**TAMOXIFEN** 4th thread

[MaryAnnSingleton]

here we go !

That's great news Smee - and how kind of your consultant to phone you. And getting rid of the drain - brilliant.

You can get a GP referral for gym sessions (they are certainly much cheaper, if not free) I have some info about it somewhere I'll look it out later, so I can tell you the name of the scheme.

Pennies - on the sex front - what KK said, really. Don't worry about it for now, park it for later if possible, the hugging and cuddling thing is just as valuable for your relationship IMHO, so if DH can live with that for a bit - great.

The weight gain thing creeps up on you a bit. I am short too - 5ft 1 - so even being a size 12 makes me look a bit - well - square shaped. At the moment I reckon I am a largeish 12 around the middle, which is where it has mainly appeared, and that is massive on me, seriously. If i were just a bit taller,perhaps....

Smee - great news! And what a fab doctor!

excellent news smee and hooray for such a wonderful doctor !

Pennies - specifically with regard to feeling unattractive at the moment - I know, of course you do. It is hard to imagine feeling any other way, but you will feel better about yourself further down the line. When the drugs are out of your system, and when your hair is back a bit, and when you are more at home with the way your body looks. I am still a bit squirmy about mine when i go swimming and go in the changing room and stuff, but eventually you do just think 'Sod em all' a bit more. It'll all come right in the end, just take a day at a time. Tis the only way!

Well I've been out for the day and what a lot of posts!

Smee - thats' great news about your nodes - excellent! About the arm, well mine was very painful but did clear up a lot 6 weeks after the 1st sampling op, and I did a lot of exercises and asked people about the stringy tendon under my arm as I thought it would never go away. It did go away and I got full mobility back and no pain.

Then I had the 2nd op 3 weeks ago and almost went back to the beginning but with much less pain. I am having to do lots of exercises again as the tendons are very tight and it is uncomfrotable, but after my last experience I am fairly confident it will be ok in another 3 weeks. Really vital to exercise it a lot though - I assume you have the leaflet?

Hope kitten hasn't cause any further mayhem - but sounds fun.

My friend could be partly exhausted due to how she is feeling mentally, I'm not sure. It could be a question of allowing longer for the SEs from rads to wear off.

I have been out for another nice long walk today as its the only exercise I do. Walked about 1.5 hours with DH who has the day off.

I think a lot of people go for the cuddles and hugs rather than anything much else for several months. Seems very understandable to me! I've noticed on the BCC site that generally people say they don't feel too foxy!

I personally feel I will need time to like my body again when all this is over - its been a source of anxiety, aches and pain for about 5 months now, and feeling sick or c--p for 9-10 days per treatment cycle doesn't help either.

MAS - yes you are right to be careful not to obsess re weight gain. At present I am about half a stome lighter than at the beginning of January, and I'd like to lose a few more lb if possible so that when I start Tam. I'm not at a heavy point. That's another reason I keep walking even though sometimes its a bit hard going. I confess I think I'm eating quite a lot but walking more than usual must be helping, or the chemo might be affecting my metabolism?

One woman I met recommended a gym (sorry can't recall name) where the weights push back at an individual level of force, and you do a circuit of some sort - she is on same chemo as me and was enjoyiong this. Might give this a try when my arms are strong.

Hi Sandripples - excellent to hear the arm gets back to normal. I have a lot of mobility but it is tight/ tender. I will keep on with the exercises then. Glad you're heading in the right direction.

Pennies if it makes you feel any better atm I can't imagine having sex ever again and I haven't even started chemo. Though am sure the others are wise and we'll get to the other side at some point. Someone told me that she felt better now than before she had cancer because she felt more alive. I think I see what she means - sort of about appreciating life rather than ambling through. Though there's really nowt wrong with a bit of ambling imo, especially at the moment.

Kurri thanks for info on gym membership. Are you able to go swimming on chemo? It's about the one thing I'm good at /is sensible, seeing as I also have a bad back.

Smee - ask your GP about exercise referral schemes in your area - I am guessing its something available all over the country.

With regard to swimming I was told to wait until I'd finished chemo - I imagine because of the large number of people you could potentially come into contact with. Also I think it would be quite tough on your skin, which tends to get a bit delicate.

I shouldn't think that swimming goes well with radiotherapy either -oww !

Smee - I was allowed to go swimming but I think it depends largely on your onc's view of exercise - and also a lot on how clean the pool you use is!

I can't imagine it working well with radio though - as MAS says - ouch!

I'm really just twirling about in my election name, but I agree on the rads-swimming combo - not good!

Afternoon.

Now someone tell me what on earth I'm meant to do with this 'ere Chillow I've got myself.

Do I put it in the pillow case with a pillow, or do I just lie on it as it is or does it got in a pillow case of it's own...?

Someone tell me I haven't just wasted £30.

Love your election name KK.

Looks like you've baffled everyone Pennies.

I'll see what they say about swimming, though I hear you all on swimming whilst on rads - does sound like a far from happy combination. Will definitely badger GP about Gym membership though. Might as well get something out of cancer, says she grasping at straws..

Sorry Pennies I don't know but I think someone on BCC site said she put it in its own pillowcase! Good luck! And do report back as I think I'll need one in due course.

RWU - thinking about you - how goes it?

BB - thinking pf you too - are you OK?

Smee - I miss my weekly swim but am not risking it while on chemo due to the risk of infection. I've got heavy legs today - have been out for a walk and a trip to the polling station but it was a bit of an effort!

All - hope you're having a good day.

Hi all

Glad to see an answer on the Chillow front, it's bound to be a good investment for rads and also for later on if you get a bit flushy (as i did last night - note to self, even a little bit of red wine sadly does not seem to agree with you/tamoxifen)

Hope all are feeling at least reasonable today.

Update on our rat situation - bodies are now being found.

xx

hello all, hope everyone is feeling OK today. I don't know about the chillow Pennies (IIRC Haggisdoodle has one, so she may be able to advise).

Rats are grim Cakes, but at least you seem to be conquering them. (I let DH do search for bodies, he is less squeamish about such things).

I managed to get up early today, and have been gardening - planting up tubs, and potting on some Salvia and Verbena I grew. We've got bluetits in our nest box, so I don't like to make to much disturbance in their part of the garden.

Off to vote a bit later when DH and DS get home - we'll go en masse. The boys plan to stay up all night for the results, and have organised nibbles and booze. I'll try to keep up, but will probably fall asleep before everything is counted.

Love to all, hope you can enjoy the sunshine if you have it!

Good on you re the gardening, KK(SINMarginal), hope you manage to stay up for the results. I won't! Sadly my seat is not marginal either. Our guy is a total waste of space, I don't think he even lives in this country (but that may just be an inaccurate impression gleaned from the fact he never does diddly-squat )

Our seat is VERY marginal (warrington South) and I found it hard to decide how to vote! One of those people who decided whilst in the booth! I would love to stay up for the results but unless I sleep for the early evening I'll nod off by 1030!

Grey and damp at times here today but more people about in the village than usual due to Election Day I think.

A friend has been for the afternoon and we had a walk at Dunham Massey - I go a lot but the gardens are changing so much that its always different.

Must go and water all my new seedlings - seem to have had an excellent germination rate! Seeds must like my DD's bedroom .

Dh has just watered his seedlings !
Went to vote today with ds (think it's a v close thing between LibDems and Cons. -so really hope Lib Dems get in) then ds went again a little while ago with dh.He is going to stay up (ds) a bit later this evening to watch it on tv- I shan't be able to stay awake.
I remember going to vote in '97 when it was baking hot and I was very pregnant and huge. Dh stayed up really late -it was very exciting.
CBT today -was ok -am thinking that maybe the grief counselling might've been better done first - I find myself so unable to express myself properly in the sessions.Anyway,am going to see my BCN next week after CBT to have a chat which I'm sure will be helpful. You'd think with the years of therapy I've had I'd've said everything there is to say
Horrid having to find rat bodies, but as long as you do find them and they aren't festering away under something.

Glad to hear you are getting well into the CBT, MAS, with my experience (limited) of depression and anxiety in people (not me, I'm not deep enough for it) you never get to the end of what there is to say, because the thoughts and anxieties keep cycling around again and again. So it's good to have the outlet for it with trained professionals.

The rat bodies are a pain - but DH is a bit too sqeamish to deal with it. He will do it, but then he comes in looking all agonised and feeling sick. Men eh? Easier to do it myself, although I always get a pang - infestations are grim, but they are pretty cute and have beautiful little hands and noses...

Hope all the ladies on active treatment are bearing up today.

Must say I am envious of all this talk of burgeoning gardens. It's too cold yet for a fair weather gardener like me. I did a bit in April when it was warm, but it's all been shelved pending a temperature rise (the tomatoes could do with going outside really)

Cakes - I hope all the rats have gone soon - sounds a bit grim!
MAS - bon courage for your CBT - I do hope it helps.

My gardening is indoors at the mo. Seedlings are flourishing in DD's bedroom - amazing how much they've grown in a week or so. I have lots of things which will need planting out soon - prob after next chemo though so will wait for a couple of weeks and hope the man has built my raised beds by then!

I'm a bit tired today as stayed up till nearly midnight... having a quiet day which suits me today. A close friend is getting scan results this afternoon, as she has some form of NOn-Hodgkins lymphoma and is waiting to know more detail. She's been waiting for a month which is tough but they were v. reassuring at the first consultation so we hope for reasonable news. She doesn't feel well though, which is the worry.

Lots and lots of positive vibes for your friend. Here's hoping it's a good result and the poorly feeling is anxiety, which it could well be. Here's hoping and praying.

A woman at the school reversed straight into my car today. I could see her coming and tried to start the car and reverse out of her way but was too late. That'll teach me to do less dancing to CDs in the car and pay more attention! (Damage slight, fortunately)

hope you're ok and not too shocked Cakes - pesky though.
Lots of good thoughts to your friend SR and thanks both of you for comforting words about CBT - am sure it'll all be fine in the end

Cakes sorry about your car, that is more than a bit annoying. I hope she was mortified. I'm in total awe at you dealing with rats.

• does anyone see a correlation between a need to garden and having cancer?? You all seem to be sprouting, and every since diagnosis I've been yearning to grow carrots. Most bizarre.

MAS I remember '97 too. I know they keeps saying this is the most interesting election for decades, but '97 was so exciting. I stayed up all night then, whereas last night was in my bed by midnight. Glad to hear your CBT went well.

Kurri, did you last the night?? I can't wait for DS to be big enough to stay up. He's interested but confused. He can't quite see why Barack Obama can't run the country and doesn't like DC because he's 'shiny' - not a bad description of 'Dave' from a five year old I thought.

Just back from pathology results. No big surprises and clear margins from surgery, which was excellent news - lots of other stats but nothing I wasn't expecting, so even though scared, am a bit less so now iyswim. The totally scary thing for me though is the realisation if I hadn't found a lump it would most definitely have got me before NHS screening at 50. So now feel strangely very very lucky. Onto chemo and rads then Tamoxifen then. Yeay..!

sandripples, how's your arm? I have great movement up to 90 degrees in every direction, but slight cording when I raise upright, which is annoying. Really hope you're moving in the right direction.

Happy weekend to one and all.

Meant to add, Sandripples hope your friend has some good news today. A month is a very long time to wait. Maybe the stress is what's made her feel so low rather than the illness. Really good luck to her.

smee - glad you have your results and that there wasn't any nasty surprises. I think that knowing what's what really does help you deal with the next bit - it's not knowing and waiting for results which is so difficult. Lots and lots of luck with the next bits -we're here for you