nightmare unsettled baby

[mousie]

my ds is nearly four months old. He is a total nightmare baby. hardly sleeps, feeds erratically (I am struggling with breastfeeding), and is completely unsettled most of the time - just can't be left because he screams - in pain and anger I suspect. We thought it was colic at first (I am now dairy free in my diet). I have seen paedeatricians, cranial osteopaths and tried everything to soothe his gut and give him (and us) some relief. he has no routine and I balk at imposing one since I found the Gina Ford treatment so unhelpful with my daughter (now just over two).Also the controlled crying thing is so much harder if you have another child in the house who needs consideration too. I am utterly miserable and can't see an end in sight - I would switch to formula if I could just give him a normal one - but the dairy free one I have he totally hates so I am stuck with the breastfeeding and not sure if he is allergic to things I am eating or what. Help - anyone with similar experiences. I have cut out various things from my diet at various times but nothign seems to really make a difference to his distress. he is a small baby but keeping on his percentile chart OK, so clearly isn't seriously ill. He hardly sleeps most days though the nights are getting a bit better.

Mousie - do you feed from both breasts at each feed or just one? Feeding from one breast at a time can sometimes settle a baby. Unfortunately there are some babies who do not settle however they are fed. My sisters last baby just seemed to cry/scream all the time so i understand how you feel. Is there anyone who can help you? Rather than looking for a solution regarding feeding, you might benefit more from someone giving you a break for a few hours now and again. If the nights are beginning to improve you may well find that the days will improve soon too. If you have found no improvement when resticting your diet perhaps you should just eat normally. You might find that if you relax more about breastfeeding, your baby might relax too. Worrying about what you are eating cannot help the situation. My sister found that when she accepted that she had a sh*t of a baby (her words), things started to improve because she stopped searching for a solution that she never found. Her dd is a lovely natured girl now.

mousie, is ds allergic to dairy products then? you have said you've tried him with the dairy free one.

My friend also had a nighmare baby (again hers was no.2), she was throwing up all the time and the health visitors said the baby was fine as she was putting on weight. But my friend went through hell because no one would listen to her. In the end she found some soya milk which helped, i'll find out which one it is.

Have you tried giving him breast for say 20 mins then bottle? Sounds daft, but that's what I had to do with my ds, because I couldn't produce enough milk for him, so I had to mix both.

Hope things start to get better very soon.

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Hi Mousie

Your son sounds a lot like mine - now 2 and a half. He was a terrible feeder, didn't sleep AT ALL during the day and cried almost all the time.

He was a terrible breastfeeder - wriggling and arching his back, pulling away. I must admit I gave up with the boob at about 5 mnths and got him on the bottle - a little better. I sought lots of advice but nobody seemed to know the answer. I can only say it imporved when he was taking a good amnt of solids - so about 8 mnths. I did wean him early & add milk to anything I gave him. One HV said he might have been a "non-milker" - ie he just didn't like milk. He was a lot happier with solids - seemed to like to mess with it etc. Also imporved when he was mobile - maybe hated being a baby?? I dunno

I really feel for you - its an awful thing having a screaming angry baby - I have another now - 8mnths and he made me realise how bad my first one was!! Best of luck.....

Hi Mousie
Sounds like you are having a very hard time.
I haven't had first hand experience of this - but a good friend had a very similar sounding problem - her DS only ever slept for about 1-2 hours at a strech and then screamed as if in pain. At about 5 months he was diagnosed with reflux and given medicine which didn't help much and then at about 8 months was diagnosed as dairy intollerant, and the combination of reflux medicine and no dairy seemed to sort him out completely. He is now an absolute angel - a really easy, happy 2 year old.

MY DD is dairy free too (for eczema) and I introduced her to Neutramigan when she was about 6 months old (I did it farily gradually) - these synthetic formulas are repulsive, but it might be worth trying another one - just in case your DS finds it more acceptable. (I think it is worth keep trying different Doctors/HV's etc - as it seems the process of dealing with these kinds of problems is so hit and miss - and Mum does know best in terms of what works and what doesn't.)

Sorry not to have any better ideas -I know you must be absolutely shattered and it's sounds like you've been brilliant and very proactive in looking for answers.But this stage will pass -his routine will evolve before you know it and he will suddenly turn a corner and you'll be able to enjoy the lovely little boy that is there beneath the discomfort that is currently troubling him.

I too found my DS settled more once solids were introduced (15 weeks) - I think he felt bloated and windy much of the time from the b/feeding and feeding on top of wind made him jerky when feeding. He is 8 mths now and smilier everyday, eats loads and is still breast fed. I also think he hated being a baby and at 5ish months put him in a door bouncer which gave him some independance. It was a life saver! Good luck but things will improve soon.

Don't really have anything to add, Mousie, except my sympathy and support! You have done really well to b/f for such a while in the face of such difficulties. Hope it all gets sorted out soon.

Mousie, I'm sorry to hear about your unsettled baby - I can't offer much advice, only say that I know exactly how you feel. DS was just the same, very small, cried a lot, didn't sleep well at all and we really struggled with the breastfeeding. We turned the corner when we introduced soya formala (ds has eczema) at 3 months and realised that the poor little thing had just been hungry all the time. Caroline55's point about trying different formulas is a good one, or if you could express milk it might help. I was so shattered and stressed about breastfeeding that I quit soon after ds started on formula, and I regret that a bit now. You're doing so well to be bf at 4 months. Good luck.

Mousie I too feel for you I had a dd who was much the same, small never slept unless we held her, screamed all the time drawing her legs up just awful. I breast fed till she was 5 months I couldn't carry on as I was exhausted (unfortunately one year on she still isn't sleeping but things have got better from the earlier days and she is much bigger!!) I in desperation put her into a Gina Ford routine and it did work in the day and at going to bed time but she still didn't sleep through the night waking on average 4-5 times. I think small babies snack so small bottles of expressed milk were a godsend for me (many a night I sat up at 3am expressing !) everyone suggested that when she was on solids it would get better and it didn't it got worse so I delayed things and then eventually introduced them. She now has eczema and we think is allergic to tomatoes and possibly other foods although the doctor refuses to refer us to the allergy clinic/nutritionist so I like you feel desperate but the good side is she is a gorgeous little girl with a great sense of humour and is happy. You have lots of support so keep with it girl.

thank you all- good to know I am not alone - will try more bottles I think and solids too - are there any tests that prove dairy or lactose intolerance that anyone knows about?