Is school failing my child? I need some advice, I feel like a PITA mum...

[jaws5]

My son is 7, y3. School sent him for assessment over a year ago as teacher was convinced he had Aspergers: in class he was misbehaving, not paying attention, performing average on his NC levels but showing immense creativity, up and down with friendships... He had an iq test and scored very high on verbal and nonverbal ability (99.6/98.5), and scored 0 on a separate autism assessment. He displayed dyslexic traits that need more investigation. Both doctors said he's very bright but not aspergers, and it's the school's responsibility to provide for him. A year later he is more motivated as his teacher is a bit more unconventional, but his NC levels are still average. He seems to use his own methods, especially in maths, and it's all a bit up and down. He has been getting support to improve his handwriting, and it's better, but still no news on a dyslexia assessment despite me asking on several occasions. I tried to speak to the Head, he just said "he's obviously a really bright boy, but I think there's something else and I don't think it's dyslexia", before sending me to speak to the Stage leader who told me there's no funding for him as other children need it more. I was left quite lost: if Head thinks it's not dyslexia, why aren't we investigating to see what is it, if anything? This was last year, nothing has happened since, really. I don't know what to do, how to support my child. His teacher thinks that he will start ticking the boxes when he's decided he wants to be top of the class. I'm not sure he will. I worry that he's underperforming and this will create a pattern. Any advice or similar experiences, please!

G&T isn't all its cracked up to be. Both my children have continuously been on the G&T register since 2009, but between the two of them they've only had 3 days doing something out of the classroom in all those years. In the classroom, they just get the extension work.

There is a separate primary school maths class but that doesn't kick in until year 5. Mainly, its just been a meaningless acknowledgement of ability with nothing offered to develop that ability other than standard top set / top table stuff.

Thanks for that, it makes me feel better! Yes, I've come to the conclusion that G&T at primary school is meaningless... It's mainly a way of choosing which kids could potentially get L6 in y6, and they get coached to death in the final months... that's what is like in this school.

I am in the USA so it's slightly different, but I'm just finding something useful as my kids are going into high school (9th grade) for the G&T label. As var123 said, mostly it's just a bit of after school stuff that they get at home anyway...like being exposed to shakespeare and art. For example, my ds transferred into our local state high school from out of state (long long story) and it was no trouble getting him into the advanced classes, not because he had straight A school work at a level several grades higher than 9th (according to his out of state teachers' reports), but because 5 years ago, the local school district had finally gotten around to identifying him as G&T (a year after a private test showed he had a genius iq). I'm going through a similar thing with dd who has skipped a grade and is getting very good marks, but will be allowed to go into advanced (honors and AP) classes because the school district identified her as highly gifted 4 years ago. (dd still insists that it was not a "proper" test where you had to answer questions, but rather just an eye exam where they tested if you could "see" different shapes ).
So all of that is to agree with var123. It might come in handy to have the official designation later when they are older (at least that's the case in the usa), but really not much use at this age.

I stumbled on this thread quite by accident.

It rangs bells.

DH is in his 30s. He had behavioural issues at school, but these were over looked because he was so bright at maths and science and the school wanted him for their league tables. He would spend as much time out of the classroom as in it yet would still come top in tests. He was self taught in effect. The teacher would let him play computer games rather than mess about at times. In the end he felt like he was rewarded for dicking about and they wouldn't punish him no matter what he did.

When he went to college they noticed there was a problem. He did an IQ test and maxed it at 160. But they picked up he also had severe dyslexia. He had spent years developing coping strategies for it as he was intelligent to do so.

At university he under achieved because he got bored and would rather be doing sport. There was an occasion where a female friend was struggling with a maths module so he coached her through it. She got 90% but was left feeling frustrated because DH failed it as he couldn't be bothered despite the fact he was better than she was! He graduated with a very low degree without honours.

He's pretty sorted these days, but struggles with interacting with people at times and can lack motivation. He's not great with authority.

My point is this; sometimes school tests mean nothing precisely because the school is failing and underlying problems are not being addressed. Maybe DH should have taken responsibility for his own education, but he was taught that getting by was fine and he was taught that no one really cared if he did badly or excelled. And he simply lacked the maturity, even at university, to do any differently. Asking a child of your son's age to do so is ludicrous and misses the point that its not just his responsibility to get the best out of him.

DH feels bitter still about it. He feels like he did miss opportunities and it caused him unnecessary problems. He feels like the school and more to the point, his parents, failed him.

It sounds like you are doing the right things. I hope you can work it out.

Good luck.

That's interesting, as I really think there is sometimes a link between high iq and eventual lack of motivation. I was failing at school at thirteen, big unrecognized crisis after a death in the family together with start of puberty. The school happened to give all students an ability test, from what I remember it was verbal and spacial reasoning, plus something else I can't recall, and then called my parents to tell them how lazy I was, as the test showed I was really bright. I got told off by everyone, no support, no interest in why I was underperforming. I continued just getting by at school, occasionally shining when I clicked with a teacher - always the teacher who recognized my potential. I took a few years off education as I travelled and then went to a top university, got a good degree and did a master's. I was always described as an original mind.... but you know what? I've always felt I lacked ambition to succeed, lacked focus. I have an ok job within education, and I see people around me moving up, while I don't - I don't want to, I'm quite content having time to continue my own research and reading just for my own satisfaction... I am too self critical so I don't just go for it, I'm too aware of imperfections... But that's the way I am and cannot see myself changing now - mid-forties. I suppose I'm a failure

Sorry for the rant there !

Haha don't worry about ranting!

I think that its something that people don't talk about much out of fear of sounding big headed or arrogant which is particularly in conflict with British culture. Its not often you can articulate certain things as its socially frowned upon.

I don't think high intelligence is the gateway to achieving as it can bring its own challenges, which if they aren't addressed can lead to long term issues (and not just in terms of employment) just as much as someone who struggles for other reasons.

I do think we are too concerned about reaching targets and comparing children rather than treating them as individuals with specific issues and needs and children who are intelligent but have problems are an overlooked group as a result. Its sad for anyone who does fall through the cracks in education regardless of ability.

As for being a failure; you said you were content.

I think happiness is very undervalued.

I too did not have the greatest experience at school, including spending the first year of secondary in the wrong stream, because the teacher assessment at the end of primary had found I wasn't one of the cute kids who they hoped would do well. At least I got awarded a school prise for that one. The list goes on, but I think that's when I first got the idea that education was too important to leave to the school system.

I did decide from a very young age my dd's education would be my responsibility. I think it is the reason I did so much work at home with her. Having said that, being an older parent, I did go in to her starting school with an open mind and the optimism that schools have changed. The problems are still there, just different. In spite of talk of differentiation and every child matters, there are too many children to cater for each individual. After a shaky start in primary she is lucky to be in a secondary which is doing so much for her.

I could be wrong, but I have a theory that those children who reach their potential at school are those with parents who help them at home.

" the optimism that schools have changed". That's funny because I sent my children to school with the expectation that not much would have changed, but any changes would be for the better, and was quickly disappointed on both points!

Luckily, I'd taught both children at home prior to that (we lived abroad), so I knew what they could do and knew when the teacher was being lazy or playing politics.

e.g. DS1's first teacher said he couldn't read after his first week. I'd taught him to read and I knew that he had been free reading for over a year by this time. Also, I'd had him assessed by a friend who worked for Ofsted, who'd told me that he was way ahead of expectations. So, the state school class teacher was either too lazy to find out what he could do or planning to show amazing progress at the end of the year. Being generous, maybe it was the fact that he would read to himself that threw her.

I agree though, parents need to look after their children's education themselves, especially if the child is especially high or low ability. Some teachers are good, but even outstanding schools have the odd duff teacher here and there.

Hi Anyone got any advice please. My son is 12 years old in year 7. At the age of 4 I knew something was not quite right with my son, he seemed to have difficulties pronouncing certain words. I spoke to his nursrey teacher at the time who disagreed with me saying she had not noticed. I told the school that I would be making a appointment with Speech and Language therapy just to get be on the safe side. I took him along for the appointment for him to be assessed. A week or two later I received the Report back suggesting that he need a block assessment therapy. We attended that which lead on to regular sessions. This went on for many years until a child Educational phychologist was brought into school to observe him. The outcome of that was he was experiencing difficulties with attention and difficulties with social communication. We were then referred to Child & Adolescent ( CAMHS) and from there he was placed on ASD waiting list. A few months before he was due to leave Junior school Aug 2012 we had an appointment with CAMHS who assessed him for ASD. The Outcome of assessment was he does not display difficulties across the trad of impairment and does not meet the diagnostic criteria for ASD. We were shocked, by this time we were sure he would get the support he needed as by now he was 3 years behind his peers. The junior school he was in had a Special needs working with him 1hr a day and when he was finding the classroom work difficult they placed him with a clerk would listen to him read, etc. At the time I thought what can I do I was out of my wits plus I had younger twins. I asked if I could go in school as his Ta in the classroom as I felt he was missing out on social side, he had no friends (boys) has they seen him has different so he only played with girls, they would not let me I said I didn't want paying. I tried to help him at home but he did not want to do anymore work when he got home (tired). I placed him in private tuition for 6 months (Saturday's) but it was costing so much that I had to give that up. He started high school were he was (Esap)school action plus and has been disapplied from French, Welsh and Music, he has a TA help but not on a 1-1 and as intervention with Litracy. He is happy in main stream school and for the first time he has friends (boys) and socialises with them after school. The school just announced that from 24/04/16 they are pulling him out of all written lessons and placing him in the ALN unit, this has upset him and I'm back to were he was in junior were he is isolation, the ALN unit ususlly give a book to the child that they obtained from their lesson and are expected to do it on his own (how can he? He can't read properly and attention span on his own is 0) They said a TA will be with him but I have sound knowledge of what really goes on in there. I feel that he is being brushed under the carpet and forgotten about and when they can see this is not working they will then suggest I put him in a special school. The school they suggest do 75% practical 25%,accedemic. This is no good for my son he already does practical work at home he can cook, iron, cycle, excellent swimmer, get the bus to town etc What do you suggest as he needs. A proper education. Thanks.

Douze, this is a very old thread - you'd get more help if you started a new one, maybe in the SEN section?