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Alas poor cigarette, I knew you well

445 replies

mummylonglegs · 29/05/2005 22:49

Message deleted

OP posts:
evansmummy · 03/06/2005 20:46

Something stupid. About music! We have very different tastes, and because I'm very close with my younger brothers, and have similar taste in music as them, he's always accusing me of 'copying' them and, oh, does it rile me!! Stupid!

evansmummy · 03/06/2005 20:47

It'd just be so much easier to go and smoke...

charliecat · 03/06/2005 20:47

Oh god
and i suppose he will like unique bands that only produce music for his ears???? go scream girl!
Are there more than 1 stereo available?

charliecat · 03/06/2005 20:48

If you did then not only would you have had an arguement and be feeling angry but you would also have that evil habit/addiction back that you have worked so hard to get away from...Dont please...

evansmummy · 03/06/2005 20:49

We weren(t even listening to anything! Just having a conversation, and as always when we talk about music, it got nasty and personal.

He's stopped smoking too, so s'pose he's allowed to be as annoying as I'm probably being

charliecat · 03/06/2005 20:50

Can you both go and shag these cravings away? lol

charliecat · 03/06/2005 20:50

Well it is friday and you did mention beer

evansmummy · 03/06/2005 20:51

Mmmmmmmmmmm, yes, beeeeeeeeer...

charliecat · 03/06/2005 20:51

Beeeeerrrrrrrrrrr go swig some

evansmummy · 03/06/2005 20:51

Goes so well with a fag though.

I am so pathetically not making things easier on myself. Any association I can find, I leap on it immediately

charliecat · 03/06/2005 20:54

Pefectyly normal EM
will go find the thingy that confirms that

charliecat · 03/06/2005 20:56

How would you deal with

the following situations?

----------------

Your 2-year-old is having a temper tantrum because he wants a new toy. Would you;

Leave him alone until he calmed down
Give into his demands
Give him a tranquilizer
Your 7-year-old is anxious about next weeks' Little League tryouts. Would you;

Assure him that he can do it
Practice with him and tell him to try his best
Give him a valium every three hours until the game
Your 14-year-old is crushed when she is not asked to the sophomore dance. Would you;

Fix her up with one of your friend's children
Tell her to go anyway
Give her cocaine to pick up her spirits
Your 15-year-old is self-conscious about being 5 pounds overweight. Would you;

Cook lower calorie meals
Enroll her in a diet or exercise program
Put her on appetite suppressants

----------------

All of these young people are experiencing what adults would consider "growing pains." A little time, patience and positive reassuring will help them overcome all of these difficult situations.

The fact is, as long as anyone continues to develop physically, emotionally, intellectually, professionally or spiritually, they too will experience growing pains. Adults are prone to hurt, pain, sadness, depression and anxiety just as children are. These feelings are all necessary if we wish to continue to develop our minds and bodies. Without such growth, we would not experience happiness, satisfaction, contentment or purpose to their full extent.

The third choice in each of the above situations was, of course, ridiculous. We would not subject our children to chemical hazards to overcome such trivial problems. However, as adults we are fully capable of practicing such dangerous behaviors for our own relief. Take cigarette smoking as an example.

When you were still a smoker, how many times would you say you had to smoke because you were lonely and sad without your friendly cigarettes? How many times did you say that you had to smoke because of all the stress in your life? How many times did you tell yourself that many social activities were just not fun without your cigarettes? How many times did you say that you would gain too much weight if you quit smoking? All you were saying was that you needed nicotine, a drug, to overcome everyday life problems.

It was not until you were off cigarettes that you realized you could overcome such problems without smoking, and in most cases more effectively than when you were a smoker. Once you had quit you realized just how much a source of stress the habit was to you. You were caught by a socially unacceptable and physically deadly addiction and were quite often aware of it. This is when you had the desire to give them up, but thought the pain of quitting too great to even attempt it.

Even today, you probably still desire an occasional cigarette. It may be in a stressful situation, at a party after a few drinks, or at a time when you find yourself alone with nothing better to do. The fact is, there is nothing worse you can do than take a cigarette. One cigarette will not help you over the problem. In reality, it will create a new problem, a disastrous situation of a reinforced addiction, with all the physical dangers and associated dirty habits.

So, next time you have the desire for a cigarette, sit back and take a few moments to reflect upon what you are setting yourself up for. Do you need that drug? Do you want that addiction? If not, simply remember - NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!

charliecat · 03/06/2005 20:58

Let?s say you don?t like the way a significant other in your life squeezes toothpaste. If you point out the way it?s a problem to you in a calm rational manner, maybe the person will change and do it a way that is not disturbing to you. By communicating your feeling you make a minor annoyance basically disappear. But now lets say you?re a smoker who sees the tube of toothpaste, get a little upset, and are about to say something, again, address the problem. But wait, because you are a little annoyed, you lose nicotine, go into withdrawal, and before you are going to deal with the problem, you have to go smoke. You smoke, alleviate the withdrawal, in-fact, you feel better. At the same time, you put a little time between you and the toothpaste situation and on further evaluation, you decide its not that big of a deal, forget it. Sounds like and feels like you resolved the stress. But in fact, you didn?t. You suppressed the feeling. It still there, not resolved, not communicated. Next time it happens again, you again get mad. You go into withdrawal. You have to smoke. You repeat the cycle, again not communicating and not resolving the conflict. Over and over again, maybe for years this pattern is repeated.

One day you quit smoking. You may in fact be off for weeks, maybe months. All of a sudden, one day the exact problem presents itself again, they annoying toothpaste. You don?t have an automatic withdrawal kicked in pulling you away from the situation. You see it, nothing else effecting you and you blow up. If the person is within earshot, you may explode. When you look back in retrospect, you feel you have blown up inappropriately, the reaction was greatly exaggerated for the situation. You faced it hundreds of times before and nothing like this ever happened. You begin to question what happened to you to turn you into such a horrible or explosive person. Understand what happened. You are not blowing up at what just happened, you are blowing up for what has been bothering you for years and now, because of the build up of frustration, you are blowing up much more severe than you ever would have if you addressed it early on. It is like pulling a cork out of a shaken carbonated bottle, the more shaken the worse the explosion.

What smoking had done over the years was stopped you from dealing early on with feelings, making them fester and grow to a point where when the came out, it was more severe than when initially encountered. Understand something though, if you had not quit smoking, the feelings sooner or later would manifest. Either by a similar reaction as the blow up or by physical manifestations which ongoing unresolved stress has the full potential of causing. Many a relationships end because of claming up early on effectively shutting down conflict resolution by communication between partners.

Hope this helps explain why it hurts so much but also helps you to understand why it is still so important not to smoke.

evansmummy · 03/06/2005 20:59

Thanks, cc. [grateful face, with, perhaps, a lone tear rolling down one cheek]

Honestly, you always seem tp have the right thing to post! Do you know whyquit inside out??

charliecat · 03/06/2005 21:02

I dont...but I do know nearly where to find the stuff im looking for
......I dont want you to fail...Its shit...go cuddle up with dp now and be grateful another moment has passed...you will be jubulant tommorow xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

evansmummy · 03/06/2005 21:02

xx

charliecat · 03/06/2005 21:05

xxx

charliecat · 03/06/2005 21:06

For future reference folks....

Fixating on a Cigarette

----------------

What happens to some people is that when they are off smoking for a certain time period they start fixating on a cigarette. By that I mean they forget all the bad cigarettes they ever smoked, they forget the ones they smoked without ever really thinking about them even at the time they were being smoked, and they start to remember and focus on one good cigarette. It may be one they smoked 20 years earlier but it was a good one and they now want one again.

It's a common tactic for the ex-smokers to try and tell themselves that they do not really want that "good" cigarette. Well, the problem is, at that moment they really do want it. An internal debate erupts, "I want one, no I don't, one sounds great, no it doesn't, oh just one, not just one!" The problem is that if the ex-smoker's focus is on just "one" cigarette then there is no clear-cut winning side to the debate. The ex-smoker needs to change the internal discussion.

Don't say that you don?t want one when you do, rather acknowledge the desire but ask yourself, "Do I want all the other cigarettes that go with it. Then, do I want the package deal that goes with the others? The expense, social stigma, smell, health effects, possible loss of life. Do I want to go back to smoking, full-fledged, until it cripples and kills me?"

Stated like this it normally is not a back and forth debate. The answer will normally be, "No, I don?t want to smoke under these terms," and those are the only terms that a cigarette comes with.

Normally if viewed like this the debate is over almost immediately after being pulled into focus. Again, if the focus is only one, you can drive yourself nuts throughout the entire day. If you focus on the whole package deal, you will walk away from the moment relieved to still be smoke free and sufficiently reinforced to NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!

charliecat · 03/06/2005 21:08

"When I go to Weight Watchers and say I cheated on dessert, they still applaud and cheer me on to keep trying. Why don't you offer me similar support with cigarettes?" Recently, an angry clinic participant attacked my lack of enthusiasm for her technique after relapsing on her fifth day without smoking.

I explained that trying to change a behavior such as overeating or an addiction such as smoking requires two distinctly different treatments. While it is true that "cheating" in dieting is a common practice under certain conditions such as holidays or parties, cheating with an addiction is synonymous with total relapse. Taking a piece of cake will not make a person 50 pounds heavier the next day. On the other hand, taking a cigarette can and will lead an ex-smoker right back to smoking, usually reaching the old level of consumption within days or weeks.

While many weight control programs may condone the possibility of a slip, dealing with addictions such as heroin, alcohol, or nicotine requires the total commitment of the addict to completely avoid any use of the abused substance. Because of this simple rule of total abstinence to ensure success, I can offer no applause to any individual who allows himself or herself to take a cigarette because of stress, weight, partying or any other reason.

Relapse is relapse, no matter what the reason for its occurrence. The goal of any ex-smoker is to avoid returning to the nicotine addiction. When you encounter situations that seem to warrant having a cigarette, take a minute to reflect back on what it meant to be a drug addict.

Coughing, wheezing, sore throats and shortness of breath. Constant threats by your doctor of "quit smoking or else." Bad breath and smelly clothes and hair. Headaches, exhaustion, and just generally feeling miserable on days when you oversmoked. Always worrying that you may have left a cigarette burning in your home or office. That panicky feeling when you realized you ran out of cigarettes. Being unwelcome in the homes of family and friends while smoking. Spending hundreds or thousands of dollars a year on cigarettes and clothes and furniture which needed to be replaced because of cigarette burns. Nagging from children or parents to quit. Being the only person at a party smoking and feeling like a social misfit. Being totally controlled by cigarettes. Not a pretty picture, is it?

So next time you feel like you need or "deserve" a cigarette, consider the consequences. There is no such thing as cheating, slipping, or experimenting. There is no chance of smoking "a cigarette". The only options that exist for you are success or failure. Total freedom or total relapse. Within seconds you will realize that you have no desire to return to such a miserable existence. You can pat yourself on the back for overcoming another obstacle. You realize you like yourself too much to smoke. Continued success depends on one simple technique - NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF

charliecat · 03/06/2005 21:09

A rotting tooth can cause a lot of pain. If your dentist explains to you why the tooth hurts it really doesn't resolve the situation. You know why it hurts, but it still hurts. Simply understanding physical pain does not make the pain go away.

To illustrate another point, say you go to the dentist and find out that you have a cavity. He has to drill the tooth and put in a filling. The drilling can be a very rough experience. After it is all over the pain will stop, but whenever you hear the sound of a dentist's drill, even if it's years later, you cringe at the thought of the pain. Once you realize that you are simply reacting to the sound, you know that you are not really in danger and the reaction will end. Understanding the root of the fear alleviates the anxiety and the associated pain.

Any urges for cigarettes that occur today are reactions to conditioned triggers. You are doing or experiencing something for the first time without smoking. It may be going to a bar, a wedding or going on a plane. It may be seeing a person or being in a place where you always had a cigarette in the past. It may be something you hear or even an old familiar aroma. The sense of smell is a powerful mechanism for triggering old emotional feelings.

So today, if you find yourself desiring a cigarette, look around you and see why at this particular time and place a cigarette is on your mind. Once you understand that the desire is being triggered by some reaction to an insignificant event, you can just say "no" to the cigarette without further problem. All you need to do is understand what triggered the thought. The urge will pass. The next time you encounter a similar situation you will not even think of a cigarette. You will have learned how to face another experience as an ex-smoker.

Quitting smoking is a learning experience. Every time you overcome an urge you will have overcome another obstacle that threatened your status as an ex-smoker. As time goes by, you will run out of obstacles and you can comfortably go through life a happier and healthier person. All you need to remember and practice to stay an ex-smoker is - NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF.

charliecat · 03/06/2005 21:16

Quitting smoking is a learning experience. Every time you overcome an urge you will have overcome another obstacle that threatened your status as an ex-smoker. As time goes by, you will run out of obstacles and you can comfortably go through life a happier and healthier person. All you need to remember and practice to stay an ex-smoker is - NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF.

mummylonglegs · 03/06/2005 22:34

Message deleted

OP posts:
charliecat · 03/06/2005 23:00

Gone....at the weekend I had a loopy and went apeshit at dp and was crying and feeling sorry for myself/angry/sad...oh the whole arguement process...and as I was curled up in a ball a couple of hours after it occured to me that I hadnt even contemplated a smoke
So the associations go too. At first they were still there, I remember once stomping round my mums garden swearing saying out loud YOU WILL NOT MAKE ME SMOKE...after an arguement that make my lungs ache for some nicotine to ha ha ha take my pain away( read that as give me back my addiction)
Oh yes...taking whyquits advice to tell you newbies...even though you havent asked. Even on the worst day I spend less than 2 mins of a day thinking of a fag. I mean THE worst. And today....not even once.
Thats where you will be soon if you still at it xxxxxx

mummylonglegs · 03/06/2005 23:06

Message deleted

OP posts:
charliecat · 03/06/2005 23:07

Nope , Nope, it is a weeny effort...you know you do have to make that NO choice but its not agony as it often seems in the first days xxxx