Guest post: "We need to ask for help with mental health, before we hit rock bottom"

[MumsnetGuestPosts]

I should have sought help for my mental health much earlier than I did. I'd convinced myself for years that I could cope, that I was okay, and that I really was the woman who always had a smile on my face. Last year, when I couldn't get out of bed and the tears refused to stop - I finally reached out.

If you had told me then that today I would be spearheading a campaign to raise mental health awareness, I'd have looked at you bewilderedly, turned over in bed and gone back to my incessant thoughts and seemingly endless tears. But it's true - I have begun something that has drawn people into conversation and allowed me to witness more bravery than I ever dreamed possible.

I have suffered with anxiety, panic attacks and OCD all my life. I had thoughts telling me that the people I loved would die if I didn't do a certain thing, think a certain thought or say a certain prayer. My panic attacks that would make me believe my heart was exploding and made me push away those I loved the most.

Last year, it reached a climax and to put it bluntly, floored me for approximately six to eight months. The problem with mental illness is that it's often only when you hit rock bottom that you seek help and begin to open up about it - because you have no other choice. Roughly one million people per year take their own lives. We have to reach people sooner.

I began the #itaffectsme campaign with the intention of giving people suffering with mental illness, and their friends and family, a voice. The campaign aims to reduce the stigma around mental health - because it does add to people's fear of speaking out. We should all be able to say "I have a mental illness" without being scared of the response.

The campaign encourages people to be open and honest. I am asking people to take a selfie with a post-it note on their head which says "#itaffectsme" on it. #itaffectsme is a simple declaration - stating that we have all known or will know mental illness in our lives. It might affect us, or family, or friends, or a stranger in the street. But the selfie puts faces to mental illness - we are not anonymous, and we are not embarrassed. Mental illness has no prejudices about who it affects, so we should have no prejudices about it.

The courage of people speaking out has struck me repeatedly. The first woman to contact me directly told me she was suffering with post-natal depression and that #itaffectsme had allowed her to speak to her husband about it for the first time. If this campaign has helped just one person to reach out then it is worth every single tear I have shed.

The three aims of the campaign are to get people talking, to get mental health education on the curriculum and to make the Prime Minister stick to his £1 billion pledge to mental health services. The government cut funding by £35 million last year, despite promises not to, and it is simply not good enough.

Though sticking a post-it note on your head may seem simple, there is bravery in acknowledging mental illness. But this is just the first step. The second is seeking help and the subsequent steps - accepting help and going through the process - can be very difficult, even with the support of family.

When I was at my lowest, what would have helped was for someone to be there and to say "Me too." That's what #itaffectsme is. It is the "me too" for everyone suffering, a reminder that you're not alone, and that if you speak out and get help it can pass and you can arm yourself for the future. You can be prepared to greet it like an old friend who you have history with but nothing in common any more, accept its presence and then when the time comes - because it will - send it on its way.

None of us are fixed, none of us are perfect but if we speak out we can let the rest of the world know that it is okay to do so. It is okay to not be okay.
#itaffectsme: Help us spread the word!

Text SUPPORT to 70660 to give £3 to Mind.

4 February is Time to Talk day - you can find out more here.

[IceBeing]

ilike are you talking on here at least? MN can be a great place to admit the things you feel you can't tell people in real life. I hope you can find some help and relief soon.

[AgentCooper]

I think the OP is getting some unfair flack here. She's not the government or NHS telling us what to do when they have no idea what we go through. I follow her page on Facebook and she shares lots of great links about various aspects of mental health and care. It's not just post its.

As a longterm sufferer of generalised anxiety disorder, I think any campaign to draw attention to MH issues from the perspectives of those who have experienced them is welcome. No, speaking out isn't magically going to improve the crap provision for mental health care in this country but this campaign comes from a good place, IMO.

[gamerchick]

I don't think any flack is aimed at the OP. It's more frustration at the whole thing.

Any campaign is a good idea.. Brilliant even and I hope it makes its mark.

[universallyhated]

There is no help when you reach rock bottom either, I've been coping on my own for the past six months because nobody listens.

[Fivegomad]

madamhooch mrsleigh another one here who's life has been changed beyond all recognition by the need to care for someone suffering with mental illness. She is my daughter. I couldn't contemplate not caring for her. But my god it's hard. I am not ashamed to admit that sometimes I wish she had a physical illness.. Nobody tells someone with cancer to "pull themselves together". If my child needed a new kidney, no one would question my decision to give up work to care for her(which wasn't really a decision, more of a case of if I don't, then she may well not be there when I got home).
I sound bitter. That's because I am. And I am bitter on behalf of all of you who are dealing with this awful, life limiting disease. And I am furious that the funds are not there to help you when you need it most.

universally if you need to, PM me, I will listen.

[AgentCooper]

Five, what you say is so true. When I was diagnosed with a physical illness (not that my anxiety isn't a physical illness, IMO), people were suddenly so much more understanding. They'd say 'so that's why you've had no energy, you haven't been able to go out and see people, exercise has been too hard for you.' I got so much sympathy and kindness. When I got better from that but the anxiety was still there, it was back to people not knowing what to say because I no longer had something 'real' that I couldn't just fix with 'the right attitude.' It's so frustrating. I almost felt devastated when I recovered from my physical condition, ungrateful as that sounds, because I had had something tangible to fight, something that people recognised and understood.

You sound a really lovely mum. Though I know things must be so hard for your DD, she's blessed to have you.

[AzuremystBrandy]

For those who say there is no help available on the NHS, has your GP not referred you to your local IAPT service for CBT. More and more GPs are brilliant about the help that is out there but unfortunately there are many who overlook mental health and send people on their way with a prescription. Ask for a referral to your local IAPT service and there should also be some good counselling organisations that provide free therapy in your area. You may have a wait but that's far better than no help at all. For some good self help materials visit www.cci.health.wa.gov.au

[Thornrose]

I've being supporting my 16yo dd through her depression and anxiety, OCDs and psychosis for over a year now.

I'm about ready to call it a day and take us both under a bus. Obviously I don't mean that but I don't know how else to express our pain and suffering.

We have a lovely MH nurse who tries her best but it's not enough. Her psychologist and psychiatrist just keep increasing her meds and are so over worked they just can't seem to help.

[gamerchick]

Oh god 15/16 is brain remapping.. I'm so sorry man. I cant even suggest anything that will help other than you have to take care of your own mental health. You need a blow hole to let off steam.

[Thornrose]

Was that to me gamer? If so you're the first person who's addressed me in a long time. I feel so fucking invisible I'm actually crying at the prospect of someone acknowledging me.

[Baconyum]

Azure

Iapt is only in England

Waiting lists for therapists are ridiculously long

When you can get a therapist the number of sessions you can get on NHS is limited for most people - even for lifelong conditions, can you imagine the uproar if people were only allowed x amount of kidney dialysis sessions as 'the NHS isn't made of money' (direct quote from a gp)?

Therapy necessitates a good relationship, a connection between therapist and patient, but within the NHS you can't 'shop around' I finally got a therapist that was right for me after 3 area moves and 4 therapists.

Therapy - contrary to popular opinion isn't for everyone. Certain types of therapy aren't for everyone but eg in my case as my primary DX is ocd CBT/exposure therapy is 'the only thing that works' it didn't.

Therapists hands are tied by NICE advice.

And all this is AFTER you finally get to that stage after possibly waiting up to 2 years for an appointment.

[universallyhated]

Thanks five appreciate the offer but you have enough to deal with.

[pennywhite]

I completely agree. I live in the USA and there is very little help available, even if one can afford it. Access to mental health services is more of a problem than stigma, though I believe they are intertwined. Mental illness is not considered a "real" illness, but a character flaw.

[Baconyum]

Thornrose, appreciate deeply personal. Pm if you'd prefer. I'd be happy to discuss ocd etc with you and your dd. Have you/she been on the ocd message boards, been able to access any help at all?

Your dd is very lucky to have you, its a bastard of an illness. There is more than CBT. But believe me having someone in her life who understands is massively helpful.

[Thornrose]

I'm struggling to understand, I support her but I really want to scream. Her thoughts are so bizarre and now she's becoming agoraphobic.

Her triggers are everyday sounds and are all encompassing.

[gamerchick]

Of course its to you man. I know the score and I promise you're not alone in it.

I do repeat though, you have to take care of you. Mental health problems in a youngling are all consuming I can't stress enough how much you need a break to protect your own mental health.,do you have the time to take a break?

[Thornrose]

Nope, no time to take a break. Truly single parent, her dd died 5 years ago. No one can manage her psychosis but me.

[AzuremystBrandy]

Bacon - I am aware of the pitfalls of IAPT and the NHS as I am a therapist in an IAPT service. As therapists we too experience difficulties when clients are referred who are unsuitable for CBT or need secondary care but these services won't accept them. It's also very hard treating someone who we know needs more sessions than we can give but our hands are tied because the powers that be are unable to give us any leeway.

On the other hand I wanted to bring it up because it can provide a huge breakthrough for people and help them to move forward and put their mental health problems behind them. No it's not for everyone because we are all different. There is no one size fits all therapy but for lots of people out there, CBT provides a life changing opportunity hence why it's important that people are aware of it.

The government needs to put much more funding into mental health services but those on the front line do everything in their power to make a difference to people's lives.

[Thornrose]

Sorry that should be her dad.

[Baconyum]

Azure you're aware of the pitfalls from a certain perspective. Ultimately though when you leave work you're not living with it. And my experience has been that there are too many people within mh services unwilling to even consider CBT not working for everyone. It's like when prozac was seen as being THE antidepressant (it was the first ad I was prescribed. Modern ads actually make me much worse).

Seems to me many on this thread know what SHOULD be available and how hcps in mh should be but have experienced the reality.

Thornrose I too was agoraphobic for almost 6 months and since then for shorter periods. It's still a challenge to go out some days. If you ever get time please do get in touch with myself or others who can understand. Same goes for everyone else too.

[AzuremystBrandy]

Actually Bacon I do have experience of MH problems from the other perspective. I have suffered from OCD from the age of 7 and kept it secret until I was 23. The reason that I spoke out about it was because it became so debilitating that I was unable to do my job at the time and it led to me being in the depts of depression. I have been prescribed 3 different SSRIs and will stay on 150mg of Sertraline for probably the rest of my life. I was also prescribed Olanzapine for about 2 years which is An anti psychotic.

I genuinely thought I was never going to get better and I was fortunate enough to have CBT. It took about 2 years following treatment to become in my eyes stable but I still experience lapses from time to time so I know that I have to use the tools that I learned in CBT to keep myself healthy.

Just because I'm a therapist it does not mean that I don't have MH problems.

In essence, don't judge a book by its cover.

[Baconyum]

Azure it can be helpful for some but ime and from talking to many others with mental illness there's too much focus on CBT as a cure all. And if as a patient you say 'cbt doesn't work for me' you're often told you 'haven't tried hard enough' 'well you haven't done it with me' etc. There needs to be a greater awareness of the different kinds of therapy and therapists that practice different therapies available.

Gp's also need to listen to patients (generally not just mental illness) that is improving (largely as a result of older 'I am God do not question me' gp's retiring). I've had to fight to stay on the ads that work for me because they are expensive and an older type which is no longer the med of choice for ocd.

The last time I allowed my meds to be changed by a gp with no particular training in mh it ended up in a visit to a&e with me and my family thinking I was having a stroke. He had not allowed enough time for my usual to leave my system and had prescribed too large a dose of new med. A&e Dr was not impressed.

My current gp comes from a mh background and is great. She's added to my notes that my meds are not to be changed without referral to my psychiatrist.

She also managed to get me able to see a therapist that wasn't CBT focused and had experience with ocd (which although relatively common I have found there are therapists without experience).

I hope your treatment works well for you.

[to0thypeg]

Like so many others on this thread, I have on countless occasions sought help before rock bottom. The NHS just doesn't have the resources to provide it.

[viennastar]

I've had CBT, intensive individual psychotherapy, CAT, mindfulness sessions, counselling, group therapy, art therapy, EMDR and humanistic therapy. All on the NHS or free via some other scheme. It has not been the cure-all that some suggest it to be. I'm sure it can be helpful in some cases but not necessarily for the most severe, those at the absolute rock-bottom.

[Criminy]

I applaud anybody raising awareness of mental health issues, however...

I only got help once I had reached rock bottom - I tried to kill myself and ended up as an inpatient in a mental health unit. While there I wasn't even offered any therapy, they said that out of a ward of 22 women only 2 could have psychotherapy at any one time due to funding. I ended up stuck on the ward - meds did nothing to me and the suicidal and self-harm compulsions wouldn't go away. I even made another attempt on my life on the ward. Eventually my parents paid for me to go and see a private psychotherapist outside. She got me well enough to eventually be discharged.

I was discharged 6 months ago and have basically been dumped. I have been going downhill again for a couple of months, have been to see my GP, he's referred me several times to CMHT but I've heard nothing from them. Obviously trying to head this off before I attempt suicide again is impossible.

I don't think there is a massive general stigma about lots of mental illnesses any more - depression, anxiety, ocd and bipolar. Most people have experience of them, either through suffering themselves or supporting somebody suffering. They have been talked about publicly lots. Treatment is available, although woefully underfunded and waiting lists are far too long to be very effective. But there is a huge stigma about personality disorders, and mental health professionals are the worst. In most areas treatment simply doesn't exist for them. There is nothing. And as inpatient the prejudice from staff on the ward is horrific.

I have no idea how to improve any of this though, short of getting the government to inject many millions of pounds into the system. That will never happen, so I guess we're just stuck. In the case of personality disorders in particular, I guess raising awareness would help a bit, but that's not going to address the prejudice and discrimination from mental health professionals. So I guess it will carry on being a death sentence.