Clever children - do you sneer at them, somewhat enviously?

[hunkermunker]

Why?

Peaches Geldof

You can be as clever as anything, but if you're lazy, well, you're fucked.

I remember being sneered at by friends parents.

At secondary school and A levels i got straight As - my best friends mum was horrible about it. I wasn't a show offy type at all, but was made to feel like i was being a bit vulgar, and ended up being really embarrassed by it. She'd really agressively ask me what results i'd got in things and snort at me. When i did a degree i got a first, and didnt tell any of my friends from home.

(another who is still waiting to achieve potential)

VVV - yes, they let them start recorder and violin! Don't think they expect them to do anything much till year 3 though.

my dh was born with 'drive'! he cant sit still and needs to be doing something! FAB bloke to marry cos washing NEVER sits in the basket!

he is a vet which is fine ( he did not work at college - got me pg instead) and now runs own business..he works too hard - it annoys me

My sons ( sadly not daughter) have taken after him and i love love it! i dont have to push them - they just work for the sake of it

My ds1 (14) works in a restaurant a couple of days a week and is doing just great at school - taking gcse french soon after 1 hour a week after school class since september
He saves his money - does not spend! This is the OPPOSITE to me. I hate working . Spend money the second it impacts with my palm and would not do an extra gcse if my life depended on it....

i agree with expat!! My iq on those stupid online tests is higher than dp but he has done SO much more with what he has...I was too busy watching crap tv and eating cakes

My DD is 3, and she is bright. She was a very early talker, although her age mates are catching up to her now, and will probaby be about in line with her by the time they start school - she is bright, not G&T (I think).

One of my friends in particular is horrible to her - sacracstic, blames her for every toddler arguement, says she is 'so bright she should know better'. (May I point out I never mention that I think she is bright in RL..Why?), rolls her eyes when DD says something that to her must sound precocious, but I think is clever/funny.

It upsets me so much. IMHO it is because she is jealous - her DD spoke no words until she was 2. Of course she has no reason to, as her DD is perfectly fine and is no starting to speak. I'm sur she will catch up. But I think it is her anxiety over her own DD which makes her feel the need to talk mine down, in order to make herself feel better.

I guess I sound really stuck up - I'm really not the pushy, overly proud Mum I sound...but then again, I am very proud of my DD, she is wonderfully funny and clever, and I'm sick to death of people thinking it is some sort of sin to enjoy her bright-ness.

Sorry. Here endeth the rant.

just jealous apostrophe!

definitely jealous!

I think my ds (3 in Sept) finds learning easier than dd (was 5 in May) - but I don't necessarily think that means he is 'cleverer'.

"Xenia, do you think it's possible to get a good education in a state school, or do you need to go private? How about only private for secondary school, or does it need to be from nursery? "

Depends on the child of course. If we're talking about fairly clever top 10% children it's easier in a private school so buy the ease if you can afford it. Makes things simpler and nicer. My ex husband who has taught in both sectors thinks chidlren in the middle who are a bit lazy and go to the lowest standard of those around them (there are loads of children like that) do better in private schools and that the very clever ones can do well anywhere.

96% of children are educated in state schools. What worries me is a Times survey of equity partners in City Law firms the other week showed and I've forgotten the exact figures but a very large number came from state grammar schools and obviously some private too and some comprehensives. If the grammar school route has gone will they still come through from the state system so well?

But 50% of those at Oxbridge come from state schools (not sure how many of those 50% are from selective state schools) so of course it's possible.

dinny - do you mean reception class then?

I'd love it if they did that at the school she will be going to in sept.....

will ring them next week.....

I had a very serious long-term boyfriend whose parents used to sneer at me for being clever (from a young age - I grew up with this boy - and also in adulthood when we were a couple). They would say things like "Oh I suppose our conversation is too boring for you, would you like to talk about Shakespeare?" - really snide. My crime was to do well at (state) school and go to Oxford - even though their son did the same, and got a phd which I didn't! When we split up, he later came crawling back and the main reason I said no was the thought of them being grandparents to my kids. It is unforgiveable IMO, it's just reversed snobbery - would anyone sneer at a child for being good at sport?

no, year one is the year after reception

Never met anyone sneering at clever children. Have met some obnoxious parents who constantly boasts about their children brightness. It's not the boasting, it's the way it's done, which can be offputting. They seem to equate their children's precocity to a future of achievements and success. Which is what we wish for our and all the children in general, but who knows??

vvv, our headmistress is potty about music, so our school may be the exception rather than the rule. fingers crossed for you!

Thanks, Xenia - I worked for Baker Mackenzie some years ago and I definitely found the private outweighed the state there.

I guess there are "better" and not so good private schools, just as state schools.

One of my friends calls DS1 "the eccentric professor", very fondly - I think that's lovely.

Ahem - actually I worked for Baker McKenzie

There are some truly shit private schools, I can assure you. Including some of the snootier ones. Money for old rope. The most educated and switched-on people I know went to state schools and did well because they were intelligent and motivated. Most of my public-school accquaintances from Oxford aren't the brightest stars in the firmament at all, just coached, polished and overconfident.

this thread is making me emotional. At last parent evening, ds's teacher told me she hoped he could ''find something good to do with his hands like plumbing, in order to be a success''. He is dyslexic, hates school and has dysgraphia also. But he has an IQ which puts him in the top 2 per cent. He has a passion for science but has vehemnetly declared he will not go to college or uni as he can't bear school. I don't push him but I'm scared of letting him down and him never
discovering his own potential.
I'm thick, don't have a degree and will nver earn enough to send him to a 'different' sort of school where he might be happer. I can't help feeling if he had different parents his life would be better.

Motivation and drive are the keys to success in life. Clever people don't always do that well (take me for example) though they are far less likely to end up poor. As for sneering - yes we do it as a family at the reports we read in those ghastly round robin letters at Christmas. But that is only because we don't like boasting!

Filthy minded vixen - what a terrible, ignorant comment for your son's teacher to make. I have a similar situation with my ds and have similar worries. Is your ds getting adequate support for his sn?

People sneer at bright children because they know in their darkest heart that their own offspring are thick as the proverbial.

no he isn't cornsilk. But he won't let anyone help him either . I hired (at hugeexpense for our humble means) a wonderful retired teacher with decades of dyslexia experience who had taught in provate schools and made us both laugh...she was great. but after 6 weeks he threw a huge strop and refused to let her help him anymore. He refuses any extra help. He's in yr 4, yr 5 in sept and he just got the highest score in his class on a Stage 2 science SAT. So I am very proud