Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Gifted and talented

Talk to other parents about parenting a gifted child on this forum.

Original poster

Should I send my dd's to differents schools - private and state?

79 replies

greenbean100 · 15/05/2007 12:00

My eldest is about to start reception in September. I have been told she is gifted (she is on oxford reading tree level 9 - finds it easy and can do sums with double digits etc).

We can not afford to send both our girls to a private prep school - but, could scrape by sending just one. Our other daugher is just 2 and is all togther a very different person - average intellegence but full of fun and very social.

I am having a moral dilema as to whether it would be fair to send the eldest to a prep school which would suit her well and where I know she would really benefit developmentally from a small class size and send her sister to the local state primary (which has a good ofsted)but has large classes.

Has anyone done this? Did it work out? Was one jealous of the other - or is it possible build the right relationship between the two siblings that it really doesn't matter? Any advice welcome.

Greenie

OP posts:
TheBlonde · 15/05/2007 12:02

From experience of friends where some siblings went private and some didn't I would say don't do it
How do you know your younger one won't be gifted too?

mumto3girls · 15/05/2007 12:02

I think it would be an awful thing to do at that age personally. It could affect the girls' relationship and their perception of themselves and each other.

funnypeculiar · 15/05/2007 12:02

me & my older bro went to private schools - my younger siblings both went to very good local state school. Don't think anyone's cut up about it - but then me & older bro both had the local state school as our first preference (had a cool film studio etc etc!)

motherinferior · 15/05/2007 12:02

Well, I reckon you'll perpetuate a division you've made at this incredibly early stage about your daughters' respective intelligences and capabilities, since you ask.

foxinsocks · 15/05/2007 12:02

how do you know your 2 yr old isn't going to be 'gifted' and what will you do if she is?

I'm also not sure that early reading is necessarily a sign of anything other than enjoying reading .

You may be surprised at what the state school can provide. Have you asked what they would do to stretch her if she needed it?

contentiouscat · 15/05/2007 12:05

Hell no, number 2 would feel disadvantaged and create hideous jealousy between them.

Depends on whether her academic achievement is more important to you than their relationship really.

tombley · 15/05/2007 12:05

I have no experience of this to offer but my approach to parenting my 2 children to is give them both the same opportunities. If for example you were to send DD1 to a private school would you then be willing and able to DD2 opportunities with sports or dancing or musical lessons? What if she does show promise later and you then will need to find 2 sets of fees? Would an option be to offer DD1 outside tuition and plenty of support, and the be able to do the same with DD2?

I think what I'm trying to say is I would only commit to school fees if I could afford for both to go.

Muminfife · 15/05/2007 12:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

puddle · 15/05/2007 12:07

I think your younger daughter would probably grow up to feel you had written off her abilities at the age of two TBH.

I think it's way too early to be making these assumptions about both of them.

katelyle · 15/05/2007 12:07

Don't do it - perpetuating differences between your daughters is a dangerous path to go down. And please don't assume that state school won't suit your clever dd! And, actually, please don't assume that early reading means generally gifted. Remember that 95% of clever children - and 95% of average ones - go to state school and do very well.

kittypants · 15/05/2007 12:07

think id be totally against it.

chocolateteapot · 15/05/2007 12:08

I have seen the fallout with my Mum and her sister where my Mum was sent privately and one of her sisters wasn't. The relationship between them was dreadful to the extent that they are no longer on speaking terms. My Mum swears that the cause of it was her sister's jealousy about her schooling.

Dropside · 15/05/2007 12:08

What a terrible idea.

Also I am not sure why you think the private school would be better for your 'gifted' dd. If your poor old dd2 is just 'average' then maybe she is where you should invest your money?

motherinferior · 15/05/2007 12:08

I think there is absolutely no way to work out how well a two year old is going to perform academically. Actually I'd say that about a four year old too.

contentiouscat · 15/05/2007 12:08

I would agree if you feel you need to do something then an evening tutor would be a better way to go.

chopchopbusybusy · 15/05/2007 12:10

If I knew I wouldn't be able to offer the same to both children then no I wouldn't send the eldest. I also agree with another poster that the ability to read early is not necessarily an indication of being gifted and talented. Have you asked the state primary how they will handle the fact that your daughter can already read?

motherinferior · 15/05/2007 12:10

Oh no, she's only four! Not a tutor! Let her doss around in the evenings doing bog-all like four year olds like to!

Kathyis6incheshigh · 15/05/2007 12:11

I don't think there's anything wrong per se with sending one child to state and others private, as long as you are taking the needs of each child equally seriously.

However I agree a bit with MI that you seem to be labelling them very early on.
My dd is nearly 2 and I haven't a clue about her academic intelligence, to be frank, because she's only 23 months

Original poster
greenbean100 · 15/05/2007 12:11

Foxinsox - I was wondering the same - being good at reading might not necessarily mean she is gifted but I only have what her nursery says to go by.
I haven't asked the state school what they would do the challenge her. The truth is that we spent 10 mins looking round about a year ago, will attend a parents evening next week and then - that's it until term starts. Do you know whether I can request to meet the reception teacher in advance? I automatically assumed the school wouldn't have time for its next years pupils until they actually start at the school. Sorry if that's a silly question. I'm still new to all this!

OP posts:
motherinferior · 15/05/2007 12:12

At least one of the reception children in DD1's reception/Y1 class can read. The teacher gives him appropriate work, just as he does all the 30 kids in the class. (They have an LSA as well.)

singersgirl · 15/05/2007 12:12

How on earth do you know that your 2 year old is not as bright as her sister?

Is this a wind up?

motherinferior · 15/05/2007 12:12

You can ask to meet the head/head of the year, I'd think.

Kathyis6incheshigh · 15/05/2007 12:13

Oh, and in my family I went state and my brothers private because I was supposedly the "bright" one - a decision made at the age of 10 which has not necessarily been borne out by later development, though I think I had a great education (better in some ways than theirs) and most certainly don't have any issues with my brothers about it!

singersgirl · 15/05/2007 12:14

DS2 could read levels 9 and 10 of ORT by Christmas of his reception year (7 and 8 in September) and I didn't bother telling the teacher when he started. I thought they could probably work it out. And they did!

tiredemma · 15/05/2007 12:14

I think that is an awful idea.

If your eldest daughter is gifted- she will excel in any school she attends- I feel its more about the level of support you get at home that aids your education- its not about paying for something, if she is as good as you say she is- she will have no problems thriving anyway.

You would create problems in the future, my eldest ds is very intelligent ( top of the class blah blah blah - which I think is a ridiculous standard to set a 6 yr old)- my youngest ds (3) starts school this sept- he cannot read and can only just write his name- never would I ever consider seperate education for either of them

There is NOTHING wrong with state education if you as a parent are prepared to put in support at home.