Do you ever wonder what it's like to have a normal child?

[RoboJesus]

I always imagined having a normal child and I've been thinking a lot about it lately. Having a gifted child definitely changes things. Obviously I love my child perfectly as they are though. Does anyone get what I mean?

One of the first things the writer of that link points out is that not every gifted child ticks all boxes. So just referring us to the link isn't going to be very informative. You need to explain which boxes are relevant and what your concern is.

Otherwise, you will get posters coming on saying "yes, my child/sibling/myself were gifted (as in having the accomplishments) but never showed any of the personality traits also listed in the link".

I would really like to stop this "why is it OK to boast about sporting talent but not other skills". Perhaps the reason is that most people know that except for a very fortunate few this sporting talent won't amount to much in the end. Say you mention that your child seems pretty good at tennis - the chances of them even making a living from that are incredibly small - the chances of them being the next Roger Federer are so remote as to be virtually inconceivable.

Go round telling people that your child is great academically is entirely different. That could well mean a place at a better university, a better paying job, more access to the most prestigious jobs. So the reaction of the person listening is bound to be different.

French19 ' s post is spot on. Why the need to tell other people how gifted your child is, other than the teacher and others who have a "need to know". Are most people without family and close friends they can talk to about this?

Good point, HPFA.

Tbh though, I'm not even sure it's true that people think it's ok to boast about sporting talent. My friend's dd does sport at an exceptionally high level, representing the UK at international events. Both she and her mum are exceptionally modest and low-key about her achievements, and for a long time, I had no idea how good her dd actually was.

I am wary about two terms "normal" and "gifted" - 3grown up kids all different all to my eyes have "gifts" & abilities that the other do not. Educationally and intellectually they are vastly different 1 ASD who maintains part time but "proper" job & lives semi independently &I am as proud of accomplishments as I am of the other two, both of which are taking steady strides to what others would see as successful lives. However, when in primary school my brilliant introspective son was overlooked by his teacher who considered another lad gifted..as the other lad fitted socially into her accepted view. irony - guess who got straight a's at o levels & who did not? being considered gifted can actually hold kids back in their future lives - children need to learn social skills & empathy & to be full rounded compassionate individuals -Trump swears he is gifted & brilliant & has a great IQ I am very glad my children weren't like him (especially with his honest quotient :)) ps he is older than me!

Another reason to what HPFA said about the difference between sporting and academic ability is that, as long as you keep away from actual criminal behaviour, successful careers in most sports are going to depend almost exclusively on actual sporting ability. You can be as socially awkward as you like and still run faster than anybody else in the world and if you do you will find a sponsor.

There are relatively few positions requiring academic giftedness that do not also require an ability to communicate with other people and listen to and respect their viewpoint.

If you encourage your academically gifted child to believe that difficulties in communicating with your peers is part of their giftedness rather than something they can overcome with perseverance, then you may well be sabotaging any chances to make the most of their giftedness

Oh I do, daily

I’m beginning to suspect op is just a bot designed to get people talking. This is bizarre.

Iamagreyhound, totally agree, it's bizarre. Op doesn't need to tell us about dc's ability, but can give us a clue what aspect she wants to talk about at least, like, is it social/emotional/ academic whatever.

Since I first joined MN, I got so much help, so much support. No one actually questioned my ds's ability, because I asked for specific help.

OP is missing out so much by trying to be too vague, on every thread she starts. No matter how many times she changes her usernames, if her stance is the same, she will get same responce every time. It's a real shame.

Pretty sure (and I have said this before) that the OP has a very very bright child who is also possibly severely autistic. I remember several very similarly vague threads. And the boy was under a number of various professionals and it was all (as usual) a bit confusing. It further makes me wonder if the challenges the OP faces are not necessarily to do with the child being profoundly gifted.

Kosha yes I think it's her too. She's choosing to focus on the giftedness but doesn't want to engage about the autism.

Christ. I didn't realise it was foil hat wearing time. Previously on conspiracy theories Mumsnet edition: we discovered I had a girl that was also a boy, a disabled and nondisabled child all in one and had a child who was 2,4,5, and 12 all at once. But thank the magic sky daddy we've figured it out. I must be a bot! Multiple gifted children don't actually exist!

RoboJesus, we are not denying that gifted children exist. Some of us have them/have had them in our own families. What we are denying is that gifted children are all the same or that anyone can extrapolate from the experience of knowing one gifted child to knowing what your experience is like with your gifted child. We keep asking you what your experience is and you won't answer.

I am making the guess that it is probably different from that of my mother who found her most gifted child was also her most easy-going and the one you were least likely to notice.

But I can't know how it is different unless you explain it.

Maybe the child’s abilities are a red herring, and it’s actually op’s obvious communication difficulties that are the real problem?
That last post was a real doozy.

Well, thank heavens you are making some posts to clearly combat the myths, op. It’s so helpful when you pop in to clarify.

You might want to consider why you get such a hard time. There are people who are putting themselves out to give specific information and find out your curcumstances so they can offer better support. And your response is deliberately designed to inflame the situation further and to refuse to give any information that would enable posters to engage meaningfully.
Interesting choice.
Are you afraid that responses to any specifics you may give might affect your view of your child in a negative way?
If the most you are able to say is that your child is PG and you believe this makes your child not normal, there’s not a lot to talk about except your attitude to your child.
So here we are.

Other point, OP: the list you referred us to contain quite a few features that are clearly not relevant if your child is preschool, because certain types of immature behaviour are pretty well typical of all children below a certain age.

"Questions authority" is pretty well what 2/3yos do.

And "prefers the company of adults or older children" is again a normal stage of development until children reach the level of maturity that allows them to interact with others who won't constantly be making allowances for them. A 3yo who prefers the company of a 6yo is not showing precociousness: they are just benefitting from the kindness of the 6yo.

So unless you tell us what age your child is and what types of behaviour is making them stand out from other children of a similar age, we really can't help you in any way at all.

Here’s an example of a specific question:
Hi G&Ters - I have a 14yo dd that has a few differences and I’m looking to see if anyone has ideas that might make her life easier. She was brain damaged at birth (has cerebral palsy) but was assessed as having a 140+IQ in yr R (she taught herself to read before she could talk, and was assessed at working around 7-12yrs ahead across the board at 5). She has struggled to deal with her emotions on occasion (some people have suggested Dabrowski’s OEs) and has always had some sensory sensitivities (she has retained reflexes and drops to the ground at sudden noises/ unexpected wind etc). Despite this we have muddled through and she’s pretty happy (she is an ambassador for our local disability sports org, and gives motivational speeches to fundraising groups) and trains in her sport with hopes of the Paralympics.
We do have a new concern though - she has recently been struggling with intrusive thoughts and compulsions, and has been diagnosed with OCD and anxiety. (Believe me, having a disabled teenager whose compulsion was to get both feet off the floor at the same time to keep her family safe wasn’t fun - the compulsive counting and maths to make everything divisible by three was easier)
Anyway - it has been suggested that the area of her brain damage is also the area affected in anxiety disorders - but we have also been told that anxiety and OCD is reasonably common in the gifted community (overthinking and a need to control things which are inherently uncontrollable etc). And there is also the fact that anxiety disorders are reasonably common onset in teen girls.
Any ideas how we untangle this, or how we can make it easier for her to deal with? (She is currently taking 50mg amitriptyline which is helping her sleep).
There you go op - that’s how to share information and request specific support.
(I’m not actually expecting any answers, but if anyone has any, that would be great. And despite the over-share, she’s extremely normal. I promise.

OP, this link might interest you. It’s about difficulties of having a certain type of gifted child.

raisinglifelonglearners.com/mislabeled-behavior/

Brilliant example, blackdog, of a properly phrased question that it is actually possible to attempt some kind of answer to.

Not sure if it's much help, but has she tried CBT and breathing exercises for the intrusive thoughts? Has really helped my dd, and what I think helped her more than anything was being able to discuss the problem in a way that focused on techniques of dealing with it. She still needs medication but is far more confident of being to handle things now. Just being able to say "I know where this is coming from" is a great help.

Dd is on medication and can still get paranoid and obsessive, but she is living independently in London and has coped well with some pretty big stresses.

Sounds like you and your dd are already doing a brilliant job, but I would look into CBT techniques.

Oh blackdog she sounds incredible but obviously the OCD is a nightmare. I'm currently doing CBT for OCD and it is helping. I'm dealing OK with some of the more recent intrusions and behaviour quite well now. Not sure if I can crack the longest standing ones but I'll try.
I also have some neuro damage that might not be helping and I have a dd with ASD (G&T by school's measure) and terrible anxiety. It's very hard!

OP you sound very irritatingly smug, all children are normal in their own ways.
Every child who is loved is valued by their parents. Your a bit premature in categorising your child. Being gifted does not make your DC automatically a perfect all rounder throughout their lifespan! Lets just hope the tag of being "Gifted" does not mentally derail them later on in life.

I think one thing that bothers me is that OP seems to ignore what people say if she thinks we are beneath her. Crayon comment is very typical.
Crayon is beneath her dc.

OP, you asked if we ever draw anything with crayon. If you google crayon art, there are many, astonishingly amazing art using crayons. It's a shame you can't see beyond any prejudice and can't guide your child in different way. I think that's what they really need, think outside of box.

I find this rather odd. I have a dc in the g&t program but I’ve never considered him not normal.

It’s his normal. My other dc have their normal. And really, isn’t everyone just their own kind of weird anyway?

Talking about crayons, I read about a preschool child who spend hours creating any colours he sees, exact colour of walls, furnitures, etc, by just simply using basic crayons. To me, that is a true genius.