Should I send my dd's to differents schools - private and state?

[greenbean100]

My eldest is about to start reception in September. I have been told she is gifted (she is on oxford reading tree level 9 - finds it easy and can do sums with double digits etc).

We can not afford to send both our girls to a private prep school - but, could scrape by sending just one. Our other daugher is just 2 and is all togther a very different person - average intellegence but full of fun and very social.

I am having a moral dilema as to whether it would be fair to send the eldest to a prep school which would suit her well and where I know she would really benefit developmentally from a small class size and send her sister to the local state primary (which has a good ofsted)but has large classes.

Has anyone done this? Did it work out? Was one jealous of the other - or is it possible build the right relationship between the two siblings that it really doesn't matter? Any advice welcome.

Greenie

Tis has to be a joke
Plus, do most peopkle actualy start 'grading' preschool children!? That's surely giving them an awful lot of pressure and expectation.
Hideous.

DD1 appears to be doing fine - she comes top of the class, apparently - with minimal support at home.

you can ask for a meeting with your new school if you like - normally with the head.

Just tell them that you are interested in finding out what they do to stretch children who may be more capable in certain subjects - some schools give the children different worksheets to do, some mix the classes (so have a reception/yr1 mixed class for some things) and some sit them on tables with children who are of a similar standard and then give each table work that's at their level.

You'd be surprised how good schools can be with a large class - I always think reception teachers have to be very good at managing different abilities. They start with 30 kids, some of whom don't know any letters and some who can read so they are normally quite good at sorting them all out!

I have a mixture of gifted and ordinarily bright children, and use a mixture of state, private and home ed - each child is an individual with different needs and we've picked what's best for each of them as far as we can.
I'd be really wary of "labelling" your DDs at such an early age as it could easily end up self-fulfilling (I've seen that with a friend who decided that her elder child was the bright one, and it was OK for the younger one not to be that good academically - since turns out younger child has some dyslexic-type issues and is way brighter than elder child, but no-one was bothered enough to investigate because elder child was the "bright" one.).
Also privaet schools are not always the best options for a truly gifted child (as opposed to a bright one) as (especially round here) they're very focused on exam results, which is not necessarily ideal for a gifted child.

Thanks for all the quick replys. It sounds like some of you have had / seen bad experiences of this. I think I may be beginning to see sense.. I just want to do what is best.

(by the way I have no idea about dd2's intellegence - i just knows she enjoys very different things to her sister ie. not remotely interested in letters, numbers or even listen to storys. She is happy to watch telly, play with her toys, friends etc. Which is cool (and much easier!)

I agree with MI, I think you need to act FAST to stop this harmful labelling of your children as "the Bright One" and "the Social One".

greenbean you can go and speak to the head now if you have concerns. Good schools have a range of abilities and should be able to give your dd work to stretch her.

One thing to remember is that reception is about much more than academic progress - it's about learning to in school, learning routines, learning to be in a new social group and to work with her peers who will have different abilities and temperaments. Your dd will have a head start on the academic front but that doesn't mean she won't be stretched in other areas.

My poor brother was cast as the "slower" one in our family based on reading ability. He is now the very high flyer and my early promise ground to a halt once I discovered Jackie magazine and lipstick.

There is no need for you to make any life changing decisions now. The best thing both your children can have are parents who take an interest in their education and support them whatever their abilities.

From my own experience I think that if I had to choose I would spend the money on the "average" child rather than the "gifted" child. But in the end it also depends on your local schools. ORT Level 9 etc isn't that uncommon, but you do need to check the school is prepared to give her work suitable for her ability. IME teachers do like reading and writing to be progressing at similar rate and will slow down reading progression if writing is not developing as well.

DD1 is also pathologically sociable.

Little children can have very different interests and still be of similar intelligence. A less innately 'gifted' child might work really hard and school and do far better than an indolent talented one.

DS1 was really early with puzzles and numbers and stuff; DS2 was not in the least bit interested as a toddler and I must admit I thought "Oh, he's not as bright". But DS2 is the technically better reader and speller for his age now. He is just a different personality.

Tombley - what you say sounds just like me and my brother, I was a star pupil, allowed to bring in my own books as I whizzed through all the levels and had my poems and pictures outside the headmasters door.
my brother had much more trouble, was always compared to me, and this must have knocked his confidence. He finally got diagnosed as dyspraxic, and moved to a more sympathetic school where he excelled, and he is definitly the star of the family now.

If you do it for the first you'd have to also be prepared to do it for the second , imho whether ultimately you decide to or not. If you cannot financially make it work then you may have to make a compromise now and review the situation at a later stage when scholarships/bursaries may be applicable.

I seriously don't think intelligence( or not) is necessarily indicated by 2 year old behaviour and , like MI, feel that if you are making such assumptions already then you run the risk of dd2 living up to your lower expectations from an early age.

Albert Einstein was classed as a late developer because he spoke later than the norm. In addition, when he was older,he failed the necessary exams for admission to the Zurich Polytechnic, even though he studied Physics diligently.

The rest, as they say, is history.

Please do not label your children at this young age as it it likely to lead to friction and resentment when they are older. Also, whether you want to admit it or not, if your gifted child turns out just to be bright or average, then you will be disappointed and could inadvertently apply undue pressure for her to perform to your expectations. In addition, your so called not so bright child will feel like she is second best and this will breed resentment.

I just do not understand why parents insist on applying so much pressure to young children in the pursuit of academic excellence. It is so sad.

Agree with Lizs. It's way too early to make the call, and really not worth bankrupting yourself by paying private fees so early. Keep some back, in case you want to move her later on. She'll probably do fine in reception, ime gifted children are naturally able to stretch themselves, and follow their interests, and it's the social side that needs some working on.

I'm honestly not seeking to achieve academic excellence. The nursery my dd1 is at have expressed concerns that if she is not stretched when she starts school, it could have a big impact in her behaviour. I am still trying to make my mind up about that...

"I think it would be an awful thing to do at that age personally. It could affect the girls' relationship and their perception of themselves and each other." Totally agree with motherinferior.

My sister went to a private school after being bullied terribly. She was much happier. My other sister and I went to a state school. I don't resent it one bit, but mught have done if the distinction was made on the grounds of our perceived intelligence.

Both or neither I'd say.

No, I understand that completely greenie. But do bear in mind that private education doesn't necessarily mean that she'll be suitably stretched. . . some state schools are much more sussed on this stuff. G&T was a government initiative after all. Talk to the head at your local state and see what they have have to say before you make any more decisions. It might be dd1 will be fine, but that dd2 may need the extra money spent on her! How about that for a thought.

Definitely not. Private either for both or for neither.

I agree with everyone who has said that labelling both children so early is a mistake.

There are many many later developers, and I have also seen children who appear gifted at the age of say 4-6 but who later on are 'just' very clever.

I would only proceed with private school for the first if you were very sure that you could offer similar opportunities for no. 2 -or even different but similarly expensive opportunities depending on your youngest's talents and interests.

Also, you might be very surprised at how a state school can 'manage' and inspire clever children. I have found lots of teachers to be thrilled to be able to do extra things with a small number of more able children that the wider group might not be able to cope with. I remember my eldest son's Yr4 teacher really enjoying finding him Yr6-8 maths work to do, and enjoying the challenge of teaching/helping him - she reckoned it stretched and inspired her too!

I also agree I would not treat the children differently. It may be that DD2 is gifted - often the second child will appear not to be interested in reading etc. because they know they cannot do it as well as the older child so will not try it. Lots of state schools support gifted children very well - and some private schools do not. Hopefully your state school will be supportive - and there is much you can do with your daughter as well. If you want the support of parents of other gifted children who have been/are going through the same process (apart from the ones on here) you could contact the National Association for Gifted Children - www.nagcbritain.org.uk

My eldest two are in independent schools, but my youngest three are in a state primary. We haven't had any jealousy, and the understanding is that they would all be educated privately when we could afford it.

The hardest thing is trying to get my five-year old to understand that the Sainsbury's and Tesco vouchers go to the private schools and not their one!

All five of mine will be in private schools next year - ouch!

greenbean presumably you have a place lined up for your dd1 for September already so are you thinkign for then or sevrla years down the line ? Why not ask what provision they can make and see how it goes. Most private schools offering a good alternative would be full with a waiting list by now so have you actually explored your real options thoroughly ?