Would you send g+t child to private school?

[chicaguapa]

DD (4.5) has just been assessed by an Ed Psy (at the request of her nursery school) and she's in top 2% having completed some test for 7 year olds (or something like that). However, was then told that there's no provision for G+T in East Lancs until Secondary School. I now feel a tremendous pressure and responsibilty (from everyone) and am quite annoyed for them having made this assessment for what seems like no reason whatsoever!

And now we are under pressure from grandparents (on both sides) who "knew all along how clever she was" and how important it is that we now put her in a good school etc.

Our feeling was that we would see how she gets on in Reception at the school she's going to in Sept, if she's happy, settled etc. It IS supposed to be a good school and the children are streamed so they can be taught according to ability etc. And if there are behaviourial problems from boredom or other adverse effects then we would re-evaluate the situation.

But we're now not sure if it's a good thing if she's being taught to coast and not challenge herself. Both DH and myself breezed through school, providing what was expected through minimal effort and never once being encouraged by the teachers to see what we could produce "if we really tried hard" (nor by our parents we hastened to point out to them!)

So the upshot is, is it worth sending her to a private school? I know they're not all about education, education, education and most of them try to be an all-rounder but is it worth scraping the pennies together?

And does anyone have any experience of trying to get their child in on a scholarship (if they still exist!)?

Ok. That's all great advice and thanks for keeping it sensible and not flaming me. There IS a really good grammar school nearby from age 11 so there will be opportunities when she's older. It may also turn out that as her schooling goes on, the other kids catch up (she says hoping).

I went to a private boarding school until I was 11 and loved every moment of it. I definitely lost my enthusiasm for learning when I started coasting at the state school. But I take on board that we could use the money to do other extra-curricular activities instead and stretch her sideways.

Perhaps we will start suggesting to the grandparents they start contributing if they don't stop going on! It makes me laugh, we get lectures on how kids have too many toys these days and we expect to have everything now, have new furniture blah blah. Yet we are put under pressure by the same people to pay for our children's education when it's available for free!

I do feel positive about the Primary school she's going to and I have looked at all the schools in the area. The head is lovely and proud of his kids' acheivements. And dd's keyworker at the nursery school is meeting with dd's new Reception teacher along with the Ed Psy at the end of this month to discuss IEPs and strategies for school. So fingers crossed it'll all work out and we get to keep our pennies!

chicaquapa, i chose to send my kids to a private school because of their talent in music. Music has now become a huge part of their lives that it would not have been had I sent them to a state school.

2 of my boys have chorister scholarships and we are hoping that our daughter will got he same way.

There are many scholarships at our school for academic, music, choral.

I am convinced we made the right decision.

also for me the wonderful thing about private school is that included in the money you pay is the opportunity to do a host of other activities, all under the same roof.

which grammar county are you chica?

We're in East Lancs. There is a grammar school in Bury which does well in the tables but it's girls only. I was referring to Bacup & Rawtenstall grammar which is co-ed and locally has a great repuation and acheives near on 100% although I know that sometimes results don't give the full picture.

I think some of our pressure comes from the fact that we've recently moved and dd could have gone to a primary school that was in the Sunday Times top 10 in the whole country. MIL is very annoyed about that as DH went there.

We decided to send our dd to state primary and then would have sent her to private secondary, but she got into a state grammar. So my answer is, yes, but not at primary level. She hasn't ever been pushed at primary school, but I don't think it has made the slightest difference to be honest. She still loves school and enjoys going which to me is the most important thing. It isn't all about work - but it probably will be when she goes to grammar school.

She got a scholarship for 2 private schools at 11 as well as the offer from the grammar, so they do still exist. They weren't means tested either. I have to say that I felt the curriculum at one of the private secondaries was very narrow and academic and I don't know if she would have been happy there - although the school comes about 2nd in the league tables every year for A level and GCSE. Life is about more than league tables. Her primary school is a bog standard one and she has done pretty well there - saved us a fortune too.

Good luck on your choice - I am glad to have come to the end of it for now!

By the way, as for music. She is now at grade 5 and this was all through the local schools music service, so it can be done.

Not much to add as agree with a number of these posts. I teach in a 3-18 private school and I think it is great from 11 but a bit unecessary for primary kids. Everyone is so right when they say education is about more than school. Our DD is seven and coming to the end of Y2 in her infant school. She is bright and has not really been academically challenged all year. So, she has done lots of swimming lessons including survival and first aid, has increased dancing up to five and a half hours a week and generally been very busy out of school. We spent money on a fantastic ski trip and try to broaden her experience of the world whenever we can. Maybe we would consider independent for her at Y7 but at the mo she is on her way to the junior school round the corner and we shall see! Hope you find the right place but wait and see seems like a good plan to me!

Not aware of any school around here which offers a scholarship at infant age and ours has dropped the 7+ ones. You may be able to get a choral scholarship at junior level but that demands commitment to musical education rather than strictly academic. You could keep her as you planned for infants and review for Prep age (Year 3).

I'd look at all schools with an open mind. Private will usually offer more extra-curricular stuff but aren't always better academically. The extra curricular things can be done outside school often with more choice but at the cost of convenience. If money (or politics etc) is an issue you might as well at least try and make the state system work first.

My DD has a tutor twice a week and attends summer schools, is there a holistic educator available near by ?
I have to say I like the private sector purely because they seem to expect results as apposed to just being delighted if they happen.

I would research the options more fully before deciding.

You can find local school via this link \link{http://schoolsfinder.direct.gov.uk/\school search}. See if there are good private primary schools by looking at Ofsted reports etc, find out how much they cost, decide how much you (and grandparents) can afford, and see if there is any overlap.

I would want small class sizes, wide opportunities, good academic achievements, good sporting facilities etc from a private school. Then you can do a type of cost-benefit analysis - is the private option sufficiently better to justify the cost, bearing in mind that you could use that money to porvide other opportunities yourselves.

Private was never an option for us since we did not have the money.

People are always commenting on dd and she is advanced for her age but also has a naught streak and as a teacher I know that in the right school she will flourish but in the wrong one it could be a disaster.

We looked at all the private schools as well as her local church school. We loved one private school and it seemed to offer all the oppurtunities that we wanted dd to have and she loved it as we walked throught the door.

But there was one thing missing her friends and that swayed it for us. DD has a lovely group of friends and we feel part of our churc community and she would miss out on that if we had to drive her for half an hour everyday to school rather than walk her ten minutes up the road. We spend the money we will save on providing oppurtunities for ehjr to expand her horizons, such as ballet classes, books and days out for example we took her to the science exhibition in Edinburgh.

For secondary I am not sure, working in a secondary school has worried me, we may move and see if we can get her into a grammar.

Just got the report in from the Ed Psy and dd's on 99th percentile and equivalent age of cognitive development is 8+ .

The Ed Psy was great. She was from Singapore and had worked with G+T kids over there. She said the program has been in place for 20 years over there and she was very knowledgeable and supportive. So the report was very positive and a copy has been sent to the head at the primary school. It said that the school should contact the Adviser for G+T Pupils in Lancs for support and that adults working with her should have an understanding of g+t strategies.

I have a meeting with the Ed Psy again along with the head of the nursery school and Dd's key-worker and dd's future Reception teacher at the end of this month.

It is unreasonable to ask the Reception teacher at that meeting what has been done to prepare for dd? ie Have they made contact with anyone? That would give an indication of whether they intend to support her.

Beetroot, are your ds's at a school in Kent?

chig, I just wanted to echo Bink's comment from Thursday about the expectations of private schools. This certainly held true for us when Ds went to a private Nursery....there was definitely a huge pressure on the children to 'join in' to be biddable, and not too strong in their own feelings and views..they wanted an easy life basically, and didn't want to deal with my strong little DS who came in all guns blazing with his own strong opinions and feelings and wish for liberty!!!!

So you know your child best, and I would really really examine all the possible private schools with this in your mind. How accepting are they of indiviuality or bahaviour that is slightly out of the norm - if indeed this would be your DD! If she is biddable and happy to 'fit the mould' you probably won't have aproblem. I just wanted to raise the issue, as this private nursery certainly managed to turn my poor DS into a worried little boy for a while (he's now in local pre-school and fully able to be himself )

best of luck x

Out of interest how do they assess G&T at such an early age? I thought that they tended to even out by the end of primary and the ones who weren't reading when they started tended to catch up by the age of 7.

This isn't a flame, but it sounds awfully early to be coming up with a label.

Chica - how is her emotional development? It's important that everyone realises that even if she thinks like an 8 year old in some areas, emotionally she is still only 4.

Kaz, I am really interested in this question actually, maybe someone can answer - I have a (ever so slightly annoying) friend who has a 3 yr old DD whom she considers to be a child genius (I know we all do, but even more so!) I wonder whether G & T at this age really MEANS G & T forever, or whether some kids are just earlier than others with these things? Or does earlier actually MEAN that they have something extra?

I guess what I mean is, will some average seeming kids (ie my DS) catch up with my friends' Child Genius in a couple of years so that I will be able to have a smug smile at her expense one day

god, I am shallow....

sorry to hijack Chic.

Agree that precocity can be confused for G&T at such an early age. I grew up in Singapore school system, chica, but never really bought into this whole G&T thing. I think it is more reliable only at a later age, minimum secondary. But I don't doubt your dd is very bright

DD still has the emotional development of a 4yo. It's making it extremely difficult to parent and there are quite a few threads on that elsewhere!

In DD's case, she was "tested" using a British Ability Scale (BAS II) Early Years Lower Lever Core Scale and observed interacting with peers/ teachers. I don't know what this entailed as I wasn't present for it.

I don't think the G+T label is to say that a child is a genius and will be so forever. It's just to identify that a child currently has further educational needs beyond the average ability of the class. It may be that a child with SEN will eventually catch up with the other kids in his age group or he will always have SEN. In that same way G+T kids may or may not level off. That's why the situation and progress is regularly monitored & reveiwed.

It's not just about making sure the child is always stretched and learning something new. The issue with educating and parenting G+T is that often the emotional development is not in line with the child's cognitive development which would lead to conflict within the child and difficulties for the parents & teachers to know where to pitch themselves at the child. It's also about understanding that it can sometimes lead to behavioural problems etc. which is important for the carers to understand in a school environment.

Goodness knows where the education authority got the G+T label from. I can only imagine they decided that Mr & Mrs X would be horrified that their bright little boy has SEN so decided to go to the other extreme instead! Fortunately though parents with G+T children will have already experienced some strange reactions from other parents to their child's fast development so know to keep quiet about it and only mention the G+T label to those who understand what it really means and all the negative stuff that comes with it.

I just wanted to say as well, that for some reason we still all judge our children and compare them on their academic abilities. A lot of effort has gone into recognising that there are 7 different types of intelligences and that's why the Talented bit of G&T refers to Sport & Art (or is it Music?)

DD may be incredibly bright but she's not very good at many things, particularly with her interpersonal skills. Many of my friends' children are extremely socialable & very friendly. It may well be that they go home and feel smug that their child is so much more responsive and friendly than mine. So sparklemagic, just because your friend thinks her child is a genius, she probably envys something about your child. DS is only 18 months and he is so smiley and open and welcoming to everyone it's a breath of fresh air to me. I would never consider him to be inferior to DD just because he's not superclever and I wouldn't expect anyone to feel that their children were inferior to DD either.

I don't know if dd is gifted and talented and I would not want to label her at such an early age. DD's nursery have commented on how advanced she is in terms of langauge, maths and her general knowledge. But emotionally she certainly is her chronological age but this is complicated by the fact that she wants to know things that perhaps she is not emotionally mature enough to handle. Because she talks in such a grown up manner people also tend to talk to her about more adult topics but again she does not have the emotional intelligence to handle the topic.

But dd may be the way she is becuase of her upbringing rather than some innate gifted and talentness! She may talk in a grown up way because for her first few years I was a single parent and she was often my only company so I would talk to her as an adult. DD has also been through a lot, seen more of the world than most children her age. DD may be interested in science and maths because dp is and she loves anything he loves.

didn't mean to post that then, dog jumped up and interrupted me mid flow!

My choice of school for dd is not really influenced by how bright she is but by the fact she is a child that loves to learn and I can already spot geeky tendencies in her! For example she can tell you all about DNA and loves Star Trek but only the original series ( She said to me once "Are all men as handsome as Captain Kirk mummy? I will need to hunt out some TK Hooker repeats to show her how he looked towards the end of his prime )

In my experience of state education at a secondary level kids like this are more likely to be picked on or ridiculed at school. DD has also had some behaviour problems so again she may need the structure and tight discipline that the private secondaries here have in contrast to our local state schools.

We were approached by the nursery school about whether we would consent for an Ed Psy to come and assess DD to give them a clearer idea on what path to take with DD. I feel it would have been irresponsible for us as her parents to not consent to the assessment and leave her at the mercy of individuals who had already admitted dd was beyond their experience. The fact she has ended up with a label is not enough of a reason not to have consented. It's something we have to deal with in a sensitive way and DD has no idea and we don't talk about it in front of her. I have also made it clear at nursery that she is not to feel any different. She just thinks that the assessment was to find out what she already knows so the teachers know she doesn't need to be taught it again.