Ive just found a lump in my boob.....

[PleaseletitbeOK]

and I am really scared.

I had cervical cancer at a very young age and have been really careful about living healthy and looking after my body.

I have been feeling really groggy for the past couple of months and getting very tired.

Today I am acheing all over and have had the most horrific headache.

DH has been a complete angel and is taking ocver and looking after everyone in the house whilst I rest. He ran me a bath so I could go and have a soak and I have found a lump in my breast.

Im so scared to tell him because he lost his mother to breast and cervical cancer. It has been his biggest fear that given my history and the fact I have been on HRT for nearly 15 years that one day I will tell him I have found a lump.

Im really scared.

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Thankyou.

I tried to get an appointment for first thing this morning. The surgery operates an "appointment on the day scheme". I couldnt get through at 8am so went down to the surgery at 8.30 when it opened. All appointments for today have gone except one which is at 4.30.
So the longest night of my life has now turned into the longest day also.

DH has been fantastic and although very worried is being supportive and positive.

I just pray that this is a cyst and not a nastie. I cant stop crying because Im so worried and keep reliving the hell I went through years ago when I had cervical cancer. Please god let me be OK.

Oh JM - I can't believe this is your thread.

There's nothing I can say to take away your worry, but it is good to hear that dh is there for you and being so good about it. You are two strong, amazing people who have alread faced so much together, I am praying that everything will be OK for you.

If you need to talk to anybody 'outside' of your family about anything, I am sat at work next to a fantastic friend who would be more than happy to help you. She survived BC at the age of 33 and we are running the Race for Life together tonight. She now works for Breast Cancer Care as a Young Women's supporter and does such amazing work for them and has helped so many people cope with a very difficult time in their lives.

Thinking of you very much today. x

Thinking of you all day JM, let us know how you get on.

ssd x x x x x

So sorry to hear this jayzmummy, what an awful worry for you, Good luck for today.

JM

Thinking about you.

Much love

LGJ

Bugger I forgot to do the name changey thing.....typical of me the blonde dizzy crazy dimwit that I am!!!

Thanks anyway for your kind words.

Im sat here worrying myself half crazy. All the what ifs are just to much to think about. DH and I have had our fair blooming share of the sh*t that life throws at you....but over the last few months we have been going along happily and then he goes and knackers up his leg again and I find a lump.

Just goes to show you can never take anything in life for granted.

Oh gosh I mumbling now....will go and sit in the sun and wait and wait and wait....4.30 seems an age away.

JM- just sending you hugs and all the support possible! I will be thinking of you at 4.30.

Love Dingle.xx

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JM, glad you got an early appointment. Lets hope they put your mind at rest.

Thinking of you Jayzmummy, I am going thru exactly the same thing at the mo. Have had ultrasound tho and it wasn't conclusive so biopsy next week.

GP was excellent. She had a good ol' feel of my boobies and yes it's there.

She explained there are lots of reasons why your nipple can become inverted but given my previous encounter with the ugly monster C, she has referred me as an urgent case to see the Breast Specialist at the hospital. She explained I will have a further examination and a mammogram and they will take it from there.

The appointment should come through within the next couple of days and she told me I should be seen sometime next week. The waiting is going to be awful.

DH is a wreck, so I am trying hard to keep that smile on my face that tells the world "I am OK".....but inside I am falling apart.

I'm so angry, so scared, so frightened and so bloody frustrated. Losing my ability to have children at the age of 21 was hard enough to cope with. It took me along time to get over having my girlie bits removed and now this.

God forbid if it is going to be bad, then I dont want to loose the only things I have that make me feel womanly.

Why did this have to happen? Why me? What have I done so bad in my life that I have to live a life of constant battles and fights?

I feeling really lonely and so very, very sad.

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I really wish that a post on here could make it all go away and be better. Thinking of you though Jayzmummy - I guess just try and take this one step at a time, although that's easier said than done when there's waiting for test results and appointments involved. Wishing you the very very best. Your dh sounds lovely and just the chap for lots of cuddles that you'll be needing just now.

Thanks for sharing your experience with us Jayzmummy. I am actually sitting here in tears! you must be feeling dreadful if it is anything like I feel for you right now. sob sob, cant see the screen. Right now, we still dont know it is the C word do we? So we must remain optomistic and wait for that all important appointment then we know what we are playing with. Love & tears GA x

thinking of JM. not much i can say i know, but wishing you all the best.

Oh Jayzmummy I am so, so sorry that you are going through all this on top of everything else. You really deserve some luck. Thinking of you.
Love tamum xxx

JM

I have been down this road, not with my breasts, but with my neck. You need to fill every minute of every day, and only allow yourself to think about it at night, with just you and your DH and you can then cry if you want to.

Not saying, don't tell people, if you really feel the need, but I told everyone and I was so sorry I did, I had far too many well meaning people ringing me up and taking my Positive Mental Energy. They weren't being gloomy, but I felt that it was almost as though it was my job to talk them up and that took energy.

Not sure if this makes sense or whether it is just clumsy, so I will post without reading it back.

It makes perfect sense. I have only told my bestest buddie who is also the guys god mother. Infact she had them whilst DH and I went to the GP's.

When I had my cervical cancer I didnt have the kids to deal with and had loads of support etc from my friends but they exhausted me. I didnt want to sit and talk for hours on end about the crap hand of cards I had been dealt.

Now Ive got the guys to keep me occupied and J certainly keeps my days busy. I have told my guys godmother because I know she will be the one to offer practical support and give me some fun time too. First thing she said when I went to collect the guys...."up for a girlie night out saturday"....she knows how to kep my mind occupied and has planned a weekend of fun and frolics....swim, sauna, spa, shopping and meal out on saturday night....I love her to bits.

DH thinks I should tell my family....what can they do? They live 200 miles away.

So if you all dont mind I am going to use this place to vent my anger, share my worries and ask for a bit of support when I am feeling wobbly.It will hlp me to keep things in perspective and help me to keep off the subject with any of my RL friends.

Vent away, JM, and if there's ever anything I can do just let me know.

That is what we are here for, it is MN at its best.

Much love

LGJ

So sorry to hear your news, I'm sure we will all keep our fingers crossed that it is something harmless, sounds like your a real fighter so I'm sure all will be well in the long run. Thinking of you over the next week or so, the waiting is the worst.