When did you 'know' your child was gifted?

[SoloMumJustMuddlingThrough]

Were you aware (or have strong suspicions) that your child was 'gifted' before school age?

Did they enjoy nursery? Were they able to flourish in a typical early years setting?

If you are the parent of a gifted child, what have been the main challenges you & your child have faced that a "bright" child wouldn't have?

I find the topic of giftedness very awkward so apologies for my clunky sounding questions. I never know how to phrase it without causing offence to someone.

Thanks in advance!

DS1 is completely neurotypical (my other 2 are not, so I completely know the difference). He was so aware from an early age, but was my 1st, so knew no different. He was reading & writing before school & nursery had to buy new puzzles as on day one he'd done them all. We weren't really aware of how clever he was until primary, where they told us constantly. His primary 3 teacher told us she had never met a child like him.

We were lucky as he's always been a very sociable child with lots of friends & involved in team sport, Scouts & a keen mountain biker, so wasn't in his own head. I think this is key from a PP We try not to make her academic ability a big thing and treat it like it’s normal. It’s bad for a child’s self esteem to always have to think of themselves as “the clever one”, and it doesn’t make for a healthy relationship with others either He was part of a group of pupils who were very academic: he led that group but didn't stand out if you know what I mean. We supplemented with books on everything at home.

He was an absolute all-rounder & excellent at every subject at school without studying. He was school dux & is now going into his final year at an RG university doing Maths & Statistics, where he's had straight As in every exam.

We've always encouraged variety in his life- he plays sport/ bikes/ plays drums/ draws/ sings & loves travel/ clubbing & continues to be really sociable- everyone seems to like him. He sees life as one big adventure & has a thirst for knowledge & learning. He's got a huge moral conscience & cares about people & the planet, so he'll not go into a corporate job, but the world's his oyster.

DS2 is also bright, but not gifted. His ASD & ADHD affect his life in ways I'd never have imagined. He failed 1st year at university & we're taking stock at the moment.I look at DS1 & think that his life is so easy.

DS3 has significant ASN, so his life will be completely different.

Just a perspective that giftedness doesn't always equal struggles.

My oldest is not gifted, but we both went to Oxford so he's simply brighter than average. There is a difference, context really matters on this topic. In his first year at school his teachers were absolutely amazed at his instant grasp of new topics and just overall practical application, and then things settled.

M dying to know what is his unique skill?

I know a grown woman who was gifted as a child.
Started reading very early, doing math.
Very clever.
And she was just a darling little girl.
I don’t know if it was her parents or if it was completely unrelated to her parents, but she’s in her 40s now and the most unpleasant person to be around - rude, sarcastic, severely overweight. She can’t give a kind word to anyone.
I have no idea what happened to her, but she’s a misery to be around.
And while she could have flourished in many different areas in the workplace, she’s on benefits and sits at home all day watching tv and eating - her mother supplies her with junk food.
She has alienated almost everyone in her life except her mother.

My eldest daughter ( now 41 ) was always very bright in school. I taught her in year 2 and she remained with her class peers throughout primary.
It was her art work that particularly caught my eye.
I was not sure as her teacher whether it was due to her maturity or a special talent but, when she turned 8 , my husband and I soon realised that she had a very special talent in illustration.
She chose her senior school based on the art department! We knew she would be fine academically wherever she went.
She studied Art at uni and got a First. Amazing talent and had a few years running her own business .
Due to three miscarriages she and her husband started to adopt , found out she was pregnant and then carried to full term, closely followed by another baby.
They were so thankful and wanted to 'give back' , having not carried the adoption through, so they became foster parents instead, with the art being put on the back burner.
Unfortunately the system, in their county, failed and the child was with them for 3 years instead of 6 months. They had wanted to help as many children as possible so when my daughter saw an advert for fast tracking into social work and doing a Masters at the same time she went for it ( dissertation just handed in). The Masters should enable her to rise up the ranks quicker to become more of a decision maker.
The art has been put aside in preference of 'trying to make a difference '.

We proudly display her family portraits on our walls in our home but
what we are most proud of is her empathy, understanding of and kindness to others.

One of those days when you are not sure if you should laugh or cry. Come to think of it neither did the headteacher he gave that resignation letter to.

In his letter he thanked the school for their efforts so far, lamented the fact they would not offer him proper physics then went on to say he felt they had taught him all they could, was regretfully handing in his notice and intended to educate himself at home henceforth.

I NEEDED him in school so I could have a few hours downtime as he rarely slept and would build his own firework rockets to fire at the neighbours trees.

Honestly? I had no idea and it wasn’t apparent. Quiet child. Also gifted wasn’t on my radar at all. But we started to realise when DC was about 11. Aced the 11+ then did a Mensa test as an early teen and came out as IQ 140

I first noticed was when my child was at nursery. He had an aptitude for numbers and I was told by the nursery staff to stop schooling him in it although I hadn’t been doing that. I always found that the schools were very good at working with him and he got extra opportunities because he was on the gifted program.

Eldest DS was always very active and alert, trying to stand before 2 months old.. average for first 5 years at school, then took off. Could do school work easily. Bullied at local state secondary, we moved him to local private school - he got a scholarship.
The younger DS could play chess at 4 and beat adults. Bored and disruptive at school, we ended up moving him too.
They both got Oxbridge firsts and now have good jobs, more importantly they have lovely partners and good friends and are happy.

No child of 3 however gifted should be bored in a good nursery. Children are designed by evolution to learn through play and outdoor activity. Super brain or not they need the early years foundation

I thought an assessment of being gifted was a neuro diversity in itself tbh

When mine sneezed, burped and farted simultaneously😂

When the Ed Psych told us as part of his autism assessment!

Before then, he'd been put on the 'naughty table' at school - no it wasn't called that by the school, just the other kids and some of their parents 😳and hadn't yet, at the age of 5, shown any special abilities. At school he was just making trouble because he was really bored.

After the Ed Psych said he might need a challenge because he has an IQ in the top 2%, some more effort was put into teaching him - he's currently doing his masters in computer science at a good uni, so it obviously paid off.

Don't write off the naughty kids folks!

Not every gift is helpful in this world.
To answer your question about 2 when the childminder kept telling us how far ahead he was. But once he went to pre school they were telling us he was staying in the "home corner" all the time. Due to needing time to process all the sensory overload. Then eventually we are having to make him go to school every day. He's well ahead in maths, reading, general knowledge (devours books) but well behind in self regulation and following demands.
School really isn't set up for every child, it's more set up for average children, he would do a lot better in a low sensory school with less enforced transitions.

My DD taught herself to read just before her third birthday 🤦🏼‍♀️ no real input from me apart from telling her the ‘names’ of the letter and their ‘voice’ - upper and lower case. She then tried to teach her younger sister who was 18 months old. I spoke to the health visitor. I was very aware that this wasn’t ‘normal’ development but it was almost brushed aside as a brag 🙄 She had severe attachment issues and couldn’t function in groups. I opted to Home Educate and I think that helped. She was diagnosed with ASD at fourteen. No surprise. I don’t think of her as ‘gifted’ because in some areas she simply isn’t. But she does have high learning potential.

I agree with those who say there's a big difference between being 'gifted', and being very bright. I wouldn't say that being a straight A student (or 9's, to coin the modern terminology) necessarily makes someone 'gifted'. Those saying "my child is gifted but neuro typical" sound like they just have very bright children, from their descriptions. Being 'just' bright is a great situation to be in, by the way. I'm certainly not knocking it! Genuinely gifted people are almost always autistic, which can make it harder for them to navigate through life in general.

OP, I don't mean to alarm you or concern you, but I strongly suggest you get your child assessed for autism. From what you have described, she definitely sounds gifted. I've never met a truly gifted child who isn't autistic, but the mistake many make is not pursuing a diagnosis early enough because they assume their high functioning child will be fine without one (or they simply don't recognise their gift as autism). Years ago, gifted children often weren't diagnosed, as they functioned fine throughout primary school. People just didn't automatically link the two, like they do these days. So many gifted children face challenges later in life, which would be so much easier if the world understood who they truly are. Many gifted adults are currently seeking a diagnosis later in life to understand themselves better, and wish it had been picked up sooner.

Autism is a lot more obvious when there are physical barriers to being able to cope in mainstream school (non-verbal, not toiled trained, violent etc) and it's often parents with children who fit this end of the spectrum who seek early diagnosis but even gifted children who will absolutely end up in mainstream benefit from a diagnosis. Starting the process before they start school is absolutely the best approach, as the process takes years now.

Good luck

I think you need to be clear what you mean by gifted. Most people will understand it to mean school gifted programmes, for which of course definitions will vary but really does just mean bright children. Definitions I've seen online suggest something like top 2-5% by any of a variety of different measures.

It sounds like your real concern is that your child is neurodiverse which obviously presents different challenges to being gifted and neurotypical (no, giftedness in the sense used in schools does not mean someone must also be neurodiverse)

Not until he was about 15 and had his iq tested as part of an ed psych assessment for dyslexia. All my family are very clever and he just seemed, well, usual, if a bit quirky.

She might have vocal chord and aural development above her peers. Toddlers know many words before they can form the sounds to speak them. My DD1 had this. She was speaking before 1 and had an extensive vocab at 17 and her saying something like "ominous weather today, mommy" would have been normal for her. To this day, she's a talker. We joke she came out the womb excited to tell us all about the 9mo she spent there.

When DD2 came, we feared she had developmental delays and took her in for testing. Turns out, she was totally normal, slightly above average vocabulary, but we'd compared her to DD1!! She grew up to be sportier than DD1 (who is average in sports), so she's got that over her big sister ;).

DD1 rapidly picks up languages and is fluent in French, Spanish and German and can make conversation in Czech, Arabic and Galician and probably other languages she's failed to tell me about. Her pronunciation is excellent and she has an ear for music (can hear pitch) as does DD2.

HOWEVER...neither have ASD or ADHD and I wouldn't consider them gifted and talented in the traditional sense. DD1 is smart and got good grades in sciences and math, but is not brilliant in these areas. DD2 is also smart and has good grades, and has near perfect musical pitch.

In sum, I'd say we gave our children good genes in music and languages, but neither will be astrophysicists.

DD1 is now a journalist, not surprising, as she's simply gifted in language and speech.

At this age, OP, just follow your DD's interests and encourage her in them. Don't worry too much. She'll be fine.

When he was a young child, and despite being completely non verbal due to his disability, found his own ways to communicate with me.
The way he gets by in a word without words makes me prouder than any exam results.

My eldest didn't talk until between two and a half and three then from nothing to complex full conversation. He drew a pirate ship, planking, ropes, all the detail. Starting reading and quickly becoming an advanced reader. Behaviour was interesting! He was obsessed with space and planets. IQ testing put hom in gifted category.
He won scholarships to indie schools. All good until 16, all unravelling then. MH nosedived, ASD assessment at 25. His more 'average' siblings, although bright, not as stellar results in tests, are higher achieving as adults. He struggles with 'normal' life.

Yes. My eldest DD is academically bright, was doing simple reading from about age 3, and could quote her whole library of Julia Donaldson books word perfectly some time before that. She is top of her year group at school across the board by a little margin but we don’t refer to her as “gifted” which I personally think is an overused term. She is aware of and very sensitive about the areas where she does not excel (eg. emotional resilience, losing gracefully, singing in tune!!) but is fully NT.

I think it would be useful if instead of labelling children - as gifted, SEN, or other -we accept that all humans have the potential to excel in some areas and struggle in others, and we as parents need to work a bit harder/accept advice/do more research/attend parenting classes in order to support our unique child so that they can thrive. (And worry a little bit less about how they compare to their peers!)

At age 4 he taught himself times tables up to 13 in a day. Excelled at everything in school. Very popular. No issues. Excelled at Uni. Has brilliant career now. Just a smart kid with a great personality.

DC was extremely verbal, I had other parents of 18 month olds giving me the side eye about how we were talking to each other. I honestly didn’t think that much of it, I was also a very early talker so figured it ran in the family, but her pediatrician started commenting about her intelligence around that time as well. She had a dreadful time at first preschool, we were tearing our hair out when she was 3-4. The school asked us to get her evaluated for behavioral disorders, of which she had none but the psychologist strongly recommended we got her tested for gifted ness. I felt like a twat taking my 4.5 year old to be tested. But she scored in like the 99.8th percentile or something and we later learned a lot of the behaviors the first school we’re struggling with are common in very gifted kids. We’re not in the UK and there are a couple private schools for kids at the very far end of the spectrum but unfortunately massively oversubscribed because the public provision isn’t great. We ended up keeping her at a Montessori for extra years which allows for self directed learning and just transitioning to mainstream this year for year 2. Honestly not sure how it’s going to go. Thankfully class sizes are way smaller than in the UK and the school district does pull out gifted kids but I think the focus is on acceleration and we’re more concerned about social emotional support. That has been our biggest challenge.

Totally agree with this. Gifted ness for us has been hard work and I think will be hard for DC. They often get frustrated because adults assume she’s not capable and others don’t understand how fast her brain is racing ahead. She gets very frustrated if she can’t master things immediately and then won’t want to try and her personal standards are incredibly high.

She is neurotypical per psych evaluation but she’s definitely… odd. Even her teacher politely called her eccentric and we were like, yup, she’s a weirdo. Fortunately DH and I are both a little weird and also tracked as gifted in school although I think DC is worse than us.