Help please. . .

[Mummy2Scarlet]

I've recently noticed that my 5 year old dd seems remembers everything, and I mean everything. . .We were talking about a trip to London which we went on when she was nearly three, and she told me everything we had done, including the clothes she was wearing, where we'd been, what she'd eaten, and the time we'd got the train back. She always been bright, I suppose, she could read by the time she was three, but because she's my first, I'd never known any different. She's at school now, and in the top group, her teacher's commented that she's very bright, and she never has any problems doing any of the work, but is she more than bright?

It's very possible. I wouldn't rely on the teacher or school to assess her though - some see gifted children as trouble and they may try to play down her abilities.

Your best bet is to have her see an independent child psychologist.

I do think it's a good idea not to start from the assumption that all teachers are going to be part of the problem and not of the solution. Or indeed that there is necessarily going to be a problem. Negative expectations can easily become self-fulfilling. And some teachers actually love having a gifted child in the class and helping them to fulfil their potential.

Look at your dd instead: does she appear to be thriving or not.

Good signs would be if she seems to be happy at school. Does she talk about things she has learnt, does she seem to be getting new ideas springing out of the school stuff? Is she happy with the other children?

Bad signs would be if she appears to be losing interest in learning altogether. If you suspect she is being bullied. If she starts getting into trouble or gets very sloppy about her work.

You thread is entitled 'help please'. I missed the question - what are we supposed to be helping with?

"I do think it's a good idea not to start from the assumption that all teachers are going to be part of the problem and not of the solution...some teachers actually love having a gifted child in the class and helping them to fulfil their potential. "
And some don't. So one either takes a chance or one attempts to get an independent opinion from someone who is both unbiased and properly trained to assess for giftedness.

Cory's post strikes me as very sensible. She is obviously a bright child and the most important thing is to look at whether she is thriving and happy and having her needs met, and not worry too much about labels - which are arbitrary in any case.
You could take her to an independent child psych - this is what my MIL did with DH when he was doing badly at school in spite of always having been ahead of everyone else. They were very glad they did this because he thinks it gave him confidence in his ability which might otherwise have been damaged, but it didn't change the way they approached his education (they always valued other things as well as academic achievement and he didn't change the school he went to). However, if the child is already doing well it may end up doing more harm than good, inducing anxiety and making her feel different.

Thankyou for all your help! I think that I might go and have a chat with her teacher, although I don't want to sound like pushy parent who thinks her daughter is brighter than everybody else's child, so I might see how it goes, and if she seems to be getting bored with the work, get her privately assessed.
Fembear - My question is: Is my daughter bright or very bright/'gifted'?

She sounds like my dd - tbh as long as she is happy I really wouldn't worry too much. She is five - she need to be learning about being away from you, making friend, being creative, learning in a group and generally enjoying herself. As she goes up school they should support her particular needs and they if they don't then get some extra help but just for now I would let her be. You know she is bright, as long as you also know she is happy then you really don't need to know anymore.

I find that most bright children have excellent memories. To be honest teachers do not see gifted and talented children as trouble? They won't play down her abilities they will encourage your child to achieve and be very proud that they have such a bright child. I don't think there is any need to see a child psychologist as you haven't mentioned any emotional problems. Dadatlarge has a problem with teachers so best ignored! My eldest was very gifted and also had an, exceptional memory. Still has, and because he was my first I wasn't aware that he was so smart. I never really had to give any specialist attention he was more than capable himself. Gifted and talented did not exist then, and he still thrived. Five is still a young age so keep learning fun and she will go from strength to strength!

From your OP I wouldn't think there's enough to go on there to suspect giftedness. She's clearly a bright girl - great; but lots of kids have freakishly good memories and lots are in top groups.

I would pull back a bit tbh until you get more evidence/more to go on.

If she's happy at school then that's probably a sign that it's pitched right for her, which again to me would be a sign that she's bright but not gifted.

I'd give it more time, personally.

didn't have time to finish my post of this morning

what I meant to say was, if you think she is doing ok at school and not feeling frustrated, the other part of supporting her is to encourage her at home, discuss topics of interest with her, talk to her about books and things that have interested you, encourage her to think more deeply about things by involving her in family discussions

I'm also not sure what you need help with. Do you think she has a photographic memory or just a really, really good memory? Either way, what kind of help would that require?

I had a really, really good memory with some photographic recall especially under stress (which got me into some trouble with exams). When I went to uni at 18 I was so overwhelmed with informtion I deliberately learned a way to not remember so much stuff as it was bothering me. Just something to bear in mind for later.

Alas, many years and a child later my memory is just really good and not quite so stellar - which is a shame as this is when it would be most useful!

My DS has an exceptional memory such as you describe, and he is on the g&t register. Also, being a good reader is an indicator too. However, there are also a lot of other indicators here:

ygt.dcsf.gov.uk/FileLinks/312_new_guidance.pdf

When I checked this out I realised my DS displayed over 20 of the indicators. See what you think.

TBH from my experience, I think there is value in getting your child on the register if you think they are g&t. Since my DS has been on the register I have seen 3 small, but significant changes which ensure that he is learning to his ability, whilst still doing all the social and emotional stuff of a normal 5 year old which is just as it should be:

1. He's been given his own box of appropriate fiction and non fiction books to choose from and manages his own book changing rather than relying on the teacher.

1. He has a weekly session out of the class with a TA and works on specific projects.

1. His homework and classwork books have been upped to his needs.

I know he's only 5, and some will say you shouldn't push them and I agree. HE pushes him - he challenges himself. I don't expect him to do any more than 10-15 minutes work at home a week aside from reading. HE is the one who gets pen and paper and sets himelf sums and challenges. HE is the one who googles the solar system and remembers all the facts he reads,NOT me.

I see the steps my school have taken as simply ensuring he continues to enjoy school rather than being turned off.

I would say, if in doubt, have a word.

Thanks again, everyone - especially Suecy!
The teacher asked me in for another meeting yesterday morning, and so I dropped in after school.
She says that she's thought about my concerns, and thinks that it would be best if dd was placed on the G&T register (although she says that she was prompted by dd asking what iambic pentameter was - heaven knows where she's picked that up from - , and then returning after silver time (where they're allowed to draw/read/write alone) with a poem written in it. . .).
What does being on the G&T register mean? She did explain, but not very thoroughly, as I'd left dd in the playground with a friend's mum, and I didn't want to keep her waiting too long!

it depends on the individual school how much it means

dd's school had a lunchtime club for the g&t children, but some schools organise trips etc