Is school failing my child? I need some advice, I feel like a PITA mum...

[jaws5]

My son is 7, y3. School sent him for assessment over a year ago as teacher was convinced he had Aspergers: in class he was misbehaving, not paying attention, performing average on his NC levels but showing immense creativity, up and down with friendships... He had an iq test and scored very high on verbal and nonverbal ability (99.6/98.5), and scored 0 on a separate autism assessment. He displayed dyslexic traits that need more investigation. Both doctors said he's very bright but not aspergers, and it's the school's responsibility to provide for him. A year later he is more motivated as his teacher is a bit more unconventional, but his NC levels are still average. He seems to use his own methods, especially in maths, and it's all a bit up and down. He has been getting support to improve his handwriting, and it's better, but still no news on a dyslexia assessment despite me asking on several occasions. I tried to speak to the Head, he just said "he's obviously a really bright boy, but I think there's something else and I don't think it's dyslexia", before sending me to speak to the Stage leader who told me there's no funding for him as other children need it more. I was left quite lost: if Head thinks it's not dyslexia, why aren't we investigating to see what is it, if anything? This was last year, nothing has happened since, really. I don't know what to do, how to support my child. His teacher thinks that he will start ticking the boxes when he's decided he wants to be top of the class. I'm not sure he will. I worry that he's underperforming and this will create a pattern. Any advice or similar experiences, please!

The cross-over between hyper mobility and giftedness is huge, I know so many hypermobile gifted children that it has to be more than just a statistical blip. DD is borderline hypermobile and also borderline dyspraxic (she doesn't get a dx because her fine motor skills are normal but runs like it has just been invented).

You may want to go for the private ed psych anyway. We did both, and to be honest the county one didn't really tell us much of any use, except that DD could be challenged more at school, which wasn't a huge surprise. They tend almost entirely to see children at the other end of the scale and so don't have much experience of gifted.

Yes, I also think that the hypermobility factor is very interesting to say the least... I have also done some reading and found it's quite common, more for boys? Or are boys just more prone to everything, dyslexia, ASD, all sorts?

Sorry to hijack post. My son sounds like yours. How do you find a good private ed psych who will do iq test and other assessments? How did you find the right person? What qualifications did you look for?TIA

Recommendations are the way to go.
I got a recommendation through the paediatrician. Other people ask on MN. A good SENCo would even help.

Prices vary widely though, as do waiting lists.

I suspect this might be useful for dyslexia related things: www.arkellcentre.org.uk/Support/Assessments.html

Hi Minilegofigure! I enquired at my place of work as it is an educational establishment and they use Ed Psy., but I will keep looking, try to get a recommendation if I don't get anywhere with the school. How old is your son, and what does his school have to say?

Thanks var123, how did you find your ed psy?

We used Helen Arkyll as well, and would reinforce that suggestion if you can get there.

There was a big growth in waiting lists the year before last because the exam boards changed the regulations on extra time at short notice focusing on specific working memory and processing scores in the below average (bottom 14% of the population) irrespective of reasoning /ability (nothing to do with Science and discriminating against bright dyslexics) and many sought assessments because they were in danger, or did lose their entitlement . That should have settled down now though I think some of the very good Central London ones have always taken months to get an appointment with, but we never found that with Helen Arkyll.

Thank you! I see they're in Farnham, we are in London but know the area, so shouldn't be a problem.

Thank you . I shall follow up those recommendations. Have DS 8 currently awaiting ASD assessment through LA. However although he has ASD traits it s not the whole pic. Very bright, systematic mind but also very emotional, impulsive and anxious. Happiest coding on computer and doing animation projects. Not getting a lot from school except into trouble! used to be + 2years ahead in maths and literacy but now I think just coasting.

var123 it's important to note that my ds (dd doesn't have this issue) can copy drawings, but cannot draw if it involves the creative process. For example if you tell him to draw a square, he can't do one neatly, but if you give him a drawn square and tell him to copy it exactly, he can do that fairly well. There is clearly a different pathway happening in the brain for the two tasks and for the former there is a disconnect in ds' brain.

As many have mentioned, both my dc's but particularly ds are hypermobile.

My ds minds terribly "being different" and is just starting to come to terms with it at 14 and after a lot of therapy (we live in Los Angeles, so there is a lot of that available everywhere). Dd loves being different although she is 12 and at an age where most kids desperately are trying not to be different.

Minilegofigure your son really sounds like mine! He also loves animation, he's extraordinary at drawing, incredible imagination and memory, also extremely articulate. Very emotional and anxious too, with periods of OCD behaviour.... we laugh about it as he's aware that he's doing it. Not that easy, I have to admit. I'd be interested in your outcome, when is th ASD assessment?

var123 to answer your previous question, my son is aware that he's a bit different but I don't think he cares enough to try to be popular, if you know what I mean.... he has a few friends but I suspect other kids find him annoying. It makes me very sad when his teachers say that he "struggles with friendships".

This is a total long shot, but a few things in your OP caught my attention, so it's worth mentioning, just incase, as high IQ is common

is your DS Hypermobile at all ?? Have a look at "The Beighton Score" & check him against that as speaking from experience it's possible to be Hypermobile & not realise as unless it's extreme, its your normal

EHlers Danlos Hypermobility could possibly answer the query over why he is different & a lot of EDS kids are also high IQ. My DD struggled more with written work at this sort of age as her hands were painful when writing & it caused headaches & more - she never really complained much back then, partly she didn't have the medical language & partly because it was her normal, but with hindsight we now know why.

She was different in that she was very motivated though , but girls are less prone to peer pressure at that age & as a result was G&T registered, but if a subject didn't interest her, or she was stressed by the teacher or kids she sat close to, she switched off & didn't bother at all & her marks were average, so the school didn't worry

She can also lose time in a "fugue state" so can I (it's hereditary) & I was a big day dreamer at school, but looking back it was my way of switching off the overwhelming noise, lights etc

Dysautonomia from POTs which is an EDS symptom, can cause AS like symptoms - DD swings from perfectly normal, to very like AS if she's in a POTs flare & struggling - textures, tastes, sounds, light etc become overwhelming & she can be highly anxious & difficult, but hides it well at school - when she's well rested etc, she's a different kid.

If this sounds possible having looked it up, shout & I can add some links for you to look at & maybe discuss with him

"DEBROSKIS SENSIBILITIES" is another thing to look into,

HTH

PS - does he get on better with older kids ??

This is how my daughter is too - she has some friends here age that she gets on fine with, but she really struggled in primary school as they often got on her nerves & vice versa as she was just more mature & got on better with the older kids

Thanks rockinghippy. GP diagnosed hypermobility. I've just googled EDS, and although the hypermobility type is very similar he doesn't complain of pain or the other symptoms... but interestingly I am also hypermobile and I've always got very tired and have periods of pain in joints....
Dabrowski's theory of overexcitabilities I am familiar with, and it does describe my son! I just want him to be happy and adjusted, and I'm worried because he's different - I now have a word with teacher the first week in September. He is a beautiful, angelic looking 7 year old. He's also very intense.

My son can be incredibly rational one minute and the next have a tantrum because I last month I promised something I can't remember and haven't done it yet... I also have a daughter at secondary school and they spend a lot of time together, and he loves talking to adults about stuff. He has a best friend and a few other friends, but he's not one of the popular kids.

Then I would lay bets his issues are down to EDSH - & a good OT could help with the school problems - I'm on my way to bed, but I will come back & add some links that might be useful tomorrow - night night

Good night!

Try a google on "stealth dyslexia" and "twice exceptional". Enlightening but upsetting to read quotes like "misunderstood children" which has been true in my DS's case. Secondary school has been much better but not perfect. Good Luck.

Thanks gardenfeature, I'll google that. It is surprising that schools aren't better equipped and trained about this, it seems to be quite common as all of you lovely people have experienced!

A question for you, would you say your children are emotionally intense, challenging, very rational but also immature for other things?

Yes. And it's common enough that there's a word for that too, asynchronous...

But there is apparently research showing that certain areas of the brain - including executive function I think - mature up to two years later in gifted children, which is at least an explanation.

DD has never truly gelled with many other children in her class (and her last school was always pointing this out, as though it meant that it somehow excused them from dealing with the academics). We've found that a mix of finding good friends out of school, trying to give her a chance to socialise with other gifted kids (which helps her to feel normal) and her growing up enough to understand that she won't get on with everyone has helped things a lot.

Yes, I've read about asynchronous development. That's really interesting, do you go to Gifted kids groups? where are you based?
My son's teacher says that often struggles emotionally , other times showing great maturity and understanding...

Ds1 is 12. He's naturally laid back, very easy to manage. Generally, he will go with the flow. If I tell him to go to bed, he'll go. If I tell him he needs to help me with the garden, he'll put some shoes on.

He's mature, and very rarely behaves in that silly, sniggering way that you might normally expect of boys aged 11-14. He thinks about other people and he's the boy who will go over to check on another boy who got badly tackled at football. If he behaves badly, he will apologise and mean it.

He's a perfectionist however (and that's not a good thing). If he thinks he is doing something badly, he will get very upset and suddenly he will lose all belief in himself. Suddenly, he'll start to call himself worthless and aggressively refute any attempt to point out his good points or achievements. He's also incredibly good at finding ways to write off someone's good opinion of him e.g. "They are just saying that because they are my teacher and they are supposed to be positive."

Socially, he is very shy. He will never push himself forward and he always waits to be invited (so he gets left out sometimes).

He cries when England loses at football matches though. Is that immaturity or do I just not get how much football matters?