Anyone gone teetotal after heavy drinking..if so how did you do it and for how long have you kept it up ??

[no1andno2]

Anyone ? I need some help and fast..........

Man,

The problem itself being why I drink ie. the emotinonal crap I am trying to hide/block out is that what you are saying? My relationship or shoudl I say lack of relatinship with my dcs father is often a trigger ie. he will say or do something and I head straight for the wine once hes gone -or am I just using him as an excuse is it something deeper - sorry you dont know the answer to all of this question maybe some of it though!!

Thanks for posting

Lulu~sorry you are having a hard time X

Not to hijack your train of thought, but have you thought you might be depressed?

I've considered that I might be. I'm not entirely sure how I self diagnose, but as I don't have any specific triggers for my drinking, I thought I may be suffering from depression.

Ever since the birth of my second son I have been drinking quite heavily. I think I thought that I should be extremely happy that I have a wonderful family, two beautiful sons, a great husband. But I felt/feel empty and lacking any joy. So for some reason I think I will find that missing joy at the bottom of a wine glass.

Clearly I don't and I'm creating many problems because of this illusion. But I don't know any other way to treat the way I am feeling.

Why can't I be the happy person I used to be?

Does any of this make any sense to you?

If we were talking about me, I'd be saying that the reason I drank is because I had a drink problem.

The next question, I suppose, would be, what caused that drink problem? I would have to say I don't know - the more honestly I examine my past, the earlier it seems to have been present in my drinking history. It's more like something went wrong before the drinking even started so that, when I faced difficult situations later in life, a drink seemed like the right way to handle them and that drinking to excess seemed to wipe them out altogether, at least in the short term. By the time I woke up to this state of affairs, drink had become my answer to everything, and the thought of a life without it terrified me, while I knew instinctively that a life with it would be short and nasty.

For a while, I thought that, if I could fix my other problems, the drink problem would go away. Sadly, this prvoed not to be the case. For example, I drank because I was hard up and it seemed a relatively affordable pleasure. When I came by more money, though, far from stopping or cutting down, I just bought more drink, better quality drink, or both! I used to think along the lines that if you had my life (and I had my share of hard luck stories) you would drink like I did. It never occurred to me that, if you drank like I did, you would have my life.

I eventually came to a grudging acceptance that, however my drink problem had come about, I was stuck with it, in the sense that I couldn't eradicate it and drink like everyone else. However, what I could do, with help, was to stop drinking, and then all the symptoms became irrelevant.

That left me without a drink, and therefore without the consequences of a drink problem, but with a problematic life, made worse by years of hiding from responsibility. However, again with support and fortified by my improving physical and mental health, I was able to start addressing those problems and rebuilding a life for myself. As a result, I am now far happier than I ever was when drinking. The worst of my days now is far, far better than the best of my days when drinking.

Only you can decide whether that sounds like your situation or if it rings any bells or if you want to act on that. But I hope it is of some use to you and am willing to discuss it further if that would help.

Hi forever - yes I am depressed been on AntiD's since October - but obviously the booze counter acts the good side effects but in saying that still feeling on a daily basis feel happier than I did when I was not taking them - if that makes any sense at all!!!

Yeah I do understand what you are saying that seemingly you have a good life so dont know why you are depressed - feel little joy. Perhaps a trip to your GP may be in order. I am waiting for my CBT to come through hoping it will help my depression but to be honest I think its all linked I used to be a very different person. My dcs father had an affair and things have gone downhill for me ever since then. We dont live together anymore and he in a relationship with the OW in fact they now have a child together.

We get on a lot better than some people in our situation but there is a lot of stuff that I dont want to post on MN that I have put up with and think its eaten away at my personality in a negative way - and of course I began drinking alot more than I used to - sorry rambling now

Thanks for your post Man, I do blame everything my drinking included on the breakdown of my relationship with dcs father - but my father was an alcoholic -although when I was younger I steered well clear of booze for that reason alone. I suppose all I know now is that not only am I am unhappy about the way I feel about my relationship but I am unhappy with teh amount that I drink - the way I take it out on my kids when I have a hangover - I am like a totally different person to the one I was 5 years ago - I think I need to stop blaming others and look at myself closely in the mirror and try harder rather than givingn in every time I feel angry/stressed/unhappy - so much easier said than done though - here I go making excuses its pathetic!! at myself

Don't be angry with yourself - alcoholism (if you think that's what you might have) is a recognised illness by the WHO and the BMA. If that is what you have, you are not going to beat it by willpower or good deeds alone, any more than you can fix a broken leg just by wanting to walk to the shops.

However, the solution does lie with you. It involves, basically, stopping drinking and staying stopped, and then finding alternative solutions to the problems you have previously addressed through alcohol.

The only way I have found to do that is by attending AA but other people do find other ways and AA certainly does not claim the monopoly on helpnig problem drinkers.

Before you feel too guilty, something to bear in mind, whether you decide to try AA, try something else, or even do nothing, is that, if you have a drink problem, you are the main victim. Everyone else can walk away when it gets too much - you are stuck with you. That might make you sad, but don't make it worse by feeling guilty or angry with yourself - if you do have a drink problem (for you to decide) you are a sick person and you will stay sick until you fix it. You wouldn't punsih someone who's physically sick - don't punish yourself!

AA was hugely helpful to my dp in the beginning because it showed him others like him trying to make a good life and not beat themselves up.You may recognise yourself in something someone says and it may help you start to recover.

Thanks for your messages MIFLAW. I think I need to read them a few times for it all to sink in. What you say does make a lot of sense to me though. If I have a drink problem, the fact that I am or am not depressed doesn't make much difference. I still have a drink problem.

Lulu, my father was an alcoholic too. He died aged 44.

MILFAW, if I were where I was a few years ago I'd want you for my AA sponsor!

Expat - what a kind thing to say!

F2B - you have reminded me of something which now seems funny. After a very trying weekend which left me at the end of my tether, I went to see a doctor about the possibility of my having depression. She was a young woman and quite "nice" looking - in fact, I considered asking her out (which shows you how mad I really was - I bet she was dying for a drinker with depression to take her away from all this ...)

Anyway, she prescribed me Seroxat or something similar and said, "of course, while you're taking these, you mustn't drink, as it will dampen the effects." And I thought to myself, "Aah, she's probably newly qualified and a bit naive. Of COURSE I'm going to drink - I'm depressed, aren't I!"

It goes back to what my pal said to me: 'See, EIS, you're still divorced. You're still skint. And now you're an alcoholic into the bargain.'

for me, guilt and beating myself up about drinking too much is part and parcel of the cycle, and inclines me to drink more to feel less guilty. so its very unhelpful. i think we should try not to do it, not punish ourselves for our failing! saying that, i feel ashamed i got drunk last night, in my hungover madness i thought 'even the people on the drinking thread are going to hate me for this!'.
but today. i cycled the huge hill to the toddler group and had a lovely time. we had a mums and kids lunch in the pub...and even though a free drink came with my vegeburger and chips i opted for a fizzy water.i feel very pleased about this! and i'm not going ot the meeting tonight after all. cos i have to cycle there and back on my own as dp will want to go to the pub after for a pint with everyone else...and the sex attack opposite my house is making me nervous about going out alone at night, and i KNOW i would use that as an excuse to go to the pub instead, so me and dp can go home together.
so i'm staying in. early night. fresh start tomorrow.
and if i ask myself the question, did drinking add anything to my evening? no, not really. just a bad feeling the next day.

Man- I love your posts. Really.

I think it is easy to forget that alcohol itself IS a depressant. You're having a hard time, the drink takes you out of yourself for a short time, the next day you feel bad about it, you feel unhappy so you drink to make the feelings go away etc and so the vicious circle begins.

I went down with loads of bugs after Xmas and ended up with nearly 3 weeks off work, though not all in one go. When i saw the GP, I took a deep breath and admitted that, although I had a cold, I'd reached a point that i didn't feel i was coping any more. I was stressed, drinking too much, work getting on top of me etc etc. She was so lovely. She signed me off for 10 days and told me to look after MYSELF.

I was to relax and do stuff that I enjoyed. Cook nice food, play with my daughter, go shopping, get some exercise. I found this SO hard. I felt so guilty for not pulling my weight and letting others (DH and work really) take up the slack. She said I would make myself SERIOUSLY ill if I carried on like I was. But I took her advice and felt SOOO much better for doing so.

The advice continued that if the break really didn't help, then THAT was the time to go back and discuss "other" options. It helped a lot though and gave me the breather that i needed to reassess my lifestyle. Hence thinking about the drinking, not stressing about work so much, spending more time on ME.

I really do feel much more positive now. I've put out some feelers to join in activities that give me a chance to meet other people and get me out of the house. I've found out about some walks that we can do as a family if it ever stops raining. DH is really happy with me for not drinking everynight.....

I'm really impressed with the thoughtful, insightful and supportive messages on this thread, especially from MIFLAW.

Glad to be of use - and it helps me too.

I feel that, today at least (I only ever promise to stay sober for the day in question - I've done it quite a few times on the trot now, but I never push my luck) I am not likely to drink because every time I visit this thread I get a strong reminder of what it was really like in the bad old days.

Thanks to everyone.

I've particularly found the 'playing it through' tip to be useful.

Oggsdog, glad to hear it. What's the plan - try to stop altogether, cut down, not drink today? And, whatever it is, are you achieving it?

Not drink today is my daily goal during the week. Have stuck to it all week so far with no problem.

I think I'd like to cut down my two drinking nights at the weekend to just the one, on a Saturday night.
Even then I'd like to be at the stage where some weeks I don't drink at all.

I drink for the sensation of being drunk, not for the taste - trouble is once I've reached the pleasantly drunk stage I don't have the sense willpower to stop. If there is more available I will drink it.
I need to work on this part and limit myself either by willpower or by not having it available.

I think a bottle of wine or a half bottle of spirits once a week is an acceptable goal for the time being. I know it's not ideal to consume all my units in one go but better to only do this once a week than every other night.

All sounds fair enough - remember, though, if you find you struggle to control your drinking, willpower and sense probably have very little to do with it.

Be aware, too, that there is an enormous difference in the alcohol content of a half bottle of spirits and a full bottle of wine - the wine will have 9-10 units, the spirits (even vodka, which tends to be 37.5% ABV instead of whisky's or gin's 40%) will have 13-14 units - the equivalent of one and a half bottles of wine.

morning all - Oggsdog you are doing well.

Man thanks again for all your helpful posts.

How is everyone else doing Bladebla, Beinghonest, No1&2?

Had a dreadful week booze wise drunk every night I think at least one bottle - feeling very down about just about everything right now but of course the booze will do that everytime. Feel happy at work but at home I just want to get drunk - most people like home but not work for me its the other way round. I am starting to read Allen Carr's book again in the hope that 3rd time lucky!!

I have a sincere question - two, actually -as I don't know the answers.

Years ago, I read Allen Carr's books on stopping smoking. In the back of the bigger one, he started talking about stopping drinking too. It was very clear that he meant total and permanent abstention from all alcohol. (He also knocked AA but his method actually had quite a lot in common with how AA works.)

So, the questions:

In his drink-specific book, does he still advocate total and permanent abstention?

If he does, why is it that the book is so popular on this thread, while AA is so unpopular and frightening?

Genuinely interested to know this. Can anyone help?

Good questions, MIFLAW.

Maybe it's because if you read the book, you can take it or leave it.

V. when you go to AA, you have to admit that you're an alcoholic.

That's very scary.

But for some, it gets to the point where the thought of dying from drink is even scarier. Or where you just get so sick of living like you do you think, 'Yeah, damn right. I'm an alcoholic. Don't care if I have to tell the whole world so long as there's a place where I can always go for help.'

But that's just it, isn't it - you DON'T have to admit anything! You don't even have to speak - and my own first ever share in a meeting (I think I might even have drunk that day, it was very early on) began, "My name's MIFLAW and I think I might have a drink problem!" How people didn't laugh in my face is beyond me - but they didn't, and they certainly didn't say, "you can't speak unless you use the "A" word."

Have YOU read the book, Expat?

Incidentally, Alan Carr did help me to stop smoking - but only once I'd stopped drinking. I couldn't keep to my decision not to smoke once I was on the wrong side of a bottle of red ...

Man are you talking about the 'big' blue aa book?I stayed up all night and read it cover to cover when dp started going to aa.We were apart at the time his choice to do 90 meetings in 90 days and give it a real go I read it to try and 'get' it and indeed many of the theories and philosophies can be applied to everything in life not just drinking.V interesting Hope you all come out the other side of this with a lot of work and hope there is a more exciting and fulfilling life for you without alcohol You just need help to see it xx