mll, don't give yourself a hard time - it's not your fault, although we tend to blame ourselves for every bad thing. Hope she's all better now.
The fish finger years is in parenting sections in bookshops or on amazon, it's a collection of tips & anecdotes on child rearing & family life, many from m'netters including motherinf (thanks for kind comment mother inf! get off to france now, would ya!)
We're off on hols tonight, am still fag free, take care everyone & have a great sunny ciggie-free couple of weeks xxx