When did you 'know' your child was gifted?

[SoloMumJustMuddlingThrough]

Were you aware (or have strong suspicions) that your child was 'gifted' before school age?

Did they enjoy nursery? Were they able to flourish in a typical early years setting?

If you are the parent of a gifted child, what have been the main challenges you & your child have faced that a "bright" child wouldn't have?

I find the topic of giftedness very awkward so apologies for my clunky sounding questions. I never know how to phrase it without causing offence to someone.

Thanks in advance!

I genuinely mean this kindly, but what you describe is a "top end of standard" toddler. My eldest was very similar- language, reading, learning in general came easily to him, he always found primary school very easy ( but enjoyed it nonetheless) managed to get into a very competitive grammar school, and suddenly he was very much middle of the pack!

Precocious isn't necessarily the same as gifted. Language skills aren't always indicative of more generalised intellect. As a teacher, the most successful students are the consistent ones.

My advice would be not to worry about something that hasn't yet happened, and isn't much in your control. Enjoy your little girl for exactly who she is, whoever that turns out to be.

My eldest is gifted, particularly around reading/verbal skills. It was sort of obvious with hindsight - she was an early talker, with a vocabulary of several hundred byher first birthday. I sort of didn't realise that was unusual at the time. She started reading when she was 2 and was reading fluently by 3. She decided to start learning French when she was 6 (which neither I nor my husband speak) and while she's certainly not fluent, especially as she has nobody to practice on, she's probably nearly as good as I was when I got an A* at GCSE.

By contrast her maths and science is decidedly average by the way!

She did NOT like some parts of reception and year 1. Her teacher eventually pulled her out of all phonics lessons as it was totally pointless for her, and then it was better. She loves school now in Y4, especially as English lessons are much more creative and they do story writing, which she loves.

Not sure if I count as "gifted", but I have an IQ of 147 and was certainly a very high academic achiever. I was reading by age 2 and writing by age 3. I don't think my parents really realised anything until I was 9 when I sat what were called Richmond Tests. My scores were off the top of the chart, and my teacher called my parents in and told them to get me out of the state system and into private school. I doubt my parents would have realised without that prompt from my teacher, despite several primary school incidents when I was younger which, now I look back, probably should have given them an inking.

In terms of challenges, I was easily bored at school and got in to trouble on multiple occasions for asking for something more interesting/harder to do. I can't say that I flourished at school until secondary, but my parents did teach me a lot at home and I had good access to books which I would speed read.

Kids at primary age are complete sponges, and a bright child will lap up knowledge and learning just for fun. If you can, I'd strongly recommend they learn a language as young as possible (in a fun way), and that they be exposed to as many different things as possible (music, art, sport, academic subjects etc). They will soon gravitate to where their talent lies and what they enjoy the most.

I absolutely agree giftedness is frequently with behavioural and/or social difficulties which is very likely part of ND. As a child I actually made a conscious decision to hide these difficulties as much as I could because I knew I was different. I did this succesfully most of the time apart from some meltdowns (which I probably still have). But it is exhausting and you can't go on like this your entire life, it caught up with me at various points in my adult life. I feel I could have been an even higher professional achiever had this not happened and it saddens me as I'm an ambitious person.

I wish that as a gifted child I could have expressed those difficulties to my parents and be allowed to have a safe space to regulate and just be myself. I think this was very much needed, but instead home environment wasn't safe or stable. The tip I would give is to observe your child's sensitivity and their need to wind down at times, watch what your DD likes to do to stay calm and make sure she has that safe space and time to do so. Understand she won't be doing things exactly like her peers and that's OK. And don't create any pressure to perform on her, get certain results, grades etc. when she gets to it. Gifted children lead intuitively and I'd follow her interests and support her where she/you feel she might be lacking. Be the safe space for her, hopefully when she figures out what she might be struggling with internally (if she does), she will tell you. That's really important.

I agree, OP. You said you were wondering how best to support your daughter, and I’d honestly be looking at educating yourself about different kinds of neurodivergence, per the conversation here. Not as a means of labelling your child’s intelligence, but as a route to understanding her potential needs.

It’s not the brightness/need for stimulation per se that creates difficulties, but the potential issues arising further down the line for a child who is likely to face challenges because they’re wired a bit differently to others.

Awareness of this would have been life-changing for us had we known when DS was young. As it was, we were astonished at his communication abilities (fully verbal and could not only hold a conversation at 2, but bring logic and ideas to any discussion). Learned to read and write quickly and without effort. He was the only experience I’d had of children, so it wasn’t until he went to pre-school that I realised that little kids of 2 or 3 are usually still just babies, some almost non-verbal and some in nappies.

We managed to keep him interested and on track through school until GCSE, and after that the wheels came off and we had pretty much 4 years of hell, wracked with anxiety - drug-taking spirals, depression, horrible episodes of dissociation - until he was diagnosed with severe ADHD (potentially AuDHD) and given medication that totally changed the outlook for all of us.

He’s now a balanced, happy adult, living a good life, but I feel like we all had to walk through fire to get there.

Seems crazy we were so naive, given that both DH and I were in programmes that were essentially for gifted children when we were little kids, but we had no real idea of how ND we both are until very recently, and life would have been a hell of a lot easier to navigate if we’d had access to the information (and cultural acceptance) that’s readily available now.

DS2 - around 7-8yrs old when school mentioned. He has just graduated with a 1st, and top score in the country for one of his modules.

DD - year 10. She hated school before then, and literally changed overnight. She got 12 x grade 9’s and is now preparing for Oxford admission tests.

I don’t know if any are especially gifted. They work hard, and hard work pays off. Obviously naturally bright but none could read before school, both late talkers. DS2 an August baby and was a little behind when he started reception.

I’d say my son is ‘gifted’. For the first 5 years he didn’t speak outside of the home and his speech wasn’t very good with us. But when it clicked .. my god. His memory is phenomenal. In reception he helped the teachers organise 30 kids into their groups (he wasn’t asked). He can tell us each child’s birthday in the class (hasn’t been taught). He is obsessed with numbers, can spell every word he sees once. He picks up the most unusual information - can tell us where every parent parks in the morning. I definitely believe his memory is photographic. He’s just been diagnosed with Autism.

I’ve taught a couple of children like this in my career. One was also stunningly beautiful and worked as a model, then got an athletic scholarship to an American university. Life just isn’t fair!

This: a lot of people on this thread are confusing gifted and able.

"Genuinely gifted people are almost always autistic"

This is such a stereotype that has no scientific basis and actually comes from films/pop culture. Neurodiversity is linked with learning difficulties, not super intelligence. Some autistic people are highly intelligent, but not more so than neurotypical people.

In fact, intelligence is correlated - people who are highly skilled at language, memory, recall etc are also likely to have higher emotional intelligence (ie social skills) than the general population.

Both my boys were on the gifted and talented pathway through entirity of school. Didn't find this out until some halfway through secondary when a teacher mentioned it in passing one parents evening! Primary school / nursery never mentioned it, but must have initiated this.

We knew they were bright from about 18 months, my DH was well ahead all through school and is clearly exceptional himself (talking 1% level). DH since diagnosed with autism as has eldest DS.

Both could read before starting school (age 4), both had a fundamental grasp of maths and number beforehand as well.

She thought he was bright because he bit her?

Maybe he can instantly say any word backwards. I had a friend at school who could do this.

Or maybe he can lick his elbow?

NC for this as friends know I am on MN and I don’t want to expose my main posts.

My fantastic baby brother, who was killed in a freak sporting accident (think along the lines of passing out whilst cycling in record breaking heat and going over a cliff) was gifted and pretty normal.

He was a late talker but caught up quickly, developing a rich vocabulary and sentence structure. He taught himself to print and compose short sentences by age 3, with the concomitant reading.

He excelled in school, particularly maths, but hey, it was primary school. He was fascinated by cars and mechanical/electrical equipment from very young, as many boys are, but when he saw his first computer it was like nothing else.

When I was at uni, our sibs were disinterested and he was 8 yo, he persuaded our parents to buy a family PC. (This was in the early 1980s, so it was relatively expensive.) Which he promptly took apart and put back together, correctly.

He never looked back. He got a PhD in computer Science and had a very, very successful career. We only learnt after he died how highly esteemed he was, because of his modesty. He loved music and sports and travel and friends and family and good times and had all of this in abundance, lacking only a permanent relationship.

We sort of had a family project to keep him grounded as he grew up, so that he did sports and had friends from different groups, etc. When he joined the G and T programme in high school his social life focused more with that group and with his sports but there was an effort to keep everyone from turning too far inwards so it worked pretty well.

I don’t believe genuinely gifted people are usually autistic, either

I do believe @BoleynMemories13 is correct that there is a difference between being very bright and being gifted.

Recently had convo with uni friend (Oxbridge) about whether being v bright was a ND of its own (and which overlaps with others). 2 out of my 3 DC were evidently unusually gifted by age of 2 or 3; both now diagnosed ASD. This is a really interesting thread; thanks all for sharing. I was identified as gifted and now suspect ASD as well. Energy management and not getting over stimulated is an ongoing challenge.

DS 1 started talking at 9 months old all sorts of words that he picked up quickly. Is very observant and cautious and mature. We knew then but at 2 every HCP kept saying he was so mature and articulate.for his age and assumed he was 4 or 5 years old! People kept asking if he is in school as he knew so much.
We are home schooling, he is 3.5yrs old and can write and spell and is also picking up 2nd language quiet well.
He only likes playing with older kids. He also has great emotional inteligence and when my 2nd DS was born he took to caring for him quickly.
He hates sports and likes to read, but he is mental about vehicles and any transportation. You'll often find him reaidng a newspaper or magazine about cars or tractors.

Me too. DS1 has an IQ of 164, I believe, and has a photographic memory.. Completely NT & has never struggled. Whether that makes him just very bright or gifted doesn't matter, really.

😂😂

It's interesting reading this because of the breadth of experience.

Depending on your definition of gifted, both myself and one of my children would fall into it. I grew up in a family where I was entirely normal and just thought everyone else was at a level that turned out to be top centile across the board. I was also lucky enough to be a late bloomer in terms of visible intelligence so learnt a work ethic which made a massive difference. I had my suspicions with my child fairly early and it was confirmed by nursery and then school. They aren't easy to parent but are utterly wonderful.

From what I can see, recognising it a very limited sample size, gifted is fine with work ethic. That seems to be mostly modelled by parents and outside the academic sphere. Find something your child finds hard early on (sports, maybe) then get them to keep trying.

You'll find your way.

My daughter was doing 100 piece jigsaws at 2, full conversations before 2, was incredible with numbers way before school and nursery. She's 15 now, and her GCSE year is about to start, predicted 9s for everything. She absolutely amazes me! She has 2 younger siblings who are very much mid class, so it's really difficult to explain to them not to compare. Learning is just her thing.

Imo giftedness does not really matter, beyond giving parents something to talk about. Most gifted kids will grow up to be average adults. Some average kids will go on to do things that have huge benefits for other people. It's what you do, rather than what you are, that counts.

Apologies if this has already been suggested and I’ve missed it, but have you considered a childminder rather than a nursery @SoloMumJustMuddlingThrough? Just thinking there might be older children there who she could connect better with than those her own age? Just a suggestion. Will she need to go to a childcare setting OP, whilst you work?

I could equally say you're being stereotypical by linking 'gifted' to academic intelligence. I see them as two different things. I see gifted as related to the way a person's brain works, rather than simply what they know or how much they know. The brain works differently when a person has autism. That is the gift. Obviously autism is a massive spectrum, but there's definitely one end of that spectrum which enables people to simply know things that blow other people's minds. The bearer of the gift will typically have no idea just how incredible or unusual their gift is.

I use to know a young man who could instantly tell you what day of the week a person was born on, based on their DOB. That's not intelligence, that's a gift. (Just one example off the top of my head).