OK I need to grasp this nettle.

[OrmIrian]

I drink too much too often. Have always liked a glass of wine but in the last 18m it has got too much.

So as a starting point I am giving up booze until my birthday on 6th Feb. If I make it that far I will see if I can go back to sensible drinking - if not it might become permanent.

I love wine. I want to be able to enjoy it without compromising my health long-term, my weight, my running (try running 10miles the morning after you've downed a bottle of red ),my mental health and my bank balance.

I've cancelled the bottles of red wine I ordered wih my supermarket delivery tomorrow, and replaced them with tonic water. I am planning to run more as a distraction. Anyone got any tips - the crunch point for me is about 6.30 when I am getting dinner ready. I don't want to fail because they I will be scared about myself and my addiction (no other word for it).

All advice gratefully received.

well, denial of the problem comes pretty near the top of the list Nancy!

God I realise I now sound like I'm in denial!

The "level" of the questions varies enormously also. E.g.

Have I ever injured myself/someone else; driven a car drunk/had time off work due to drinking; put my families welfare at risk due to drinking; had a drink in the morning to "sort me out" or been advised to seek help for my drinking = NO

Do I sometimes forget exactly what happened the night before or feel cringey about that which I do; do I sometimes count down the minutes until DC are in bed so I can have a cold glass of white on my own = YES

Xpost - yes I do appreciate that!

I just did an online quiz and it claims that you are alcoholic if you can answer yes to more than three of the questions, the most "benign" of which (and I realise this is subjective) are:

Do you ever drink alone?
Do you ever forget when you have been drinking?
Do you suffer remorse the morning after?
Have you ever not done something that you would otherwise have done if you hadn't been drinking?
Do you look forward to a drink?

Now I can answer yes to all of those, some of the time - although by no means all the time that I drink. But I really don't think that makes me an alcoholic (and given that I spent 7 months of last year teetotal it seems a bizarre suggestion).

Ho hum it matters not because I do recognise that I do drink too much for my health and that my motivation does suffer somewhat with a hangover. Plus of course those bottles of wine (not to mention the carb overload I need on a hangover!) are no good for my waistline now I am 30+ ....

Firstly, while AA is definitely helpful to many people, it is something of a cult (which some people have found both unhelpful with their own issues and downright intrusive)and some AA members do seem to have a vested interest in labelling absolutely everyone else who drinks as 'having a problem'.
TBH drinking is only a problem when it's a problem ie you can't afford it but still buy it, your drinking is distressing your family members but you don't stop, you are stuffing up professional commitments and getting into trouble with the law etc.

Also, FYI folks, 'grasping the nettle' is a phrase that derives from the fact (alleged fact maybe) that if you grab hold of a nettle firmly it won't sting you as a firm grip breaks off the tips of the stinging hairs, whereas fannying around the edges will result in a sting - so it means: take a grip on a problem rather than being tentative about it.

It is the cultish nature of it that puts me off SGB. I have never been a joiner - took me ages to decide to start exercise classes or join a gym - I prefer doing it myself. And for losing weight WW and SW horrify me even though I know some people swear by them.

Funnily enough I find those questions quite encouraging as it must be nearly 20 years since I called in sick due to a hangover, and longer since I have 'lost' any time (as in forgotten things - I did it once as a student and it scared me so much I have never been that drunk since) or done anything seriously cringe-worthy through drinking, I can't recall even having a serious hangover since I had DC, and I very very rarely drink alone (as in, very occasionally one glass of wine when DH is away for a week or more). I honestly don't think I am AA material, but for the sake of health, waistline and budget DH and I do definitely need to cut down our wine consumption again.

I can answer no to most of the questions apart from the remorse one and the thinking about it a lot. But I don't care what I call myself - I need to change.

so looking forward to a drink makes you an alcoholic?

what a pile of crap
alhtough i often cranberry as i cook and i ook forward to THAT

cranberryaholic
as Orm says, it's all just labelling, it would seem that the AA labels everyone who drinks an alcoholic, but I'd hope there's a spectrum

No doubt some AA advocate will be along any minute with shrieks of outrage and an insistence that anyone who has doubts about 12-step methods must be a pisshead in denial, but it is worth remembering - and telling others - that AA is not the only way to stop or cut down drinking, and if you find their methodology and attitude unhelpful there are other things you could do which may work just as well.

I thought it was 10 steps?

I'm in AA! I think that there are other, equally valid ways of getting and staying sober. Some people on here have done it without being in AA and stuff they've said have really helped me. It works for me, though.

No idea if you're an alcoholic or not; my guess (only a guess!) is that if you can cut back and not obsess about it this month then you're not. I've known people who do that (ie have a "detox" month every so often) too.

The one tip I have is that if you get a bad craving, have something sweet. Wine has a lot of sugar and you'll go through some withdrawal symptoms for that. I kept a small bag of candy bars around the first few months and had one as necessary.

Ah lenin, I am rarely awake after 9pm these days Sober or otherwise.

Thankyou

So come on folks! Tell me how much better I am going to feel very soon. How alive and healthy and generally wonderful? Atm I feel horrible - think I'm getting a cold

Its always the first week or so of stopping anything that is the hardest. it really does get easier. I'm sure I read somewhere that it takes 7 days to unlearn a habit.
Good for you.

Completely unrelated but equally difficult I have had to cut out of my diet all dairy and egg (chocolate, cakes blooming everything) and to begin with it was sooooo hard. Now I truly don't miss it very much at all.

"No doubt some AA advocate will be along any minute with shrieks of outrage and an insistence that anyone who has doubts about 12-step methods must be a pisshead in denial" - yes, there are people like that in AA. Thankfully, they are a minority. By far the majority of us could not give a monkey's whether or not you (plural, not anyone here in particular) want to do the 12 steps, or indeed whether you want to attend or join AA - cults generally try to stop members leaving whereas we are well aware our door swings both ways ...

"it would seem that the AA labels everyone who drinks an alcoholic" - this is bollocks. My partner is a drinker and is definitely NOT an alcoholic or even close to being one. In fact, we don't label anyone as anything - we offer help to people who want it and that's that.

If I sound a bit vexed, it's because this sort of post might put someone off who COULD benefit from AA. They might take your (apparently not very well-informed) word for it and never give it a go.

I would NEVER, for a second, claim that AA is the only way to stop drinking - if not, before 1935, no one would ever have stopped drinking.

I would, however, claim that it is the only way I have found that stops ME drinking. That makes it quite difficult to advise other "problem drinkers" how to do it without AA, because I don't know. But what I DO know is that AA can work and I heartily recommend it.

It is also full of "non-joiners" like me, which is a plus. The last thing I want is to spend my evenings with people who only drank as a hobby ...

Orm

FWIW the worst of going cold turkey in physical terms is the first three days - don't be surprised by sweats, trouble sleeping, overactive mind, loss of appetite, even mild shakes.

After that it rapidly gets much easier and within a week or so you will probably feel fantastic physically.

I think it's like giving up carbs or caffeine, Orm. The first few days you'll probably feel generally crap, possibly a bit headachey, as if you're going down with something.

Take painkillers and - if you can - take it easy for a couple of days. It will be worth it when you 'get out' on the other side!

(I'll be joining you from Monday!)

Thanks miflaw. No shakes (thank god) and bo loss of appetite unfortunately but all the other things. It's not as if I drank every day so I was hoping for no symptoms.

biwi - hope I'll be able to reassure you myself by then

whelk - dairy would be a killer for me! I managed wheat for a while and that was hard enough.

I'll join you Orm,am on week one of not drinking.I probably have issues surrounding drink as I can't remember a week in the last 2yrs where I haven't had at least 3 bottles of wine.I'm going for a month off and see how I feel,atm it's going well.

Feel ok apart from a bout of norovirus last 2 days ,at least it's detoxed me I guess