.

it sounds like from this that some areas of the country are faring better than others with people reporting having a support worker and weekly check ins with them for a case of recurrent depressive disorder. many areas of the country would tell you you can't even get a CPN if you are suicidal and have multiple dx of full on psychiatric illnesses. the idea of getting a CPN for depressive disorder in these areas is farcical nowadays.

mental health services and treatments available work well for people with a relatively simple (sorry - i don't mean that as belittling the seriousness - i mean non complex, responds well to a relatively cheap and one off intervention etc) one off occurrence and a lack of basic awareness and skills to tackle it or to those for whom taking ADs for a year will allow them the breathing space to tackle the issues that led to the depression/anxiety in the first place. it's good that we're raising awareness of and dealing with such things. however for a lot of people it won't be a one off or it won't respond well to a basic intervention or it wasn't the outcome of a changable set of life circumstances that can be tackled and fixed once the worst of the symptoms can be eased by some drugs. just focussing on the simple cases and success stories (such as the fluffy guardian/magazine articles like to) is nice PR though.

Hi, writer of the fluffy Guardian article here. If you read said article you'll see that I'm not simply saying hasn't the NHS has done well because they helped me. I'm saying, just as you are, that more needs to be done and that there are currently great inadequacies and inconsistency between quality of care around the country. This is not right and needs to be addressed urgently. Mental health treatment can be positive and life changing for many people (although, granted, there will also be those individuals who have a lifelong battle). My point, and I think it is the OP's as well, is that if there is a more open dialogue about mental health and what can be done about it, more people will come out of the shadows and seek change. The OP doesn't claim to have the answers. She is running a campaign. Campaigns are about awareness raising and whether this is to your tastes or not, at least it gets a discussion started.

so the chattering classes really do think that chattering is the answer?