Worried about Local schools AND daughter's advanced ability :(

[YummyMummy21]

Hi

My DD 3.5 seems to be very advanced for her age compared to others her age and I am worried that when she is going to suffer and not continue to develop to her potential when she starts at school due to over crowding and low school results.

Firstly I am not a pushy mummy who thinks her child is better than everyone else's i promise. However, I do know that my daughter is advanced for her age. It was apparent quite early when she lifted her head clear off the ground at 4 weeks, and crawled at 5 months etc. She is now 3.5 cant count to 60 and not just 1-60 but can give me x many objects. She can also count to 10 in Spanish and speaks basic Spanish (not a 2nd language spoken at home either just picked it up on family holiday). She knows all shapes, colours, and can also distinguish which object/image is different to others. She knows her letter sounds and words which begin with them, not just memory either as she makes words up and has started to read basic words such as cat bat mat, dog, frog, log etc.

Basically the reason for me writing this is that we have just moved into a new area where the schools are very over crowded to the point that I can not get her into a school nursery for this sept, and every school has large waiting lists of children in catchment area, and made longer by children out of catchment area. The schools in the area are not great and appear quite low on the LEA's list of schools. The school (the best of bad bunch if you like) I was hoping to get her into which also happens to be closet have told me that although they will put her on the list for sept 09, they do not believe it likely that she will be given a place due to high applicants, as we are not in the catchment area and usually they don't get to offer places to non-catchment area applicants. The school n my catchment area, which also happens to be over subscribed, is the worst in the area, I visited the school and cried after I had left (luckily I manged to wait till I was out of sight). I am worried that due to the large classes and over-all school attitude that she will not be able to thrive and reach her true potential. But will instead become bored. I saw this happening to my eldest brother ho went from top of his class to dropping out of school because he became bored and frustrated at school.

Can I refuse to send her to this school, who/ where can I go to get her into the better school, it seems ridiculous that the school can be closer in miles, yet not in catchment area. Even if she were to go to the better school, how can I help her not to become bored, but not be dragged down/ not carrying on developing when the class will be taught at a slower pace. Am I driving myself insane for no reason. Has anyone had a seemingly advanced child, that has gone to a not so great school but has continued to advance?

Thanks in advance for any replies x

Message withdrawn

you know it

Same as Enid. Dd sounds very similar to your dd2.

And state school primary for mine!

But FAB state school that is interested in turning out happy children who've had lots of opportunities, not lots of level 5s.

PMSL at Xenia's post. "Only mother's who chose a sensible career so they can afford the school fees etc" - should be quote of the week. Step off your elitist soapbox and smell the coffee Xenia.

TBH, being 'hothoused' can work against someone. From my own experience, I was very clever, and suffered at school. I would look for a school where social interaction is valued, as you can support her academically at home or via Kumon, etc. Singling her out at school as g and t from the getgo may not be the best idea. I was put up a class from reception onwards, given specially ordered work etc and I don't think that I am that special now. What I mean is, being extraordinarily bright at school doesn't always mean being a brilliantly successful adult, and I have found that socially I am a bit cr*p. .
Accept the rubbish school if you can't face HEd and keep her on a waiting list for a better school. There is no shame in wanting to avoid what you percieve as a bad school.

little time to read fully or reply
But my ds1 now 14 is highly gifted
He started school in failing primary low everything and in special measures
He was happier there than any other of the 3 primaries he attended
A bright or gifted child will be fine at most primaries ds1 was bored but fine. I did a lot with him outside of school - dance drama kumon Maths violin (advise against that awful racket) museums libraries etc
My advice is focus on social life my ds was bullied and lonely a lot and I wish I had helped him fit in more.
So long as they have friends and fun at school that is more important imvho
A bright child will succeed almost anywhere.
Certainly at primary anyhow
Secondary is when you start to really think about their ability

As others have said - she sounds bright but not exceptionally so. Ds3 could do all of those things and more at 3.5 too (he was only 4 at end of August and just started reception so I can remember back to 3.5 - he can do a lot more than count to 10 in Spanish as well ). He is as bright as a button, people comment on it, but he's not 'gifted' imo.

Plus, as has been mentioned, most of the class will catch up by yr2/yr3.

The school choice is almost separate from this though and you'd probably think the same about the school you've visited whether you thought your child was gifted or not.

So if you don't like the school, apply for another one or go privately - tis not rocket science.

'So long as they have friends and fun at school that is more important imvho' agree 100%

There must be nothing worse than a child unhappy at school - if they are happy, everything else follows.

You seem to have very few choices:

1. Move (probably not practical)
2. Pay for private education.
3. Home educate.
4. Settle for the best state school you can find and support her at home.

She seems a bright little girl but not exceptionally so, there are bound to be those who are equal to her in any school. I see no need for her to be bored at school-I am sure they can cater for her needs.

ROFL at Xenia.
Then ROFL at Cod ROFLing at Xenia.

But seriously there is much sense on here - Cory is so right about overhearing ONE conversation at the school. This is unfortunate but I wouldn't let that put you off in itself. If it reflects wider issues that's fine (and I would take seriously what your friend said) but who doesn't get fed up with work sometimes and want to have a whine about it?

Agree with Gobble too - I'm sure you wouldn't be happy about this school regardless of your dd's ability.

It doesn't sound like a good school but at this age maybe you could make up for the deficit at home (although without sitting her down driving her crazy with extra work every night so she can't just have fun).

yummy mummy I think you need to get out a bit more........maybe you could pitch up at the gates of my DC's school where there are about 200 mothers who congregate everyday who think the same about their DC's as you do about your DD ? !

That is why I like Xenia picked a sensible career and not only pay for education but also a nanny who collects from school so I can avoid the daily yummy mummy crap it brings.

Oh and how you can say you are not a pushy muumy who thinks her DD is beter than everyone else is beyond me when you blatantly say she is!!!! LOL

Helliebean's story is extremely encouraging for those of us who cannot afford private education. Who wouldn't want to have a 17yo like that?

I think Helliebean had a very sensible approach. There are a lot of very bright children in state schools,they are not all in private education! YummyMummy has a bright DD but she will not be alone.

Ok thanks all for your replies (well most)

This is the last post im going to make because I think this thread has been going on long enough, as got the answer that I dont have to send her to the school if I am unhappy a while ago.

Prehaps I should have posted this somewhere else to begin with and not included her ability etc. As someone said I probably wouldn't want to send her to this school even if she wasnt the way that she is. I think that the general attitude and feel of the school, in addition to the comments made by my old school friend about not sending her there concludes that she will not be going to this school. I have decided that if she doesnt get offered a place at the better school then I will choose to Home Ed.

Like I have said I know that she is not uniique in her abilty but was worried that as she is seemingly above average, the below average school would cause a problem for her (prehaps not, who knows). Not just because if "things" she is capable of, but also because of the way she is with regards to the in depth questions she asks, the way she isnt content with basic knowledge, needing to know EVERYTHING about a subject, blah blah blah.

At the moment she is crazy about dinosaurs, and not content with learning the names. She needs to know how long ago they lived, If all dinosaur babies hatched from eggs, why they became extinct, what they ate, why do some only eat plants and others eat meat, and they continue...She also seems to understand the information too. As she will explain it back to you in her own words ie theory of extinction (well one of many, only told her one obv. She is only 3 after all). The latest dinosaur question is what was the baby triceratops (her fav dinosaur) called? If anyone knows please feel free to share.

Tonight's question before bed was: "Mummy I've been thinking, how old is father christmas?" I said "I'm not too sure i'll have to ask him" She said "is he 8, 10, 30?" (to which I answered he is very old, older than great-grandad) her reply "well......if he IS THAT old, why is he still working?" (I'm sure she only does it so she gets to stay up later while I try to explain things LOL bloody kids!!!

I really am not pushy at all, I dont make her sit down with books to learn, I dont force her full of facts she actually asks for them! She like to learn new things about the world around her past and presant. We talk, sing, play, make things and visit places. She just seems to like to know EVERYTHING and asks alot of questions!!! Although this could be mainly due to an inherited nosey trait .

Of course, if wanting my daughter to go to a school which is better than below average, constitues pushy'ness?! If it does, then YES I am pushy and proud to be!

Thanks Again
x

Please excuse the grammar and spelling mistakes, I should have been in bed a while ago

Yummumummy, I think you have your answer. It's the school you're not happy with. Go with that feeling!

Your dd sounds very much like mine at that age She has thrived in the state system- but then I had generally good vibes about the schools. Not outstanding schools as far as results go, but pleasant places with a positive attitude. It sounds like you don't feel that about the school in question.

(So possibly her ability is a bit of a red herring- frankly, I don't think average or less-than-average children thrive in substandard schools either.)

However, you have another year, miracles may happen. The school may have a change of regime or you may find another school you like the look of.

For the time being, enjoy the dinosaurs! Children like this are great fun- and you will be able to claw some time back when she gets to secondary and has to research her own projects.

PS. afaik there is no special name for baby triceratops, they are just baby triceratops. Ask her to think about why noone invented a name for them at the time.

Laurie's suggestion about home-ed is worth considering if you're really not happy with the school. I could read when I was two, and at four was writing stories - the health visitor told my mum that I was at P3/Y2 level. She questioned the local school about what they would do with me, and they said "don't worry, they'll all be the same by Christmas". I ended up being home-edded, and it gave me a great education with lots of flexibility. You would be able to follow her interests and develop her abilities without having to work at the pace of a class.

There is a fascinatging series on Radio 4 at the moment about child prodigies - overwhelmingly the message is that making a huge fuss about a child's abilities is very counter-productive and can lead to a lifetime of disappointment (yours and theirs), that early talent is no real predictor of later abilities, and that the qualities needed to make a success of your life are not really academic ones. And before someone says, 'oh, but I bet they weren't really given chances and got bored etc' that's not the case.

you can listen again to the child prodigies programmes

That is quite true I think mabanana. Being able to read at two didn't give me amazing exam results or get me into Oxford or anything. I'm a jobbing actor whose only sign of intelligence is Mensa membership!

I don't think there's any harm in nurturing and supporting a child's abilities, but intelligence isn't everything.