Is school failing my child? I need some advice, I feel like a PITA mum...

[jaws5]

My son is 7, y3. School sent him for assessment over a year ago as teacher was convinced he had Aspergers: in class he was misbehaving, not paying attention, performing average on his NC levels but showing immense creativity, up and down with friendships... He had an iq test and scored very high on verbal and nonverbal ability (99.6/98.5), and scored 0 on a separate autism assessment. He displayed dyslexic traits that need more investigation. Both doctors said he's very bright but not aspergers, and it's the school's responsibility to provide for him. A year later he is more motivated as his teacher is a bit more unconventional, but his NC levels are still average. He seems to use his own methods, especially in maths, and it's all a bit up and down. He has been getting support to improve his handwriting, and it's better, but still no news on a dyslexia assessment despite me asking on several occasions. I tried to speak to the Head, he just said "he's obviously a really bright boy, but I think there's something else and I don't think it's dyslexia", before sending me to speak to the Stage leader who told me there's no funding for him as other children need it more. I was left quite lost: if Head thinks it's not dyslexia, why aren't we investigating to see what is it, if anything? This was last year, nothing has happened since, really. I don't know what to do, how to support my child. His teacher thinks that he will start ticking the boxes when he's decided he wants to be top of the class. I'm not sure he will. I worry that he's underperforming and this will create a pattern. Any advice or similar experiences, please!

SofiaAmes, thanks! Staring into space and wiggling A LOT, that is my son! It drives teachers mad, understandably. That's really helpful, so home education or private... was the unconventional school in the US or UK? Did the assessment by ed psychologist help you at least to know what you were dealing with? My son stands out because he's just different to other kids, and I think his brain has different wiring !

Have you tried teaching him anything yourself at home? If so, how does he seem to you with his learning? Often when you teach 1to1 with a child they will seem as though they are playing with a pencil rather than listening, but that is just children and it is sort of their style of concentrating. If you teach him some maths with the opening line; this is the first time I'm telling you about this so I don't expect you to get it first time, it will take the pressure off him and you can see how he is at learning. If he does have different ways of doing things ask for his thoughts. Maths has no right or wrong methods.

Thanks! I'm going to try what you suggested. He's not a passive learner though, he likes to work things out by doing things himself and thinking them through - when he's doing this he hates being disturbed or even background music. Then he will come up with something amazing he's just built. To give you an idea, he's really into cinema and made a short film last week based on the opening scene of Vertigo, he tried to copy the camera angles and filmed using Lego figures.... Hitchcock is his favourite director at the moment. It's hard to get him down to homework or sitting doing maths though...

But maths does have right methods at school that he has to use, but he uses his own methods and doesn't explain what they are, so the teacher cannot tick the box showing that he's on top of what they're doing....

Buskers I am a teacher - it's part of the job to complete monitors on pupils who are under achieving. OFSTED look for the evidence. A contact book/report card to identify any patterns - what works etc.

I did find the assessment useful, but I am glad that I didn't do it sooner. Ds was 8/9 when his was done and DD was 10 when hers was done. The results were useful at that age as tools to help figure out how they needed to be taught. I think that if they were younger and not yet reading or doing basic maths, the results might not have been so helpful for so long.

Interestingly, maths and spelling has been a big issue for dd. She can't spell the most basic words and can't do even pretty basic math calculations in her head and has been completely unable to learn her multiplication tables. She has no problem with fairly complicated concepts however. What the testing told us was that there is some (probably connected) disconnect in her brain and that neither of those issues should prevent her from learning to read and do math. The reading part was easy because she likes to read and we're big on books in our family, so she was reading at a very advanced level at an early age because she did it on her own, so it was hard for the school to sustain the argument that if she couldn't do phonics and spell, then she couldn't excel at reading. However, the math was more problematic because they wouldn't just give her extra time and leave her to do things at her own speed, so she wasn't able to move forward in math. Once I moved her to private school where they had an online math program, she flew ahead and is now working well above her grade level in math.

I have two dyslexic DDs with similar reasoning scores and if you cannot get the school to take action on the basis of previous diagnosis of dyslexic traits, I strongly recommend that you get an Ed Psych report done privately. Sadly with some schools you do have to be a PITA because the understanding and support of Specific Learning Difficulties (dyslexia is the label given to learning difficulties that affect literacy skills but the underlying difficulties with processing and working memory etc. can manifest themselves in other ways so that now the term Specific Learning Difficulties is used www.bdadyslexia.org.uk/dyslexic/dyslexia-and-specific-learning-difficulties-in-adults the link although aimed at adults explains the ways in which problems can manifest themselves) is very variable and inconsistent across the teaching profession. Having a full EdPsych assessment of your son's strengths and weaknesses and suggested support will enable you to be a PITA with the weight of evidence. I had two completely different experiences, a state primary that had a proactive SEN teacher who took my DD out in Year 3 for targeted intervention that gave her tools and coping strategies that she has used right through school and now uni and a private primary (after a move) that refused point blank to acknowledge her problems because that targeted intervention had brought her literacy skills up to an average level, and they just could not appreciate the impact of the underlying issues with processing and working memory. However when the school is not providing the support then having the knowledge you gain from an Ed Psych report can help you to step in to support their confidence, facilitate their work in the ways that work for them etc.

Thanks, so much useful information from your experiences! The problem is that he's not technically underachieving as he's meeting national targets, so it's easy for the school to brush it off. That was my initial question and dilemma: He is only 7, getting by ok at school, able to also explore and be creative at home... shall I just leave it for now or push for intervention as he is underachieving according to his VR-NVR ability?

SofiaAmes, that's really interesting, he says that he's not great at maths, but then he "understands" and loves the big concepts like the infinite, time, etc. I think there's some dyslexia/SLD at play that's stopping him and making him frustrated -- this is what the SENCO and G&T coordinator thought last year and were supposed to follow up this year, but there is no g&t coordinator anymore, and there's been no follow up.

Thanks poisonwoodlife, that is also really useful!

My son. Ds1 is twice exceptional/ dual exceptional / 2E / DME (why can we never have just one name for something??!!!).

For a while at primary school, he was doing well and then he started to fall behind as his learning disability started to have increasing impact. However, he was still making slightly above average progress and that meant the school didn't care. The SEmCO told me that he'd have to be a couple of years behind the minimum before they would take action.

I got a private report done and now there was an official diagnosis of his SEN as well as an objective measure (or series of measures) of his intelligence. I was also advised that under the Disability Discrimination Act, the school would be acting illegally if they refused to acknowledge the learning disability.

So, I delivered the report to the school and presented it in writing, not at a verbal meeting where there could be later confusion about what was said. I got a letter back acknowledging the diagnosis but telling me that the "good news" was that DS didn't qualify for inclusion on the SEN register because he wasn't far behind enough.

Verbally the SENCO said to me about DS's SEN. "Oh, they have a name for everything these days." He has dysgraphia, which is in the dyslexia family. It has been recognised for decades -it was named in the 1940s.

The upshot was that the primary school were beyond useless. However, at elast the diagnosis (or was it my fire breathing dragon act?) stopped the SEN from calling DS lazy after that.

When he went to secondary school, I was very nervous that we'd get more of the same. The (feeder) primary school had failed to let the secondary know about DS when giving details of all the other pupil's SENs. However, the secondary school want the students to do well and so they were interested to find out about it and wanted to know as much as I could tell them. Then they came up with a plan for DS to help him prevent his SEN from getting in the way of reaching his potential.

Its early days yet, but he's back in the top set for all the academic stuff, and for the moment things are going well. The dysgraphia is still dragging his work down a little but DS is learning to cope with it and the extra time in exams gives him a fighting chance of being able to get down most of what he knows.

Regarding schools, what i have learned is that if they have made up their minds not to help, then you've lost before you start. however, if you can find a school that is willing to help, then together you can make a difference.

Sorry its so long. I hope it helps a little.

OP - in answer to your question. Don't leave it. If your child is twice exceptional then you need to be his advocate more than ever and the earlier he gets help, the better.

If i were you I'd get the report and start looking for a new school.

Sorry, just one more thing. I can see why you'd want the state to provide the reports, education etc, but sometimes people fall through the holes. I have no idea of your circumstances, but if you can afford the time and/ or the money to plug some of those gaps yourself, it will make a tremendous difference.

var123 I'm shocked at "Oh, they have a name for everything these days" coming from a professional! My theory is that this profile of kid is just uncommon: an IQ in the top 1% of the population plus some sort of SEN, makes it so, and some teachers haven't seen it all before despite 20 years experience, naturally. But yes, it is discriminatory if you think about it, and the "lazy", "must take responsibility for their own learning" is just inappropriate...

I'm going to speak to teacher this week and suggest we get an appt. with ed psy. If they refuse I'll have to start looking private...

All your comments make me realise that yes, the school is failing my son.

I don't know if I would use the word "failing". It seems quite strong. they have done something for your son, but not all they could (or should??)

"Taking responsibility for your own learning" is one of those phrases much loved by teachers, and they usually have a point. By the time your son reaches his GCSEs, you would expect him to take responsibility for organising himself and putting his hand up if things are too easy or he doesn't understand something.

However, your son is very young, meaning immature. The teacher cannot make him pay attention but she can do her best to engage him. However, its impossible to make anyone do anything (hence my comment about giving up on a school that doesn't want to help).

Hand on heart, could your son try to pay attention a bit more? Or do you thinks he's just not able to do it, maybe because of a SPLD?

jaws my other DD was top of the class all through primary school, although she has significant processing and working memory problems she also has a photographic memory so reading wasn't an issue and she found her own coping strategies around her problems, she for instance holds her pen in a very strange way. It was a teacher in Year 9 that spotted that there was more potential, and her problems certainly now manifest themselves in reproducing the large amounts of technical data required in some of her Science exams at uni (and she achieved a first in her first degree) The fact that your son displayed dyslexic traits, has behavioural issues and may be achieving below his potential albeit the average suggests it is worthy of investigation, there may be intervention with different teaching methods, targeted work that would work for your son now, either at school or failing that at home, strategies for handling his behaviour.

For us the knowledge that it has given of how our brain works differently (I am dyslexic too) has been hugely helpful above all in helping my DDs with confidence issues. I completely zoned out at school, what went on at Primary School was a bit of a mystery, boards full of stuff, I was late reading etc and only started to achieve when the ideas started to become important at A level (it is quite common for Dyslexics to start to show their ability when their ideas and creativity start to make a difference). However I still left school for uni thinking I was stupid. My DDs have always known they are not stupid and just have to work harder and smarter to achieve.

Yes, you are both right Poisonwoodlife and var123 and make very valid points. I think that at the age of 15 kids should take responsibility for their learning but not at 7 - how can a young child understand that? He does try but gets distracted and anxious about certain things. My problem with the school is that they acknowledged all this over a year ago and nothing has happened...

My nephew is now 20, assessed at primary school as also highly gifted, was incredibly lazy until he got to university and all his motivation came back doing what he loves. No SENs though, so it was justified to call him a lazy ass all through his teens - which I did on many occasions

I used to teach a very bright boy who had dyspraxia. He found the physical work of writing difficult and it was immensely frustrating. So he gave up. We tried a computer in school to bypass some of the learning difficulty, and his parents got him a tutor for an hour a week for some 1:1. He shot up the NC levels after that and found his enjoyment in learning.

Oh, my son is also hypermobile and finds some of the physical aspects of writing hard - but strangely loves drawing. He might be dyspraxic as he does drop things all the time, we won't know until he gets a proper assessment.

Is he clumsy? Like its a family joke that everything needs to be kept out of his way? Or maybe you took a lot longer getting comfortable with giving him a breakable glass or plate to hold than you did your other children?

Most of the assessment for dyspraxia will be drawn from what you can tell them about what he's like.

That's exactly it! Every dinnertime I'm expecting him to drop his glass of water, and he seems unable to have a meal without getting up several times, wriggling on his chair, balancing chair on two legs (he's fallen many times), etc. in fact he loses Minecraft time for this behaviour but he still finds it hard not no do it. Very fidgety, but incredibly dexterous when it comes to drawing, making things out of carboard, etc. One of many, many discrepancies...

It sounds more like fidgeting than clumsiness though.

My ds is the same. No problem with his fine motor skills, but terribly clumsy and significant dysgraphia. I solved the dysgraphia by starting him touch typing at 5 (by 7 he was typing all his assignments that he could...ie anything done at home). It seems that the pathways in the brain for typing and handwriting are completely different, so one can struggle with handwriting, but be completely proficient at typing. Ds can copy a drawing exactly by hand, but can't convert original thought or a concept like "draw a circle" to handwriting. It's actually quite interesting.

SofiaAmes - hope I am not derailing but its interesting that your DC can draw even though they have dysgraphia. DS cannot draw for toffee. He's 12 but his drawings look like the average 4 year olds. He's deeply embarrassed about it all.

Do you know if being able to draw is typical for children with dysgraphia?

Also. DS will not type in class. He doesn't want other children to see him doing something different. So he handwrites even though its slow, he only gets about 10% of the detail down and its pretty much illegible. Does your DS not mind being seen as different? I really need to solve this one as its becoming a problem. So, I'd be interested to hear how others deal with it.

So interesting! I think some children display huge discrepancies and it might be related to "asynchronous development" in gifted children. But my son is hypermobile and that is also an issue. I have enquired and a private Ed Psy. would could cost about £450. I am going to ask at school and if they refuse I'll go private...

Also be aware that a private ed psych will go further than a state one i.e. will report on more, not just the one issue that was on the school's referral form.

At least that was what the private (health insurance paid for) paediatrician told me when I was trying to figure out how to help DS just before he was diagnosed two years ago.