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Justine Roberts: When did mum become a dirty word?

276 replies

KateMumsnet · 29/05/2014 12:08

In 2009, I was asked to send a Mumsnet blogger to join the media corps at the G20 summit. I immediately put the nomination to our online audience, who collectively chose one of Mumsnet's finest minds to represent us – a prolific poster who went by the name of Policywonk.

She was a smart cookie – highly educated with a particular interest in climate change. And, by all accounts, she had a high old time at the summit, rushing from one interview with a world leader to the next.

Afterwards, I quizzed her on what it was like. ‘Amazing,’ she confirmed. But there was something a little odd, she noticed. Whenever she introduced herself as a Mumsnet representative to a fellow member of the media corps, they would start speaking very slowly and deliberately. As if she were a child. But she wasn't a child, she was a mum – and that was the problem.

Over the past half-century in this country, women have made astonishing strides along the road to equality. Schoolgirls are more likely than their male contemporaries to apply to university – and to graduate with a first or upper-second-class degree. The gender pay gap has dropped from 45% in 1970, when the Equal Pay Act was introduced, to around 15% today. And feminism, which seemed to lie more or less dormant through the 1990s and 2000s, has reinvented itself for the digital generation via grass-roots projects such as Everyday Sexism and No More Page Three.

It is, in short, pretty much the best time in history to be a woman – until the moment you get pregnant, at which point all bets are off.

Leaving aside for a moment all the examples of real-world discrimination – and there are plenty of them – that women face when they have children, let's just consider what we've done with the word ‘mum’ itself. ‘Mummy’ is the first word in most children's vocabulary and, during their early years, arguably the most important one: its connotations, from our offspring’s point of view, are overwhelmingly positive. What happens, then, when we become mothers ourselves, and look at the word from the other end of the telescope? Why is it, when adults talk to adults, that we use it so negatively?

Read more of Justine's piece for the July issue of Red magazine here.

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 01/06/2014 21:54

I think housewifery is for some the mc thing to do.yoga,sling,give up work
From my point of view i worked hard to put self through uni,1st in family go to uni
I enjoy working i get vocational/personal satisfaction and i wont give that up

nooka · 01/06/2014 22:01

I worked somewhere where maternity leave was often split and it seemed very popular. But it was in an environment with a very strong work life balance ethos. Which was lovely but it did take a long time to get things done (not that that is necessarily correlated, but might be one reason men felt comfortable taking three-six months off) . Not sure it would work as well in a more high pressure/presentee environment.

bbcessex · 01/06/2014 22:04

nooka.. that's interesting.. was it in the UK?

Retropear · 01/06/2014 22:04

"Housewifery""mc""yoga"[ hmm]

Really well not in these parts.

What a patronising view.

bbcessex · 01/06/2014 22:07

and PS, my Sunday night summary of this thread:

1: 'Mum' isn't a dirty word amongst pretty much anyone
2: 'Mumsnet' as a name gives the wrong connotations
3: A feel on this thread is that Justine is happy to misinterpret to give a popular tabloid-spin to produce the Red article .. what's known in my house as a 'slow news day'.

bbcessex · 01/06/2014 22:08

Retropear.. I didn't really get what Scottishmummy was saying there.. I don't think the 'mc' is what I would know as an MC..

Delphiniumsblue · 01/06/2014 22:10

An excellent summary bbcessex.

bbcessex · 01/06/2014 22:11

why thank you, Delphiniumsblue! Husband is watching some weird 'Quirke' thing on the tele-box so have had more 'mumsnet' opportunity than usual!

Delphiniumsblue · 01/06/2014 22:15

I started with Quirke last week but gave up because it was too dark to see what was happening and they muttered.

bbcessex · 01/06/2014 22:17

"Whenever she introduced herself as a Mumsnet representative to a fellow member of the media corps, they would start speaking very slowly and deliberately. As if she were a child. But she wasn't a child, she was a mum – and that was the problem"

Really? A whole article based on this premise?

I could say - Shall we have a poll on who believes this statement to be a genuine reflection on the fact that the fellow 'meedja' personnel felt that this person should be spoken to in words of less that one syllable because she was a mum?

scottishmummy · 01/06/2014 22:19

Not patronising in least,its a statement of fact.where i live its yoga,artisan bread,sling meets
There are housewives,with prosperous partners at school too.they do yoga,shop,and bit of pta

Retropear · 01/06/2014 22:19

Interesting it's in Red magazine.A publication I stopped reading eons ago as it's the best part of a fiver for what is mostly glossy photoshopped adverts,not much reality there for women or mothers.

bbcessex · 01/06/2014 22:19

Delphinium.. you're right.. it is very strange!

I should be in bed anyway, have early flight to catch but am still irrationally riled at this flipping thread... I think - and probably the two glasses of Pinot haven't helped.. but it's kind of made me realise that we are possibly just Mumsnet cannon fodder for crap articles like this.

scottishmummy · 01/06/2014 22:21

I think its a spun out story,probably embellished to generate a buzz and column inches

scottishmummy · 01/06/2014 22:22

Aye,i think your precis pretty much nailed it bbcessex.i agree

Retropear · 01/06/2014 22:22

So your very limited view of sahm sorry "housewives" is it and speaks for all.Hmm

Sillylass79 · 01/06/2014 22:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scottishmummy · 01/06/2014 22:28

Like you retro,im expressing a subjective opinion,anecdote and opinion
Thats kind of the point.we chew the fat and discuss opinion,experience
Its not rigorously tested against sociodemographics.seeing thats not the point

Retropear · 01/06/2014 22:29

Near me there are several who have made the choice either previously or now.None have the money for yoga,shopping or artisan bread.There are actually no shops to buy artisan bread from.Hmm

bbcessex · 01/06/2014 22:29

Sillylass.. I concur with your view that for the majority of SAHM's , being an SAHM has arisen because circumstance has dictated it.

I too only know one actual real-life person who 'chose' to be an SAHM over a thriving career (and that, actually, was because I think she went through a confidence crisis after having her first DC.).

I hope the opportunities rise up again for you again when it works for you xxxx

scottishmummy · 01/06/2014 22:30

I very much want to lean in.im career minded

Retropear · 01/06/2014 22:31

Many families with a sahp are pretty hard up-you know with being one salary down.That is hardly anecdotal.

scottishmummy · 01/06/2014 22:33

In my baby group the majority weren't returning to work.they actively chose to give up work
We will all have different accounts,and observations based on circumstance
Thats the point of sharing anecdotes/experience.some will be recognisable,some not

Sillylass79 · 01/06/2014 22:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

linkery · 01/06/2014 22:49

You had a nanny for 10 years JP. Not many want to give childcare to the nanny.
So the nanny had the job and you didnt.