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Gifted and talented

Talk to other parents about parenting a gifted child on this forum.

Original poster

School for the gifted

412 replies

NameChangedNoImagination · 05/05/2019 19:07

If there was a school for the gifted, would you send your child? I would have loved one when I was a child. Where learning is accelerated to your own pace and where you have time and encouragement to study special interests.

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BertrandRussell · 12/05/2019 22:49

So if you’ve met 5 in a lifetime it seems unlikely that there will be enough for a practicable number of schools.......

Original poster
NameChangedNoImagination · 12/05/2019 23:03

It's true what you say. 'Gifted' here is such a broad term, as we've been discovering. For example, I don't think the people in my school with pushy parents, working hard and managing to achieve all A*s (back in the day) are the kind of people I'm talking about at all.

It seems there are so many types and levels of gifted that this conversation is a difficult one to have easily.

But I have noticed a distinct subgroup who are:
Extremely sensitive
Able to process information quickly and thus are good at pretty much any academic subject
Emotionally 'troubled' or have mental health difficulties
Into obscure subjects
Highly creative
Strong sense of justice, passionate about some issues
Minimal or no engagement with things that don't interest them
Majorly overactive imaginations

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Original poster
NameChangedNoImagination · 12/05/2019 23:05

Also can be eccentric in dress but not always. Leadership or countercultural rebels.

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Fazackerley · 12/05/2019 23:06

Yes that describes me as a child. The last thing i wanted was to spend my time with others like me.

Original poster
NameChangedNoImagination · 12/05/2019 23:09

That's an interesting point. What provisions do you think should be made for people like this?

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SofiaAmes · 12/05/2019 23:22

It looks very different today than it did when I was a child or when my father was a child. I have found as an adult that I have the same dyslexia/dyscalculia that my dd has. However, I was an excellent student because in our day we weren't expected to do things quickly and in only one way. I went to "normal" local public schools in California. And I went to MIT. I never thought to describe myself as a genius and was never given an IQ test (although recently I discovered that I am eligible to be a member of MENSA - my cousin and I were trying to figure out where we could go to meet smart men). The point of this is that the "normal" schools worked for me, but that was in the 60's and 70's. The "normal" schools worked for my father who went on to become a world famous scientist.

In today's schools neither my father nor I would have survived without a lot of extra work and accommodations and the need to receive designations such as "genius" or "Aspergers" or "dyslexic." Today's normal schools did not work for my dc's despite a variety of diagnoses and I think that's a pity. My father is discovering a "cure" for cancer (I mean this very loosely) and perhaps my ds could have followed in his footsteps if he hadn't been disenfranchised by the system of education that we have today.

SofiaAmes · 12/05/2019 23:24

Interestingly, my dd found solace and "people like her" in a performing arts magnet. Lots of fringe members of society all struggling with convention on many levels. It sort of didn't seem to matter who was a genius and who was developmentally delayed and who was on the spectrum and who wore the same t-shirt to school for 2 weeks straight and who had purple hair and who had no hair at all.

BertrandRussell · 12/05/2019 23:26

I don’t think I have ever met anyone like that. But I would think that the most important thing would be to help them find ways to manage life as easily as possible, rather than hive them off into a ghetto.

RomanyQueen1 · 12/05/2019 23:26

Three years of CAMHS appointments, tons of tests, counselling etc = "she's just like this because she's very talented, she has a gift."
It doesn't make it any easier to live with, nor have a normal life.
Now, all our lives are as normal as they can be and everybody is happy.
Looking on the positive side normal is overrated anyway Grin

AlexaShutUp · 12/05/2019 23:55

Namechanged, I agree with most aspects of your description, but not the bit about being emotionally troubled or having mental health difficulties. Some do, I'm sure, but I do not accept that the two go hand in hand.

AlexaShutUp · 13/05/2019 00:00

What I have noticed, however, is a propensity among unhappy people who are highly intelligent to conclude that their unhappiness is somehow linked to their intelligence, whereas unhappy people of average intelligence are more likely to ascribe their unhappiness to other causes.

BertrandRussell · 13/05/2019 00:02

And it is very common for parents to put a child being unhappy at school down to being clever. I think it’s a dangerous assumption to make.

AlexaShutUp · 13/05/2019 00:08

I agree, Bert.

SofiaAmes · 13/05/2019 00:10

I respectfully disagree. Constantly being told that you are lazy, dumb, incompetent and naughty among other things (this happened frequently to both my dc's) because you are not doing things the way the other kids do, has to have an adverse emotional impact on a child. It certainly did on my two children and all the kids with learning differences (gifted or not) that I know. 2e kids get told this way more than NT kids and I suspect that it also is true for highly gifted children who don't do things normally.

SofiaAmes · 13/05/2019 00:11

My children were not unhappy at school because they are clever. They were unhappy at school because they were told that they were NOT clever and incompetent and lazy and naughty.

BertrandRussell · 13/05/2019 00:21

“Constantly being told that you are lazy, dumb, incompetent and naughty among other things (this happened frequently to both my dc's) because you are not doing things the way the other kids do, has to have an adverse emotional impact on a child”

Absolutely. That happens to children with additional needs all the time, regardless of IQ. It’s crap.

Original poster
NameChangedNoImagination · 13/05/2019 01:47

I totally agree. I don't think the mental problems or emotional difficulties are a given. I think they're a result of being misunderstood by people who cannot understand them, and as a result of constantly reigning in their emotions and intellect in order to perform 'normal'. I expect with clued up parents that advocated for the child this would be less of a problem, as it would be managed. Or with really good responsive caregiving from childhood it may not be a problem at all.

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Original poster
NameChangedNoImagination · 13/05/2019 01:49

Sorry I realized how the last part came across... I do NOT mean emotional difficulties aren't present for children with attentive parents!

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BasiliskStare · 13/05/2019 05:42

I think the idea of L'uomo Universale pretty much went out with the Renaissance.

Namenic · 13/05/2019 06:44

Learning conformity is not necessarily bad. Special needs may need more time to adjust and regulate behaviour but eventually most employers will expect a degree of conformity (eg speaking in turn, doing the work they pay you for not necessarily what you want).

SofiaAmes · 13/05/2019 07:13

Namenic conformity is not a trait/skill that makes a good scientist or artist or inventor or pretty much anything that anyone in my family is going to become.

BertrandRussell · 13/05/2019 07:35

“conformity is not a trait/skill that makes a good scientist or artist or inventor or pretty much anything that anyone in my family is going to become.”
Not so sure about that. Confirming to societal norms is pretty important in lots of circumstances. And being able to jump through the academic hoops is important for a scientist-however brilliant.

AlexaShutUp · 13/05/2019 07:48

It really isn't about learning to conform or acting "normal". It's about learning to communicate effectively and get along with people who are different from you, without feeling any threat or self-doubt as a result of recognising that difference.

I have only really understood this from watching my dd, but I really wish I had known it when I was younger. DD does not seem to feel the need to make the slightest compromises about who she is, but she is seemingly able to get along with anyone.

Namenic · 13/05/2019 08:11

@sofiaAmes - i’m Not in research but in UK people have to apply for short term research grants every few years. If your work does not match what the people who give the grant are expecting then i’m Not sure you would be able to get a future one. I’m sure people who make it big and get permanent tenures, chairs at unis have more freedom but you probably have to jump through some hoops to get there.

Fazackerley · 13/05/2019 08:15

I didn't have mental health difficulties. I had a very troubled chaotic home life when the huge imagination and ability to get lost in something academic was a huge advantage. I remember spending hours either learning russian or splicing tape on an old reel to reel tape machine (im not that old, it was old even then!) while my parents screamed and smashd things downstairs.

Might not be popular - but sport saved me socially. i was also a fast runner so joined a club out of school. Noone gave a shit about my opinions on Tarkovskys Solaris, it was all about training, times and who fancied who. I did have to mask a lot but i still do that because my opinions sound pretentious and boring unless you are an academic or dh who inexplicably finds me interesting Smile