Kokoshi expat gerbra bladebla HELP just come across our (dead) thread

[walkinthewoods]

Lots of things going on. I will keep posting until I get you!

I have name changed...used to be glowwormish.

Our company went inot liquidation 2 months ago and tbh its a relief. Obviously no money coming in now but hey life is too short for all that shit.

I went to docs with a lump under my chin and exhaustion. Then I had an extended period with cramping and pain in left ovary area. In the meantime I went on hols (first one for years and years).

Got back last week and satrted spotting the other day. Lump still there. Went back to gp's and sh'es going to do a blood test. Amongst ither things it involves a LFT (searched on mn and came across our old thread) . Now am a bit worried about what it will turn up. I have been drinking at much the same rate as normal (bottle a night) however a bit less on hols actually! Can't belive how much I needed a holiday even tho ds was manic.

Now the business is kaputt I have been more an more thinking about abstaining and I have an idea in mind of about late summer. I am going to throw everything at it, hypnotherapy, books, change in routine, relaxation CD's. I am dtermined to do it. Maybe the LFT will give me a bit of a kick but still a bit c=sacred, have my blood test tomorrow.

Well done for not opening that bottle. Chest infections are the worst. The one I had wiped me out for weeks (actually that's when I gave up smoking, don';t think I'd've done it otherwise)

Purple, how are today? Thinking of you.

Wig, how was your weekend?

Plonk I think I read about that, it was on one of these threads. I looked into it. I don;t think it had any scientific grounding (if it was the same one). Can't remember the name, how annoying. Keep thinking retalin but that's for ADHD.

Naltrexone

Morning Walkin, Plonk, Purple,

I had a great weekend thanks walkin. We're doing a mahoosive sponsored walk for Oxfam in July so we had a long training walk yesterday, feet and legs are suffering today! Still drank too much

How was your weekend? Hope it was chilled out...

Purple so so sorry to hear you're having such a bad time...please do share on here, it sounds like a revived support thread will do us all good...we're here to offer a comfy shoulder and friendly ear

Naltrexone sounds like a wonder drug, I wish I could try it out. Although I've cut down significantly, controlling my drinking is still a full-time job!

Yes plonk that's it. I did some internet research on it as it looked brill, but as I remember it was unfounded. Still I think I will look at it again.

Wig am so jealous. Don't get to do much walking atm. How many miles did you do?

There's a thread on here about holidaying in Germany/Austria and would love to go (and do a bit of walking). Am getting all nostalgic and ants in my pants. Me and dp are determined to do a decent walk this week whilst kids are in. We'v got lots of lovely conutryside here.

Go for it, there's nothing like it for clearing the cobwebs away and lifting the mood! DP and I are so lucky that we have the time to do these walks...I can see how difficult it must be to fit something like that in around a busy live with kids...

We did 42 km yesterday, so more of a mission than a pleasant stroll! The sponsored walk is in July and we have to walk 100 km in 30 hours (through the night too ). We do get a free curry at the end though lol

Are you planning a holiday this year? We had our hols for the year in February, we went skiing for a week in Italy, it was amazing!! I hadn't been for 20 years and now I'm wondering why i left it so long! It was sorted well before the credit crunch emerged so we ended up spending a lot more than we'd hoped to, with the exchange rate and all...

I know it's a no-no, but are those the type of medication you can get without having to go through the GP I wonder?

Hope everyone's well today

Wig, yes I think you can, and I would consider it...

I LOVE skiing. Havn't been since dd was a baby. Would dearly like to go. Lets see. We've just been on hols (just a bog standard sun and sea thing)

Me too walkin, I really would...

Hope you're doing well today. I drank last night and have the usual feelings of guilt the next day...

Did you have a good holiday? I bet you're brown [green]

Been on-line swimsuit shopping today (I live 10 mins from the beach) and there's so little I like out there...ended up buying a pair of board shorts from fat face!!

Purple, how are you? wig x

Well done with all your walking, wigparty! I find it really important to remember that any alcohol induced guilt is just that. The guilt is part of the depression that alcohol induces.

Do you feel the same about drinking that you felt about food? I don't. I don't feel at all the same anxiety, the same fear, the same need. Within a few weeks of being treated for depression, my eating problem melted away, and just left me with a furious and recurrent gloom. I've had a lot of therapy over the years, and it has been a godsend, mostly. In the last couple of years, I have been more able to come out of the shadows a bit (though I still leap back easily)

Thinking of you, Purple.

Hi Plonk, thank you My feet are hurting but my spirit's still high lol

With the eating/drinking thing, although I know that alcohol mis-use is more likely to kill me than my food abuse (in my specific case), the shame and guilt I experienced after binging on food was so much worse...perhaps it's because society deems drinking to be socially acceptable, while binge eating isn't? Just musing really...

I'm seeing a lovely CBT lady at the moment and she's really helping me to work through things...hopefully she'll help me with alcohol, she knows I think I have a problem.

Onwards and upwards eh

I'm not so good right now but will check in again soon.
Too much stuff going on for me to get my head around.

Take it easy x

Purple if you post we may be able to help...[big hug]...if not, just check in so we know you're okay...

wig xxx

Hi purple, come back soon and just write any aold nonsense if it helps.

Wig, how are your feet? Not brown really, didn't get much chance to sunbathe. Oh love fat face. I spent ages trying to find a swimming cozzie but at my age/state of body twas a bit dificult....found one though nearly £60!!

Plonnk, whcih kind of therapy do you find best?

I remember the guilt and thinkgin righ today I'm going to drink less/go alcohol free (never did) but now I don;t feel guilty, I know its enevitable that'll I'll drink and what's the point in feeling guilty. I think though maybe this is a dangerous place to be, any thoughts?

I know this probably isn't the right thing to say...but I think a lack of guilt is a healthier place to be Walkin...guilt/shame is SO damaging, and it usually never stops me from doing something destructive, so it's not productive either...Because much of my drinking is secretive I'm constantly guilty, hiding a horrid secret etc. . Having smugly said that I'd cut down, my drinking over this last week has been completely out of control

My feet are good thanks! 15 mile walk tomorrow evening and another 30 miles at the weekend - bar my liver, I'm getting quite fit!!

I was shocked too about price of swimsuits, we're talking about probably less than a yard of synthetic fabric and they cost so much!! Looking forward to getting my board shorts, never liked walking round in cossies/bikinis so shorts are the perfect solution for me

Purple hope you're okay today...

wig xx

Same here with the swimsuits, I bought a really nice pair of Aloaha (sp?) shorts in the latest burmuda style pattern (don't ususally follow fashion that closely but they're gorg. I rarely took the shorts or my wrap skirts off.

Mmm OK well I was kind of thinking that guilt is good as it should prevent you from doing something but thinking about it, it doesn't! Wig do you hide your drinking from your dp/dh?

I bought a swimming costume with spots for £3.50 last year. It's still in one piece!! I spent the night with a friend and drank far too much. I really don't like it when I do that, but it's always the same when we meet. Time to change friends, perhaps. I had a horrible empty feeling all of yesterday and it's not really worth it. I told dh about what she'd said to me, and he said she was talking rubbish. She said that dh was watching my drinking. I asked him about it, and he said it simply wasn't true. I asked him if he thought I drank too much, and he said no.

My friend is staying at a house belonging to my parents, and I don't like going there. It is very painful to be in a place that was once a haven of safety, and which is now heaving with death and dysfunction. My parents are in decline, and it's hard to explain just how they affect me.

Oh plonk

It sounds like you're close to your parents. It must be very painful. Please talk about it if you need to.

I know what you mean about the empty feeling. Your friend sounds a bit forward suggesting you dh is watching your drinking. Your instincts might be right...time to change friends?

TBH, I sometimes feel as though I hardly know them. My dad is a mad bully and I spent most of my life in fear of him. I hardly dare say here what he boasts about. My mother is beginning to get the effects of alzeimers, and can't quite recognise people in photos. It's hard to know how much effect is to do with living with my dad. I think if I'd known how to commit suicide when I was very young, I would have done it instead of just pulling my hair out and pinching myself to try to wake myself up from the nightmare. I don't think my friend actually believes me, that people can behave the way my father did.

On the other hand, my mum says he is very generous. It's all a bit of a mess.

Oh plonk Imagine how many people are glad you didn't make a decision like that...besides religion, I think families are top of the list for causing sadness and strife unfortunately...just remember to look out for number one and be kind to yourself...

Re the guilt Walkin, I used to think it was a useful feeling but have now discovered it doesn't cause me to change my behaviour, it just makes me feel more worthless...

I do hide my drinking from DP . He knows I drink and every few months I'll be in tears and admit to him that I've been drinking secretly but even then he won't acknowledge I have a problem...he's in denial on my behalf lol Our friends and family are very much in a drinking culture so I think the prospect of considering me going T-total is a bit frightening for him...and me!

wig x

It's hard when people around are drinking,and when you sort of feel that it's expected of you. Dh tells me no more, when he's had enough, and I'm much better at listening to him.

Yes, guilt is rubbish. I think for any improvement it is so important to keep on forgiving yourself. Not easy with a hangover, but then that's the alcohol.

I've never hidden my drinking. I used to try and hide my eating problem, but it was so mad and so shameful. Hiding everything[shame] didn't work very well, and it made me very very devious, which added to my guilt.

I think alcohol really is a social lubricant and without it, we'd find a lot of people very very boring!

Who knows, I may stop altogether. Sometimes the idea appeals!

My dear family has a heavy dollop of god as well!

Do you drink with your dh, wig?

Oh yes, I do Plonk, Fridays, Saturdays and occasionally Sundays...the 'legal' drinking nights! For the other nights it's secretive, and yes I do feel incredibly devious...

What's funny though, when I talk to him about it (every couple of months), he doesn't see it as a major problem, whereas I have turned myself into a 'drink problem' and not a person, I can't see beyond it...does that make sense?

Most of my friends are big 'social' drinkers, what will happen if/when I abstain...yikes!

wig x

Oh, and Plonk I was exactly the same with the eating

Denied any problem for years and years, but my physical shape told another story...(whether overweight or anorexic ( again...)

You don't sound like a 'drink problem'! You sound as though you have other things going on as well. When I am being sensible (ahem), the other things are so much bigger than drinking, and I don't miss it.

Have you been treated for eating disorders? I started being taken seriously for them when I was 19 after 5 or 6 years of having a miserable time. I lost the plot very well, but wasn't treated for depression for nearly another 10 years. My eating has been absolutely fine since then, and my size is not an issue. When it was, it was more to do with being there at all than how thin I was. Yuck. It's horrible!

Do you find you seek out your drinking friends so you can have a drink? I have been known to find my smoking friends to cadge a fag.

Totally Plonk! There's a sense of excitement when we're meeting friends who 'drink'...it feels like legitimate drinking...so so wrong on so many counts...

I suffered from ED's (anorexia + binge eating) between, mmm, the ages of 14 and 30, a long time! I never in my wildest dreams imagined I could have a healthy relationship with food, but I do now, incredible! Now the focus appears to be on booze

When I'm drinking too much, my nightly mantra is that perhaps I'll be okay as my diet is good and I exercise...even though I do know this isn't directly beneficial to the liver...I think?

wig x