Perfectionism??

[hillian]

Is this perfectionism:-

DS got his end of year 6 report and SATS results. SAT results very good, written comments in report all glowing. Only good things said about achievement, behaviour, personality, conscientiousness, etc., etc.

However, he only got marked down as "adequate" at art. He doesn't even like art and he can't draw (he knows he can't). Now he's crying!

??

Well it's an important lesson he's got to learn. Is he upset with himself or does he think he was unfairly graded?

Gosh, this is such a good life lesson, the kind that really makes you into the adult you become if you know what I mean?!! make sure you take the time to explore why he is upset without trying to 'fix' anything. If he feels he wants to be better at art then most likely he can be if he puts more time/effort in but if he has tried his hardest and reached an adequate level then maybe acceptance is the key? Although I would veer towards saying there's always more you can do. You just have to make it a priority and maybe that wouldn't suit him. In which case we are back to acceptance... Sorry long post but this topic fascinates me!

Just upset... he feels that he's a failure.

The thing that is upsetting me and l find irrational, is that he has totally disregarded everything else. All that he has focused on is the one "adequate" grading.

So, what if he got something less than excellent for art? I mean, it would be different if he liked it, or it was important to him but he doesn't and its not.

I looks like it might be important to him (if only to avoid under-achieving rather to be creative) If understands that's if he really wanted to he could be better at it (time/practice/tuition) then he might feel better. It's then a choice that he can make. However if he never has to work hard to achieve well this is going to hurt. A goo lesson to learn young I reckon.

My dd is like this, and it sounds like OP isn't concerned that her ds is 'adequate' art, but because the one 'adequate' has completed clouded his perspective and satisfaction in his broader successes.

I think the solution is less to encourage him to work harder at art but to assimilate and feel comfortable with the reality that no-one is fabulous at everything and a mark/score can just been seen as a squiggle on a bit of paper; it doesn't have to have such gravitas meaning.

This is such a common thing with able children, it really is, and it's also a tough one to get over.

Learning resilience, i.e. bouncing back from not doing well and trying again, is a lesson that they don't get very often at school, but it is a really important thing to learn.

As people have said, you can turn it round, but it takes time and repetition, mostly of the idea that effort is more important than actual achievement. I found the Carol Dweck book Mindset (even if it is one brilliant idea spread a bit thin) very useful in working out my own thoughts on it, which then meant we could help DD.