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Justine Roberts: When did mum become a dirty word?

276 replies

KateMumsnet · 29/05/2014 12:08

In 2009, I was asked to send a Mumsnet blogger to join the media corps at the G20 summit. I immediately put the nomination to our online audience, who collectively chose one of Mumsnet's finest minds to represent us – a prolific poster who went by the name of Policywonk.

She was a smart cookie – highly educated with a particular interest in climate change. And, by all accounts, she had a high old time at the summit, rushing from one interview with a world leader to the next.

Afterwards, I quizzed her on what it was like. ‘Amazing,’ she confirmed. But there was something a little odd, she noticed. Whenever she introduced herself as a Mumsnet representative to a fellow member of the media corps, they would start speaking very slowly and deliberately. As if she were a child. But she wasn't a child, she was a mum – and that was the problem.

Over the past half-century in this country, women have made astonishing strides along the road to equality. Schoolgirls are more likely than their male contemporaries to apply to university – and to graduate with a first or upper-second-class degree. The gender pay gap has dropped from 45% in 1970, when the Equal Pay Act was introduced, to around 15% today. And feminism, which seemed to lie more or less dormant through the 1990s and 2000s, has reinvented itself for the digital generation via grass-roots projects such as Everyday Sexism and No More Page Three.

It is, in short, pretty much the best time in history to be a woman – until the moment you get pregnant, at which point all bets are off.

Leaving aside for a moment all the examples of real-world discrimination – and there are plenty of them – that women face when they have children, let's just consider what we've done with the word ‘mum’ itself. ‘Mummy’ is the first word in most children's vocabulary and, during their early years, arguably the most important one: its connotations, from our offspring’s point of view, are overwhelmingly positive. What happens, then, when we become mothers ourselves, and look at the word from the other end of the telescope? Why is it, when adults talk to adults, that we use it so negatively?

Read more of Justine's piece for the July issue of Red magazine here.

OP posts:
linkery · 02/06/2014 13:01

I know better than anyone else I know, how to bring up my kids. It never occured to me that others didnt think the same.

And do I consider it a job. Yes. The most important job I ever did [mine are grown up now]

Dont care what label is put on it.

Most people combine work and SAHM.

TheWordFactory · 02/06/2014 13:01

On Bonsoir you really need to understand that MN doesn't matter.

None of us care what one another think!

I'm absolutely certain no one here gives a stuff for what some randomer on 't'internet thinks of them. Particularly when half of the randommers are a figment of their own imagination...or a very exagerated version of themselves Grin.

morethanpotatoprints · 02/06/2014 13:02

Word

I know it works for you and credit you with enough intelligence to know if it wasn't working you would change some aspect Smile
Neither do I think that a sahp is a better decision per se. It just works better for us and it was a choice that both dh and I were happy with.
I certainly wouldn't martyr myself though and if I wasn't happy or it wasn't working for us, I would make changes.
As for the best way to raise dc, well it was for us, but everybody is different and have different values.

linkery · 02/06/2014 13:07

TWF, I think I have noticed before, that for you, this is all just acedemic.

linkery · 02/06/2014 13:09

btw.Do you think that nannies have had a lot of parental input?

TheWordFactory · 02/06/2014 13:10

What is link? The issue of whether parents can work and raise their DC well? Or MN in general?

TheWordFactory · 02/06/2014 13:14

Vis a vis nannies I suspect it depends on each family.

We've never used one, so I can't say for definite what input I would want them to have.

Of my freinds who do use nannies, some seem to be part and parcel of family life, others less so.

But in terms of the important decision making process, this is left squarely with the parents.

linkery · 02/06/2014 13:18

TWF. I was talking about your reply to Bonsoir. What you say is just words to you.
You dont care much what you write on mumsnet.

TheWordFactory · 02/06/2014 13:26

Link I do care what I write on MN. I don't lie (except to not get outed), I think you get a fair reflection of me and my life here.

But I don't care what others think of me. Why would I? They're nothing to me. The idea that I would be upset by an anonymous stranger is absurd...

But then I'm a writer. My work goes out there to be judged by anyone who cares to part with their five quid in WHSmiths Grin....

ssd · 02/06/2014 19:05

word, I care what certain folk think of me on MN.

not you, certainly, but others.

and I doubt I'm alone.

Sillylass79 · 03/06/2014 00:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

stocks81979 · 03/06/2014 01:30

Sadly its seen that if your a mum and not juggling childcare for your under 5's then you are a failure and a sponger.

JaneParker · 03/06/2014 06:32

Only in sexist households is childcare a female issue, surely? Men as much as women find and hire nannies, nurseries and do taking and collecting.

TheWordFactory · 03/06/2014 07:03

sillylass don't be such a silly lass (btw I adore the words lad and lass, must be my northern bones).

You are over analysing both my use of italics and the importance of anonymous forums.

As for the former, I use them because they please me!

In my professional work, I use different fonts, layouts whatever...it drives my editor crazy ... here on MN that's not possible, so I use the tools at my disposal. Simples.

As for the later, well, there is a huge difference between being interested in what people have to say, which I am. And being entertained by people, which I am daily here on MN.

But caring for the good opinion of faceless strangers? Don't be daft! If a bored housewife wishes to say I'm insufficiently clever or my use of italics offends them, am I really to care? Really?

C'mon!!!!

I have a wise and loving mother who I speak to every single day of my life, I have a husband who has known me over twenty years, I have friends who I count as some of the brightest people I've ever met. Their opions count.... as it should be.

ssd · 03/06/2014 08:47

are you new on MN wordfactory?

TheWordFactory · 03/06/2014 08:53

God no ssd...

ssd · 03/06/2014 08:54

really? can't remember you from anything..

TheWordFactory · 03/06/2014 08:58

Well you'll have to trust me Wink...

ssd · 03/06/2014 17:04

fair enough

scottishmummy · 03/06/2014 19:29

I read posts,and I enjoy the riposte,the blether.but it's words on a screen
I don't dislike posts on mn.i do however dislike posts.but I also like posts too
I Don't hold mn grudges or gripes cause I don't have the inclination or recall to do so

JaneParker · 03/06/2014 20:34

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

StandardHeight · 03/06/2014 21:40

I'm sorry, who perceives the word 'mum' as a negative one?
I am fully aware of the fact that as a mum I am undervalued, but by whom is the question.
I do think that a stay at home mum is not recognised as fulfilling her potential, but maybe a 'that' woman's potential was to be the best mum in the world. Which brings me to the point that we should talk about aspirations. Is it a bad think to aspire to be a good mum and only a good mum. There's where I think the issues are.
As a previously full time working professional, high achieving in much of my career, I ask of fellow mums if they worked and what they did. Many I know were in professional careers and were highly successful, they are equally as successful in their role as a mother - or mum as you put it.
I think much of the negativity associated with the word is, in today's terms, brought about by media and your article doesn't help.
I have a huge amount of respect for you, Justine and I value mumsnet and the valuable information and conversations it holds and provides. But really, we have to stop drawing attention to a negativity that, quite frankly, is mostly delivered by men. This is not about the word mum. It's about women and their roles in society. We are still competing with a male ego that refuses to accept true equality, and so, the word mum, to some men, is truly an easy target.

Sillylass79 · 03/06/2014 21:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheWordFactory · 04/06/2014 07:51

sillylass in what way exactly were you treating me as a person when you attacked my italics? In what way were you trying to grow as an individual?

JaneParker · 04/06/2014 20:05

What about the merit of conversion? If you know you are right as some of us do surely there is huge moral good in converting those with the wrong ideas to the correct path?