Do you ever wonder what it's like to have a normal child?

[RoboJesus]

I always imagined having a normal child and I've been thinking a lot about it lately. Having a gifted child definitely changes things. Obviously I love my child perfectly as they are though. Does anyone get what I mean?

Thanks Cory/ aornis- She hasn’t tried CBT specifically but she is working with both a psych and a counsellor (it’s very slow) and we are waiting on a neuro referral from the local children’s hospital - first time it got redirected to the rehab dept and the physio called me We have had some previous success over the years with breathing techniques when she became overwhelmed (we actually even use them over the phone with her if we need to) but I think she needs someone else to instigate them iyswim. Different scenario I think? Maybe panic attack type thing rather than the underlying anxiety, but I can see how they link/ crossover. Hmm. Thanks!

Aornis have your HCPs ever discussed the (potential) link with your neuro differences? I find brains fascinating...

interesting to know I'm not the only one doing breathing by phone blackdog

blackdog the breathing exercises being taught made a difference to me. I'd been doing it wrong before and concentrating on inhaling but not exhaling.
I haven't had anyone discuss the relationship between the damage and anxiety. The services are pretty stretched so it drops off the list.

Gosh, just seen the crayon comment. So Leonardo da Vinci, Michelangelo and Holbein can no longer be counted as gifted, then.

Suppose they may still be considered bright though. Always something.

This does seem to me a rather sad and not uncommon attitude: that a gifted child must somehow live up to their giftedness by having no connection with anything that supposedly belongs to a previous stage of development. So instead of encouraging the child to get the most out of anything they come across, anxious parents insist that "little X is too gifted to use crayons/play the tambourine/read Winnie the Pooh"- thus sabotaging X's chances to get the most out of crayons, develop his sense of rhythm, or find new levels of understanding Winnie the Pooh.

If I have any advice at all for a parent of a gifted child, it would be to encourage them to get the most out of absolutely anything they come across. Tell them that real grown-up artists use crayons to make drawings that stay famous for hundreds and hundreds of years, tell them that real grown-up musicians learn about music by playing tambourines, tell them that real grown-up scholars read Winnie the Pooh and find new, interesting things in there. With the right attitude, watching a boiling kettle is not a tragic waste of a gifted mind, but a chance to invent the steam engine.

With an anxious attitude, with a mind that never engages with anything until it has ascertained that the subject is suitable for the gifted, gifts are wasted and life is, quite frankly, less fun.

This does seem to me a rather sad and not uncommon attitude: that a gifted child must somehow live up to their giftedness by having no connection with anything that supposedly belongs to a previous stage of development. So instead of encouraging the child to get the most out of anything they come across, anxious parents insist that "little X is too gifted to use crayons/play the tambourine/read Winnie the Pooh"- thus sabotaging X's chances to get the most out of crayons, develop his sense of rhythm, or find new levels of understanding Winnie the Pooh.

Funnily enough, I had an in-depth conversation about Winnie the Pooh at one of my Cambridge interviews. 😁

If you can't tell already I've just let this run away with the fairies. Carry on with your shared delusions. Just out of interest though is there any way to block specific users so they can't ruin more of my threads?

No there isn't, because it's an open discussion forum.

OP, people are genuinely willing to help, if only you would let them. Your approach to this thread (and others) speaks volumes.

I mean this in the kindest possible way, but you are not helping yourself or your child at all by focusing so heavily on how he differs from other children. Regardless of what you say on here, I do hope that you will take some time to reflect on this.

Robojesus: what is it you want from your threads?
It must be very frustrating for you as your threads tend to disintegrate; that's because no one knows what you are getting at. It would help if you could give us a bit more of a clue as to what is causing you problems. Is it that he is isolated socially? That he has meltdowns? We have literally no clue what is problematic. So dealing with you feels like knitting for, while you drop by intermittently with a sarcastic comment about how unhelpful we are all being. You get out what you put in here, as in many things in life.

*Knitting fog

How does it change things OP?

OP, how is it a delusion to ask again and again for you to explain what your problem is?

How is it a delusion to point out that gifted children come with all sorts of different personalities and that we cannot know what yours in like unless you tell us?

You are asking us to "get" something without ever telling us what that "something" is. And then it's all our fault for being delusional.

I commented on the crayon thing, because that was the one piece of information you actually gave: that somehow you associated his unwillingness to use crayons with his giftedness. I pointed out (and I think quite sensibly) that this attitude is likely to be very unhelpful to a gifted child. I strongly believe that the way to give a gifted child the best possible chances of developing his gifts is to show him that nothing is beneath him because everything is interesting.

This is not a slur on your child, nor am I suggesting that he is not gifted.

But if you think there is something about your specific child that makes my advice useless, then you need to explain what it is.

Breathtakingly rude...

Corythatwas what a brilliant post.

Aw.

I've just read the description of the gifted child and it was like looking in the mirror and seeing myself as a child.

I feel quite sad now. My parents had a lot of problems and I never fulfilled my potential. Hey ho.

I've just read the description of the gifted child and it was like looking in the mirror and seeing myself as a child.

I feel quite sad now. My parents had a lot of problems and I never fulfilled my potential. Hey ho.

I think that’s what gives so many parents on here the level of anxiety they have - the fear their children will live with regret because they failed to act in the right way.

I strongly believe that the way to give a gifted child the best possible chances of developing his gifts is to show him that nothing is beneath him because everything is interesting.

This at least we can agree on.

What would you define as fulfilling your potential Jorah? A particular univeristy? Career? Certain amount of cash in the bank? (None of the above directly related to giftedness).

I had a kind of breakdown during my A levels due mainly to my mum's drinking and sporadic violent behaviour. So just scraped into a not very good uni. Came out with a first with very little work but I still remember those days of being able to spend all day in the library researching something that I was interested in. Bliss. I used to take the hardest route academically every single time - ie the driest, trickiest sounding tutorials, the longest, most difficult books. Would never write an essay that had altready been done somewhere else if I knew it had been done before. It was great.

Have had a goodish career but get bored incredibly easily and can't bear unfairness or injustice (which I know is a part of human life) and have absolutely no fear in speaking up so am often a troublemaker.

Have a lovely dh and three amazing kids though so somethigns gone right somewhere.

I think what would have helped me the most was just being allowed to get on with it. To be facilitated - driven to extra classes, given money to buy books. To be encouraged academically.

I loved computers, took my spectrum apart, wrote endless games in code. Mum hated it because it wasnt what girls did. I really wish they'd known something about Comp sci degrees then!!

My dad was very good at making me question everything and we talked for hours 'what if' situations. he would show me the other side of any argument, he was amazing like that. But that dried up as I got older and their marriage became rockier. It seemed (and I was told this often) that my need for knowledge was selfish and irrelevant.

Jorah, that’s so depressing at the end there. Did you find many people growing up who shared your interests?

I know there are a LOT of problems with IQ tests, but just out of curiosity, did you ever have a test?

Have people ever wondered what it's like to have an 'abnormal' child I only say this because of course with a normal child being what you don't have I'm assuming you have an abnormal one OP? Doesn't sound as knobs or nice does it