Would you send g+t child to private school?

[chicaguapa]

DD (4.5) has just been assessed by an Ed Psy (at the request of her nursery school) and she's in top 2% having completed some test for 7 year olds (or something like that). However, was then told that there's no provision for G+T in East Lancs until Secondary School. I now feel a tremendous pressure and responsibilty (from everyone) and am quite annoyed for them having made this assessment for what seems like no reason whatsoever!

And now we are under pressure from grandparents (on both sides) who "knew all along how clever she was" and how important it is that we now put her in a good school etc.

Our feeling was that we would see how she gets on in Reception at the school she's going to in Sept, if she's happy, settled etc. It IS supposed to be a good school and the children are streamed so they can be taught according to ability etc. And if there are behaviourial problems from boredom or other adverse effects then we would re-evaluate the situation.

But we're now not sure if it's a good thing if she's being taught to coast and not challenge herself. Both DH and myself breezed through school, providing what was expected through minimal effort and never once being encouraged by the teachers to see what we could produce "if we really tried hard" (nor by our parents we hastened to point out to them!)

So the upshot is, is it worth sending her to a private school? I know they're not all about education, education, education and most of them try to be an all-rounder but is it worth scraping the pennies together?

And does anyone have any experience of trying to get their child in on a scholarship (if they still exist!)?

Personally I wouldn't. Life is about more than just academic learning, very important to learn how to get on with people from all backgrounds too.
I was always the brightest kid in my class through both primary and secondary-- both of which were very much bog standard states.
Didn't do my any harm at all academically (got straight A's etc) and like to think I can get on with people from all walks of life.
Spend the money on taking her on nice holidays in interesting places instead and tell the grand parents to mind their own business

We've been through this with dd1 who's now 11, and we're looking at making different decisions for dd2 on the basis of our experiences. I'm happy to discuss it off board, if you want to CAT me or post your email address, but knowing how these threads usually get, I'm not going to go public, I'm afraid. The combination of G&T and private education may get a bit volatile, so get your tin helmet out...

We decided for DS to go to reg state c of e primary attachted to our church and he is going to private senior school in sept aged 11

but agree with frogs this may get angry replies and silly answers

Private ain't necessarily better - depends on the school. Some private schools are very good at extracting cash from parents while not actually doing a good job. I'd go with your first feeling, tbh. You don't know that she'll be taught to coast!

PS Went to state, VA and independent schools myself so not particularly biased.

I agree with edam - it really depends on the school. Private does not automatically mean better ... you need to go round a few to get a good idea - and go round a few of your local state schools as well.
I worked in private schools for most of my teaching career but have chosen to put my DS in state schools (we live in NZ) mainly because of the pressure that some private schools put children under ... but then, although DS is a very bright boy, he is not g + t and so that might have put a different slant on things maybe?

I also agree with SueW - it may be better to send her to a 'normal' school and spend your cash on music etc out of school ... Then she gets the best of both worlds ... you could do drama, sport, music and maybe learn another language - that would definitely help extend her.

DS is going to the same school DH teaches at which is not a cramming school and well rounded young men are the most important thing

iyswim

I agree with the idea of world travel and going to castles etc

Hi there chicaguapa, If I was in the position to
send my dd to a Good private school then I would,
without hesitation. Providing you find a school which you have faith in i'd send my dd to a private, over state school any day.
Unfortuately my dh & I don't have the funds [sad}
He's at uni, me full time mum. My opinion may be snobby, but i'm from a working class background &
i'd still choose private.

Hi there chicaguapa, If I was in the position to
send my dd to a Good private school then I would,
without hesitation. Providing you find a school which you have faith in i'd send my dd to a private, over state school any day.
Unfortuately my dh & I don't have the funds
He's at uni, me full time mum. My opinion may be snobby, but i'm from a working class background &
i'd still choose private.

i would not - just see how it goes!

I think as a parent you know what is best for
your child.
If there is a private school which
you have a good feeling about, or a state school which you believe will be best for your little one, you'll send em to the one which you think is going to best for them.

In my area we have a Fab private school, which I
would love to send my dd to.
We cannot afford to send her though so she'll be
going to the local primary.
My dh says he wouldn't send her private even if we could afford it. He went to state schools & is
now doing a PHD. Thats me put in my place

My mum and dad went to all the open nights (this is for secondary, we lived near an excellent primary school) and then told me to try the local comp for a year, and if I didn't like it then I could apply for the private school.

I presume they knew that I would like the comp, because knowing what I know now I'm not even sure I would have got in a year late.

Having seen what private schools charge that's an awful lot of theatre visits, music lessons, foreign holidays, trips to museums...

Even though they don't have G+T at primary level they should still provide appropriate activities. And you should do what you were going to before you had that report - she is still the same kid.

DD is "G&T", for want of a better description, and coming to the end of her Reception year at a private school. We chose to put her in a private school nursery at the age of 2.5y for other reasons but then moved area (and by default school) before she started in Reception. I have to say our experiences at the 2 different schools varied hugely.

School One was a private prep in a grammar school area. They asked early on if we would agree to accelerate DD a year. We refused (for reasons too numerous to go into) and as far as they were concerned that was it. She was just left, no encouragement, nothing. DD was happy enough so we didn't bother.

School Two is a private 3-18 girls' school. We have had discussions about accelerating her but was very clear (after we said no) that they didn't really see the point of it (she is more than a year ahead) but felt that they should offer. DD has an IEP, gets extended work but also takes part in other whole class activities. Overall we're thrilled.

I think the key with her current school is the small class size; 10 kids, 1 teacher and 1 f/t classroom assistant so plenty of opportunity to pitch work at an individual level. There are a couple of local state schools that could probably offer similar but they are nowhere near our house, no after-care etc. Conversely there are some local private schools with bigger classes which I suspect would not have been so proactive.

I would go back and look at the school you plan to send her to, if you still feel happy with it, give it a whirl.

Do not write off state schools you just need to find a good one. At the state junior school where I teach (in a deprived area) we do all the sports clubs listed in an earlier post and regularly have qualified coaches in for a term (did golf recently!). All our staff run at least 1 extra curricular club including things like sewing, art, recorders, cookery. We pay for instrumental tuition for pupils to play a woodwind instrument (places are limited) but in Y4 EVERY child learns a string instrument as part of the curriculum (we have fun storing the dozens of cellos and bases believe me!). We also get good academic results and have a successful gifted and talented programme. Sorry if it sounds like I'm bragging but just thought some people might be surprised at what state schools can offer - I think that we would give any private school a run for their money! (ps. my auntie was a private school head so have seen both sides)

We all have choices of schools, and having money means we simply have more choices. I would suggest that you have a look at the prep schools that you can feasibly get to, and see what they have to offer, and what they do to nurture the gifted child.

My experience of prep vs primary is that the education is much broader - daily games, the quality of art, drama and music, the sense of community etc., as well as specialist teaching at a relatively early stage (eg y4, y5). I have also found that prep schools are not ashamed to set the children early and they really value academic achievement (for example, they rank the children by their exam performance), and non-academic achievement (eg colours in sports).

So, it's not a case of simply getting a better quality of education through the smaller class sizes - the whole ethos of the school is different.

I have a G&T child that I have just removed from her private school even though we were offered a scholarship. The school isn't very good and we weren't getting value for money, no all private schools are good just because you have to pay for them. I have got DD into a high performing state primary and she starts in Sept.

The other problem with private is the classes tend to be smaller and you may find your DD is working on her own. With the state school there are several children in her class at a high level that she can work with.

Phone around and speak to the heads of 3 or 4 of your local schools and see what they say. You'll know immediately as one school said to me "oh really, they're usually the other way round here". So that school came off my list.

The other problem is if you put her in a private primary can you afford the secondary too? I would do it the other way round, put her in a good primary and help her at home too and start saving for a private secondary that she will hopefully win a scholarship to.

We have experience of both an international private school, when we lived in Asia, and our local state primary. I love our primary school for all sorts of reasons (it's a happy and broadly successful community school, with a really positive ethos), but I admit I miss the private school DS1 started in.

A major difference was the class size - 20 children rather than 30. The children got far more individual attention and both those who struggled and those who soared ahead were catered for. DS2 now in Reception is one of 31 and, whether he is 'G&T' or not, I really don't think they have time to find out what he can do.

DH is very opposed (politically and socially) to private schooling, but actually I think DS2, more than DS1, would thrive in an academically selective school.

My son fared really well in state primaries. We did seek out a grammar school for him at secondary though as felt this was when it would count the most.
Educational challenges suck for little ones, eep their brains stimualted with recreational fun stuff, lots of books, fun maths games, history, spend the dosh on travelling, giving her broad experiences IMHO

We knew early on that our dd was extremely bright - could read fluently while at nursery, took to numeracy quickly, could tell the time at 3 or 4, etc etc. Not hot housed I hasten to add !
She has been at a non selective private school and has been very happy; she is now 7. At reception stage we wondered whether a selective private school might suit her better. For us obviously the debate wasn't about private school v state, but some of our issues about our dds are similar.

Anyway we didn't move her then, but we are now. She sat an exam for a rather high powered girls' selective school which has its own prep. She breezed through and starts in september. time will tell whether we've done the right thing, but we did get worried somewhat that she was totally coasting, even though there was some differentiated work provided for dd. She is/was easily top of the class by a huge margin, and some of the teachers even joked she was like a little "assistant" to them, because everyone else would turn to her for maths help etc. I was uneasy about the "performing clown" aspect of this, hence the change of school. Our vision is of dd working normally with a bunch of other bright girls, not necessarily being top of the class, just keeping busy ! The new school has superior extra curricular activity too, and more sporting opportuniies etc. (Dd is a bit of a jumping bean and likes to be active).

So don't assume that private will be better; it depends on the school.
As for scholarships, they are few and far between at this age, but a bursary based on financial need might be available depending on the schools in your area.

A wise friend of mine said on this very matter - "a star shines anywhere" - I think bluejelly would agree with her. If the local school is decent (and it sounds that they have a sensible approach I would send her there).

Not sure how old you are but I think kids have a different ethos these days (certainly in comparison to when I was at school) - there is a lot morepressure to achieve. As as you point out you as parents have a role in encouraging her to use her ability.

I'm delighted to see what a sensible and helpful batch of answers you've had so far!

Just joining in to agree with others - it's not about state vs. private, it's about the actual school and its individual approach. One thing I would generalisingly say about private schools is that the children tend to be of quite a specific type - ie well-behaved, well-disposed, obedient, "teachable" children. If your daughter is outside that norm you may find that, however well-intentioned the staff are, they don't have the experience or background to know how to manage. (But of course that's not to say that you won't automatically find that state teachers do know how to manage - it's just that in that area private schools seem (in my experience) to be just that little bit more "amateur". And so you will need to be more proactive in working with the school - which is sort of not what you'd automatically expect when you're shelling out the fees.)