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Gifted and talented

Talk to other parents about parenting a gifted child on this forum.

Does anyone else have a PG preschooler?

233 replies

RoboJesus · 20/06/2018 20:29

Are you worried about them starting school? Considering a tutor? Private? Homeschool? The whole thing seems overwhelming if I'm honest. It feels like this country isn't set up to handle PG tots. The school mine has been offered does have a (i think from what they've said) HG child in reception who they've had to readjust for which is a bit of a relief though.

OP posts:
Noqont · 21/06/2018 22:34

Grin is op a troll, trip trapping over that bridge?

BrieAndChilli · 21/06/2018 22:39

You haven’t actually given anything for us to discuss- what are your actual queries/questions???

You’ve been a bit off with people trying to have a discussion with you, plenty of us have lots of experience.
I have a very gifted child, and I was also a very gifted child but we can’t give you advice if we don’t know anything about your situation! Every gifted child is different.
For example the teachers couldn’t find any word that my son couldn’t spell, so when he started year 1 his teacher made up a special word game to play with him while others were doing thier spellings. Now I don’t know if that helps you at all as you haven’t actually said what your sons abilities are. You say he could start secondary school. Well there’s a huge disparity in ability between all the 11 years olds that do start secondary school so that doesn’t really help!

ILikeyourHairyHands · 21/06/2018 22:43

Not sure Bauble, you may like to consider starting an opaque but earnest thread on the G&T boards in order to foster their commedy genius.

(But absolutely don't let them mix with their peer group. They will only stymie their potential by laughing about poo and suchlike)

Elkcuhc56 · 21/06/2018 22:45

Why stop at year 5? Why not year 7?

This is so rude!
I personally think that suggesting year 7 is an insult to this 4 year old who, being 'PG', would probably be better suited academically and socially to going straight to GCSE level! Shame on you! Wink

CaptainKirkssparetupee · 21/06/2018 22:51

We still don't know how this child is gifted, so other parents really can't advise / discuss with you...

What area is he gifted in?

CaptainKirkssparetupee · 21/06/2018 22:53

Surely you understand how little Freddie who plays the piano at 2 and Little Donna who is calculating sums at KS3 level are both gifted but will both require different advice / discussion.

It's isn't one thing.

Backinthebox · 21/06/2018 23:01

OP, let your child go to school and learn to fit in with other kids. Let them make a strong and secure friendship group in their own age group, even if some of them are only normal. Even gifted people have to learn to deal with normal people, and this is a more challenging prospect than you might imagine. Indeed, you are demonstrating yourself that you are having trouble ‘fitting in’ with the normals by your failure to understand the hilarity your posts are causing here.

I like to think we are a fairly gifted family. I fly jet aircraft for a living, having moved away from my educational roots in neuroscience. DH applied to university while he was still only 15, and went just over a year later. DD wrote and illustrated herself a Spanish dictionary at 4 years old for fun because she was bored, and has been streamed ahead at school. DS has issues that have given him a bumpy start to school but is fucking hilarious so I read what has been written above about innate intelligence and a sense of humour and I’ll take that thank you!

DD is the youngest in the year, for the duration of the time that she has been at school she has been identified as benefitting from doing certain classes with older year groups, but has been kept with her peers for stuff like PE, art, RE, PHSE and general school stuff like the plays and trips. However, she is not the only one - there is a group of about 5 of them who have been identified as being unusual advanced for their age, and they have pulled each other along - it’s been an unexpected but huge benefit. She, along with others in this group, have been kept an eye on by the local secondary school and invited to masterclasses in subjects ranging from science to history to literature and more. She is not missing out on having her brain stretched at both school and at home but a child that is sent into a setting that isn’t geared up for a child of their age could well miss out on important parts of their emotional and developmental education. You have no idea what school is going to bring to your child so go along initially with an open mind.

DragonNoodleCake · 21/06/2018 23:13

@ILikeyourHairyHands I though I was the only person that used that phrase 😀

ILikeyourHairyHands · 21/06/2018 23:19

Which phrase Dragon?

(Hope it's one lesser posters understand).

PhilODox · 21/06/2018 23:56

A four year old, even profoundly gifted, wouldn't have had time to cram the seven years of learning all the 11yos have been through before September!
Can he do Euclidian geometry? Is he working out his maths problems from first principles? These are the type of things profoundly gifted children are doing at young ages.
Look up Ruth Lawrence, and see why accelerating children's learning ahead of their socialisation doesn't work.

ObiJuanKenobi · 22/06/2018 00:04

Thanks for the chuckle Grin

NeverTwerkNaked · 22/06/2018 07:15

@Backinthebox that sounds like exactly the right approach

Boglin · 22/06/2018 07:38

My eldest is very able and is just coming to the end of reception. I worried about choosing the right school for him and whether they would be able to cater for him etc. Now he's done a year I can really understand how much I was focused on the wrong things. The school have recognised his abilities (without us saying anything) but whilst they've been happy to encourage his interests and even did a half term on his favourite topic, their focus has been on developing his social skills, working on his writing, all the areas where he was behind or less able.

Assuming this is real, I do understand your concerns but I think you should give school a go, it really is about so much more than the academics and if it's really not the right environment then you can look into tutoring/flexischooling.

user789653241 · 22/06/2018 09:36

Did you start similar thread few weeks ago under different name?
Other poster wanted to send her 4 year old to years above/senior school too, and not interested in developing social side.
I think you will get similar response every time.

CoffeeIsNotEnough · 22/06/2018 10:44

Please consider the whole child OP.

I have one incredibly intelligent child. He's young for his age and lives on another planet. He still doesn't entirely understand secondary school after a whole year. His social understanding of the group around him is very poor although he does have friends.

He does enjoy most of his lessons and learning. There's no doubt that, with curriculum tutoring, he could pass some GCSEs now, at 12. I can't see what good this could possibly do though. I encourage him to follow up his interests out of school and he does. But he needs to learn the whole breadth of life. He needs to develop socially, he needs to learn how to not mess around on cookery lessons, he needs to learn how to deal with other irritating buggers, and most of all he needs to learn that his academic ability is not the judging factor in whether he is a decent human being,

The mental health of your child needs to be your priority. Educating children out of their peer group has a poor record on this.

NeverTwerkNaked · 22/06/2018 11:54

The mental health of your child needs to be your priority. Educating children out of their peer group has a poor record on this.

Totally agree with this.

LorelaiVictoriaGilmore · 22/06/2018 11:55

I've got a high IQ, not 180+ level but around 150. I had a couple of friends at Cambridge who left me in the dust! Seriously bright people, getting near perfect marks on Cambridge finals who probably were 'PG'. None of us were bumped more than a year or two at school!! And although I was bumped two years, it wasn't all at once. I got bumped a year when I was 9 and again when I was 12. And I took a gap year so I wouldn't start uni at 16 as my aunt did that and it was disastrous for her mental health. I don't have any friends from school... I had people to hang out with at the time but our interests just weren't particularly aligned. I've never felt too bad about that as I made friends later but it is something to keep in mind.

LetItGoToRuin · 22/06/2018 13:39

Ignoring the ‘PG’ bit, you are in the right place to discuss your concerns about your ‘able’ DC starting school. Most of us that frequent the G&T board will have had similar concerns at that time.

I remember DD’s keyworker at her private nursery telling me she was quite exceptional with her literacy, and getting very excited about contacting DD’s new school once she’d got a place, and then telling me how concerned she was because the school wasn’t interested in hearing about this wonder child! I remember worrying whether we’d made the right choice (we sent her to the school up the road, rather than the bigger school with a brighter intake which would have been a daily logistical nightmare).

After DD’s keyworker’s experience I was determined to keep quiet about DD and see what happened. It was the longest three weeks of my life, but eventually I was called in for a meeting. I was ridiculously excited!

DD is now in Y2 and I still worry whether she’s being stretched, and hang on every word from the teacher at parents’ evenings, and listen with great excitement when DD tells me she was singled out in some way. I’m sure I will continue to be deeply excited by everything she achieves, and frustrated with the school for not sharing her achievements with me at every stage (while understanding why they are downplaying it and keeping things ‘normal’ for her). I know I am somewhat over-invested in my child! However, I do my best to keep it from her, and try so hard to encourage and praise effort.

Honestly, I remember those feelings you’re having like it was yesterday. I can, however, promise you that when other people say that there is more to childhood than academic achievements, they speak wisely, from experience. It is hard to anticipate the impact on a child of an unhealthy friendship, for example. The moment your child is unhappy at school, academic concerns pale into insignificance. An unhappy child won’t learn, won’t thrive. A child who struggles to engage with their peers socially may be unhappy, regardless of the fact that they are astonishingly gifted in maths.

Of course, if your child is really exceptionally gifted (my DD isn’t that special and was always going to be a good ‘fit’ for school), you’re wise to consider how best to support them. The risk with homeschooling an exceptional child is that they may be exposed to less of the normal interactions with children, and plenty of previous posters have described the problems that cause caused by social isolation. (Of course, there are wonderful activities these days for homeschoolers, so this needn’t be a problem).

In your position I’d be inclined to try school, and to supplement your child’s learning at home in whatever directions they want. Look on school as a social opportunity, with a bit of learning thrown in. Encourage your child to behave well, make friends, do their best in class and ask politely for more/harder work without being a show-off or too much of a nuisance. Encourage them to take up a hobby at which they do not naturally excel, and work at it.

If you drop the ‘PG’ label on this forum, and simply assume that everyone else’s children are also somewhat ‘able’ just like yours, you’ll find a wealth of support and solidarity on here.

user789653241 · 22/06/2018 15:05

Great post, LetitGo.
Yes, we have all been there, worried sick about children starting school.

DragonNoodleCake · 22/06/2018 20:31

@ILikeyourHairyHands are you having a giraffe?!

RoboJesus · 22/06/2018 20:47

I used PG in the title to try to stop this. Saying these ridiculous things about hothousing or cramming years of work over the summer. How is that helpful, or relevant. Does Mumsnet have a problem with children being themselves? Should I force my child to conform, put them in isolation for 10 years till they become normal? People have referenced other posts but offered no information about them. I came here looking for support I'm done with the ignorance. I'm not reading anymore when the trolls drown out the real replies

OP posts:
GirlfriendInAKorma · 22/06/2018 20:55

I think it would help if you could expand a bit on what your 4 year old can do.
Do they excel in one area specifically (e.g. maths) or is it across the board?

Dobbythesockelf · 22/06/2018 21:00

But PG isn't a term that people use which if you read the replies would be apparent. People have asked you what males your child gifted. If you would answer the question instead of ignoring it you might get some helpful advice. Being evasive and just stating how special your child is isn't going to make people give you any helpful advice.

user789653241 · 22/06/2018 21:25

It's a shame, this place can be such a great place for support.

CaptainKirkssparetupee · 22/06/2018 21:36

Yet again you've not explained in which area your child is gifted and how old he is, if you would answer basic questions then peopel will help.

People have referenced other posts but offered no information about them

Do you understand that humans generally are not psychic?